if someone asked would you get them pregnant

corkgsxr

Heard bit of a story on the radio but..

If someone you knew or let's say you were working in a house and they sed he can't but we want a child or I want a child but can't find the right guy for long term relationship and time is ticking away, I want unprotected sex to get pregnant. You'll never hear from me again.

Would you do it?
Massive trust needed on your part too I'd imagine.

smash

corkgsxr wrote: »

If someone you knew or let's say you were working in a house and they sed he can't but we want a child

The fcuk is that sentence supposed to mean?

jimgoose

corkgsxr wrote: »

Heard bit of a story on the radio but...

Yeah yeah. The plumber always gets the pipes sorted out in them oul' films, wha'??

smash wrote: »

The fcuk is that sentence supposed to mean?

"I've a shockin' brood on chief, but the boss-man appears to be loaded with blanks and I need a live one chambered before I run out myself!"

Wibbs

OK folks let's dial back the funnies and try and bring up the standard a little.

Sierra 117

No. That would be a moronic idea. She could take me to court for child support at any time, and even if she doesn't, social welfare would come after me for child support if she ever needed welfare assistance.

As far as I know, you can't sign away parental rights so you'll always have threat of child support hanging over you.

corkgsxr

smash wrote: »

The fcuk is that sentence supposed to mean?

Just throwing out a situation. Ivf etc is expensive. If they knew it was him the problem.

It's more about a stranger or someone you might know a small bit but they don't want you as to be a father or have a future with them. They just want a baby than the how it came about

corkgsxr

http://www.todayfm.com/I-was-40--my-heart-was-childless--broken

Story and interview for reference

fits

Sierra 117 wrote: »

N She could take me to court for child support at any time, and even if she doesn't, social welfare would come after me for child support if she ever needed welfare assistance.

.

IS that really your main objection? No concerns about bringing a child into the world, a human being and not being involved in its life? Just the money?

Weird.

Wibbs

Well if I was just a genetic donor I could care less about the result of the donation. Ditto if I was a sperm donor with a load of kids out there. It would be a very different scenario for me were I involved with the mother romantically and went through the pregnancy, birth and every day raising of the child.

However if I signed up for sperm donation that's where it would end. The thoughts of the kid showing up years later, or the mother or state looking to my pockets for support would be a whole other ballgame(no pun).

That said I would have little paternal instinct going on. The average guy would have much more I'd imagine. You could multiply that for the average women as they have to carry and give birth to the child.

Emme

corkgsxr wrote: »

http://www.todayfm.com/I-was-40--my-heart-was-childless--broken

Story and interview for reference

I didn't listen to the full story but it seems a bit haphazard. I presume they both got a full health check and discussed their genetic history before going ahead with this. Bringing a child into the world is not to be taken lightly.

What will happen later on if the child goes looking for his or her father?

I am a woman in my 40s and I think it that women my age or slightly younger who are single and want children can be a little selfish. I have no problem with single parents but a child has a right to know their parents. If a desperate woman gets pregnant and agrees to the father sperm donor having no further contact it is not fair on the child. If the father doesn't want a relationship with the mother but is happy to have contact with the child it's a different situation.

There are over 7 billion people on the planet. Just because a woman is "maternal" does not mean she is entitled to have a child by any means possible.

Saipanne

I'd bed her and pull out at the end.

Then a Nelson style "HA HA!".

Wibbs

corkgsxr wrote: »

Just throwing out a situation. Ivf etc is expensive. If they knew it was him the problem.

As an aside, there is the vibe out there that in the case of infertility it's usually the woman's problem, but of the few couples I knew where they went for IVF, it was the bloke who was shooting blanks in all but one case. I have read that sperm counts are dropping in the west, so maybe that's it, if that is the case of course. One couple I knew was an odd one. Their IVF treatment showed that both were sub fertile and after years of trying and the terrible stress of that process, they split up. Very sad. However a few years later I found out that both had found new people and both had kids naturally with those new people. Maybe some deep incompatibility going on?

Wibbs

Saipanne, maybe you missed this a few posts back.

Wibbs wrote: »

OK folks let's dial back the funnies and try and bring up the standard a little.

No more of that stuff please.

corkgsxr

Emme wrote: »

I didn't listen to the full story but it seems a bit haphazard. I presume they both got a full health check and discussed their genetic history before going ahead with this. Bringing a child into the world is not to be taken lightly.

What will happen later on if the child goes looking for his or her father?

I am a woman in my 40s and I think it that women my age or slightly younger who are single and want children can be a little selfish. I have no problem with single parents but a child has a right to know their parents. If a desperate woman gets pregnant and agrees to the father sperm donor having no further contact it is not fair on the child. If the father doesn't want a relationship with the mother but is happy to have contact with the child it's a different situation.

There are over 7 billion people on the planet. Just because a woman is "maternal" does not mean she is entitled to have a child by any means possible.

I don't think they did. She describes it as opportunistic

corkgsxr

Wibbs wrote: »

As an aside, there is the vibe out there that in the case of infertility it's usually the woman's problem, but of the few couples I knew where they went for IVF, it was the bloke who was shooting blanks in all but one case. I have read that sperm counts are dropping in the west, so maybe that's it, if that is the case of course. One couple I knew was an odd one. Their IVF treatment showed that both were sub fertile and after years of trying and the terrible stress of that process, they split up. Very sad. However a few years later I found out that both had found new people and both had kids naturally with those new people. Maybe some deep incompatibility going on?

I know of a few too that after it turned out to be him. Nothing wrong with her

VisibleGorilla

No way in hell would I ever do this.

Galway K9

1) You cannot waive parental rights, child support / welfare as mentioned could come up
2) A child is out there without knowing its biological father
3) Your parental instincts cannot be removed, you will wonder,whether now or later
4) Morally and ethically if you did hear about your kid later in some situation, you could (should) feel (some) responsibility and stand up for your biological child.

There's too much risk and so many factors, to just have sex and trust never to come into any situations in the future relating to the child.

ancapailldorcha

One more time, cut out the puerile humour.

ComfortKid

Well the OP asked a fairly ridiculous question so I'm going to give a ridiculous answer.

I thought this thread was a joke, but obviously it must be serious since my post was deleted.

ancapailldorcha

ComfortKid wrote: »

Well the OP asked a fairly ridiculous question so I'm going to give a ridiculous answer.

I thought this thread was a joke, but obviously it must be serious since my post was deleted.

Don't post in this thread again, you're adding nothing to it.

GLaDOS

I listened to a bit of the story on the radio earlier, it's a situation I wouldn't touch with a barge pole.

I got the impression neither of them had really thought about the implications of it.

Emme

corkgsxr wrote: »

I don't think they did. She describes it as opportunistic

I really pity the child from this union.

If all women were "opportunistic" :rolleyes: and desperate we would have no problem going out and finding a sperm donor for the night.

I'm not being horrible but she isn't exactly easy on the eye so she might have had this planned for a while.

No wonder some men won't touch women in their late 30s/early 40s with a bargepole. I say this as a woman over 40.

One eyed Jack

ScienceNerd wrote: »

I listened to a bit of the story on the radio earlier, it's a situation I wouldn't touch with a barge pole.

I got the impression neither of them had really thought about the implications of it.

Same here tbh.

For me personally, it would depend entirely on the circumstances, but this:

She then met a guy through an acquaintance, they had a few drinks and Mairead told him she was looking in to IUI and he casually asked her to have his baby - they had unprotected sex and Mairead became pregnant.

I'm not sure which one is more beneath contempt tbh. They're both well suited to each other, certainly, but such a display of utter disregard for any potential children in that scenario disgusts me tbh.

Mairead says it would be "foolish of me to expect more than nothing from him, but for the sake of my/our son, I hope he can be at least a small part"

No, she was foolish long before that, and I have no doubt that particular idiot will give her plenty of headache and heartache in years to come.

OneOfThem

My first thought was, she's 40, your man probably thought there was fvck all chance she'd actually get pregnant, and figured he'd just bag an easy ride. Rather than him thinking he would actually be taking part in the situation described in the OP.

Emme

OneOfThem wrote: »

My first thought was, she's 40, your man probably thought there was fvck all chance she'd actually get pregnant, and figured he'd just bag an easy ride. Rather than him thinking he would actually be taking part in the situation described in the OP.

I don't know what sort of sex education is taught in school nowadays but there was dearth of it when I was in secondary school (I left in 88). There is an ignorance among Irish adults of pregnancy risk, contraception methods and STD risks. Guys from the continent are refreshingly educated and open about such things. They don't think a woman is a slut for carrying condoms, they think she's responsible.

Women have been known to get pregnant into their late 40s. There's not as much risk of it happening as there would be with an 18 year old but the risk is always there, however minuscule. If a man doesn't want children he shouldn't have unprotected sex. EVER. If the couple don't know each other very well they use condoms until they know for definite it is safe not to use them.

It seems like these two didn't know each other too well. I hope they had time to get tested for STDs etc. before they had unprotected sex. If not God help that child with such morons for parents - one is desperate, the other isn't going to be around.

Old Jakey

And get stuck paying child support for some kid I don't care about? No thanks.

markc2951

Is that all you's are worried about child support..I'd be more concerned about some were out there would be my own flesh and blood and no relationship with him/her

Honestly that would make my life a misery...f##k money

Username here

The paternal instinct is strong in this one, so zero chance I'd be up for this, EVER - I'd be driven demented, wondering how the child was doing, and missing out on him/her growing up.

OneOfThem

Emme wrote: »

I don't know what sort of sex education is taught in school nowadays but there was dearth of it when I was in secondary school (I left in 88). There is an ignorance among Irish adults of pregnancy risk, contraception methods and STD risks. Guys from the continent are refreshingly educated and open about such things. They don't think a woman is a slut for carrying condoms, they think she's responsible.

I'd be a bit younger than you, although not much, maybe ten years or so. But that wouldn't be my experience of Irish adults that would be my peers. All pretty clued up on STD risks, pregnancy risks, at least in comparison to continental Europeans, of whom I've known many, about the same degree. I don't think I've once in my life heard a guy say he thought a woman would be a slut for carrying condoms, would be fairly mundane, common place, and expected.

So things seem to be changing. Which is good, I suppose.

The rest of your post I of course agree with. Daft thing for him to do, for more than just the reasons you outlined. Just saying I think the probability was he was probably stupid, and chancing it, rather than enthusiastically agreeing to conceiving a child with her. Just seems the more likely thing.

Pat Mustard

I don't see a problem with what the lady did. She met a man who asked her if she'd have his baby, she agreed and she had a baby, fathered by that man.

The child may grow up without a father but presumably the mother can support the child, care for him/her etc. I know of no reason to think that she would not be an adequate single parent to the child.

However, I don't understand the motivation of the man in fathering a child in this instance. The mother mentioned that it would be:

foolish of me to expect more than nothing from him, but for the sake of my/our son, I hope he can be at least a small part

From that, it seems hardly likely that the father expressed any interest in being a part of the child's life. If that is the case, why did he agree to father a child in the first place?

DoYouEvenLift

That'd be weird as fuk...they've got sperm banks for that

Potatoeman

Pat Mustard wrote: »

I don't see a problem with what the lady did. She met a man who asked her if she'd have his baby, she agreed and she had a baby, fathered by that man.

The child may grow up without a father but presumably the mother can support the child, care for him/her etc. I know of no reason to think that she would not be an adequate single parent to the child.

However, I don't understand the motivation of the man in fathering a child in this instance. The mother mentioned that it would be:

From that, it seems hardly likely that the father expressed any interest in being a part of the child's life. If that is the case, why did he agree to father a child in the first place?

That's a very flippant view of a fathers role. Raising children solo is not easy and children are expensive. It seems selfish to deny the child a father. I also think depending on parents/family for support is putting the burden for your choice on other people and exploiting them.

One eyed Jack

Pat Mustard wrote: »

From that, it seems hardly likely that the father expressed any interest in being a part of the child's life. If that is the case, why did he agree to father a child in the first place?

Potatoeman wrote: »

That's a very flippant view of a fathers role.

If you want to hear flippant, then you're probably better off to listen to the interview this woman did on the Anton Savage show, where she also answers questions about the father and ehh, whatever about her, I'm not too sure the man even gave a thought at all to what he was getting himself into -

Podcast Link: ‘I was 40 and my heart was childless and broken’

Galway K9

come again?

blue note

It's an interesting question. For a stranger I'd say no - it's a big thing to ask and I wouldn't do it for someone I didn't know. For a single woman I'd say no, wouldn't trust her that she wouldn't want me involved.

But if it was a couple I knew where they were unable to conceive I'd give it serious consideration. It's pretty much the most amazing thing you could do for a couple, so if you were sure that they were just asking you to provide the sperm (in the natural way) then I think it deserves proper consideration. I think I probably would do it for certain people to be honest.

Actually, my girlfriend might have a fair objection to the whole thing though.

eviltwin

It's a lovely thing to offer but it would have to be done in a clinical setting and with proper counselling for all involved. Even then I would be reluctant until our assisted fertility laws catch up with the real world.

Pat Mustard

Potatoeman wrote: »

That's a very flippant view of a fathers role.

I did not express any view of a father's role.

Fukuyama

In Ireland? No fcuking way. Fathers rights here basically consist of the mother with a loaded gun pointed at you. You're basically volunteering to be held hostage for 18+ years all because you decided to take pity on a woman who wanted a baby.

If the laws were different I'd consider it - but definitely not in the casual way it seems the encounter in the OP went down. I'd want a clinical setting with doctors and lawyers involved. Perhaps more of the latter than the former.

Even then I don't think I could do it. I'm not very paternal. Don't think I even really want kids (not for a LONG time anyways). But the thought of another person out their being my son/daughter and I'd never meet them is worrisome and a little sad.

Would also possibly consider it for a couple having issues. Slim chance but I'd consider it. Again - doctors and lawyers involved with a clinical setting. Definitely not a "will ye shag me wife?" type deal.

Would never do sperm donation at random. Lot of people shouldn't be parents and I'd at least like to meet the person who will be the mother of my child so I can get an idea if she just desperately wants "a baby" for the sake of it or if she's put a little more thought into it.

Fukuyama

On another note - I'd say if a reasonably attractive man put an ad up on the like of Craigslist Personals ads etc... volunteering to put buns in middle-aged ovens he'd booked up for weeks in end. :eek:

:P

ancapailldorcha

Fukuyama wrote: »

On another note - I'd say if a reasonably attractive man put an ad up on the like of Craigslist Personals ads etc... volunteering to put buns in middle-aged ovens he'd booked up for weeks in end. :eek:

:P

Craigslist is only really used in the US though it's present in other countries. In any case, there's no way I'd get someone pregnant in the US in this context given the deplorable state of fathers' rights there, never mind Ireland and the UK.

mzungu

If such an offer was made I would refuse. In my mind, if you are going to have a child, then you should do everything within your power to be a part of their life. Accepting a throwaway request from a random stranger who you will never see again just would not sit right with me at all.

blue note

mzungu wrote: »

If such an offer was made I would refuse. In my mind, if you are going to have a child, then you should do everything within your power to be a part of their life. Accepting a throwaway request from a random stranger who you will never see again just would not sit right with me at all.

But what about a request from a couple you are close friends with who are unable to conceive a child themselves? A very different request to the one you mention.

mzungu

blue note wrote: »

But what about a request from a couple you are close friends with who are unable to conceive a child themselves? A very different request to the one you mention.

Even in that case I guess the whole thing would still not be something I would ever consider doing. There are plenty of other donors in this big wide world.

I am in no way paternal nor intend to be in any way. That would include being a donor. However if it ever was to happen, I would not be able to walk off into the sunset like the chap mentioned on the Today FM story.

corkgsxr

corkgsxr wrote: »

Would you do it?

In principle yes. Absolutely. But I would have a whole lot of conditions - internally before I would consider it - and externally as demands on the person who asked - before I would.

But if you are just asking about the concept itself and little else - then I am a yes man all the way. I see nothing in principle against it. But while I would have no demands to be a parent or a part of the childs life - I think I would only do it for people who are close enough to me that I in some way expect to be part of their life.

That is to say - if someone was important enough to me to make happy in this way - they are likely to be someone who will be part of my life for a long time anyway. So by DEFAULT I am likely to be part of the childs life in some way.

But if that friendship also went its own way - though I would hope not - I would not - I hope - put undue pressure on the "parents" to keep the child in my life either. I would let the child go in the same way I would let the friendship go.

zeffabelli

What a warning to women in their 40s. Holy moly.... You get told over and over again how depleted your fertility is and wham she gets pregnant on a first time try.

They opened up a pandora a box .... She has no idea what's beyond the horizon.

Sounds like the guy got caught up in the moment and wasn't thinking.

Diamond Doll

zeffabelli wrote: »

What a warning to women in their 40s. Holy moly.... You get told over and over again how depleted your fertility is and wham she gets pregnant on a first time try.

Actually I'm nearly sure I remember reading that women get a surge in their fertility for a couple of years shortly before their menopause. That's why you get a lot of accidental pregnancies in women in their early forties - I guess if they haven't been careful for years and never got pregnant, they get a bit blase about contraception and assume it's not going to happen to them.

Sam Kade

smash wrote: »

The fcuk is that sentence supposed to mean?

The husband is firing blanks so she's thinking of changing the jockey

Emme

zeffabelli wrote: »

What a warning to women in their 40s. Holy moly.... You get told over and over again how depleted your fertility is and wham she gets pregnant on a first time try.

They opened up a pandora a box .... She has no idea what's beyond the horizon.

Sounds like the guy got caught up in the moment and wasn't thinking.

The woman in question wanted to get pregnant. I listened to the Today FM podcast (Anton Savage show) and she had been tested by a doctor friend who found that she was fertile.

Galwayguy35

I would, but I'd want to be involved in the kids life as well.

Exclamation Marc

Not a hope. It's like a can of worms which is permanently ajar, waiting to be opened.

corkgsxr

corkgsxr wrote: »

I want unprotected sex to get pregnant. You'll never hear from me again.

Actually somehow this thread and my reply to it came up in conversation in my house during the rest of the weekend and it comes to light that a Lesbian Couple we are very close friends with have had "the conversation" of children.

Fostering - adoption - insemination - donor father - and so forth. And of the short (countable on one hand I believe) list of guys they came up with if they went that final option - I was on the list.

But they have not actually decided what their course of action will be - but it was interesting for them to know my position all the same :eek: But it certainly makes the conversation more real in my head simply knowing I was even considered - let alone actually asked - and the gap between talking about something like this in theory and in practice got a little bit shortened in my minds eye.

Of course the way you put it above "unprotected sex - never hear from me again" is probably the least efficient and problematic way of doing it. Because clearly sex:insemination is not 1:1 for success rate.

So you would be talking more about a whole period of time - during the fertile period in the womans cycle - where you may need to be repeatedly intimate. Over the course of a few months until a success is attained.

Meaning all the usual emotional risks you get from "FWB" style conversations are going to come into play there - especially as I myself am in a relationship and would require the further consent that involves.

So I think - despite the story in the OP - if someone were to ask me about this I would wonder if a more artificial method of lending my services would not be the way to go.

But despite it having become a little (slightly) more real for me this weekend - I certainly feel my position that I am open to it in principle has not changed - regardless of whether it would be the natural or artificial approach.