Jealousy

Light_Sleeper

I'm going through a pretty hard time lately with my boyfriend and we had an incident awhile ago wen I got jealous with a girl he was talking to and checked his Facebook page.I do trust him and love him but I needed to check just for reassurance. I found something small but nothing really. When I told him about it he freaked out and changed all his passwords cause he says he can't trust me now.

I feel awful because I never meant it to hurt him or our relationship it just kinda felt natural to do. But know he adding new girls I know from work and there really pretty and wen I ask him who are they he says he doesn't know them just he knows there from work.

I can't stop being jealous because I know there's nothing going on but I can't help it. I'm afraid I'm gonna lose him.how do I deal with this and get over it. I feel like it's a major problem that's easy to fix?

LegacyUser

You sound young by your post. Sorry to say it but you don't trust him 100% if you're checking his fb. Learning to deal with this particular emotion comes with time,age and experience. No one can give you advice on how to get over it,it's something you have to learn with time.

Meanwhile try to get to root of why you feel so insecure and work on it from there.

Jasper_

A couple of questions you need to ask your self:

Do you have low self-esteem? If so, you invariably don't see yourself as anything special. There for when you see him talking to other attractive girls your mind wonders why he wouldn't just skip off in to the sunset with one of them instead. With a high sense of self-worth this will not happen.

Do you understand and find valid the reasons why your bf is with you? If you don't it pretty much wires the brain to think in the same way as my first point.

Have you been cheated on in the past? Explains itself really. If you have been in the past you will be more likely to be paranoid in future relationships.

Other then that shred of info you found on his fb is there anything that rationally may indicate he is likely to cheat?

On a side note. I would pretty much be gone from that relationship if I was in his shoes. So think over the questions above and try and get your head straight or he may well walk.

Light_Sleeper

Yes I have very low self esteem and yes I have been cheated on before. Believe me I'm trying to change and work things out but its really hard.

Jasper_

Well there is the answer for you.

Do whatever needs be to get your sense of self worth to a healthy state.

Light_Sleeper

observer123 wrote:

You sound young by your post. Sorry to say it but you don't trust him 100% if you're checking his fb. Learning to deal with this particular emotion comes with time,age and experience. No one can give you advice on how to get over it,it's something you have to learn with time.

I appreciate what your saying but I'm with my boyfriend 5 years now and I really want to work on this relationship, not wait to grow.

But you right I am quite young, were in our late 20s and I understand that things do get better with time. I just want a little advice so I can work on it.

LegacyUser

Light_Sleeper wrote: »

I appreciate what your saying but I'm with my boyfriend 5 years now and I really want to work on this relationship, not wait to grow.

But you right I am quite young, were in our late 20s and I understand that things do get better with time. I just want a little advice so I can work on it.

Not to be flippant, but I think most advice would point to you seeking immediate professional help with your issues - and doing that for yourself. For your own self worth.

Also, if you keep behaving irrationally jealously, there's a very big chance that you'll drive him away. No one wants that crap from their partner.

Ursus Horribilis

I thought you were younger. Might be the spelling style or something. Anyway I'm surprised to read that you're 5 years together. Has this jealousy always been an issue or is it a new thing? Also you also need to be very careful about is stifling the guy. Especially if you watch him like a hawk and don't like him going out on his own. I think at this stage a therapist would help. It'd also be a sign to him that you're working on your issues. Because if not, I could see him walking and I'd not blame him. If someone snuck a look at my emails/Facebook messages I'd hit the roof.

Light_Sleeper

Odus fell down wrote:

Has this jealousy always been an issue or is it a new thing? Also you also need to be very careful about is stifling the guy. Especially if you watch him like a hawk and don't like him going out on his own

Yes it's only been the last 3months or so. He came home and told me he went for drinks with these girls he met in a queue and he wouldn't stop talking about one of them and telling me that she only lives down the road and will drop milk up to him whenever. I told him I was uncomfortable with her because he kept telling me she was very pretty. Then he added both girls he met on Facebook and wen I told him I didn't like it he told me he can add anyone he wants and it's not up to me which is true. Now he's always on Facebook and he's just making me paranoid. I let him go out no problem sand I don't watch him at all . He works 12 hour shifts so I barely even see him at home. It's just the jealously feeling that I have myself. Like it's in my head. How do I stop thinking about it

Ursus Horribilis

Now this update puts a different light on things. I'd be a bit concerned as well, especially if there's a change in behaviour. Going on and on about a girl who he says is very pretty isn't what a man in a long-term relationship should be doing. The being on Facebook thing...maybe. It all depends on what he was like before this and what he's doing now. It could be insignificant or it could be very significant. Has be been treating you any differently since he met these girls?

LegacyUser

Surely if your OH had something to hide about this girl the last thing he would do is tell you about her?

You strike me as someone who only has their relationship and no other outlets, it's important to have other friends

Light_Sleeper

Odus fell down wrote:

Has be been treating you any differently since he met these girls?

No he's been treating me fine. The only difference is him on his phone (Facebook conversations) ALOT more now. Again it's just jealousy I feel which is annoying me more than his actions

magicmushroom

Light_Sleeper wrote: »

Yes it's only been the last 3months or so. He came home and told me he went for drinks with these girls he met in a queue and he wouldn't stop talking about one of them and telling me that she only lives down the road and will drop milk up to him whenever. I told him I was uncomfortable with her because he kept telling me she was very pretty. Then he added both girls he met on Facebook and wen I told him I didn't like it he told me he can add anyone he wants and it's not up to me which is true. Now he's always on Facebook and he's just making me paranoid. I let him go out no problem sand I don't watch him at all . He works 12 hour shifts so I barely even see him at home. It's just the jealously feeling that I have myself. Like it's in my head. How do I stop thinking about it

That's odd and disrespectful behaviour, why is he going on about a girl to you and saying she is very pretty? Does he get some kind of kick out of seeing you get jealous?
Sounds like he has low self esteem too.

To be honest OP, that kind of carry on would upset me too, I do think your jealousy is justified here. His behaviour is wrong.

Light_Sleeper

Hey guys thanks for all the answers, I'm trying to work things out at the moment. Hopefully it works out.

Thanks again for your feedback.

**Mods you can lock the subject if you'd like I've unfollowed the thread**