Have you ever had a friend enter a relationship and never see them again?

Mr_Muffin

I was just thinking about a few friends over the years that i have lost to this. They were proper mates and we would hangout together, hit the town the weekends etc but the second they got a girlfriend that was it - they were lost for eternity.

I find this type of behavior so weird as there are plenty of people in relationships who still have time for their friends.

Have you lost anyone to this terrible affliction?

Hande hoche!

Yes but largely because they moved abroad.

eviltwin

Best friend from childhood got married 2 years ago and we haven't seen her since, plenty of invites but she won't go anywhere unless he comes too.

castletownman

One of my best friends is renowned for this carry on.

He would fall in love with a girl to such an extent that he'd be moving in with her and spending every waking moment with her. Of course when they inevitably break up he'd be ringing me looking to go on the beer (which me being a friend I would oblige to). Every Friday then he''d ring me on the way home from work organising something to do together for the weekend (night out, cinema etc.) After a couple of months he would then "fall in love" with another girl and the process would repeat itself again.

Haven't heard from him since he's got with his latest flame.

biko

Yeah, it should be "bros AND hoes"

When the Sun Hits

Yes. A friend of mine married someone after only knowing them for a month or so. They ended up moving to Turkmenistan and I haven't seen them since. Social Media has been no help. I hope they're okay.

One eyed Jack

It happens plenty, and I don't mind it at all. I mind the people who if their relationship ends, they come back expecting to pick up the friendship where they left off, as though I too wouldn't have been supposed to move on in the meantime and they expect everything to be the same as it was previously.

kfallon

One eyed Jack wrote: »

It happens plenty, and I don't mind it at all. I mind the people who if their relationship ends, they come back expecting to pick up the friendship where they left off, as though I too wouldn't have been supposed to move on in the meantime and they expect everything to be the same as it was previously.

That's exactly the problem, back they come as if nothing has happened! Or worse, they break up and along comes the text, "Yeah me and X have finished, wanna go for a few beers tonight, don't fancy sitting at home alone!" Tough shít, what about all the times I asked you to go for a drink and you declined the invitation!

zanador

I like it when they come back and tell me of their adventures and what they've learnt. Friendships for me are more about emotional than physical closeness so it doesn't matter the gap between, or reasons for, not seeing someone.

Unless they are just using me to pick up their emotional pieces over and over in which case they can eff off

Menas

Yeah, have seen it a lot and have done it myself. Tis the cycle of life.

Arytonblue

Yeah this has happened a lot to me, particularly in college, just seems to be human nature for some people, who see their friends, even their closest ones, as expendable and of little importance compared to some lover they've just met. They'll go missing for weeks on end because god forbid the boyfriend/girlfriend isn't attended to 24/7, best friend since primary school? Nah, they can wait around until I'm done with this one. Used to get really wound up by it but at this stage couldn't be arsed, if a friend acts like that on a regular basis they aren't a true friend at all, not worth the angst.

CB19Kevo

Have seen this on a couple of occasions,Makes you appreciate friends who actually make a effort,the excuse of she wont let me go out with the lads anymore is either BS or a case of the person being a pushover.

Not really much of a friendship to begin with if this happens.

A friend who, in retrospect, used me as an audience for her to sound off her various neuroses and petty dramas on did this to me. She was with the guy two years before I even met him (all women are competition), and she couldn't wait to finish that evening when I finally did. Unsurprisingly he ditched her after three years and my phone suddenly started ringing again as she needed me to listen endlessly to her final analysis of the relationship, in minute detail, over a great deal of time.

I eventually told her I was permanently unavailable.

Andre 3000

Pour some liquor out for all those who fell victim to being whipped

donegaLroad

your losing a drinking partner, if you want to call a spade a spade here.. then again, I suppose thats what a friend is in Ireland!

CruelCoin

Mr_Muffin wrote: »

I was just thinking about a few friends over the years that i have lost to this. They were proper mates and we would hangout together, hit the town the weekends etc but the second they got a girlfriend that was it - they were lost for eternity.

I find this type of behavior so weird as there are plenty of people in relationships who still have time for their friends.

Have you lost anyone to this terrible affliction?

Yup. "But we both work and hardly see each other, so i don't have time to meet you guys, but we'll catch up soon kay?".

One eyed Jack

Andre 3000 wrote: »

Pour some liquor out for all those who fell victim to being whipped

Waste good liquor like that? Good grief man, get a hold of yourself! :eek:

:pac:


Seriously though, it's not being whipped or anything like that, it's just people's priorities change, and that's understandable, best to let them go if they want to go. People who equate friendships to relationships like you're obligated to them, just make maintaining a friendship that much more difficult.

I think social media has a lot to answer for in that respect as it tends to enable people who don't want to let go. The amount of times I hear "I just like to see how they're doing", as an excuse for this kind of behaviour... and they're perfectly rational, reasonable people in every other respect but this one thing that they have where they should let go of the person, but they don't want to. It doesn't do people any good IMO.

NachoBusiness

castletownman wrote: »

Haven't heard from him since he's got with his latest flame.

Is Marie her name?

_Whimsical_

I have seen one very close friend once since he met his now wife. We would've met up regularly, talked every day for nearly 10 years on the phone or in person until they started going out. It dwindled to texts after they met and a call to announce the engagement. After that, radio silence. Dropped like a hot potato!

It's a difficult thing to take, particularly when nothing has happened between to to suggest why a rift might have occured, no basis on which you can tackle the problem except be a bit pathetic and say "I know you're totally over me but I missssssssss you".

Is it the trajectory of every male/female friendship ? Are the doomed to failure once a life partner materialises out of the ether?

Mr_Muffin

_Whimsical_ wrote: »

I have seen one very close friend once since he met his now wife. We would've met up regularly, talked every day for nearly 10 years on the phone or in person until they started going out. It dwindled to texts after they met and a call to announce the engagement. After that, radio silence. Dropped like a hot potato!

It's a difficult thing to take, particularly when nothing has happened between to to suggest why a rift might have occured, no basis on which you can tackle the problem except be a bit pathetic and say "I know you're totally over me but I missssssssss you".

Is it the trajectory of every male/female friendship ? Are the doomed to failure once a life partner materialises out of the ether?

I do not think this happens to everyone. Sure as we grow up and a career, jobs and maybe children come into the equation people do spend less and less time being 'friends' but i cannot/do not want to become the guy who spends all his time with the wife and never seeing the lads again - to many good times were had.

_Whimsical_

Mr_Muffin wrote: »

I do not think this happens to everyone. Sure as we grow up and a career, jobs and maybe children come into the equation people do spend less and less time being 'friends' but i cannot/do not want to become the guy who spends all his time with the wife and never seeing the lads again - to many good times were had.

Well, I think you have to grow with friendships and take other peoples situations into account absolutely, and most people are willing to do that. Things aren't going to be the same after big life changes, but you still have to make some effort if you want to keep your friends, even the occasional check in text goes a long way.
It's probably easier to maintain same sex friendships though. I think opposite sex close friendships are more so doomed.

timthumbni

donegaLroad wrote: »

your losing a drinking partner, if you want to call a spade a spade here.. then again, I suppose thats what a friend is in Ireland!

Very true. I think most friends I've had are drinking partners. Both them to me and me to them. I've accepted that and moved on. Bit sad though to be honest but tis the norm. No biggie.