I think I want to break up with my boyfriend

LegacyUser

OK... so here goes.. I'll probably throw a lot of stuff on this that will scream red flags and that I should leave him but I'm afraid of hurting him..
I've been with my OH for a year and its been a great year but I think this might be nearing the end of its course.

Firstly he is a wonderful kind person, my best friend, but lately I feel like I'm an after thought.
He had a break down a few months ago and ended it with me but we got back together after he started seeing psychiatrist and getting some meds. He suffers from anxiety and depression and so do I but I've got a great support system and I'm happy where I am in my life.

A few months ago he applied to go to abroad. He mentioned it to me that he applied and ended up getting the Visa.. its been weeks of he will go he won't go... he is 35 and I'm 30 so this would be his last chance to go he thinks... He mentions it to me that I could always go visit him...

And here is the massive red flag that I know everyone is going to scream at me about... we have no sexual relationship... he has very little / no libido and although he has said he is trying to work on this there has been no attempt to go to a doctor or even talk to me about it... I mean.... I feel for him but I want to be able to connect with my boyfriend without feeling like I'm inconveniencing him or that I'm making all the effort.

I feel happy when I'm with him but lately I can't help feeling that there is no attempt from him to be there for me. He says that he doesn't know what he wants in life and I'm pretty sure I'm in that category. I don't think that he is able to love anyone but himself and focus on himself for the time being.

Am I doing the right thing if I break up with him? Should I talk to him and give him (another) chance to prove himself?

magicmushroom

I think the relationship has run its course, he wants to go away to another country without you and that says it all really.

You've only been together for a year, it should have been all sex, love and rainbows during that time - the honeymoon period - but in fact it's been stressful.

Walk away, wish him the best in his travels and meet someone else.

LegacyUser

Not wanting to hurt someone is a poor reason to stay with them, so put it out of your head and do what's right for you.
It's also quite possible that breaking up with him might do him a favour, he can use it as the motivation to make his mind up and get on with it instead of the on-off-will-he-won't-he's putting you through at the moment.
Often advice in these situations has to be qualified by saying it's up to you, but in this case it's a bit of a no-brainer as you really don't have a relationship to preserve.

seenitall

Hi Op

yes absolutely, move on. That's what I'd be doing in your shoes.

You're too young to be in a sexless relationship, and too mature to be in a relationship with someone who "doesn't know what he wants" but is comfortable enough moving away from you anyway.

Your gut is telling you that whatever he wants, it's not really you, and I'd say your gut is right.

You deserve much better than this, and you really have to believe it, otherwise nothing good happens.

Don't let yourself be strung along any longer. Move on, the sooner the better. Good luck.

startoveragain

I recently ended a 9 year relationship for similiar reasons. To be feeling this way after a year is your get out of jail card.

LegacyUser

Thanks Guys and Girls,
I've been sitting in work all day thinking am I making the right choice.
He's been very good to me bringing me to things that I wouldn't have gone to a and sending me random inside joke type textsnd opened up new interests for me and his family are lovely.
I suppose its just grieving something that I know I'm going to have to lose soon.
I'm sure everyone has been through the whole "what if I'm making the wrong decision" but the more I think of it the more I think it would be better for us. He is attractive funny and great to be around on his good days but they are falling few and far between... nowadays I'm lucky to have him text me at all to let me know that he is thinking of me... Is it too much to ask for that let alone to be told that he wanted to go to Canada before he applied for it ?

Ugh... why are relationships so tough lol

conor8989

you need to finish it now its pointless leaving it drag on for another 6 months or 6 years i know some girls will say you can change him the truth is you cant unless you plan to be the one who gets depressed lifes to short and your too young to be looking after somebody for the rest of your life

LegacyUser

Thanks for your replies and advice guys.

We broke up yesterday after a long talk and we know it was the best decision for both of us.
It really sucks at the moment but we both understand that we can't give each other what we need and while we love eachother very much we aren't "in love" with eachother.

We have agreed to give each other some space but we hopefully will remain friends.

Honestly it was nothing but love and respect for each other as we broke up and I couldn't have asked for a better breakup if that makes sense.

Will be really ****ty for the next few days but grateful for all the advice that has helped me with what I know is the right decision

conor8989

Ya it will take time to get over it . The hardest thing for me was the weekends as we would always go out and do something together as all my friends are in relationships its kinda tough to find someone to out with but as they say one day at a time take care