New relationship, but moving country for work

TracyFlick

Hi all,

So, I've been seeing a guy I met online for 4 months now, and it's going well. I'm definitely feeling that emotional pull towards it becoming something more serious. I'm 28 and so is he. He's kind, smart, thoughtful, witty, well established in his career, sociable, funny etc. All good things! We're really comfortable around each other now and I really look forward to seeing him each time we meet up.

The problem is, on the same week as our first date, I had confirmation from work that I'll be moving to China for up to a year. This was something I was offered, and after some thought, I said yes. I was single at the time, and it is an amazing opportunity and the type of thing I want to do once and get out of my system. It would allow me to build a nice nest egg- I would earn around 1.4 times my current salary with no rent or bills, and the promotional opportunities once I come back are almost guaranteed. Plus it's a chance to have a cool life experience and see and do as much as I can when I'm over there- it's in the Shanghai area. I'd be leaving in around 2-3 months from now.

I now feel sad when I think about leaving him, and potentially throwing away a great relationship. On the other hand, this is something I really want too, and opportunities like this are so rare in life. I could say I don't want to go anymore, have my employer be really annoyed at me, and split up with him down the line anyway and have awful regret at not going.

I want to have my cake and eat it too I've been thinking of asking my employer is going for around 6-9 months an option instead- but I think this makes me look uncommitted and flaky. They haven't exactly been very proactive with the details of the secondment either though, so I feel a bit messed around. All I know is it's definitely happening- I don't have dates or exact Ts & Cs yet. Is asking for a reduction in the length of time I spend there a terrible idea?

He and I have spoken about it, but not that much. We're both of the opinion that we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. And I don't want to ruin the fun/butterflies of a new relationship with constant talk of something so serious. I feel like I want to see if the relationship has legs first, and constant serious talk from the get go is not the way to do it! I don't think many people would be willing to do long distance for a year though, after 6 months of dating.

What should I do? I feel so sad and confused.

LegacyUser

I think in your position, I would plan to go for the year. It's still very early days in your relationship and I wouldn't be throwing away the opportunity that you have with work on a relationship that hasn't moved past the initial stages. It's only a year and just because you'll be gone for a year doesn't mean that you'll have to break things off with him. Most couples that are successful with long distance relationships do so because they have good communication and a plan/end-date (which you have, 1 year). He can come visit you in that time and I'm assuming you may have some time off to come home as well. This doesn't have to be an either or.

giggle84

TracyFlick wrote: »

Hi all,
It would allow me to build a nice nest egg- I would earn around 1.4 times my current salary with no rent or bills, and the promotional opportunities once I come back are almost guaranteed.
.

This is a no brainier, you should absolutely go. You're only seeing this guy for 4 months, you've no idea if it will work out. You're not going forever, up to a year is not that long. If it's meant to be it'll work out with him when you get home.

I wouldn't ask for a reduction in time because I think it would look like you're possibly not committed to the move, and also there might be someone else who'd love to go for a year!

You're only 28, you've plenty of time to meet someone and settle down, whether it's this guy or someone else. But opportunities like this do not come along every day! Jump at it!

CaraMay

You absolutely have to go. You never know who you will meet over there if he's for you he will be there when you get back

Corvo

You have to go.

You are only four months in. Go and stay in contact with him.

It really is as simple as that.

LegacyUser

I think you should go. A similar thing happened me insofar as I was the one left and my partner left for an indefinite amount of time (turned out to be 6 months). We got through it and we are now married. It was difficult but we managed with skype etc. he also came back twice during that period so it helped a lot!!
If you don't go you will always regret it and if the relationship is meant to be it will overcome it.