Any happy ever after!!

katona

Hi,am just wondering if anybody else can relate to or have any suggestions,am a single mother have daughter who is 7 years old,have been in an on and of relationship with her dad for the past 3 years,we were living together up until then when we officially split he had cheated in the past and been abusive after I found the strength to walk away he moved on pretty quickly and had two relationships during this time he hardly bothered to keep contact or see our daughter,I was sure if I'd got the strength to get away that my whole life would imrpove(had often read inspiring stories online of people who left,moved on and had their "happy ever after")anyhow didn't happen I get bored and lonely,let him back into my life again but not properly/officially because I know deep down it would be a disaster,I'm so bored and lonely and sad I'm 33 and feel like I've wasted so many years I've tried going out as much as possible tried new hobbies but feel like I hit a brick wall every time,the people I work with are all in their 50's I'm an only child and would just love to have some friends,I lost almost all my friends while in this relationship as they mostly didn't approve and I didn't keep contact it was just to hard at the time with a new baby and trying to make something "toxic"work I've tried making contact with old friends but they've all moved on got married and basically don't want to know now which I totally understand I feel like I see everybody having a great time on Facebook and going places and I haven't even got one person/friend to call only the "ex"and it's like being a rat on a wheel with him the more he's around me the more I won't/can't get out of this rut of being alone and then when am alone he's the only company that's there just really really fed up and disappointed sorry for the long boring story and help would be appreciated thanks

Knasher

Honestly, it sounds like you know exactly what you need to do from here, actually doing it is difficult, but you sound as if you have a sensible head on your shoulders and you should trust your gut.

So my advice to you would be more on the specifics. If you want to meet new people, meetup.com is a great place to start. There is meetup groups for people who want to do just that, meetup, and it might be a better place for you to start. If you go down the hobby route, it really needs to be a hobby you want to try anyway, and not just hobbies you are trying so you can meet new people. There is also online dating if you are more interested in that.

But you need to stick with it, you are in a rut with your ex and you aren't going to go anywhere as long as you stay there. You know getting more involved with somebody who is both untrustworthy, and abusive, is a bad idea, and the only reason you are doing it is because you feel isolated. If you feel bored and lonely, you need to channel that into motivating you into meeting new people, even if you keep hitting a wall with it, it sounds like you know it is better than falling back into something with your ex.

katona

Knasher wrote: »

Honestly, it sounds like you know exactly what you need to do from here, actually doing it is difficult, but you sound as if you have a sensible head on your shoulders and you should trust your gut.

So my advice to you would be more on the specifics. If you want to meet new people, meetup.com is a great place to start. There is meetup groups for people who want to do just that, meetup, and it might be a better place for you to start. If you go down the hobby route, it really needs to be a hobby you want to try anyway, and not just hobbies you are trying so you can meet new people. There is also online dating if you are more interested in that.

But you need to stick with it, you are in a rut with your ex and you aren't going to go anywhere as long as you stay there. You know getting more involved with somebody who is both untrustworthy, and abusive, is a bad idea, and the only reason you are doing it is because you feel isolated. If you feel bored and lonely, you need to channel that into motivating you into meeting new people, even if you keep hitting a wall with it, it sounds like you know it is better than falling back into something with your ex.

Thanks very much for the reply its exactly what I wanted and needed to hear and your right I do need to channel my "boredom"into meeting new people,hope ill be able to do it this time!

Flappidyflap

Just on the meeting new people depending where you are based would you try meetup.com or else look up girl crew on Facebook and you can get added to different groups over Ireland seem friendly people all looking for female friends

LegacyUser

Your local library/shop would have a notice board of things going on in your area. Go along to something. Local clubs are ALWAYS looking for people. Is there a drama group near you? You don't have to be on stage if it's not your thing but plenty to be done in the background. Maybe a local athletics club? You don't need to be a runner, many of them have walking groups now to get people fitter and out meeting people. Is your daughter involved in any activities? You could volunteer your time there.

As other posters have mentioned, you are stuck in a rut, and when you are in that rut it's very difficult to see a way out. But there are so many options available to you. You just have to think outside the ex!

katona

LegoFriends wrote: »

Your local library/shop would have a notice board of things going on in your area. Go along to something. Local clubs are ALWAYS looking for people. Is there a drama group near you? You don't have to be on stage if it's not your thing but plenty to be done in the background. Maybe a local athletics club? You don't need to be a runner, many of them have walking groups now to get people fitter and out meeting people. Is your daughter involved in any activities? You could volunteer your time there.

As other posters have mentioned, you are stuck in a rut, and when you are in that rut it's very difficult to see a way out. But there are so many options available to you. You just have to think outside the ex!

I know and thanks for the advice I do need to start doing more of what everybody has kindly advised I'd love and hope it works even just to have a few friends to go places with maybe then the "happy ever after"might happen its always the first few steps that are the hardest but I will make myself try really hard and will hopefully be able to come back on here again with some positive feedback and thanks so much to everybody again for the kind helpful advice!

LegacyUser

Don't expect your ex to let you go easily, though. He's gotten used to having you as his fall back person. When you start being less available to him expect him to alternate between putting on the charm, and possibly even trying to belittle you, because "how dare you be able to survive without him".

Just fill your time with other people and activities, and resist the temptation to go back there. You're not happy with the current set up. The set up isn't going to change, so you have to.