Post relationship numbness.

LegacyUser

Hi,

I'm broken up with my ex girlfriend for two months. I'm over the sadness and I realise now that it was for the best. I still miss her some days but I know this will pass as well. I've had longer relationships but the loss of this one has hit me the hardest.

Since we broke up I've had zero interest in other women. I have been on a couple of dates but didn't feel anything for these women. I seem to have lost all sexual desire even!! Apart from this issue I am happy. I'm keeping active, looking after myself, going out meeting new people...

I guess I'm not fully over things but my question is this? How long will this numbness, this lack of interest in the opposite sex last?

pookie82

Honest answer? It will last however long it lasts.

There's no defined time limit on this, but I would think 2 months post break up it's pretty normal to still feel this way. You've been through the trauma of hurt, loss, probably wondering if you'll ever find anyone again, etc. Now your body is going through a "numb" phase in the process of recovery. Totally normal to have no interest in any other women yet - I would say don't push that, don't go on dates if you're not ready, you're misleading other people and boring yourself.

If, however, you're still in this stage another 6 months from now, then I'd look at "pushing" myself more to get back out there and move on. Largely depends, too, on how long you were with her? If she's been a massive part of your life for the last 5 years, for example, you're going to take a while to get used to life without her in it.

LegacyUser

I'm in the same shoes. Went out on dates and have zero interest..it almost feels like I'm asexual! Can I ask how long you were going out with her and is there still contact? That can play a big role in my books

magicmushroom

Took me 5 months to get past the 'numbness' when I last split with someone.
I loved him deeply and the break up really knocked me.

I felt the same as you - I went on a date with a lovely guy but just couldn't feel anything, even though I probably would have fancied him if I wasn't still reeling from my ex.

Anyway, as I said - after 5 months I felt (just about) able to start looking into dating again.

It's different for everyone though.

LegacyUser

samesizeshoes wrote: »

I'm in the same shoes. Went out on dates and have zero interest..it almost feels like I'm asexual! Can I ask how long you were going out with her and is there still contact? That can play a big role in my books

We went out for three years. Lived together for two of those. No, there is no contact now at all. When I moved out I actually moved to a different town which was closer to work so there isn't even much chance of bumping into her.

LegacyUser

It will pass op. I've also gone out with guys for longer than I have with my most recent ex but no break up was like this one. They are all so different, give it time.
I would also agree with other poster to almost force yourself out there in different ways if the feeling doesn't pass in a few months. It's so easy to get in a rut

LegacyUser

I cant seem to get past this though. I'm fine for a couple of days and then it it hits me like a ton of bricks. I miss her a lot. She has already started dating someone as well. I don't understand it.

pookie82

timehealsall wrote: »

I cant seem to get past this though. I'm fine for a couple of days and then it it hits me like a ton of bricks. I miss her a lot. She has already started dating someone as well. I don't understand it.

How do you know this? Are you still watching her on social media? Because if so, you're just dragging it out for yourself and you won't move on.

Glitter

This happened to me once after a break up in my early 20s.
Took me the guts of a year to get back on the horse if I remember correctly.

I've had break ups before and since, after shorter and longer relationships, but it never happened after any of those so who know why some things just affect us more deeply.

Bottom line, it takes as long as it takes.

Mind yourself in the meantime and concentrate on enjoying life without putting pressure on yourself to even think about dating or hook ups for a while.

LegacyUser

No, I haven't been following her on any social media. I blocked her once I moved out. I found out from a mutual friend and then I stupidly contacted her and asked her. She said yes and and that, more or less, shes never been happier.

I just worry that because of the way I'm feeling at the moment that I'll be comparing other girls to her constantly and that, in the future, I won't have the same attraction to someone else or the same passion we had.

Now I know we broke up for a good reason and I know I am much better off without her but it is hard to convince myself of this at 2 or 3 am. I think I am doing all the right things, exercising a lot spending time with friends and family. Keeping active, and I'm generally happy its just as soon as I switch off shes all I think about.

I need a slap.

batmanrobin

OP, you're being a bit hard on yourself. These things take time and it's only been a couple of months.

Don't worry about her moving on or be feeling like you should be at that stage too. People react to things differently and it's just taking you longer is all.

When you say that she pops into your head as soon as you're not distracting yourself. You need to accept that this will happen. However, the trick is not to allow the thought to take root. It's easier said than done, but when I'm trying to get over someone, I find if I push the thought of them out of my head as soon as it pops in (rather than feeding it) it makes things easier. It takes practice but it really does help. If I allow myself to think about the person and feed into thoughts about what they might or might not be doing, I feel worse!

LegacyUser

Hi Guys, op here

So my ex contacted me last Wednesday asking to meet. I refused but agreed to a phone call. We spoke for an hour or so, turns she has broken up with the guy she was seeing (surprise,surprise) about 3 weeks ago. The reason being, apparently, that she is still in love with me and that he cant compare blah blah blah...

I'm pretty annoyed tbh as I was just making a bit of progress in moving on. The truth is though that I'm still very much in love with her and, foolish and all as it is, I'm considering it. There are a few reasons why I'm reluctant however. The main reason is that I'm so annoyed at her for how she reacted towards me when we broke up. Also I hate the fact that someone else was in 'our' house. I don't know if I'm capable of letting that go or maybe I'm still just angry at this stage. Also I know that my friends and family are totally against us being together.

I've missed her so much. I've had a good few dates but I'd no interest in any of them. I also had two one-night stand but I just felt like sh1t after them. I really don't know what to do. Should I just try and forget her? I cant seem to though. No one else does anything for me anymore.

Better the devil you know?

Merkin

Mod: Under normal circumstances we ask people not to resurrect old threads but seeing as it gives a bit of background then it's fine.

You say she treated you badly in the aftermath of the breakup AND conceded it was for the best so I personally wouldn't be entertaining her. I'd also ignore further contact from her. I don't want to me harsh but in my experience a call in the wake of a break up is normally for an ego boost. She wants to know you're still pining.

batmanrobin

timehealsall wrote: »

I've missed her so much. I've had a good few dates but I'd no interest in any of them. I also had two one-night stand but I just felt like sh1t after them. I really don't know what to do. Should I just try and forget her? I cant seem to though. No one else does anything for me anymore.

Better the devil you know?

Being realistic, OP, you're not long broken up. Of course you still miss her and have feelings for her.

Getting back together because you miss her and are finding it hard to get over the relationship isn't really good enough.

Think long and hard about it, especially after the way she carried on.

If you decide not to get back together maybe block her completely on your phone? That way there'll be no chance of the wounds being reopened while they're still so fresh.

magneticimpulse

The risk you make getting back together is that whatever reasons ye broke up are still there. And if you think getting over the relationship is bad now....if you did get back and it didn't work out...believe me it will be even harder next time round as you will be thinking why did you entertain her a second time round. From experience if people are crazy about someone they don't dump them...if there was a valid reason like she was too young or a lot on her plate, then fair enough. If she has just suddenly changed her mind - then it's most likely an ego boost.

Either way go with your gut feeling. What did your family and friends think of her? As they are the people who truly love and care for you so they would be able to give honest opinion to further support your choice.

Sound Bite

Op in your previous posts you said you broke up for a good reason and you know you are better off without her.

Is the reason for the break up still an issue? Why do you think things would be different this time?

I got back with an ex in the past because I missed him and was still in love with him but the main reasons we broke up resurfaced after a few months. Don't go back if all you have is blind faith that things will change, you need to be sure things are different. Easier said than done unfortunately.

LegacyUser

Nothing's changed really. She says that she has though. I'd like to think she has but going on previous experiences she probably hasn't. I just wish that it could work out though as a felt we had a lot of potential.
I'd do well to find any of my friends or family that would be happy about us getting back together.
I don't know though, how long does this pining over someone go on? I'm so sick of it.

Augme

timehealsall wrote: »

I don't know though, how long does this pining over someone go on? I'm so sick of it.

If you're spending your time thinking about her and thinking how you miss her then pining over her won't stop anytime soon.

LegacyUser

Augme wrote: »

If you're spending your time thinking about her and thinking how you miss her then pining over her won't stop anytime soon.

Its just since I've heard from her again although I did think of her a bit before...
I don't know I just worry that maybe I won't find someone I'm interested in or have such a connection with again. Guess I'm not over her really..

ibarelycare

OP what's the reason you broke up in the first place?


This time of year can be lonely and vulnerable for people. The first "single" Christmas can be horrible. Are you sure you're both pining for each other for the right reasons? Or are you pining for each other because you miss the comfort of the relationship?

LegacyUser

We fought a good bit. Said some horrible things to each other. Then fought over what had been said in the previous fight. There was also jealousy. As bad as it could be, it was also amazing. I've never felt so strongly for someone. Maybe I've put her on a pedestal. Its easy to block out the bad times.
We have broken up before for the same reasons. I honestly don't know what to do. Try again?