Man walks into a bar..

Melisandre121

and has a few casual drinks and an enjoyable night before heading home.

Ouch.

EoghanIRL

An Irish man walks out of a bar.

osarusan

It's the way you tell 'em.

A man climbs on the roof of a bar.

He heard the drinks were on the house.

csallmighty

He has a horrible drinking problem

NachoBusiness

A man walks into a bar and gets done for sexual assault.

He was dyslexic and turns out the bar was a bra.

johnayo

A man I knew once got a smack of a bar.:eek:

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

A lion walks into a bar.
"I'll have a pint please

































and a packet of penuts"

Barman says - "why the big pause....?!"














:cool:

MEGA BRO WOLF 5000

A man walks into a bar with a piece of Tarmac under his arm.

"One for me and one for the road"

hidinginthebush

A fish swims into a wall...

He turns to his friend and says "dam!"

A horse walks into a bar.

The barman asks "Why the long face?"

The horse leaves, he hates nosey barmen.

kneemos

A Giraffe pokes his head into a bar.

When the Sun Hits

A man walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."

The barman says, "Wow, you must have had one hell of a day."

"Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay."

The next day, the same guy comes into the bar and asks for six more double vodkas. When the bartender asks what's wrong, the man says, "I just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!"

On the third day, the guy comes into the bar and orders another six double vodkas. The bartender says, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"

The man downs the first drink and says, "Yeah, my wife!"

johnny osbourne

Melisandre121 wrote: »

and has a few casual drinks and an enjoyable night before heading home.

where'd he get the money to be in a pub?

Earthhorse

He stays there until closing. No one joins him throughout the night. He is there most nights. It's his job. He is quite good at it but also studying business at night to make something of himself.

The Backwards Man

I'm in the bar!

josip

... and orders 3 shots of Jack Daniels and slams them all down in a flash. He looks at the bartender and orders 3 more and does the same thing. By now the bartender is wondering what is wrong with this guy so he asks him what his problem is. The guy looks up and says " I don't have a problem, I'm celebrating my first blow job!"

The bartender looks with a smile and says," well that's just dandy, let me get the next one!"

"No thanks", says the guy, "if 6 shots won't wash the taste out, the 7th won't help either!!!"

Boxman

The barman says, "We don't serve time travellers in here."




A time traveller walks into a bar.

Cold War Kid

Candie wrote: »

A horse walks into a bar.

The barman asks "Why the long face?"

... and the horse loses it with the barman for making fun of his long face.

The Backwards Man

Cold War Kid wrote: »

... and the horse loses it with the barman for making fun of his long face.

Rough joints you drink in :P

Papa_Bear

Woman walks into a bar with a duck.

Barman says "what the hell are you doing with that pig".

Woman says "that's not a pig, it's a duck".

Barman says "excuse me I was talking to the duck".

Patser

And orders 6 straight brandies.

As the barman is pouring them, the man is quickly downing them.

'Jaysus, slow down' says the barman

'You'd drink like this, if you had what I have' replies the Man.

'Oh, what's that? ' says Barman.

€5

Canis Lupus

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse says nothing because it is a horse and doesn't understand English.

Pherekydes

René Descartes walked into a bar and the barman says, "the usual?" and Descartes says "I think not" and he disappears.

amdublin

A duck walks into a bar

Any quack says the barman

Boxman

A horse walks into a bar.



Four faults.

stmol32

A white horse walks into a bar.
The barman says "did you know this pub is named after you?"
The horse says "wow, this pub is called Eric!"

nullzero

A man walks into a bar and instantly offends everyone by being male

smash

A Scientologist, a Muslim and a Jew walk into a bar.

The barman says "feck off, I want nothing to do with this joke."

stmol32

Jesus walks into a barabbas

Youngblood.III

A jump lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"

newport2

a-guy-walks-into-a-bar.jpg

Youngblood.III

What do you want? Asked the bar man
A tachyon walks into a bar.

newport2

........He asks the bartender, "Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?" The bartender shakes his head and says, "No, we only have plain."

newport2

........ok, he did not walk in, he was already there. One guy says, "I slept with my wife before we were married, did you?". The other guy says, "I don't know; what was her maiden name?".

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar and the barman says...

(altogether now)

"Why the long face!"

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Squirrel walks into a bar, falls over, staggers up to the bar and falls over again. Finally gets up and tries to look the bar man in the face.

"Hass... has... aneeone.... han.. han'ed in some los' keys..."

"No - sorry"

"Dammit... Am... locked out my tree...."

Boxman

Boxman wrote: »

The barman says, "We don't serve time travellers in here."




A time traveller walks into a bar.

http://static.fjcdn.com/large/pictures/e6/26/e626a3_2407749.gif

K4t

When the Sun Hits wrote: »

A man walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."

The barman says, "Wow, you must have had one hell of a day."

"Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay."

The next day, the same guy comes into the bar and asks for six more double vodkas. When the bartender asks what's wrong, the man says, "I just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!"

On the third day, the guy comes into the bar and orders another six double vodkas. The bartender says, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"

The man downs the first drink and says, "Yeah, my wife!"

And people wonder why certain attitudes exist to homosexuality.

NachoBusiness

A piece of rope walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind in here, get out you piece of rope!".
The ropes goes out but all his friends are inside and so he rolls around in the dirt, twists himself around, messes his hair up and then walks back into the bar.
The bartender looks long and hard at him and says: "Hang on, weren't you just in here? Aren't you a piece of rope?"
The rope says, "Me? A piece of rope? I'm a frayed knot".

Fatswaldo

...with a piece of red tarmac. Bartender says, " im not serving him, he's a cycle path!"

topper75

K4t wrote: »

And people wonder why certain attitudes exist to homosexuality.

Sorry. We don't serve your kind in this thread.

galljga1

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe.
They have about 12 pints and a few whiskeys at which point the giraffe collapses.
The man gets up to leave and the barman says "you can't leave that lying there" to which the man replies "that's not a lion, it's a giraffe"

Cee-Jay-Cee

A man walks into a bar, stocks the shelves, tidies the glasses and dusts the furniture because it's his fcuking job.

Boom_Bap

A man walks into a bar.....ber shop, gets a terrible haircut nothing like what he wanted. He goes home, make some soup and gently weeps whilst slurping his soup.

NachoBusiness

Two scientists walk into a bar.

First scientist smugly says, "I'll have pint of H2O, please barman".

Second scientist laughs and says , "I'll have a pint of H2O too, please barman."

The second scientist died as the barman was also a scientist.

K4t

topper75 wrote: »

Sorry. We don't serve your kind in this thread.

Don't worry, I'll just sit and laugh with the funny people-

NachoBusiness wrote: »

Two scientists walk into a bar.

First scientist smugly says, "I'll have pint of H2O, please barman".

Second scientist laughs and says , "I'll have a pint of H2O too, please barman."

The second scientist died as the barman was also a scientist.

PizzamanIRL

A man walks into a bar but he wasn't served because he has no ID so he goes home and gets his ID and goes back and gets a drink which costs €3.90. He handed in €10 and got €6.10 change.

ArnoldJRimmer

Quasimodo walks into a bar and asks for a whisky.

The barman says 'Sure, Bells ok?'

Quasimodo replies 'Mind your own f*cking business'

dandyelevan

...with a alligator on a lead.
'A pint for me an' a dwarf for the Alligator.'

Alligator says 'Ahh no... I think I'll have a pint o' plain instead, 'tis too early to go on the shorts.'