Mixed Signals

LegacyUser

Hi,

I was hoping for some objective advice on this issue so all opinions are welcome!

I've fancied this girl for awhile now and I think she likes me back...but I feel like I'm constantly stuck in a state of confusion. She hops from interested to seemingly not interested at all. One day she could be chirpy and flirting with me, she would plan time for us to spend together - just the two of us, watching a film say. Which is great, she's lovely then. But then the next day she might be a completely different person.
She'll be cold, distant, almost callous in the way she interacts with me. I find it strange to the point I'm baffled. I don't think I've done anything to warrant the latter behaviour, if we're out together I don't eye up other girls and wouldn't be one to go around flirting with female friends because I know that kind of thing can be a problem. There was one point where I just said I'd leave it peter out because I was worn down by her behaviour but she just ramped it up again and bombarded me with calls to meet up and that so I was reeled in again but she's after going cold on me..again! I don't know. Is there something wrong with me? I would consider myself a fairly decent looking lad with an alright personality so I don't see much of a problem there. My friends think I should just drop contact but I really do like her and haven't liked a girl as much for a couple of years.

Any advice? Or insight? Thanks.

mg1982

Dont waste any more time on here. Sounds like an attention seeker.

batmanrobin

OP, avoid!! People like that get off on knowing they can reel you back in.

It's head melting antics at its finest. Find yourself a woman who isn't going to play such silly games.

The way I look at it, if you like someone you don't mess with them like that.

stickyfinger

Have you ever asked her out or told her you like her? Just because your post sounds like you haven't and that she has done all the asking, so perhaps she thinks you are giving mixed signals by meeting her and never arranging anything yourself. However if you have and she's still being weird run far away!

Duvetdays

How old are you teenagers, early twenties?

Either way she sounds like a manipulative little miss who is playing games with you. She's reels you in has you there then gets bored with you so ignores you. You back off and she's back again sucking you back in.

I'd move on and find someone who actually respects and appreciates you.

Missanaylsing

She doesn't deserve your time or attention as hard as that is to hear.

But have you asked her straight out why she does it??

OneOfThem

It's hard to tell from your post, but have you actually done anything? Like have the two of you kissed or slept together or anything? Or is it more a friendship so far, watching movies etc?

Matteroffact

Ask her how she feels.

sReq | uTeK

Maybe she's pissed the next day as a result of hoping you would finally get the hint and make the move.

Man up, ask her out, stop torturing yourself

LegacyUser

Have you actually asked her out? Like stop the games and said I like you, can we go out on a date, or whatever way you'd put it to make it clear as day you fancy her and want to date. You sound like you're hanging around waiting on her to make the moves and keep asking you out?
I think you don't have the confidence to take the reigns and move this forward, and are just reacting to whatever way she is with you, you sound quite immature or just not confident enough to initiate a date. if i was her i would be getting very frustrated with you not being proactive at all. I'd bet she is really annoyed you haven't asked her out after all her flirting and being the one to ask you out. I know in this day and age girls are supposed to do the asking too but for gods sake she seems to have initiated a lot and what have you done you need to tell her how you feel, she does not know whether you like her or not!! I myself would never ask a guy out, no matter how much I liked him, and if I did I'd probably mask it as just hangin out, i'd flirt, make hints, but ultimately I would want the guy to make the move, yea I know it's not supposed to be like that nowadays but I think most women/girls are like this.

Or maybe I'm wrong and you have said you really like her and asked her out, in which case she is a messer and you need to move on. But if you havnt, you need to be upfront, and if she doesn't actually want to date you well then you know, and you can move on and stop wasting time!

mg1982

It think we need more information from the op as to has he actually asked her out yet. But going on what hes been saying she sounds like a complete headwreck so id be very careful about asking her out.

LegacyUser

Hey,

OP here again, thanks for the replies so far.

Sorry I can't multiquote but;

@stickyfinger yeah, I have asked her out - for coffee, to the cinema, on walks, I make her dinner - all those kind of things. I don't have much money, I'm only a student so I can't afford much.

@duvetdays we're both 19, might explain a bit, ha.

@missanyalysing I did once when we were out and I had a few drinks on me, she just threw a strop and walked off, but was apologetic the next morning. She gave me no reason for her behaviour tbh and I don't really want to ask again because she's seems to spiral.

@OneOfThem between friendship and a relationship, no man's land! We have done all that stuff. I ask her out on dates because I want to move it towards a proper relationship, not just some fwb's situation (which it isn't to be fair). That's another thing, one minute she'll introduce as me as her boyfriend and the next I could be just a friend.

@sReq | uTeK and @Askherout I have, plenty of times. She knows how I feel because I've told her. Sorry if I was scant in detail in the OP.

I suppose she is a bit of a head melt when I take all that into account. When she's on form she's great though so her weird mood swings are odd to say the least.

Augme

sReq | uTeK wrote: »

Maybe she's pissed the next day as a result of hoping you would finally get the hint and make the move.

Man up, ask her out, stop torturing yourself

I wouldn't ask her out. Dating someone who behaves like a child is never a good idea.

Ursus Horribilis

My advice to you is to walk away. I've known a few people who got reeled in by lads and lassies who behaved just like this girl. This sort of behaviour doesn't stop once you start "dating" and you'll continue to be confused, frustrated and sometimes hurt by her erratic behaviour. Sadly one of my friends married a woman just like this and there's a nasty divorce on the horizon.

I know you like her and perhaps her mood swings are part of the allure. But please, for your own sake, walk away. You are still only 19 years of age. Don't waste your youth on a headmelter like this girl. In time you'll meet a nice normal girl who'll treat you with respect and not leave you walking on eggshells and wondering which version of her is going to turn up this time.

Jasper_

OP you have to step up to the plate and be the mature one here.

This is no way to continue, she holds all the power and she knows this only all to well. You need to have a frank chat with her. Lay all your cards out on the table. Tell her exactly what you want. Tell her her mood swings will no longer fly. If she goes off in a huff then there is your answer. You then need to cut her from your life, not permanently, just until you have moved on sufficiently enough that she no longer strikes any emotion in you.