Would you keep the diagnosis of a terminal illness from members of your family?

NachoBusiness

Just reading about the recent sad death of Jackie Collins there and in her last interview she reveals that she had kept her 2009 breast cancer diagnosis (and it's subsequent treatment) from her sister (Jackie Collins) throughout the past six years.

Jackie Collins reveals why she kept cancer a secret from her sister Joan

Jackie Collins felt her sister Joan wasn't strong enough to cope with the news of her cancer diagnosis.

The 77-year-old British author passed away over the weekend after a secret six-year battle with breast cancer.

She only told her sister she was battling the disease in the weeks before her death.

When asked why she waited so long to tell her sibling, Jackie told People magazine: 'Because it would really have affected her. I just felt she didn't need it in her life.

She's very positive and very social, but I'm not sure how strong she is, so I didn't want to burden her with it.'

The magazine interview took place just five days before she died.

Jackie went on to say Joan had been 'very shocked.'

I have mixed feelings about this. While I appreciate that everyone has a right to do whatever they want and tell whomever they wish about such a diagnosis, I'm not sure it's very fair to not tell your intimidate family, without a very good reason, of which I have to say, I'm not so sure Jackie had, on face value at least.

This must almost be like Jackie has been killed in an car accident for Joan. Maybe she would have liked to have had he opportunity to be there for her, in ways which she won't get the chance to now. Can't help feeling that once you reasonably get along with a family member, and the news is not likely to cause them any harm (for one reason or another) then I feel someone should really let their family know of any terminal illness diagnoses which they receive. It seems only fair.

What says you.

Kermit.de.frog

TBH i'd do whatever I thought was best either way. I think i'd deserve that choice with such news.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

I found that rather odd. Of course I would tell my family and friends. Having seen several family members and friends live and die through Cancer, the support from others was uplifting and always welcome.

The_Valeyard

Really do think it depends on what the illness is.

How visible it is or it's impact on you before you pop off to that long good night.

Fr_Dougal

No, I think telling others would help them grieve.

Whitewinged

Its up to the person. Immediate family to me includes my husband, children, parents, brother and his family but to some people might not be that close with their siblings as theyve got older.

One eyed Jack

I'd only tell anyone when I absolutely had no other choice but to tell them, partly for the reasons Jackie Collins outlined above, and I'd want to keep it to myself as long as I could because telling anyone wouldn't change the diagnosis. I can't even get a cold without feeling like people tread a fine line between empathy and smothering.

Of course there's the issue of them getting their affairs in order too so that they can prepare for my absence, but knowing my wife and my friends the way I do, they'd care more about me than they would themselves, so they wouldn't even be thinking about, or want to prepare themselves for the inevitable. I've never met anyone yet who felt they were sufficiently prepared for the death of a loved one, even when a terminal diagnosis was a long term conclusion, months, and perhaps even years.

Medusa22

It's a difficult one, if I was a family member of someone with a terminal illness then I'd absolutely want to know, to prepare myself as much as I could. I know you can never be fully prepared but I'd want to have some idea.

However, I have an illness that is terminal in the long term, nobody knows how long I have, 5 years, 10, maybe 20? Nobody can tell me and medication is improving all the time. So, I often tend to keep things about my illness from my family members, not usually immediate family though, I usually tell them.

For example, my Grandparents are elderly and they worry about me so we don't tell them when I'm in hospital or when I need treatment, because they worry enough as it is, and chances are I will probably outlive them because they are quite old, so there's no need for them to know the seriousness of my condition.

osarusan

Depends on how old my kids would be at the time. The younger they were, the longer I'd hide it (from them at least).


F**k that, thinking about this now, sorry I opened the thread at all.

Tarzana2

I'm amazed she was able to keep it from her loved ones! :eek:

I didn't know she'd died. I can see where she's coming from in making her choice, sometimes people might fuss or treat you differently, and it was entirely her call. I really don't think it would be mine, but that's more to do with me not being brave or stoic enough to be able to keep it from people.

What a shame. She may not be an author of Shakespearean renown, but I spent many happy hours devouring her glamorous bonkbusters as a teenager.

mark_jmc

I don't think I could keep it from them
I've had cancer and I couldn't have got through it without their support

the dark phantom

What they don't know won't hurt them.

NachoBusiness

the dark phantom wrote: »

What they don't know won't hurt them.

Eh, the funeral might be a bit of a give away.

LoonyLovegood

I'd keep it a secret. My family worry about me regardless because of past health issues, so if I'd anything terminal I'd hide it from them as long as I could.

Tarzana2

Well, I'm sort of in this unenviable position in life. And my experience is, even if you allude to it to family, or say it out straight, they don't wanna know! :-/