Keep arguing! On and off!

LegacyUser

Things have always been up and down between me and my partner. We don't live together.
I really feel like he is the one, we get on so well. And it's true love and I could imagine being with him forever , I know that sounds all lovey dovey. But you get the idea


But...

We argue, ALOT.

It's come to the point where i don't trust that we can be together , I don't feel secure .
We both love each other the same way , but we have our own trust issues etc. before we met.

I seem to have got to grips and just want an easy life and for things to work out. He said he feeds off my energy, I told him not to.
There's a lot of tit for tat. Well you did this so I did this .

I really don't and can't break up with him. Is it worth going to see a relationship councillor?

I feel like love is so hard to find that I'm willing to try anything and if it doesn't work atleast I can say I tried to fight for the one thing I always wanted.

Can on/off relationships finally work out? Or rarely...

Flippyfloppy

I think it really depends on what you're arguing about , and how it is resolved.

Arguing can be healthy in a relationship, but left unresolved it can build up issues, cause resentment and one or both of you will end up burnt out. It sounds as though that might be you!

You shouldn't have to 'fight' for what you've always wanted 'with' the person you want 'it' with.

The topic of your arguments comes in to play Also. Do you argue about fundamental moral issues that will always come up? About lack of compromise? Jealousy issues? Who unloads the dishwasher?

If you do go to relationship counseling be fully honest & don't gloss over your issues.

Penny Tration

How long are you together?

If it's early-ish days (first two years), then constant arguing is a really bad sign.

It's a bad sign in all relationships, but even worse when you're supposedly in the 'honeymoon' period of the relationship.

Tit for tat stuff is very childish and both of you should be addressing that and learning to behave more like an adult.

If you argue a lot, you both need to sit down and discuss your issues calmly. Miscommunication can cause issues with arguing. my boyfriend and I argued a few times at the start because neither of us copped on to what the other meant when they said something! Easily resolved with a chat about it.

If the same issues are cropping up again and again, then you need to figure out how to resolve these issues and put them to bed.

It's not a good relationship if ye fight all the time, so you both need to sit down together, discuss your expectations and desires and work together to resolve issues.

lawred2

Jenny Thalia wrote: »

How long are you together?

If it's early-ish days (first two years), then constant arguing is a really bad sign.

It's a bad sign in all relationships, but even worse when you're supposedly in the 'honeymoon' period of the relationship.

Tit for tat stuff is very childish and both of you should be addressing that and learning to behave more like an adult.

If you argue a lot, you both need to sit down and discuss your issues calmly. Miscommunication can cause issues with arguing. my boyfriend and I argued a few times at the start because neither of us copped on to what the other meant when they said something! Easily resolved with a chat about it.

If the same issues are cropping up again and again, then you need to figure out how to resolve these issues and put them to bed.

It's not a good relationship if ye fight all the time, so you both need to sit down together, discuss your expectations and desires and work together to resolve issues.

Constant arguing is bad at any stage of a relationship.

30 days or 30 years.

It's not good.

whiskeyman

You argue so much BEFORE you even more in?
This doesn't sound right or healthy.
You both sound young and perhaps don't have experiences of relationships before

Penny Tration

lawred2 wrote: »

Constant arguing is bad at any stage of a relationship.

30 days or 30 years.

It's not good.

Which I've stated in the post you quoted.

LegacyUser

We argue about everything. And the majority coming from him. He said he was coming over last night but said at the last minute that he thought I'd come to his.

He plays a lot of head games and very argumentative so I'm sick of it all. I'm 29 and he's 31 in which he has never had a relationship over 6 months. I've had 3 long relationships so I'm fairly solid in what I can bring to the relationship and who I am... But he's somewhat clueless and stubborn. I don't think it's going to change, he declined therapy to get us over this bump so I broke up with him.

sm213

Some people can be very immature. Can't handle commitment at all.
Looks like you know for yourself you deserve better.
Good for you.

Payton

Re-read your first and last posts....a bit confusing. He seems to seek attention at the sake of your happiness. You deserve better.

njs030

Hope you're ok op a break up is never easy but it sounds like you did the right thing. All that arguing is headwrecking.