Nosey neighbour

cruais

I need some advice on how to handle a situation as its really starting to affect and upset me.

I live on a quite road, which is very easy to see what neighbours are up to, if you have the time that is.

I have a neighbour that has recently taken a shine to my husband and i. Some might say its down to boredom but i put it down to cheekiness.

Long story short. My neighbour stands constantly looking out the window. If either my husband or I pull home in the car, she opens her halldoor to run across for a chat. However, there is no sincerity in her chat. Its just for info.

There is no escaping her with a quick hello, she will follow me into my driveway when i say i have to go inside.

I pulled up into my driveway one evening and my phone rang. Within 2 mins she was knocking on my car window. I asked was everything ok, and she said "ah yeah, any news?". I told her I was on the phone and she continued with her conversation. When i told her again, she walked away and waited at the end of the driveway while i was on the phone. Twenty minutes later, she was still there.

Im pregnant, and when she found out, she practically gave out to me for keeping it quite. I havent been well the past few weeks and have been in hospital.

On the first day i was let home, she saw me going into my house. She caught my husband that night and shouted across, "was she in hospital? I saw her with the hospital socks and bandages on. Whats wrong with her?". My husband just said shes grand.

Im back in hospital again. My husband said that yesterday she caught him again and she asked where i was and that she hadnt seen me. She then proceeded to ask was i planning on breastfeeding? Im sorry but its really upsetting me and i feel that shes going to plague me when the baby arrives next week.

She has said that she will mind the baby for us and knock over to help. Im just getting freaked out by the whole situation.

Its causing words between my husband and i as i am a private person and feel he doesnt have the balls to tell her its not appropriate. He says he doesnt want a row.

Any advice on how to politely tell her to feck off

LegacyUser

Ok, your baby is arriving next week. Babies are known for having weak immune systems& being prone to infections& all sorts of things. As are pregnant women.
I would invent some health issue that you/baby/husband would have (ideally of an infectious nature- chicken pox or something- elderly people are terrified of shingles), that would prohibit visitors for at least a few weeks. Then after that, sur the baby could have any sort of bug or vomiting issue that your neighbour really wouldn't thank you for introducing into her house

cruais

cruais wrote: »

Its causing words between my husband and i as i am a private person and feel he doesnt have the balls to tell her its not appropriate.

He doesn't need to, you can.

You seem to have a good sense of the way she is. When she asks you something personal, tell her that you and your husband are keeping it private. If she pushes, tell her it's not appropriate. If she doesn't let up, don't be too nice to simply walk away.

Frankly, I wouldn't be at all afraid of burning my bridges with someone like that. Imagine if you stay on good terms with her and keep humouring her and end up actually having to leave your baby with her. Pissing her off will probably be a good thing for you, it means you wont have to use any energy trying to fend her off because she'll stay away from you of her own accord.

freshpopcorn

If your the personae his having the issues with this women you should be dealing with her and not your husband.

Regarding the location of your house. Is it in a housing estate or on a road? Lo saw in another thread you had an issue with a neighbour parking in your driveway. What I'm basically trying to ask is. Would it be possible for ye to get eclectic gates? There great at keeping people out.
Regarding the lady I don't know what to make of her. What age is she/does she have a family? I know some people and they'd ask you anything. Had the other neighbours issues with her?
Chances are she's just a nosey busy body and she'll get bored after a while. Try and not get freaked out by her.

retro:electro

"thanks for all your concern over the last while but with the new baby here now we'd like to find our feet and have some time alone just the three of us. If we need you we will ask. We won't be out chatting anymore, as you know these times are precious". If she fails to heed that then you should tell her you're a private person and she needs to mind her own business.

spurious

She sounds lonely, to be honest, but I suppose you don't need anyone freaking you out at this time. Does she hassle the other neighbours?

Allyall

Move out of the estate, and find a nice spot on the blasket islands.
Nobody should bother you there.

Diamond Doll

She sounds like a nightmare!

I don't think she's the type who'd cop on to politeness or subtle hints.

You could leave a little note up on your front door requesting no visitors as the baby is sleeping (plenty of new mothers do this, you could always take it down when you're expecting "real" visitors.) If she comes to the door anyways, either don't answer it at all, or else answer it and act clearly píssed off that she's woken your sleeping baby (even if she hasn't!), and draw her attention to the sign.

If she tries to bother you on your way in or out of the house, firmly tell her you don't want the baby to get cold, or tell her that you're in a hurry, and keep walking.

On the other hand, if you don't want to cut her out altogether, you could have a standing arrangement where you call over to her say for half an hour on a set day. This way you could maintain a friendly neighbourly relationship - but just don't engage with her outside of this time. If she tries to chat to you in passing, just tell her "Sorry I can't talk right now, but we'll catch up on (whatever day you arrange)." Maybe if this happens enough, she'll get the hint!

Best of luck with the new arrival!

DoYouEvenLift

Sounds like the kind of person that's too simple to pick up on politeness and simple hints so go with a direct approach, if she gets uptight and offended about you requesting such a small thing as privacy tell her to get fuked.

BreadnBuddha

Help with the baby? Just make a point of telling her you already have family and friends to rely on for help and won't be needing hers, thanks anyway.

Do the same, shutting her down in a firm and polite manner each time an issue raises its head. Be polite, not friendly.

Any gossip? Tell her you were raised by your parents to respect the privacy of others and not to gossip. "I don't trust nosey people" would be a good one to drop in too.

Dropping over, whenever? Just stand firm, don't make excuses or explanations other than telling her you're busy right now. Do that every time and she'll get the message. No chatting, "I'm busy right now, sorry". Repeat it if you must and close the door.

Tell that husband of yours that whether or not he likes it, that neighbours behaviour is making you uncomfortable in your home and you'd like him to help. He doesn't have to agree. You're not okay with it so he should be prepared to stand by your side, not sit on the fence.

desbrook

I had a client like this - would outright ask the most blatantly nosey things you ever heard. Even creeping into a staff only area to have a nose. I gave hints but was wasting my time. Eventually (smiling)I asked him " ***** do people ever say to you you're nosey ? " . "No" he replies looking perplexed. "Really ?? " says I . " That does suprise me " .

He never bothered me again.

Frankly you have to remember that these people are rude first with their questions. They've been getting hints from their victims from years, hear them and purposely ignore them because they want to use the person for info. They are bullies and need to be stood up to .

R.D. aka MR.D

Try turning the questions on her. So say: Why do you ask?

Sometimes this can stop people in their tracks. They have no reason. If she says: just out of interest. Then you can say: ah well, that's private you see or ah sure, that's nothing we want to be discussing with the whole country! And then just walk away and say 'see ya, now'.

cruais

Thanks for all the replies.

Someone suggested that maybe she is lonely. I can see how you could ask that, but when i tell you she has a better social life than all of us combined. She has her three set nights out a week, and then drinks in the house with her husband, his brother and her friend on the rest of those days.

Its got to a stage that my husband and i are checking out the window to see if she is in her window or sitting on her doorstep watching (which she has also been doing). Her brother in law and friend are constantly standing in the front garden, day and night as they dont work and they chain smoke and stare across at me when i pull up and one will shout in to her house "×××××, your neighbours home!" Thats another time she will run out. Its beyond obsessive.

Various questions include:
Where you trying long for the baby?
Will you have a natural birth?
Upon telling me she was cooking a chicken, she asked what was my husband's favourite part and then said, i say he loves the breast.
Did i know my neighbour was having an affair with another neighbour.

I could go on and on.

We check out the window to see if shes outside or in her window before we leave the house. One day after doing this, she shouts "yoohoo" across at us, we didnt see her. She ran across, had the most pointless of conversations and said she had a row with the husband..."yeah, he prob thinks im off ridin someone else". Shes 60.

Typer Monkey

I would just say 'I'm in a rush, can't talk, bye' and get into the car and drive off myself. If I was coming home I'd say 'I'm going inside now, bye' and go in and close the door if I were you. Why does it matter if you offend her? She sounds like a pest anyway. I'd take the direct approach and be cold and short with her. If she says something nosey or inappropriate say 'that's very nosy/inappropriate' or 'that's none of your business actually' and walk off.

I think you're being crippled by politeness. You don't like her and she's bothering you. Freeze her out!

desbrook

Typer Monkey wrote: »

I would just say 'I'm in a rush, can't talk, bye' and get into the car and drive off myself. If I was coming home I'd say 'I'm going inside now, bye' and go in and close the door if I were you. Why does it matter if you offend her? She sounds like a pest anyway. I'd take the direct approach and be cold and short with her. If she says something nosey or inappropriate say 'that's very nosy/inappropriate' or 'that's none of your business actually' and walk off.

I think you're being crippled by politeness. You don't like her and she's bothering you. Freeze her out!

Exactly - while you might be accused of being rude by being direct at least you are honest. She on the otherhand is fake - she's only chatting with you for her own reasons not genuine friendship.

Rekop dog

Sounds like a fecking nightmare, I know the type. Unfortunately the very people that if you were cold to them they would get overly offended and mouth you off to the other neightbours.

Not sure what the most tactful way of dealing with it is, it's lose lose imo.

ManOfMystery

You have a lot more patience than me OP, I think I'd have told her to mind her own bloody business by now.

We all know someone like this, with varying levels of intensity. You have to be firm with people like this. Firm. Give them an inch, they take a mile. Next time she asks you anything personal, you simply look her in the eye and say "That's personal - why do you want to know?". Repeat it for every question. She'll soon get the message.

There is absolutely no reason to feel guilty or bad about being slightly abrupt with someone like this. You're guarding your privacy, she's the one who is being rude by intruding on it.

tinkerbell

Wow she sounds like a bloody nightmare. You need to nip this in the bud NOW. Your baby will be here soon and post-birth, you will be hormonal, exhausted, sore, vulnerable, etc so you need to deal with this nuisance now. And do not entertain these insane notions that she will be babysitting your baby!

I think you need to be blunt tbh, you and your husband.

That time when she waited for 20 minutes while you were on the phone? I'd have said something to her there n then as that would have freaked me out that she was there waiting on my driveway.

I can just see that once the baby is here she is gonna be plaguing you all day and night.

If she comes over again, just don't even engage with her. Any news? No. If she asks any question whatsoever say "none of your business". If she won't leave, tell her she has to go and you do not wish to stand around wasting time gossiping about stuff that has nothing to do with you. I would not want that crazy woman within 10 metres of my newborn baby! Think of how overbearing she's gonna be when you're on maternity leave and home all day.

Just saw the comment about her off ridin' ... Wow. She sounds like a real class act. In that case I would be as blunt as she is and just ask her to leave you alone, you feel completely suffocated by her and she needs to stop pestering you.

Neyite

"That's a very personal question to ask someone, isn't it" I find is a good phrase to stop nosey people in their tracks.

I really like the idea of a sign on the door saying 'baby sleeping - do not disturb' then for your real visitors, explain that its for the benefit of your nosey neighbour.

Even a direct approach is perfectly acceptable - "look, you seem nice, and I appreciate you being friendly but we really hate being stopped by you for a chat every single time we open the front door. You ask us really personal questions and it makes me uncomfortable, so please stop it."

LynnGrace

Neyite wrote: »

"That's a very personal question to ask someone, isn't it" I find is a good phrase to stop nosey people in their tracks.

I really like the idea of a sign on the door saying 'baby sleeping - do not disturb' then for your real visitors, explain that its for the benefit of your nosey neighbour.

Even a direct approach is perfectly acceptable - "look, you seem nice, and I appreciate you being friendly but we really hate being stopped by you for a chat every single time we open the front door. You ask us really personal questions and it makes me uncomfortable, so please stop it."

I agree, or another one I've used, which someone suggested upthread is 'why are you asking me that' / 'why do you want to know that' with a blank look on your face.

I would suggest disconnecting the doorbell also. I definitely couldn't bear that level of intrusion, and as others have said, particularly with the baby, you will need your own bit of time and space to get everything settled. She obviously has no self awareness, or just plain cop-on, so I think the direct, calm approach is the way to go.

All the best with the new arrival.

cruais

Thanks again. Im waiting for when i have the baby for the questions along the lines of did she have a c section or natural?

Like i wouldnt mind close people to me knowing that but shes just a neighbour. She isnt my friend.

I notice the other neighbours run from her but yet she doesnt exactly follow them like she does to us. I was thinking maybe mentioning her behaviour to a lady facing me who i is friends with my parents and see what her take on things are.

Teyla Emmagan

cruais wrote: »

Upon telling me she was cooking a chicken, she asked what was my husband's favourite part and then said, i say he loves the breast.

I'm very sorry, but that's hilarious . She sounds like a caricature off the telly.

She's clearly nuts mind, you will have to be polite but firm, very firm if needs be.

By the sound of it she loves talking about everyone, cut off her source of gossip (about you) and she'll eventually just move on to thinking of you as 'that rude couple in No X'. I'm sure everyone else knows she's mad too so what harm. You are feeding her now by talking to her unfortunately.

tinkerbell

cruais wrote: »

I notice the other neighbours run from her but yet she doesnt exactly follow them like she does to us. I was thinking maybe mentioning her behaviour to a lady facing me who i is friends with my parents and see what her take on things are.

That's probably because they don't entertain her crap. You engage with her so she has latched onto you - as they say, give an inch and she'll take a mile. So just cut her loose altogether. Be rude if you have to.

Roselm

Did you hear the clip of Tom Hardy's reply to the guy interviewing him asking him indirectly /nosing about his sexuality? Do that!

Roselm

Roselm wrote: »

Did you hear the clip of Tom Hardy's reply to the guy interviewing him asking him indirectly /nosing about his sexuality? Do that!

Links not allowed in PI. Thanks, Merkin

LegacyUser

As lots of people have said, there's ways of basically telling her to keep her nose out - without actually saying that. I think you may have to keep a list of 'excuses' in your head, ready to whip out. You can be very firm, without being outright rude.

Just one thing to mention though - it's not up to your husband to get her to back off. You have a voice too! It is important that you present a united front on it tho, no point in you politely saying no if he keeps engaging with her.

Whether she is just a nosey local gossip, or is lonely, well that's not your problem. I wouldn't let that sway you in terms of politely but very firmly not getting involved with her. I'd find her incredibly intrusive, but tbh I'd have shut her down a long time ago. I know some people might disagree, but I'd hold all neighbours politely at arms length.

PandaPoo

I have a neighbour like you! She's very nosey and sits beside the window and runs out when we pull into the drive
I had a baby a few days ago and of course I was met with the nosey questions, did I need stitches, was I breastfeeding, how was my bleeding


I just said wow, a Garda wouldn't ask me that!! And laughed and said I had to go, hopefully she'll cop on. I can't stand her.
I also do a check to see if shes around before I leave! Nightmare

Edit- she's always gossiping about the neighbours too. Giving out about them, spreading rumours and then she annoys them too and acts so friendly!

cruais

PandaPoo wrote: »

I have a neighbour like you! She's very nosey and sits beside the window and runs out when we pull into the drive
I had a baby a few days ago and of course I was met with the nosey questions, did I need stitches, was I breastfeeding, how was my bleeding


I just said wow, a Garda wouldn't ask me that!! And laughed and said I had to go, hopefully she'll cop on. I can't stand her.
I also do a check to see if shes around before I leave! Nightmare

Edit- she's always gossiping about the neighbours too. Giving out about them, spreading rumours and then she annoys them too and acts so friendly!

Are we neighbours and we don't know it? Lol

Rubberchikken

some people find boundaries impossible and if you give them an inch they will take the whole yard. for your own sake you have to stop this now.
most people don't behave like that and most people are capable of getting a hint, whether big or small.

not answering any questions would be a good start. not engaging in conversation another. just keep moving.
when baby arrives, don't encourage any kind of contact.

sorry i may have missed it in the post, but if you're the newer neighbour, it's possible this happened to the previous one also. so try not to take any of it personally.

good luck with the baby:)

pwurple

You have become the most interesting people around for her it sounds like.

Can you become uber-boring?

A plain old boring pregnancy, plain old boring life. Nothing interesting going on at all. Very bland answers to her questions, never ask her anything.


Maybe consider a bait and switch. Is there someone around who could be more interesting than you? Point her in that direction.

CaraMay

I would be on the phone going to and from the car and just close the door if she followed me. It must be very stressful. Time to take control and start to teach her how to behave with you

gargargar

cruais wrote: »

"yeah, he prob thinks im off ridin someone else". Shes 60.

Sorry but that made me really LOL.

I think you need to be rude to her. It's an anathema to most Irish people, but you just need to go against your polite upbringing.

I like the idea of 'the police wouldn't ask me that!' friendly but f**k off.

PandaPoo

cruais wrote: »

Are we neighbours and we don't know it? Lol

I wish, then we could team up on her. My neighbour is in her 30s though!

Starokan

It sounds like its mainly you she is speaking with as opposed to your husband so I think its something you need to sort yourself.

I'm guessing its not in your nature to be completely frank with her or openly rude so I would suggest just making it your business to cut conversations dead almost from the opening hallo. So for example

- Sorry , no time to talk , I have a call I need to make, catch you later
- Sorry, no time to talk, have to be somewhere in twenty mins
- Sorry, no time to talk , I have work that I need to get started

For questions asked that are to private just fob her off

- My own mother would not ask me that
- The guards wouldn't ask me that
- jaysus , some things have to remain private

Say them fast, laugh and walk on

Other times be on the phone going out and on the phone going back, don't let her stop you, just say sorry , work thing, go to door and open it.

In fairness she probably thinks you enjoy talking to her probably because your too nice to her.

If you do it like the above, she will get the message quickly enough and before you know it conversations will be minimal, you wont fall out, and every now and then you can have a quick conversation.

Letting this rule your life is to be frank silly, there is no way you and your husband should be looking out the window before exiting your home.

Make it your aim to cut every conversation down to the minimum , I would do the opposite to what your doing at the moment and would come and go with more frequency continuously cutting the conversation dead. You simply cannot be uncomfortable coming and going to your own front door

greengirl31

Good God ... Is there anything worse than a neighbour like that - Curtain twitchers !! There used to be a neighbour that lived beside my mum and as soon as she heard my mum moving around in the house she'd be in ... Mum used to leave the hoover on half the day :-) .... She always said it was like a weight lifted the day she saw the for sale sign in her garden !!!

First thing you do is disconnect the doorbell .. I'd be doing this anyway with a new baby - and stick a sign up about baby sleeping... Everyone does it these days.

I can understand why you wouldn't want to be rude or confrontational but you do need to be firm. Have your list of excuses ready ....
I've to be somewhere in xx minutes
The baby needs a change/feed so you can't stop to chat
It's cold outside so you don't want the baby catching a chill so you have to go.

Do not answer the personal questions or anything you feel is inappropriate - as other posters have said use the "the bishop/guard wouldn't ask me that and leave it at that. Or use the why do you want to know and if she comes back with the just curious line tell her it's none of her business and not to be so nosey ... In the nicest possible tone of course.

I'd say the other neighbours know exactly what she's like and give her a wide berth - you're her latest victim so the sooner she gets the message, the better.

Good luck with the baby and don't be stressing about that nosey cow

Merkin

People like this woman just don't 'get' social niceties or affording people space so I'd just set a precedent of being quite rude from hereonin and simply wouldn't engage. If someone waited for twenty minutes for me to finish a phone call like that I would see red quite frankly. It's rude, intrusive, bullish and passive aggressive all in one and right now this woman is ruining your enjoyment of your OWN home.

Have a stock line of 'sorry, too busy' and shut the door in her face when she follows you. Similarly I wouldn't answer the door to her, even when it is blatantly obvious you're at home. Do you have gates for your driveway? Lock them. Just stop engaging her or giving one morsel of information and she will eventually grow bored and seek out her next victims.

whatdoicare

I'd second the whole go to and from car with phone stuck to ear, also running with baby to house shouting "uh, oh nappy emergency!" is a great one! Don't look at her, just go!


If yr on the phone in the car and she does that whole waiting at end of drive thing, just finish your call and then back up the car and drive off! That's what I would have done.

Tbh Your hubby is going to be facing a scary time of you full of hormones, crying baby and lack of sleep, it's quite possible he'll snap and **** her out of it!

kbell

Print off this thread and hand it to her next time she approaches you.

Problem solved.

Tompatrick

A lot of bunkum advice here tbh. Eg "Nappy emergency" ? Sure she'll just come in and observe the nappy changing technique or else wait 5 mins and ring the door bell. "Disconnect the door bell" ? She will just knock. Etc etc

Both OP and husband need to be incredibly direct and tell her like it is otherwise they live their lives for and by this woman. It's a simple choice.

Try the following....

"YOU ARE ANNOYING ME WITH YOUR INCESSANT NOSINESS. PLEASE STOP!"

Tisserand

cruais wrote: »

I need some advice on how to handle a situation as its really starting to affect and upset me.

I live on a quite road, which is very easy to see what neighbours are up to, if you have the time that is.

I have a neighbour that has recently taken a shine to my husband and i. Some might say its down to boredom but i put it down to cheekiness.

Long story short. My neighbour stands constantly looking out the window. If either my husband or I pull home in the car, she opens her halldoor to run across for a chat. However, there is no sincerity in her chat. Its just for info.

There is no escaping her with a quick hello, she will follow me into my driveway when i say i have to go inside.

I pulled up into my driveway one evening and my phone rang. Within 2 mins she was knocking on my car window. I asked was everything ok, and she said "ah yeah, any news?". I told her I was on the phone and she continued with her conversation. When i told her again, she walked away and waited at the end of the driveway while i was on the phone. Twenty minutes later, she was still there.

Im pregnant, and when she found out, she practically gave out to me for keeping it quite. I havent been well the past few weeks and have been in hospital.

On the first day i was let home, she saw me going into my house. She caught my husband that night and shouted across, "was she in hospital? I saw her with the hospital socks and bandages on. Whats wrong with her?". My husband just said shes grand.

Im back in hospital again. My husband said that yesterday she caught him again and she asked where i was and that she hadnt seen me. She then proceeded to ask was i planning on breastfeeding? Im sorry but its really upsetting me and i feel that shes going to plague me when the baby arrives next week.

She has said that she will mind the baby for us and knock over to help. Im just getting freaked out by the whole situation.

Its causing words between my husband and i as i am a private person and feel he doesnt have the balls to tell her its not appropriate. He says he doesnt want a row.

Any advice on how to politely tell her to feck off

Just my tuppence worth. Where I live, a woman moved in two doors to her partner's house, he had lived there for a few years and I got on well with him. She had no cop on whatsoever - if I was on my driveway getting into my car, she'd run up asking me if I was going down the town, could she have a lift, one time my sister in law was visiting and she even ran up to her one evening to ask her would she drop her down the town. Another time she phoned but I let her call go to message minder. She wanted me to go collect her off the bus as it was raining!! These are just two examples but there were several other incidences and she was becoming a pest and she saw me as nothing more than a go-for. So I pulled back - I stopped waving to her if I saw her on her driveway and I made a point of turning the other way if I met her. I didn't answer her calls or texts. If I met her driving her partner's car, I would look the other way. I must say I found it very difficult as I had good neighbourly relations with her partner before she arrived, but I knew if I didn't cut loose sooner rather than later, I would end up waiting on her right left and centre. It worked in that she didn't bother me any more after that. It may or may not work for you too. Good luck with the new arrival!

sReq | uTeK

Tompatrick wrote: »

A lot of bunkum advice here tbh. Eg "Nappy emergency" ? Sure she'll just come in and observe the nappy changing technique or else wait 5 mins and ring the door bell. "Disconnect the door bell" ? She will just knock. Etc etc

Both OP and husband need to be incredibly direct and tell her like it is otherwise they live their lives for and by this woman. It's a simple choice.

Try the following....

"YOU ARE ANNOYING ME WITH YOUR INCESSANT NOSINESS. PLEASE STOP!"

Spot on, or a simple , fuxk off

GuessWhoEh

cruais wrote: »

I need some advice on how to handle a situation as its really starting to affect and upset me.

I live on a quite road, which is very easy to see what neighbours are up to, if you have the time that is.

I have a neighbour that has recently taken a shine to my husband and i. Some might say its down to boredom but i put it down to cheekiness.

Long story short. My neighbour stands constantly looking out the window. If either my husband or I pull home in the car, she opens her halldoor to run across for a chat. However, there is no sincerity in her chat. Its just for info.

There is no escaping her with a quick hello, she will follow me into my driveway when i say i have to go inside.

I pulled up into my driveway one evening and my phone rang. Within 2 mins she was knocking on my car window. I asked was everything ok, and she said "ah yeah, any news?". I told her I was on the phone and she continued with her conversation. When i told her again, she walked away and waited at the end of the driveway while i was on the phone. Twenty minutes later, she was still there.

Im pregnant, and when she found out, she practically gave out to me for keeping it quite. I havent been well the past few weeks and have been in hospital.

On the first day i was let home, she saw me going into my house. She caught my husband that night and shouted across, "was she in hospital? I saw her with the hospital socks and bandages on. Whats wrong with her?". My husband just said shes grand.

Im back in hospital again. My husband said that yesterday she caught him again and she asked where i was and that she hadnt seen me. She then proceeded to ask was i planning on breastfeeding? Im sorry but its really upsetting me and i feel that shes going to plague me when the baby arrives next week.

She has said that she will mind the baby for us and knock over to help. Im just getting freaked out by the whole situation.

Its causing words between my husband and i as i am a private person and feel he doesnt have the balls to tell her its not appropriate. He says he doesnt want a row.

Any advice on how to politely tell her to feck off

My neighbour is a little like that. The front door is practically open 24/7 and without a shadow of a doubt, they are outside, for no reasons half the time. Other times just to have full blown conversations on their phones. I leave work at 6am sometimes and they do be outside. One time they were cleaning their car. Power hose, the lot, at 6am! They both work but every time I see them, they are outside their garden. They always, and I mean always, have SOMETHING to stop and talk to me about. Pointless crap. Often I just nod and walk off but I've had to tell them to jog on its 6am and that I don't care. It's mean but seriously I don't care. They always have gossip about other neighbours which is why I tell them NOTHING. Other times they ask where I'm going and I've said the brotel once or twice just to shut them up. If I'm on a night out, I'm bound to come back hammered, lo and behold, one of them is outside with the dog and the next morning (my next morning anyways) they always comment on "how bad I was". Shut up mate.

Point is, tell her to just leave you alone. Don't be forceful or mean, just be out straight and say that you aren't interested in what she has to say. If she ask how you are, reply with "grand" and carry on going inside the house. You've closed the conversation there and then.

The whole speaking while you're on the phone is pig ignorant and I'm sure she knew full well what she was doing. She doesn't seem lonely, just absolutely nosey. Or just ignore her altogether

coathanger

Am loving this thread, my neighbour is like this, it's gotten to the stage where I nearly throw myself into the hedge when I see her ! This has given me some great lines to use, hopefully they will work!

Paddy Cow

cruais wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies.

Someone suggested that maybe she is lonely. I can see how you could ask that, but when i tell you she has a better social life than all of us combined. She has her three set nights out a week, and then drinks in the house with her husband, his brother and her friend on the rest of those days.

Its got to a stage that my husband and i are checking out the window to see if she is in her window or sitting on her doorstep watching (which she has also been doing). Her brother in law and friend are constantly standing in the front garden, day and night as they dont work and they chain smoke and stare across at me when i pull up and one will shout in to her house "×××××, your neighbours home!" Thats another time she will run out. Its beyond obsessive.

Various questions include:
Where you trying long for the baby?
Will you have a natural birth?
Upon telling me she was cooking a chicken, she asked what was my husband's favourite part and then said, i say he loves the breast.
Did i know my neighbour was having an affair with another neighbour.

I could go on and on.

We check out the window to see if shes outside or in her window before we leave the house. One day after doing this, she shouts "yoohoo" across at us, we didnt see her. She ran across, had the most pointless of conversations and said she had a row with the husband..."yeah, he prob thinks im off ridin someone else". Shes 60.

Op it sounds like you are living next door to Mrs Bucket Bouquet, right down to her shouting "yoohoo" while she runs across the drive to annoy you :pac:

Seriously though, people like her are a nightmare and the only way to deal with her is to fight fire with fire. Any time she starts talking to you, instead of saying "I'm busy" (which she'll ignore) or trying to walk away (she'll just follow you) or waiting for her litany of questions, launch into your own list of inane questions. If she mentions the bay or better yet, helping out, look all delighted and say that the baby is very difficult, won't sleep, has colic etc and you'd love to take her up on her offer of help and will drop the baby over for a few hours the next day.

Three things I've learned about bothersome neighbours:

1 They don't take hints or care about personal space.
2 If you are direct, they can be very spiteful and can make your life hell in the long run.
3 They have no problem bothering other people but wouldn't put up with it themselves. If you turn it around so that you are the one pestering her with questions and wanting help with the baby or constantly asking her to run errands such as getting stuff from the shop etc, she won't be long distancing herself from you.

With a new baby you might not have the energy for this approach but you could rope in any visitors you have to help. She'll probably be in her element questioning new people, so get them to be as overbearing and intrusive with her as they can and hopefully it should get her to back off a bit.

GuessWhoEh

Speaking of nosey neighbour again -

Went home from work early as I'm smothering with a cold. Walked into my house and my neighbour had a right peep. My mam came home a few hours later and my neighbour told her I came home early.

I'm 23 years of age....