A break up

Jordan537

Hi all,

I broke with my Girlfriend tonight after finding out she has gone back to her ex boyfriend, messaging him, meeting up with him and generally being dead off with me.

so i finished her..

what im asking on here is whats the best way i can deal with this?

How long does it take to get over her, will i feel **** ?

anyone any personal stories they would like to share with me? i am heading into a dark hole and i dont know what to expect? please help.

Alf Veedersane

Sorry to hear, man.

There's no template for how it plays out.

There will be some turbulence in the former of anger and sadness. It can be rough. You will probably feel like sh*t.

But time will pass, you will get through it and you'll be the stronger for it.

Michelle_b

It's going to take time. Do things you enjoy doing and focus on you. Don't rush into meeting anyone else. Right now it's tough but in few weeks, months it will be a lot easier. Sorry you are going through this. I have been there and it's a total mix of emotions but you got to keep yourself busy and do things you enjoy or a new hobby. It's hard to hear but if she did that she is not worth it and not worth your time.... Move forward

laserlad2010

Well man, you're not the first, nor are you the last lad to go through this.

I've got good advice for you. That's if you're willing to go through with it...

1. Block her on whatsapp, Facebook, twitter, whatever. This is non-negotiable.
2. Tell me your hobbies - what are you into?
3. Hang out with your mates. Have one or two long conversations about it, and then don't talk about her again. If you're feeling down, focus on your own feelings, talk about them, never about her.

I had to go through this in March. Trust me on this, you will have bad days and good days. Exercise every day. Hit the gym. Buy new clothes. Anything that makes you feel good.

Get talking to girls. Don't associate anything sexual with it, just have short chats - with girls working in shops, bars, anything. Keep it civil. Make a few jokes, get that confidence back.

Above all, acknowledge your feelings for her. If you love her, admit that to yourself and accept that it's out of your hands. She clearly wasn't worth your love - there are literally thousands of girls out there, more than a few who will treat you better than that.

I'm telling you now - this is your mantra. You are the man. Having a girlfriend doesn't make you any more or less than yourself. Smile and take a deep breath - you can achieve anything you want.

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Jordan537

laserlad2010 wrote: »

Well man, you're not the first, nor are you the last lad to go through this.

I've got good advice for you. That's if you're willing to go through with it...

1. Block her on whatsapp, Facebook, twitter, whatever. This is non-negotiable.
2. Tell me your hobbies - what are you into?
3. Hang out with your mates. Have one or two long conversations about it, and then don't talk about her again. If you're feeling down, focus on your own feelings, talk about them, never about her.

I had to go through this in March. Trust me on this, you will have bad days and good days. Exercise every day. Hit the gym. Buy new clothes. Anything that makes you feel good.

Get talking to girls. Don't associate anything sexual with it, just have short chats - with girls working in shops, bars, anything. Keep it civil. Make a few jokes, get that confidence back.

Above all, acknowledge your feelings for her. If you love her, admit that to yourself and accept that it's out of your hands. She clearly wasn't worth your love - there are literally thousands of girls out there, more than a few who will treat you better than that.

I'm telling you now - this is your mantra. You are the man. Having a girlfriend doesn't make you any more or less than yourself. Smile and take a deep breath - you can achieve anything you want.

Thankyou everyone for your such quick replies and reassurance.

you wanted to know my hobbies: I enjoy some Mountain biking, i love tinkering with cars.... mechanical engineering.

laserlad2010

Right man get out biking, start a new car project - something that takes up lots of your time.

Please, please, please delete and block her in every way, shape or form. Its the #1 thing you can do, and you will absolutely 100% thank me in a month.

Alf Veedersane

Jordan537 wrote: »

Thankyou everyone for your such quick replies and reassurance.

you wanted to know my hobbies: I enjoy some Mountain biking, i love tinkering with cars.... mechanical engineering.

Just thinking back to the one break up that tore the heart out of me...i don't think I did anything new, per se. Just spent more time doing the other things I enjoyed.

Which was hard cos I felt so heartbroken but it took my mind off things and got me through the rough stuff.

You just ride it out and you come out the other side.

As for relationships...that will happen when it feels right.

mapaca

You will get through it, but no one can tell you how long it will take. Give yourself plenty of time. Don't be afraid to lean on family and friends for support. You'll have good and bad days. Keep busy and get out and about.

LegacyUser

I was in the same boat as you two months ago. I'm not going to lie,it was and still is hard. I did delete him off fb straight away but we do talk every now and then through other methods.
I do think that you should do what laserlad said though. Give it 100%. Cutting contact,hobbies etc I didn't and the hurt I feel now is like it just happened yesterday.

Jordan537

i cant do this, its been the worst day ever.... im physically drained, i cannot get her out of my head.... every second she is there! i really can't do this!

LegacyUser

I know it's hard but it gets worse before it gets bette,so I hear.

Can I ask was the breakup bad? Is there any way of a reconciliation?

Exclamation Marc

Sorry to hear OP.

I was with someone years ago who cheated on me with a guy who'd been hanging around her life for ages...

Unfortunately for me, I forgave her at the time on the basis that I thought she kissed a guy and that was it (naive me wanting to believe that's all it was). When the truth came out a year later that she had slept with him and had contact with him since and the extent of the cheating was worse, it absolutely destroyed me.

The next couple of weeks will be awful, nobody can tell you otherwise, you wouldn't be human if it weren't, and you'll probably spend time wondering how to repair it and how to fix things and whether the relationship can be salvaged. It can't. Leopards don't change their spots etc etc, I know that from experience.

The best thing you can do is rationalise that you've gotten out of this relationship when you have and that you haven't wasted significantly more time with this person. I know it's a not a lot to work off, but putting into perspective a potential dodged bullet can help. I walked away from that horrible ex with no kids, no committments, no debts, nothing. I thank God that our relationship wasn't further down the line when something like that happened as I could have been stuck to her for life. I know that sounds a bit farty and grand, but it does matter in the long run. You get to walk away cleanly.

You finished it off with her, which is to be commended. I didn't have the ball the first time around and I still regret it, but you did the right thing. As other posters have said, block her from all social media and whatsapp. Otherwise she'll pop up in a picture and it'll break your heart and your head will start going crazy. Otherwise, time will heal you. People told me the same thing and after a few days I was calling BS, thinking it would never get better. I met an amazing girl who is 1 million times the girl that ex was since that relationship, but I swear if you'd told me that at the time, I would have said it would never have happened.

In the short term, the best thing to do is stay active and stay busy. Realistically she'll still be on your mind, but getting out and about, meeting friends, doings will reduce the thinking that overbears you when you're on your own. You'll get there OP, just keep busy, delete her from your life on social media and texts etc, and be prepared for a couple of weeks of sadness (its inevitable but it'll get you through), but the light at the end of the tunnel will show, trust me.