Have you ever felt so lonely it seemed like it would never end?

lir6777

I have- that should probably be, I do. After years of buffering the single life with assertions of independence and proclamations of how much I love spending time alone (which is true), I'm running low on resources. As more and more of my peers get engaged/married/pregnant, Facebook is becoming a daily threat to my emotional state. Even when I stay off that, I notice myself noticing couples around me more and more. It sounds sad (I know!) but I feel physical aches for another person to hold my hand, put their arm around my shoulder, give me a hug. Although the sexual aspects would also be nice, this isn't the main thing I miss. It's more intimacy. More and more I'm going to bed at night feeling sad, wishing there was someone to cuddle up to or even to text goodnight to. I see people of all ages around me successfully coupling up and wonder what's wrong with me that, despite trying a lot to put myself out there, I haven't been successful at this. I am not depressed or anything of concern; I am just absolutely, desperately, exquisitely and permanently lonely.

This isn't a thread looking for advice, suggestions, tales of others' dating strategies, or anything like that. I am asking only whether I am alone in this type of loneliness? Would anyone be willing to join me in being honest about this experience? Is there anyone out there?

LegacyUser

Lir

I have felt almost exactly as you do now. It seems a function of getting older that we watch our friends, peers and even family coupling up. I too found that this woke some ache in me for the same. I too felt that I enjoyed my own company and still think I do but there is an almost instinctive urge for intimacy or company or however you phrase it. I think that this is made worse by watching those around us pair off while we remain alone.

The worst part of it for me was wondering what was different with me. My confidence suffered badly. I think looking back I was probably even depressed. I know you say you are not and that is good. It is a horrible place to be stuck in.

You ask for no advice. I have none in any case. Something in your post reminded me of me so I decided to share my experience for what it's worth. Also for what it's worth you sound like a good person. Level headed and articulate. I hope that you find what it is you're looking for.

You are not alone.

LegacyUser

Lir

I have felt almost exactly as you do now. It seems a function of getting older that we watch our friends, peers and even family coupling up. I too found that this woke some ache in me for the same. I too felt that I enjoyed my own company and still think I do but there is an almost instinctive urge for intimacy or company or however you phrase it. I think that this is made worse by watching those around us pair off while we remain alone.

The worst part of it for me was wondering what was different with me. My confidence suffered badly. I think looking back I was probably even depressed. I know you say you are not and that is good. It is a horrible place to be stuck in.

You ask for no advice. I have none in any case. Something in your post reminded me of me so I decided to share my experience for what it's worth. Also for what it's worth you sound like a good person. Level headed and articulate. I hope that you find what it is you're looking for.

You are not alone.

lir6777

Thank you 12d, for a lovely message! And for sharing your own experience. I agree, I think the toll this can take on a person's confidence can be significant, and I definitely find this more so as I get older.

I wonder by the sounds of your post if things are better for you now- I hope so, and I'm glad if so. You also seem like a decent and caring type, and I hope you reap the rewards of that. If you are alone then I hope you're no longer lonely. If you're lonely then I hope you know you 're not alone either

conor8989

Ive been alone for 6 months now and it dose get quite depressing specially at the weekends . I found that staying off Facebook helps noting worse than seeing everybody else having a great time (or so they claim) Then people say get a hobby im 38 what hobby am i going to start now i really dont know what advice i can give you i think this site helps abit so hears to a long winter . Take Care

Merkin

conor8989 wrote: »

Ive been alone for 6 months now and it dose get quite depressing specially at the weekends . I found that staying off Facebook helps noting worse than seeing everybody else having a great time (or so they claim) Then people say get a hobby im 38 what hobby am i going to start now i really dont know what advice i can give you i think this site helps abit so hears to a long winter . Take Care

Conor, you've had a couple of gentle reminders re charter now. Only CONSTRUCTIVE advice is welcome. Continue in this manner and we'll have no option but to ban you. Please read the charter, you obviously haven't as yet.

LegacyUser

I hear you, you are not alone. I am in a similar boat myself,feel like the loneliness will never end and I am not meant to share my life with someone.

I always found in the past anyway, when you stop looking for someone special it just seems they appear in the most unexpected place. The only thing I can suggest is do what I do and wing it ☺

Hope it works out for you

LegacyUser

Yes Lir,
I feel like that alot, so much so, in fact, that i have just stopped dating and socialising(only when necessary) i have given up. I think the previous poster mentioned that it happens like this as we get older, and i agree. We all need to be held. Its been a year since i have had any intimacy in My life and i feel like I'm going to snap. In the general scheme of things, i am considered beautiful, but the emptiness i have inside is just like an abyss.
So, to try and make myself feel better, i goal hop, always working on some idea or projekt....keep myself fit,and try to manage My expectations rationally. I'm sick of people Telling me how they can't believe I'm single though. And the reason i can't be bothered socialising is that i end up being Billy no mates at the end of the night, as its couplesfest everywhere!
If i could, i would travel at Every opportunity, and on the upside, if i do ever meet someone , i know i Will be totally myself,and not lower My standards,ever.
Hope this makes sense to you!

magicmushroom

You're not the only one Lir!

I've lived alone for just over 18 months now and whilst it has its good points, it is extremely lonely at times.

I'm from England and don't have any family over here, so after 7 years on the Emerald Isle I'm moving back to my family next month.

I'm very nervous and also very sorry to go - I have great friends - but the loneliness is too much at times and especially coming into the dark, miserable winter months soon I just can't face it!

I won't offer any advice as you asked for none (not that I really have any anyway lol) but just wanted to reply to say it's not just you

via4

I feel the exact same. That is why I am boards so much now for company. I deleted facebook it depressed me so much even though everyone is on it has their own problems but everyone loos like they are having a great time. I actually feel happier now that I am off it. I have been lonely for three years now I cried for a whole year everyday and night and like you I will go for weeks convincing myself that I am so strong independent etc. but sometimes when you sit down at night you just think why am I on my own so much what am I doing wrong. I know I am saying it in my posts a lot but going to the gym has helped me so much the main reason being it keeps me out of the house for longer. Getting fitter is making things better of course but the main thing is just being around people even if I am not talking just being in the company of people instead of sitting at home. I wish I had some advice for you because I would take my own advice also I reconnected with an old friend and we spent some time together yesterday and it felt so weird to just be sitting laughing and joking and being happy for once I miss that sometimes when I look back on the past I do not even recognise the old me so confident happy and had get up and go in me where is that gone. Weekends are a killer I consider them I success if I can get through it without tears I just dont leave the house at weekends and I cannot seem to push past this.

lir6777

Noitacifirev wrote: »

Yes Lir,
on the upside, if i do ever meet someone , i know i Will be totally myself,and not lower My standards,ever.
Hope this makes sense to you!

I agree with you completely Noitacifirev! Sometimes I worry I'll end up fussy- or just end up with any person who seems to want to be with me just for company! But I think there's a lot to be said for sticking to your instincts, developing who you are, and refusing to settle. It is a good chance for getting to know yourself outside of a relationship- sometimes I wonder about what my friends who've been in relationships since their teens would do or even be if they were suddenly single. I guess there are positives to either path then..

Thanks

lir6777

Sorry to hear things haven't worked out for you over here Magicmushroom. You sound like you're proactive in looking after yourself and know when to change things up though. I hope it works out for you back home and that your winter is only warm and cosy

lir6777

Hi via4; thanks for such an honest reply! We have something in common, I'm a big believer in going to the gymn and I find it really helps me. As you said, obvious benefits and we know exercise balances mood a bit (definitely notice my mood is more likely to slip into lonelier waters if I don't go for a few days) but I'm also that one yabbering away to whoever's next to me in classes. Probably others find different things help but I'm definitely with you on that! I have a tendency to sit in as a default and I know doing it often isn't good for me. Sorry to hear how hard the weekends are for you, they can definitely be a very different experience for some of us than for others and I've had my share of not knowing how to pass the time, or of dreading people asking me what I got up to back at work on Monday.. It's really nice to know other people feel like this too; it's like Facebook encourages people to show off the amazing aspects of their lives but it's good to have some forum (even if anonymous) for saying "I'm lonely and I'm not happy with how my life is right now!"

LegacyUser

I know how you feel, at times. I have been ultimately single for last 2 and a half years, to be honest 2 years of that was by choice following the ending of almost 10 years of a relationship. Now I live alone (Just bought my own house), I work from home alone and I find that I am possibly enjoying my own space too much. The best piece of advise is to just go out and socialise, meet people for coffee, reconnect with old friends, and STAY OFF facebook. I deleted my account, its just depressing! I dont need to see other peoples "happy lives".

I am very happy at the moment, I have my own house, a good wage, had 3 amazing holidays in the last 12 months and am doing things I could never do before. dont over think things, just do it. I have signed up for a half marathon in December, just did it there and then, yes another solitary sport, but its about what I want to achieve. I can certainly say I have become a bit more selfish with my time, I will only do what I want to do and have stopped being a people pleaser! its the old cliche we only have 1 life, but we do so try and keep busy, read books go for walks, take up hobbies etc.

zcorpian88

Same situation myself, had a rough break-up last November, I broke it off after a few issues mounted up on her end that I was having big problems with and she was reluctant to even try and sort them out for our sake, so in the end I was just forced to end it which plain and simply isn't my style, my very few relationships ended mutually and this was a first where I had to end it. Really killed me to do it as finding a girlfriend was never any easy process for me so I spent the majority of this year pining over her and just feeling lost, alone, frustrated, sad and even angry that it had to happen to us.

It's taken a lot of the enjoyment out of my life, last Christmas and New Year was pretty non existent and I couldn't wait for it to be over. Even when I see friends of mine, getting on great with their partners and just have that companionship and someone to dote on and I just sit there feeling really bitter that my relationship had to end and it couldn't just go on easily like theirs does. I just hate the fact that I'm all the way back to square one again after all the effort I put into my last relationship, all I kept thinking was "I did everything right and I'm back to this point again! Back to this friend zoning bollocks when I chat anyone up in a bar? This s**t for another year or two? Really?"

Not to blow my own trumpet but I'm a pretty loyal, committed and dependable guy, I'd do anything for anybody, would more than likely go over and beyond to make anyone happy and I did that in spades in my last relationship and it still ended. Being loyal, committed and dependable doesn't seem to be doing me any justice, maybe I should turn into a giant a-hole I don't know...probably wouldn't suit me because I have the reputation of being the "Nice guy"

About 3 weeks ago I was laying in bed, feeling kind of down, must have been a Saturday morning, had been thinking about joining a gym for a couple of weeks, thought it would be a good idea to get a bit fitter, turned out I was already quite fit after the assessment but I could be better. Anyway I got a year membership and I go about 3-5 times a week, trying to keep it on that track. Does make me feel a lot better after a workout but yeah in my downtime at home the mind can drift back, naturally it's going to and I do wonder is there something wrong with me that I can't find anyone that can share the same ideas, values, interests as I do. Lots of women out there, why does it have to be so difficult to find someone and even better keep her.

Sometimes I wish I was my age (26 almost 27) 20-30 years ago, people settled down so much easier then.

Anyway OP I do hope you find somebody, everybody deserves somebody. Best thing to do is find a hobby, join Macra (thinking of doing that myself) or join a gym (it will at least make you feel better) I'd say go to a bar but a lot of people find that tedious as time goes by, I know I do.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I can identify with your post, and with other's responses to you. I've been single my whole life (let's just say I did Peig for my leaving Cert - that's how long I've been single). I really do understand the crushing loneliness, and the sense that everybody's life is moving on while yours remains static - like there's a whole part of life you're missing out on. I could write a book on it.

After much introspection, I'm sure the time has come for me to consider therapy of some sort, possibly psychotherapy, to get to the root of the problem as to WHY I cannot establish an intimate relationship with anyone. For years, in fact until fairly recently, I just thought it was bad luck (combined with ennui in more recent times). That can't be the only reason: I am the only common denominator here, so no matter what I might think, I must be doing something to sabotage myself. I'm so inexperienced with the opposite sex and matters of the heart that I can't figure it out on my own.

Would you consider some form of counselling/therapy to try and get to the root of things and maybe figure out a way to try and change things?

Hi Lir,

I often feel lonely. It's a sad kind of feeling that just settles on me. Part of me knows that it comes from an old wounded place and it really doesn't matter if I had someone to share my life with. This loneliness would still rear it's head.

Certain times of the year make it worse. Christmas. I wish I could love it but it just leaves me feeling empty. I walk around town and it's like I'm on the outside looking in. It serves to highlight all I've lost rather than all I have. Birthdays are the same. They come and they go.

So for me loneliness is not just about wishing and longing, it is also about loss. I can feel the lump in my throat as I type that word 'loss'.

There is no magic wand Lir. Just know that you are not alone in how you feel. We feel it to.

Be well x

mud

Single and living alone for nigh on 8 years now. To be honest, it has its ups and downs but no more than being in a romantic relationship.

The lack of physical contact is what gets me the most. I confess to hugging my nephews a lot

I rarely meet anyone who interests me. It's a bitch but what can you do?

I hope to move soon and am confident that I'll be back on the dating scene but I also know that this time alone has let me get to know myself inside out so I feel confident about holding out for a very special person because they will be very special if I give up all this freedom for them!

I do feel lonely. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a prison but I now know the warning signs of a fairly major dip in mood so I make sure to travel to see friends that week or go into town for coffee or something.

I don't drink at home unless I have visitors and I probably only see the pub once every couple of months.

I have been known to consume certain herbs and sometimes that's not such a great thing. Losing days to TV binges etc.

I need to exercise more. I'm mourning the recent untimely death of a friend so have been prone on the bed for a couple of days. Will snap out of it tomorrow because I have a super-busy weekend ahead which is very helpful and will inspire me to get out and walk some of this sadness off.

I hope you feel able to manage your loneliness L. It is hard but as I said above. It does allow a lot of self-indulgence which is great as long as it stays within healthy limits.

via4

Yes Lir you re 100% correct! The dreaded questions when people ask you what you have been up to ugh lol Think feeling lonely sets off a series of emotions you feel lonely then sad then mad at yourself for being in this situation then guilty for not getting up and doing something! you are defo not alone on this for sure. Yes see its great that we are trying our best to get out as much as we can The gym last night was great again Im meeting so many new people and I am laughing joking away like I am a happy person all the time to them which I sometimes feel like a fraud but Im hoping to make new friends at the gym and then do things at the weekends

santana75

lir6777 wrote: »

I have- that should probably be, I do. After years of buffering the single life with assertions of independence and proclamations of how much I love spending time alone (which is true), I'm running low on resources. As more and more of my peers get engaged/married/pregnant, Facebook is becoming a daily threat to my emotional state. Even when I stay off that, I notice myself noticing couples around me more and more. It sounds sad (I know!) but I feel physical aches for another person to hold my hand, put their arm around my shoulder, give me a hug. Although the sexual aspects would also be nice, this isn't the main thing I miss. It's more intimacy. More and more I'm going to bed at night feeling sad, wishing there was someone to cuddle up to or even to text goodnight to. I see people of all ages around me successfully coupling up and wonder what's wrong with me that, despite trying a lot to put myself out there, I haven't been successful at this. I am not depressed or anything of concern; I am just absolutely, desperately, exquisitely and permanently lonely.

I know you said you didnt want any advice or dating strategies and I get that. Theres nothing worse than "join a club" or "join internet dating" or the one thats trotted out on this forum a lot "Join meet-up". If there was ever words to send a shudder of hoplessness down your spine, its Join meet-up.
But can I say one thing about your situation? I mean you can dismiss what I say if like but I'd like to put it out there just in case.
I've been in your position. I felt all those things that you described and in the end I discovered it has nothing to do with another person. And I know you've heard that before, all that love yourself crap. I get it. But the thing is, its actually true. For me I needed a proper explanation of why I should love myself and how to do that. After a lot of digging and soul searching I figured it out. The answer is that the reason you feel that bone chattering loneliness is because you've become disconnected from yourself. Its because of child hood neglect or trauma or both. It doesnt even have to have been obviously traumatic, it couldve been slowly, bit by bit, not been cared for loved or nurtured the way you were meant to have been by your parents. That causes massive pain to a child which they cant handle so they create the ego. That loneliness is you being lonely for the connection with yourself that was lost when you were a child. You cant love someone or be loved until you reconnect with that part of you. You can do all the internet dating and bar hopping looking for someone and it wont happen or you'll meet a dysfunctional person who'll make your life miserable. You have to heal the wounds from your childhood and piece by piece figure out how to love your inner child(I hate that term but its accurate). The way to do that is to commit to the process and not look outside yourself for love. Its painful and scary but its also strangely joyful because you realise that its all within you, you just have to tap into it. I promise if you commit to doing this you'll get there. Its only once you've learned to love yourself like this that you can connect and love another person. Its a giving you do others and the world that comes from your heart. Otherwise its just you chasing people looking for them to give you love and that never works out, you'll always be on the back foot that way.
Anyway just putting that out there. All the best

LegacyUser

Yep - you're definitely not alone being lonely!

I met the love of my life (without even trying) about six years ago. We were together for three and a half years, and then it ended (for reasons I won't go into, but neither of us could change it).

I figured I'd meet somebody else in time, but nobody is him and I just can't recreate those feelings. I miss what I had and who I was with him so much.

I'm living in a different country now, away from my friends, and I've tried meetups and the like. All I seem to find there is guys who are not right and who I can't, or won't, connect with. I'll go out on a date, but it's never the same. That relationship ruined me because it was too perfect. I can get on with people no problem, but I seem to refuse to let them in to my life or to get close to them, and will run a mile if they try.

Like that, on the surface, my life looks great. Brilliant job, amazing apartment, fabricated social life..

I do get out and do cool things, but the driving factor is often so that I have some story to tell about what I have been up to. Like others have said, the weekend is often not my friend. I'll make big promises to myself, but end up doing nothing, and then dread the question of what have I been doing. "Well, I woke up early and decided to have a bath before heading out and going shopping / bike riding / swimming, but then I got this horrible feeling of not wanting to go out on my own, so I ended up barely leaving the apartment" is not a suitable response!

I went on holidays a while ago on my own. Work is stressful, and I hadn't been away in 14 months. It was a brilliant holiday. Got lots of sleep, relaxation, adventures. But, when I was waiting to board the plane to go there, and to come back, everyone else was with a partner or with friends, and I wondered what the hell is wrong with me. Why was I the only person who had to go it alone.

Usually I'm a fairly upbeat person, but it's not very nice being in this situation, especially for such a long time.

JonJones

conor8989 wrote: »

Ive been alone for 6 months now and it dose get quite depressing specially at the weekends . I found that staying off Facebook helps noting worse than seeing everybody else having a great time (or so they claim) Then people say get a hobby im 38 what hobby am i going to start now i really dont know what advice i can give you i think this site helps abit so hears to a long winter . Take Care

I am not sure why this has a yellow mark or if i should respond.Apologies if i shouldn't.

But in terms of hobbys at 38 My friend is 15 years older and last year took up a new hoby something he had never done before and has even made a little money. that does not magically solve the problem but suggesting 38 is too old for a new hobby is a very negative atitude which conor is entitled to but which will not be a help to op

LegacyUser

Hi Lir,

You’re not alone in thinking like this. I feel like I could have written this post. Like you I actually very much enjoy my own space and my own company. I also enjoy my time with friends and family immensely and am lucky in that I do have many people I can choose to spend time with. At the end of the day though, there’s just me, alone. Sometimes when I’m at a wedding or celebration, I’ll be enjoying myself and suddenly a thought hits me like a ton of bricks that I’m the only person there without a partner and the loneliness can be overwhelming.

Like you Lir, I long for a physical closeness. I sometimes wake during the night and feel a longing just simply for a hand to hold. I think it must be so comforting to have such a thing. Or a hug after a hard day.

I’m nothing special, I have some good qualities and some bad like everyone else. But I’m a good friend, daughter and sister and have a good sense of humour. I always thought it would just happen for me someday. I’m a worrier and, weirdly, as a child I often worried about my quieter siblings finding a partner to spend their lives with, bargaining with God that if he would just find them someone I could worry about finding my own. Little did I know

What single life boils down to in my mind is that nobody picked me. What did I do so wrong that I don’t get to have what these couples have. I’ve unfortunately never even come close. No matter who I’m with, I’m just a friend or a sibling or a relation. I’m nobody’s first choice. I’m just there as background noise in other people’s lives. I try to take care of myself, treat myself well and be my own first priority but that doesn’t make life any less lonely.

In recent months I’ve been looking toward a future where there’s just me, from a practical point of view. I’m 30 now and feel it’s important to push forward and make decisions about the future. I have chosen to stay close to home as my family, despite all being married, are one of the great joys in my single life. Not closing the door to any possibilities that may arise but if it hasn’t happened now then there’s a very real possibility it won’t. It doesn’t happen for everyone, as we all realise here.

I hope everyone here finds the peace and happiness they truly desire be that with a partner or alone.

beks101

You sound lovely Lir, a very warm and emotionally open person and perhaps that's why you're feeling the loneliness so palpably.

What you describe is very human, very normal and just something that folks don't talk about. It's the unmentionable I guess, particularly if you're a lone female in this #INDEPENDENTWIMMENZ age where we're all supposed to be strong and self-sufficient and any utterance to the contrary symbolizes desperation or some sort of "I AM A PSYCHO STAY AWAY!" label.

The fact is we are sociable animals and it's hard to be long-term single. We're designed for company and those that maintain their singledom and never crave human affection and intimacy are usually those that have given up on meeting anyone and accepted a solitary life indefinitely.

I'm coupled a few years now but spent a lot of time single before that and know exactly how you feel, it's a drive that can send you catapulting wildly in the wrong direction and into the wrong arms far too many times (in my case, at least!) and in the end, I found the only way to live was to accept it for what it is and just get on with life.

As in, "yes my life is great and I have it good in so many ways, but being single is a bit sh1t sometimes and I'm bloody tired of the couples pairing off around me." To sometimes have a cry, or hug my pillow or scribble in my diary or go for a long run and just let myself experience the full reign of those tough emotions until they no longer entirely defined my day.

They're always there to an extent when you're single though, I guess to serve as a reminder that you are ALIVE and you have needs just like everyone else on the planet.

What helped for me was not to launch myself into any dating adventures (and meet twenty thousand more of the wrong men!) but to just reach out to the people I already knew and loved in my life and express my affection and care and love towards them. To be a better friend and sister. To buy little presents for my best friend. To take care of my family members. To hug people every day. Not in a creepy way :pac: Just a 'nice to be here with you' hug for a friend, or touch on the arm with a colleague, or a heart-to-heart with a flatmate etc. To stay connected to people, in other words. It doesn't kill the longing for intimacy, but it opens you up a bit, it makes you approachable and accessible to other people.

For me, it led to a "when you least expect it!" encounter with my OH, whom I met through work when dating was definitely not on my radar. We met for a second time at a house party and he liked my smile and we had a heart-to-heart about anything and everything and things happened organically from there. Not that I ever could have predicted it. But being true to those emotions and feelings and being my authentic self, without needing to lock away those 'unmentionables', made life and interpersonal relations a lot easier for me.

Sorry for the rambling, I know you're not looking for advice. Old habits die hard You're looking to be heard, and to share experiences with others, and that in itself is a very worthy step. Continue to reach out in your daily life and don't bury yourself away or give up on the life that you desire. There's nothing wrong with you. You're just human

Aidan Holland

Lonely205 wrote: »

Hi Lir,

You’re not alone in thinking like this. I feel like I could have written this post. Like you I actually very much enjoy my own space and my own company. I also enjoy my time with friends and family immensely and am lucky in that I do have many people I can choose to spend time with. At the end of the day though, there’s just me, alone. Sometimes when I’m at a wedding or celebration, I’ll be enjoying myself and suddenly a thought hits me like a ton of bricks that I’m the only person there without a partner and the loneliness can be overwhelming.

Like you Lir, I long for a physical closeness. I sometimes wake during the night and feel a longing just simply for a hand to hold. I think it must be so comforting to have such a thing. Or a hug after a hard day.

I’m nothing special, I have some good qualities and some bad like everyone else. But I’m a good friend, daughter and sister and have a good sense of humour. I always thought it would just happen for me someday. I’m a worrier and, weirdly, as a child I often worried about my quieter siblings finding a partner to spend their lives with, bargaining with God that if he would just find them someone I could worry about finding my own. Little did I know

What single life boils down to in my mind is that nobody picked me. What did I do so wrong that I don’t get to have what these couples have. I’ve unfortunately never even come close. No matter who I’m with, I’m just a friend or a sibling or a relation. I’m nobody’s first choice. I’m just there as background noise in other people’s lives. I try to take care of myself, treat myself well and be my own first priority but that doesn’t make life any less lonely.

In recent months I’ve been looking toward a future where there’s just me, from a practical point of view. I’m 30 now and feel it’s important to push forward and make decisions about the future. I have chosen to stay close to home as my family, despite all being married, are one of the great joys in my single life. Not closing the door to any possibilities that may arise but if it hasn’t happened now then there’s a very real possibility it won’t. It doesn’t happen for everyone, as we all realise here.

I hope everyone here finds the peace and happiness they truly desire be that with a partner or alone.

Jesus lonely you are only 30 the way you were talking in the above piece I thought you were late 50s or something don't give up hope of finding someone. Now I don't believe in true love because if that actually existed we would all have that designated man or woman we would end up with no matter what but a guy I know didn't have a girlfriend until he was 37 and now he has a wife and 2 kids. I just recently turned 25 and hope someday to meet my lovely female other half.

HiGlo

Another one here who can empathise...

I'm 36 and have been single for 13 years. I'm quite secure in my singleness but I definitely suffer severe loneliness. I have also recognised that it's my trigger for my depression so I try not to feed it and keep myself busy...

In my circle of friends, I'm the only one of 6 girls who is not married with kids. They often meet up and do kiddie stuff together and I don't get invited to join them - which I understand, but it accentuates the loneliness....

I've tried dating websites n stuff but they just don't work for me. I'm not a big fan and I have never even met up with anyone from them.

Having said all that, I don't have a negative outlook on it. I have to keep believing that it will happen for me. That I will meet someone and maybe even have kids. I would love to be a mother.
I just can't let myself think negatively about it. I have to believe it will happen.

Andreas45

I felt myself so lonely for 5 years, it was the hardest time in my life.... depression one by one, grey days, i realised that anyone dont need me and it upsets me more and more. But once my friend had showed me dating site and I registered there, though didn't believe in web relations and expect nothing... but one day I've seen there a pretty woman with blond hair and fall in love at the first sight! Thank God, she replied to my letter and now we are happy together!
I can not say that there exist a woman better than my wife, she is my life!
And I found her in the internet, on the site <SNIP> and, now I'm grateful for this chance to be happy!

LegacyUser

I've been on my own for 10 years, haven't even fancied anyone in that time and have had no physical contact with a man. But now someone new in work has made me feel alive again, because he has touched me very briefly, fingers touching when handing him something or touched on the arm when saying bye. He's awakened something in me that I've suppressed for so long. You don't realise how much you miss something until you get a glimpse of it again. Now sometimes I feel I'd give anything just to hold his hand so I can feel my heart fluttering again. Other times I want to build that wall around me again and block all emotions so I won't get hurt. I've been on my own so long now I don't think I could have a normal relationship and I'd also be embarrassed if he found out how alone I am. My phone never rings, I get a few texts a week from family, I have one person I'd call a friend, I had a hospital appointment today and not only did I feel lonely because others were there with partners I felt so lonely because no one in the whole world even knew I was there.

I know in my situation I'm blocking the world out because of the fear of getting hurt but really I'm hurting more by locking myself away. OP I hope you get some comfort in knowing you're not the only one.

santana75

hopeforall wrote: »

I've been on my own for 10 years, haven't even fancied anyone in that time and have had no physical contact with a man. But now someone new in work has made me feel alive again, because he has touched me very briefly, fingers touching when handing him something or touched on the arm when saying bye. He's awakened something in me that I've suppressed for so long. You don't realise how much you miss something until you get a glimpse of it again. Now sometimes I feel I'd give anything just to hold his hand so I can feel my heart fluttering again. Other times I want to build that wall around me again and block all emotions so I won't get hurt. I've been on my own so long now I don't think I could have a normal relationship and I'd also be embarrassed if he found out how alone I am. My phone never rings, I get a few texts a week from family, I have one person I'd call a friend, I had a hospital appointment today and not only did I feel lonely because others were there with partners I felt so lonely because no one in the whole world even knew I was there.

I know in my situation I'm blocking the world out because of the fear of getting hurt but really I'm hurting more by locking myself away. OP I hope you get some comfort in knowing you're not the only one.

Thats actually kind of beautiful what you said. Dont be afraid to let people see who you really are, thats what its all about, being vulnerable. We're attracted to each others rough edges, not perfection.

Ignatius in bloom

Everyone feels alone at many points in life even the ones in relationships or marriages and in a lot of those cases their loneliness is more isolating than yours.

The world has changed and never before has there been so much opportunities to do and meet and learn more things and become part of something that can lead to something. I myself have taken up something that has always interested me and i can honestly say its been brilliant for me plus i have met some new friends through it and it has opened a new world to me.


When you reach a certain milestone age and that can be any age to be honest but the one you speak of i take it is between mid 30's and 40's you have two choices accept who you are and what you have which is called stagnation or you can embrace new ways and challenges and get living and that can bring an extraordinary change within you and for your outlook on life.

Its always the small things that make the difference, a smile, greeting a stranger, joining a group even though it scares you, getting in contact with people from your past who you thought you had lost maybe you have not maybe they would be delighted to hear from you again.

Getting out, doesn't matter where just being active and seeing people even though you don't speak to them it can remind you of a sense of life you have misplaced. Smile at people you would be amazed how we sometimes become so involved in our own loneliness that we forget that people do look at us and as you see from this thread that there is a lot of people with the same feelings as you out there and sometimes we create our own loneliness by blocking out ourselves so others can't see who we really are.

There is no need for you to feel like this, no reason at all `and you can have the life you want so stop folding your arms and start embracing new things.

JonJones

Ignatius in bloom wrote: »

Everyone feels alone at many points in life even the ones in relationships or marriages and in a lot of those cases their loneliness is more isolating than yours.

The world has changed and never before has there been so much opportunities to do and meet and learn more things and become part of something that can lead to something. I myself have taken up something that has always interested me and i can honestly say its been brilliant for me plus i have met some new friends through it and it has opened a new world to me.


When you reach a certain milestone age and that can be any age to be honest but the one you speak of i take it is between mid 30's and 40's you have two choices accept who you are and what you have which is called stagnation or you can embrace new ways and challenges and get living and that can bring an extraordinary change within you and for your outlook on life.

Its always the small things that make the difference, a smile, greeting a stranger, joining a group even though it scares you, getting in contact with people from your past who you thought you had lost maybe you have not maybe they would be delighted to hear from you again.

Getting out, doesn't matter where just being active and seeing people even though you don't speak to them it can remind you of a sense of life you have misplaced. Smile at people you would be amazed how we sometimes become so involved in our own loneliness that we forget that people do look at us and as you see from this thread that there is a lot of people with the same feelings as you out there and sometimes we create our own loneliness by blocking out ourselves so others can't see who we really are.

There is no need for you to feel like this, no reason at all `and you can have the life you want so stop folding your arms and start embracing new things.

That is a bit judgemental of the OP and the others who expressed similar feelings

Ignatius in bloom

JonJones wrote: »

That is a bit judgemental of the OP and the others who expressed similar feelings

Was not my intention to come across judgemental quite the opposite. Apologies if it offended anyone.

rosie16

I can relate to a lot of the feelings expressed by people in this thread. Sometimes I feel like the loneliest person in the world. I've been single a year. Op, like you, the sexual aspect is not what I miss most, it's just having someone there to support me, to give me a hug or to simply hold my hand. I've had two relationships which lasted 8 and 5 months respectively. I was in the relationships for the wrong reasons, I was lonely and had somehow convinced myself this was as good as it gets.

It's not just romantically that I feel lonely. I have one close friend who I'm lucky to have, I pride myself on my independence and I enjoy my own company but I'd like more friends. My social circle is limited and I know I need to get out there more. I cut myself off/out for many years and I'm only snapping out of daze I was for several years. I don't know how to make friends.

Keane2baMused

I think I'm probably against the curve here as I'm not single so other posters may scoff and think sure she has nothing to be lonely about.

But in answer to your question OP. I feel lonely every day.

I have a wonderful fiancé and 2 beautiful children. But I feel lonely every day. I have had some hard times in the past and the probably doesnt help. My son has special needs and he's wonderful but life becomes so isolating. The friends you thought were friends slowly disappear and you realise that there are very few people you can count on.People say well you have your family that's all you need but no, everyone needs friends and a social life. I've always been a social butterfly and slowly but surely I'm becoming a wall flower.

I guess the obvious suggestions are to join groups and clubs. That does seem to work really well for some people. Especially if you're single and don't have two young tiny people clinging onto your feet and can do what you like I wish I could find some solutions for me but sadly I feel like this is me from now on.

Keane2baMused

Keane2baMused wrote: »

I think I'm probably against the curve here as I'm not single so other posters may scoff and think sure she has nothing to be lonely about.

But in answer to your question OP. I feel lonely every day.

I have a wonderful fiancé and 2 beautiful children. But I feel lonely every day. I have had some hard times in the past and the probably doesnt help. My son has special needs and he's wonderful but life becomes so isolating. The friends you thought were friends slowly disappear and you realise that there are very few people you can count on.People say well you have your family that's all you need but no, everyone needs friends and a social life. I've always been a social butterfly and slowly but surely I'm becoming a wall flower.

I guess the obvious suggestions are to join groups and clubs. That does seem to work really well for some people. Especially if you're single and don't have two young tiny people clinging onto your feet and can do what you like I wish I could find some solutions for me but sadly I feel like this is me from now on.

I think your experience Keane is a really good example of how loneliness can take a hold. I have strong friendships and a good family, yet I'm lonely. As I write this I can feel it inside of me.

OP there are many of us who are under the grasp of loneliness. Even within close relationships we can still feel it. I've been doing my damndest to be more social and go out more. It doesn't matter. At the end of the night I go home alone to an empty bed. For me it really does come down to the lack of a significant other. That one person to share my life with. I've had so many knock backs that I'm becoming terrified to try again.

I was out for a few drinks earlier. I dressed up and did my hair pretty. I know nights out are not supposed to be about finding a guy, I know I'm supposed to have a good time and enjoy it regardless. Jesus I feel sad now. I chatted to a few. They were either married or just not interested. It's hard OP but all we can do is keep living, and try and find passion and contentment inside ourselves.

daisybelle2008

Ignatius in bloom wrote: »

Was not my intention to come across judgemental quite the opposite. Apologies if it offended anyone.

I think your post was very positive and constructive, and don't think this thread was meant to be a just pity party blog.

lir6777

I'mThereToo wrote: »

Yep - you're definitely not alone being lonely!

Why was I the only person who had to go it alone.

Usually I'm a fairly upbeat person, but it's not very nice being in this situation, especially for such a long time.

Thanks for your reply I'mThereToo, this part really struck me in particular! I also wonder why it's me always having to champion the 'independent woman' angle when I do certain things alone, and like you I tend to be a positive, cheerful person but it gets hard not to let it get to you over time. I don't want anyone on here to think I'm being self-pitying or sitting back and waiting for life to come to me; I try a lot to get out and meet people, including online dating, but so far without meeting a person where there was mutual attraction etc. While my friends sometimes say the admire my "independence", I'm sure they realise how lucky they are to have a significant other to share their life with (for the most part anyway!)

Sorry to hear about your break-up, it sounds like it's been a huge loss for you and I hope things improve for you soon. It's really helped me to hear from people like you that I'm not the only one feeling like this; as another poster said, it's not a feeling I'm comfortable expressing openly and I think there's a bit of shame that can accompany loneliness for some of us (certainly me). Hopefully the sharing is good for others too

lir6777

Lonely205 wrote: »

Hi Lir,

What single life boils down to in my mind is that nobody picked me. What did I do so wrong that I don’t get to have what these couples have. I’ve unfortunately never even come close. No matter who I’m with, I’m just a friend or a sibling or a relation. I’m nobody’s first choice. I’m just there as background noise in other people’s lives. I try to take care of myself, treat myself well and be my own first priority but that doesn’t make life any less lonely.

In recent months I’ve been looking toward a future where there’s just me, from a practical point of view. I’m 30 now and feel it’s important to push forward and make decisions about the future. I have chosen to stay close to home as my family, despite all being married, are one of the great joys in my single life. Not closing the door to any possibilities that may arise but if it hasn’t happened now then there’s a very real possibility it won’t. It doesn’t happen for everyone, as we all realise here.

I hope everyone here finds the peace and happiness they truly desire be that with a partner or alone.

Hi Lonely205,

It means a lot to hear you share some of my feelings, we're close in age too and although some posters have pointed out that this is still pretty young, I think it's also a tough age in that the majority of my friends are getting engaged, married, pregnant right now and (although these aren't necessarily things I want right now) this can heighten loneliness for me- especially being the only single friend at a wedding!!

I think you hit on something when you said you're nobody's first choice- it can be tough to know that and I think it's a natural human desire to want to be prioritised by someone. I really hope this will change for both of us

lir6777

beks101 wrote: »

You sound lovely Lir, a very warm and emotionally open person and perhaps that's why you're feeling the loneliness so palpably.

Thank you What a lovely thing to say!

What you describe is very human, very normal and just something that folks don't talk about. It's the unmentionable I guess, particularly if you're a lone female in this #INDEPENDENTWIMMENZ age where we're all supposed to be strong and self-sufficient and any utterance to the contrary symbolizes desperation or some sort of "I AM A PSYCHO STAY AWAY!" label.

You are so right! It's a shame we can't talk about it but like I said in a previous post, it's almost shameful to do so. I can't personally utter the words to anyone just yet but then that of course just perpetuates the loneliness!


Sorry for the rambling, I know you're not looking for advice. Old habits die hard You're looking to be heard, and to share experiences with others, and that in itself is a very worthy step. Continue to reach out in your daily life and don't bury yourself away or give up on the life that you desire. There's nothing wrong with you. You're just human

Thanks What a lovely post, wish you all the best with your relationship and thanks for that!

lir6777

hopeforall wrote: »

I know in my situation I'm blocking the world out because of the fear of getting hurt but really I'm hurting more by locking myself away. OP I hope you get some comfort in knowing you're not the only one.

I do hopeforall, and I really hope things work out for you. Sounds like they just might but of course it's hard, I totally get that. It can seem easier to keep going the way you're used to rather than to risk change. I have everything crossed that you'll be happy whichever you do.

lir6777

Keane2baMused wrote: »

I think I'm probably against the curve here as I'm not single so other posters may scoff and think sure she has nothing to be lonely about.

But in answer to your question OP. I feel lonely every day.

It's always good to have another perspective Keane2baMused! So sorry to hear about your little one though, I can only imagine how tough the past few years have been and sadly these things test friendships- it's a shame that some people haven't been as supportive as they should. I wonder are there any support groups for parents like you? I can only assume anyone in your situation would sadly find socialising to be the first area affected when you have less time and attention to spare; I really hope things pick up for you and that you find better friends who'll be more supportive of you

lir6777

Deleted User wrote: »

OP there are many of us who are under the grasp of loneliness. Even within close relationships we can still feel it. I've been doing my damndest to be more social and go out more. It doesn't matter. At the end of the night I go home alone to an empty bed. For me it really does come down to the lack of a significant other. That one person to share my life with. I've had so many knock backs that I'm becoming terrified to try again.

I fully agree Persepoly, I think I accidentally conveyed myself here as a person who's not putting herself out there and people have understandably offered suggestions of clubs, getting out etc (and thanks to everyone for that!) Actually although I enjoy alone time I'm pretty strict with myself about this as I could easily (happily!) live as a hermit! I go to the gymn several times a week, have tried countless different classes, online dating, etc etc. I would talk to a wall if I thought it would talk back as my mother would say. I push myself to leave the house and meet people, and I do, but as you said Persepoly, it's more the lack of a one other that I'm struggling with as time goes on. I've been under a lot of stress the past few years and have dealt with this alone; when friends tell me how supportive their other halves are when they're stressed I get a feeling in my chest like someone's tied a rope to my heart and is trying to drag it out of my chest- it just doesn't seem fair not to have this support at any time in the recent past. Even more, a hug after a bad day or someone to put the kettle on when I'm sick- silly things I will never take for granted if and when I have them!

Hope it all happens for you Persepoly:)

readyletsgo

I've read a few posts and I'll say I can relate, 8 years single, now 34, lonely, but love my own company, double edged sword.

beks101

lir6777 wrote: »

I think you hit on something when you said you're nobody's first choice- it can be tough to know that and I think it's a natural human desire to want to be prioritised by someone.

This is quite a depressing, self-defeating way of looking at it tbh. I think I would have struggled to get out of bed in the morning if I had viewed my singledom as being 'left on the shelf', 'nobody wants me'.

You're a relatively young, intelligent, articulate woman who clearly takes care of her fitness and health and is very sociable; I'd put my life savings on there having been plenty of interested men over the years, be it on nights out or online dating scenarios or work-place crushes etc. Just not the men that you were interested in yourself. Not the visible ones.

Throughout my single years, I would often find out about some guy's feelings for me after the fact: when I had left a job, for example, or when I had left the country. I had tonnes of going-nowhere dates or hook-ups, about 50% of which were because I didn't feel the same way as the guy in question. These are all men who would've chosen me in a heartbeat: I just didn't happen to be on board with their feelings.

It's easy to forget this when you're having trouble connecting with anyone or have had an endless string of crap dates over the years.

Lots of people far less intelligent and far less attractive than you have fallen into relationships, met someone where the chemistry was right on both sides, had friendships that turned into relationships etc. Because the timing was right, luck was on their side and the opportunities presented themselves.

Those are the key ingredients. Not their "worthiness" of someone else; their luck in being in the right place at the right time with the right person in their life. Luck, timing, opportunity. NOT self-worth or value. These kinds of thoughts will destroy whatever amount of self-esteem you have left.

lir6777

beks101 wrote: »

This is quite a depressing, self-defeating way of looking at it tbh. I think I would have struggled to get out of bed in the morning if I had viewed my singledom as being 'left on the shelf', 'nobody wants me'.

You're a relatively young, intelligent, articulate woman who clearly takes care of her fitness and health and is very sociable; I'd put my life savings on there having been plenty of interested men over the years, be it on nights out or online dating scenarios or work-place crushes etc. Just not the men that you were interested in yourself. Not the visible ones.


Those are the key ingredients. Not their "worthiness" of someone else; their luck in being in the right place at the right time with the right person in their life. Luck, timing, opportunity. NOT self-worth or value. These kinds of thoughts will destroy whatever amount of self-esteem you have left.

Hi Beks,

I think my comment wasn't clear, I see how it could read now, that I wasn't first pick for a girlfriend. This wasn't what I meant to refer to, rather the daily thing of not being another person's priority- friends not being able to spend Saturday night with you because they have a partner to see, not being the first call as a holiday companion etc. I didn't mean to portray myself as waiting defeatist-ly to be picked as if for someone's team in PE (flashbacks!) but I see it can sound like that so I appreciate your perspective, this would be a bit passive as a way of looking at things.

beks101

lir6777 wrote: »

Hi Beks,

I think my comment wasn't clear, I see how it could read now, that I wasn't first pick for a girlfriend. This wasn't what I meant to refer to, rather the daily thing of not being another person's priority- friends not being able to spend Saturday night with you because they have a partner to see, not being the first call as a holiday companion etc. I didn't mean to portray myself as waiting defeatist-ly to be picked as if for someone's team in PE (flashbacks!) but I see it can sound like that so I appreciate your perspective, this would be a bit passive as a way of looking at things.

Ah I get what you mean. You're no-one's "other half" as it were.

I think loneliness is always going to be a by-product of being single in the long-term. You can be successful and independent with an active social life and all the friends in the world, and it's still going to be there. I think the key is to not let it define your single life. Let yourself feel lonely and sad and all of the things that come with that, and then get out there to your life and give it the best stab you can.

Can I ask you a question though? Do you feel as though you're fully "out there", emotionally open and accessible and sufficiently vulnerable in the way you need to be, in order to welcome someone new into your life? The answer may well be yes, and it's down to a luck/opportunity situation.

I guess I'm asking because I spent a lot of time during my single years engaging in a bit of self protection. The catalogue of disappointments and devastations in my love life, coupled with a learned coping mechanism of shutting myself off and dealing with the world on my own, a sort of innate introversion, really had me in a stronghold. I find as you get older it can get worse. You sort of give up. It can be a self-fulfilling prophecy, when that voice takes over and tells you 'why bother, what's going to be new this time?" and your whole demeanour follows suit.

Stay open. Stay strong. You sound very emotionally in tune with yourself - show that side to everyone you meet. Meet as many people as you can. Say 'yes' to everyone and everything. Confide in people. Don't be led by fear or disappointment or resignation or any of the things that we so humanly can feel after a certain amount of time on our own x

JonJones

beks101 wrote: »

Ah I get what you mean. You're no-one's "other half" as it were.

I think loneliness is always going to be a by-product of being single in the long-term. You can be successful and independent with an active social life and all the friends in the world, and it's still going to be there. I think the key is to not let it define your single life. Let yourself feel lonely and sad and all of the things that come with that, and then get out there to your life and give it the best stab you can.

Can I ask you a question though? Do you feel as though you're fully "out there", emotionally open and accessible and sufficiently vulnerable in the way you need to be, in order to welcome someone new into your life? The answer may well be yes, and it's down to a luck/opportunity situation.

I guess I'm asking because I spent a lot of time during my single years engaging in a bit of self protection. The catalogue of disappointments and devastations in my love life, coupled with a learned coping mechanism of shutting myself off and dealing with the world on my own, a sort of innate introversion, really had me in a stronghold. I find as you get older it can get worse. You sort of give up. It can be a self-fulfilling prophecy, when that voice takes over and tells you 'why bother, what's going to be new this time?" and your whole demeanour follows suit.

Stay open. Stay strong. You sound very emotionally in tune with yourself - show that side to everyone you meet. Meet as many people as you can. Say 'yes' to everyone and everything. Confide in people. Don't be led by fear or disappointment or resignation or any of the things that we so humanly can feel after a certain amount of time on our own x

How did you get out of it?

JonJones

Ignatius in bloom wrote: »

Was not my intention to come across judgemental quite the opposite. Apologies if it offended anyone.

Fair enough. I accept you did not intend to be judgemental.

beks101

JonJones wrote: »

How did you get out of it?

There's no magic recipe, really. I'm probably still there in many ways. I still have to remind myself every week to be a better friend, to text that mate I haven't been in touch with for months, to call my parents, to have a chat instead of bottling up when something is getting to me.

I guess you have to do just that. Force yourself out of that protective shell, even and especially when it feels like the most unnatural thing in the world. Walk into that room full of strangers instead of heading home to the comfort of your sofa. Be consistent and loyal in your friendships and not let them fall by the wayside because you just can't be arsed. Smile at strangers, ask new acquaintances personal questions in an effort to get to know them and respond to their own with honest answers.

And don't be afraid to be honest about who you are. "Sorry I seem stand-offish, I can get nervous in social situations sometimes." "I've been hurt in the past so it takes me time to let the guard down, please bear with me."

In terms of meeting someone - I just emotionally exhausted myself with men and dating to the point where it stopped being a priority. I physically and emotionally had nothing left to give, so once that was clear in my own head, it became easier to smile at people and confide in them and all the above because in a sense, I didn't think I was emotionally available enough to have anything left to lose. The big tough-guy guard dissolved I guess, because I stopped caring. Or maybe stopped taking myself so seriously.

I met a guy through work who was an open book emotionally and who made all of that previously difficult and anguish-ridden emotional stuff so easy, easy enough for it to feel vastly different from what 'dating' had been to me up to that point. It changed the definition of the word for me. And I wasn't expecting it, or anticipating anything would come from it, and all of that cliched stuff. He was this deadly new friend who made me laugh until my belly ached and wanted to kiss my face off, and that didn't carry any extra weight of expectation other than that for me, at that point. Until it was everything.

I wish I had a TL:DR for this one. Maybe try this: live for joy. Let laughing and smiling be your priority. It's hard to do that, indefinitely, alone. When you're wrapped up in a protective shell and living in a state of "what if". What if I get hurt again, etc. Big fecking whoop. You're a big girl/boy, you'll get over it. You'll have another funny anecdote to share with friends. Share yourself as much as you can, whilst keeping that me-time that you'll always need. Life will be so much richer, so much more colourful, so much more lived.

JonJones

beks101 wrote: »

There's no magic recipe, really. I'm probably still there in many ways. I still have to remind myself every week to be a better friend, to text that mate I haven't been in touch with for months, to call my parents, to have a chat instead of bottling up when something is getting to me.

I guess you have to do just that. Force yourself out of that protective shell, even and especially when it feels like the most unnatural thing in the world. Walk into that room full of strangers instead of heading home to the comfort of your sofa. Be consistent and loyal in your friendships and not let them fall by the wayside because you just can't be arsed. Smile at strangers, ask new acquaintances personal questions in an effort to get to know them and respond to their own with honest answers.

And don't be afraid to be honest about who you are. "Sorry I seem stand-offish, I can get nervous in social situations sometimes." "I've been hurt in the past so it takes me time to let the guard down, please bear with me."

In terms of meeting someone - I just emotionally exhausted myself with men and dating to the point where it stopped being a priority. I physically and emotionally had nothing left to give, so once that was clear in my own head, it became easier to smile at people and confide in them and all the above because in a sense, I didn't think I was emotionally available enough to have anything left to lose. The big tough-guy guard dissolved I guess, because I stopped caring. Or maybe stopped taking myself so seriously.

I met a guy through work who was an open book emotionally and who made all of that previously difficult and anguish-ridden emotional stuff so easy, easy enough for it to feel vastly different from what 'dating' had been to me up to that point. It changed the definition of the word for me. And I wasn't expecting it, or anticipating anything would come from it, and all of that cliched stuff. He was this deadly new friend who made me laugh until my belly ached and wanted to kiss my face off, and that didn't carry any extra weight of expectation other than that for me, at that point. Until it was everything.

I wish I had a TL:DR for this one. Maybe try this: live for joy. Let laughing and smiling be your priority. It's hard to do that, indefinitely, alone. When you're wrapped up in a protective shell and living in a state of "what if". What if I get hurt again, etc. Big fecking whoop. You're a big girl/boy, you'll get over it. You'll have another funny anecdote to share with friends. Share yourself as much as you can, whilst keeping that me-time that you'll always need. Life will be so much richer, so much more colourful, so much more lived.

Thanks for that answer. You sound like a very decent person saying " I still have to remind myself every week to be a better friend, to text that mate I haven't been in touch with for months, to call my parents," and you other comments

LegacyUser

is anyone completely alone. My folks are dead and i do not talk to my family. i feel complately alone even though i have a friend who i see every couple weeks for a drink or a coffee. i had a couple friends who used me and i told em get lost. But no family

I am depressed re my parent being dead even though one is dead since 2008 and one since 2014