Creepy housemate, advice massively requested!

ash777

Hey.

I posted a light-hearted thread the other week about the weirdest thing your housemate has done.

A new person moved in to our houseshare a few weeks ago. He gives me the creeps. He's not just weird, I think he's a bully. So far, one of the other housemate agrees with me that he's weird, and that he seems to be deliberately weirder to me than her, but we haven't had the chance to talk to the other housemate about the creepy housemate.

I can't type out everything he's done, but I'll try to outline some of the big things, without identifying him.

He's taken pictures of me, while I've been at home, without my permission. He tends to have his phone on him, and at least 3 times, when I've been sitting near him, and on my own, there's been flashes coming from the flash part of his phone. I was so tired the first few times it happened, and in disbelief at the possibility that he was photographing me, that I didn't know what to do, or what to say. I hoped it was some sort of notification, but who gets notification on the camera-flash part of their phone. I'm creeped to f'ck about it. He's a lot stronger than me, so I couldn't grab the phone from him, and if I said what are you doing, he would have denied it. Is this legal?

He also rammed his bike in to the back of the couch one night, again, when I was on my own, when I was sitting on the couch. He didn't apologise, and it had to be deliberate, due to the layout of the room. I said nothing, as, at the very least, he wants a reaction.

He's stolen my stuff, and used my stuff without my permission. I said it to him, he made up sh*te, I've had to move items and things to my room, etc.

He blanked me for about a week every time I would say hi to him, for no reason (this was before I stopped talking to him altogether).

2 weeks ago, again, I was on my own. He knew I was here, as the floors are wooden, and noisy. He was making weird noises in the kitchen. He then stopped, and made 3 sex noises. As in, sex-groans. He was on his own, and they were all loud enough to be audible over the music I had on. That's when I stopped talking to him.

I am currently trying to get somewhere else to rent, but, other than that, I would really appreciate any advice. I was literally bawling crying about this, I am so stressed out all the time. I try to avoid him as much as possible, and I have kept note of all the things he's done.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

You and your friend should make a joint complaint to the landlord about his behaviour.

LegacyUser

Im assuming you're female by your post.
I was originally going to say get some back up and confront him about his behaviour. However,I would tend to agree with above poster who said to make a formal complaint about his behaviour. You cannot control what he does but you can control what you do. The only way out of this is to make a complaint to the landlord.

ash777

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy wrote: »

You and your friend should make a joint complaint to the landlord about his behaviour.

Thank you for the reply.
I don't know if the landlord will care.

Does anyone have any more advice on how to deal with this, in the meantime?

darragh o meara

ash777 wrote: »

but who gets notification on the camera-flash part of their phone.

My phone does this, as did my last phone. As for the other stuff, it'd be no harm to talk to him, it's hard moving into a house with people you don't know and some "quieter" people take a lot longer to settle in...

Stealing is a no no though...

ash777

saysomething wrote: »

Im assuming you're female by your post.
I was originally going to say get some back up and confront him about his behaviour. However,I would tend to agree with above poster who said to make a formal complaint about his behaviour. You cannot control what he does but you can control what you do. The only way out of this is to make a complaint to the landlord.

Yep.

saysomething wrote: »

I was originally going to say get some back up and confront him about his behaviour. However,I would tend to agree with above poster who said to make a formal complaint about his behaviour. You cannot control what he does but you can control what you do. The only way out of this is to make a complaint to the landlord.

Thanks.

darragh o meara wrote: »

My phone does this, as did my last phone. As for the other stuff, it'd be no harm to talk to him, it's hard moving into a house with people you don't know and some "quieter" people take a lot longer to settle in...

Stealing is a no no though...

What sort of phone?

He's definitely not quiet. But, thank you for the reply.

darragh o meara

ash777 wrote: »

Yep.



Thanks.



What sort of phone?

He's definitely not quiet. But, thank you for the reply.

Samsung Galaxy, my iPhone before it done it too..

ash777

darragh o meara wrote: »

Samsung Galaxy, my iPhone before it done it too..

The back of the phone? The lens part?

sam34

Maybe he was screen-shotting something, rather than taking a photo of you?

Username exists

sam34 wrote: »

Maybe he was screen-shotting something, rather than taking a photo of you?

The flash on my Samsung doesn't go off when I take a screenshot

amdublin

Do you have anywhere else to stay in the short term while you find a new place?

I think you need to avoid him as much as possible. When he arrives ibtonsitting room if I were you I'd move to your bedroom.

Hopefully you'll find somewhere new soon.

amdublin

Ps. Op I've read your "light hearted" thread. I must say it is strange to have one thread in AH and one in PI about the same topic but with two different slants....

You've said you've had stern words with him before (lighthearted thread), what was that about and how did it go?

Neeson

Led flash for alerts can be turned on in accessibility settings for an iPhone.

njs030

ash777 wrote: »

The back of the phone? The lens part?

Yes most phones can be set to do that when you get a notification. It's for when the phone is on silent and you get a message, call etc so you
don't miss it.

I had it on an iPhone and people did think I was taking photos if the phone was pointed in their direction.

As for the other stuff are you sure he is stealing? What type of things are going missing?

sam34

Username exists wrote: »

The flash on my Samsung doesn't go off when I take a screenshot

The flash on my phone does, which is why I raised it as a possibility.

Tasden

Op i think most phones nowadays do have the option of using the front flash light as a notification light. That's what i first thought of when you said about him taking photos of you.

Any chance he's picking up on your attitude towards him and hes acting a bit weird because you are? Not saying you are btw, just that sometimes these things get built up in our heads (not from nothing, but we make them into something bigger) and rifts can occur when all it would've taken is a quick chat to clear the air.

freshpopcorn

I do know people who taken photos of their friends/family(probably done it myself) in funny positions unknown to them. Generally though people have the common sense to turn the flash off on their phone.
Regarding your thread in after hours. The thing you've described with urine on the toilet seat(isn't nice) but I've seen it down by both men and women who are just lazy/forget to wipe down the toilet seat.
What items did this guy steal from you?

CaoimheSquee

Regardless of all the first bits you mention, I would be most concerned about the last bit.

Do you have a lock on your room?

If it was me I would keep looking for somewhere else and in the meantime make sure that when i was there on my own I would stay in my locked room and only come out if someone else is there. Sorry if this sounds over the top but if it was me this is what I would do. Try and get friends to call over as much as possible too. Tbh id be staying with other people as much as possible too.

His actions in the last paragraph is seriously creepy and messed up.

I don't think any of his actions are actually illegal at this point so it's about being safe and looking to get the frick out of there.
Keep us posted and make sure everyone is looking out for rooms going for you too.

Merkin

CaoimheSquee wrote: »

Regardless of all the first bits you mention, I would be most concerned about the last bit.

Do you have a lock on your room?

If it was me I would keep looking for somewhere else and in the meantime make sure that when i was there on my own I would stay in my locked room and only come out if someone else is there. Sorry if this sounds over the top but if it was me this is what I would do. Try and get friends to call over as much as possible too. Tbh id be staying with other people as much as possible too.

His actions in the last paragraph is seriously creepy and messed up.

I don't think any of his actions are actually illegal at this point so it's about being safe and looking to get the frick out of there.
Keep us posted and make sure everyone is looking out for rooms going for you too.

Please read the charter if you haven't already. Asking the OP for updates isn't permitted.

Penny Tration

Hiya, op.

I had a look back through your posts to find your post in the AH thread you mentioned. I also saw that your landlord has given you all notice to leave?

If that's the case, I don't really understand the problem if I'm totally honest. I mean yeah, the guy is acting like a weirdo, but you're all going your separate ways soon as you've been given an eviction notice? So why not just move out a week or two early?

Tompatrick

ash777 wrote: »

Thank you for the reply.
I don't know if the landlord will care.

Does anyone have any more advice on how to deal with this, in the meantime?

Tell the Landlord the Gardai will be your next stop if he doesn't act. You don't have to go to the Guards but it will likely be enough to get the landlord to act.

amdublin

Tompatrick wrote: »

Tell the Landlord the Gardai will be your next stop if he doesn't act. You don't have to go to the Guards but it will likely be enough to get the landlord to act.

Act on what though?

The only thing I can see is the stealing and we don't really have enough info on it...by stealing does the op mean "he ate my pasta and used my shower gel". Or does she mean my ipad is missing and he has a "new" ipad.

Sex noises??? What does this mean? Grunts??? Sometimes a big stretch and yawn in the morning can sound pretty orgasmic....

I think it would be pretty crazy of the op to go to the guards.
yes based on what we've been told housemate sounds weird and not nice.but the guards??

according to the other thread they are all leaving anyway.

Op how quick can you move?

ash777

Thanks for the replies. I hope this answers most questions!

Tasden wrote: »

Any chance he's picking up on your attitude towards him and hes acting a bit weird because you are? Not saying you are btw, just that sometimes these things get built up in our heads (not from nothing, but we make them into something bigger) and rifts can occur when all it would've taken is a quick chat to clear the air.

The other girl finds him weird, too. We've been nothing but nice to him, I stopped saying hello to him, or talking to him after the sex-type noises.

freshpopcorn wrote:

What items did this guy steal from you?

As far as can be worked out, he stole fruit (it mightn't seem like a big deal, but they were the only 2 pieces of that type of fruit in the kitchen.), a teatowel (he knows the ones that are mine, before leaving one day, we left it in a specific place, he was the only one home, I get back the teatowel has vanished, is still AWOL), (again, this may not seem like a big deal, but it's not his to feck with), plus, he's kept using my washing powder. I have moved it, but he seems to have found it. He used the same amount of washing powder I used in months in a few weeks. I've also said it to him, and he just bullsh*ts back.

CaoimheSquee wrote:

Regardless of all the first bits you mention, I would be most concerned about the last bit.

Do you have a lock on your room?

If it was me I would keep looking for somewhere else and in the meantime make sure that when i was there on my own I would stay in my locked room and only come out if someone else is there. Sorry if this sounds over the top but if it was me this is what I would do. Try and get friends to call over as much as possible too. Tbh id be staying with other people as much as possible too.

His actions in the last paragraph is seriously creepy and messed up.

I don't think any of his actions are actually illegal at this point so it's about being safe and looking to get the frick out of there.
Keep us posted and make sure everyone is looking out for rooms going for you too.

That was when I stopped talking to him. Thanks very much for your reply, by the way I have been avoiding him as much as possible. Hopefully somewhere suitable to rent will come up soon!

Penny Tration wrote:

Hiya, op.

I had a look back through your posts to find your post in the AH thread you mentioned. I also saw that your landlord has given you all notice to leave?

If that's the case, I don't really understand the problem if I'm totally honest. I mean yeah, the guy is acting like a weirdo, but you're all going your separate ways soon as you've been given an eviction notice? So why not just move out a week or two early?

The landlord is selling the house, we have been given notice to leave. We have all been looking for properties to rent, but, there is a bit of a housing crisis going on at the moment! Everyone is going to be leaving as soon as they can get suitable accomodation. But, right now, I am living here, and have to deal with this person living in the same house as me. So, as I said before in this thread, I'm looking for advice.

Tompatrick wrote:

Quote:
Originally Posted by ash777 View Post
Thank you for the reply.
I don't know if the landlord will care.

Does anyone have any more advice on how to deal with this, in the meantime?
Tell the Landlord the Gardai will be your next stop if he doesn't act. You don't have to go to the Guards but it will likely be enough to get the landlord to act.

Good point, thank you.

amdublin wrote:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tompatrick View Post
Tell the Landlord the Gardai will be your next stop if he doesn't act. You don't have to go to the Guards but it will likely be enough to get the landlord to act.
Act on what though?

The only thing I can see is the stealing and we don't really have enough info on it...by stealing does the op mean "he ate my pasta and used my shower gel". Or does she mean my ipad is missing and he has a "new" ipad.

Sex noises??? What does this mean? Grunts??? Sometimes a big stretch and yawn in the morning can sound pretty orgasmic....

I think it would be pretty crazy of the op to go to the guards.
yes based on what we've been told housemate sounds weird and not nice.but the guards??

according to the other thread they are all leaving anyway.

Op how quick can you move?

The taking photos of me was what seems to be illegal. If he was, he was doing it without my permission in my home.

I covered the stealing bit above.

Sex noises. Literally, it was evening time. A formulaic "ugh" grunt that I have never heard in any other context.

PinkLemonade

My advice is look for new accommodation ASAP and avoid him

ash777

PinkLemonade wrote: »

My advice is look for new accommodation ASAP and avoid him

Thanks, PinkLemonade.

conor8989

Are you writing a screen play for a horror movie but a question how do you get him out ???

Penny Tration

Okay so basically, he's eaten your food and used your stuff, made some weird noises one day, and an led light went off on his phone around you?

I'm sorry but I'm failing to see the issue here. He sounds odd but nothing more. Nicking food is par for the course in house shares (I've never done it but it happened regularly).

The only advice I can give is move out sooner. I'd think about only renting with people you know already, because the smallest things seem to be freaking you out.

TINA1984

Maybe his weird noises were some kind of an attempt to remind you that your music was on too loud?

zoobizoo

Penny Tration wrote: »

Okay so basically, he's eaten your food and used your stuff, made some weird noises one day, and an led light went off on his phone around you?
.

That's how I have interpreted it as.

As for the noises, just throwing it out there but might he be exercising and grunting ... that could be yoga / press ups / weights.

amdublin

My advice is to move house, and in the meantime if you don't want to see this fellow stay in your room as much as possible.


Being completely honest I think you have added together a lot of small things and making something bigger than it is.


A lot of posters have confirmed their phone flashes when they get notifications. Your suspicion aside it is looking like he is not getting photos of you.
The stuff he has stolen from you are all small low value items (a tea towel? Washing powder?) which unfortunately tends to happen in house shares.
I am really unclear on the "sex noise". The man "grunted" in the kitchen while you were in another room? And you think he was making a" sex noise" at you?


I agree with the other poster. I think you should not leave with randomers in the future. Could you and a friend rent a 2 bed room apartment maybe??

Penny Tration

Tbh, when I'm in pain, say from a back injury, I tend to wince or moan in pain when I try to get off a chair or whatever. And I've been told by more than one person that it sounds like I'm having an orgasm, because my pained noise is quite high pitched.

Something to consider

ted1

ash777 wrote: »

Yep.



Thanks.



What sort of phone?

He's definitely not quiet. But, thank you for the reply.

My iPhones flash, flashes when I get an alert.

Rekop dog

Penny Tration wrote: »

Okay so basically, he's eaten your food and used your stuff, made some weird noises one day, and an led light went off on his phone around you?

I'm sorry but I'm failing to see the issue here. He sounds odd but nothing more. Nicking food is par for the course in house shares (I've never done it but it happened regularly).

The only advice I can give is move out sooner. I'd think about only renting with people you know already, because the smallest things seem to be freaking you out.

Completely agreed, ignoring the guy based on some very dubious allegations seems a bit nasty too. Got to be a tough living situation for him when housemates are blowing fairly petty things completely out of proportion.

ash777

Penny Tration wrote: »

Okay so basically, he's eaten your food and used your stuff, made some weird noises one day, and an led light went off on his phone around you?

I'm sorry but I'm failing to see the issue here. He sounds odd but nothing more. Nicking food is par for the course in house shares (I've never done it but it happened regularly).

The only advice I can give is move out sooner. I'd think about only renting with people you know already, because the smallest things seem to be freaking you out.

There's been a lot more going on with him than what I've mentioned. I'm not going to list out every single thing, because I don't know if he goes on Boards. It's a lot more than a few little things that I've made in to a mountain out of a molehill. I've lived with a lot of people in houseshares, and have stayed friends with all of them. Everyone here has a problem with this person, and everyone of my friends that I've mentioned this to have all thought he was majorly weird. The smallest things aren't freaking me out, I can assure you.

ash777

Originally Posted by Penny Tration View Post
Okay so basically, he's eaten your food and used your stuff, made some weird noises one day, and an led light went off on his phone around you?
.
That's how I have interpreted it as.

As for the noises, just throwing it out there but might he be exercising and grunting ... that could be yoga / press ups / weights.

My advice is to move house, and in the meantime if you don't want to see this fellow stay in your room as much as possible.

The noises he made were formulaic "ugh" grunts that I have never heard in anything other than a sexual context. He was in the kitchen washing cutlery, he wasn't doing hard, manual labour, or exercising. I know this because he was that loud about it.

Penny Tration wrote: »

Okay so basically, he's eaten your food and used your stuff, made some weird noises one day, and an led light went off on his phone around you?

I'm sorry but I'm failing to see the issue here. He sounds odd but nothing more. Nicking food is par for the course in house shares (I've never done it but it happened regularly).

The only advice I can give is move out sooner. I'd think about only renting with people you know already, because the smallest things seem to be freaking you out.

There's been a lot more going on with him than what I've mentioned. I'm not going to list out every single thing, because I don't know if he goes on Boards. It's a lot more than a few little things that I've made in to a mountain out of a molehill. I've lived with a lot of people in houseshares, and have stayed friends with nearly all of them. Everyone here has a problem with this person, and everyone of my friends that I've mentioned this to have all thought he was majorly weird. The smallest things aren't freaking me out, I can assure you.

Being completely honest I think you have added together a lot of small things and making something bigger than it is.

The stuff he has stolen from you are all small low value items (a tea towel? Washing powder?) which unfortunately tends to happen in house shares.
I am really unclear on the "sex noise". The man "grunted" in the kitchen while you were in another room? And you think he was making a" sex noise" at you?

That doesn't mean that I should accept him nicking stuff. I never said that he was making a sex noise at me, but it was loud enough that the whole house would hear it. A formulaic "ugh" grunt that I have never heard in any other context. He was in the kitchen washing cutlery, he wasn't doing hard, manual labour, or exercising. I know this because he was that loud about it.

I agree with the other poster. I think you should not leave with randomers in the future. Could you and a friend rent a 2 bed room apartment maybe??

3/4 of us 'randomers' in the house have a problem with him.

Rekop dog
Quote:
Originally Posted by Penny Tration View Post
Okay so basically, he's eaten your food and used your stuff, made some weird noises one day, and an led light went off on his phone around you?

I'm sorry but I'm failing to see the issue here. He sounds odd but nothing more. Nicking food is par for the course in house shares (I've never done it but it happened regularly).

The only advice I can give is move out sooner. I'd think about only renting with people you know already, because the smallest things seem to be freaking you out.

All 3 other people living with him have a problem with him. Small things are not freaking me out.

Completely agreed, ignoring the guy based on some very dubious allegations seems a bit nasty too. Got to be a tough living situation for him when housemates are blowing fairly petty things completely out of proportion.

HE blanked me for about a week every time I would say hi to him, for no reason (this was before I stopped talking to him altogether). This is mentioned in the first post.


There's been a lot more. If you read the opening post, it has more points. Also, as I have typed, I cannot write out everything on here, as I don't know if he reads Boards. And, also, if you read the first post, he ignored me for a week for no reason. I said hi to him before that week, during that week, and after. I am not the person who has ignored someone for no reason. I am also not blowing petty things out of proportion. The fact that everyone in the house is uncomfortable with him makes it pretty sure that he's the problem. However, we haven't all been able to get together to figure out what to do, hence the post here.

He has made things tough and nasty for us.

Rekop dog

Just because 3 of you have an issue doesn't make it right, sounds like bullying. The grunt could have been anything, could have stubbed his toe, banged his funny bone off something, anything. Attributing random sounds and flashes on a phone to yourself comes across narcissistic.

Poor guy imo.

power pants

just as well you all you have to move out then and wont be living with each other. Have you thought of living alone?

amdublin

What is a formulaic "ugh" grunt?

amdublin

Op as you said you haven't posted everything. In fact I'm getting mixed up what you posted in personal issues and what you posted in your light hearted thread.

I think luckily you are moving out soon anyway. In a house share you tend to get some characters unfortunately....hey who's to say he doesn't think you're weird! I think best you live with someone you know or on your own in future.

You said you've never heard this grunt in any other context. Posters here have suggested three scenarios why he may have "grunted". And I can think of plenty more.

As you say there's plenty more examples but you don't want to post them. But frankly it doesn't really matter. If you just came on and posted all this stuff I think most people's advice would be "move out". You are moving out anyway tg.

Best of luck with the accommodation search. I think you should consider living on your own.