amiabeingafool

LegacyUser

Hi there, I had a previous thread recently about my marriage breaking down. I found out last week that my wife moved on after a week to another man. While devastating it was and very hard to take i gone for help for my suicidal thoughts etc. I get ok for a few days then either her (for whatever reason) or my kids tell me something about her new guy. Today they told me he's been staying over a few nights and again felt sick
Thing is she rang me other night that I was out with my friends (first night since everything) she needed to talk about kids. She then told me how great her life is now and she's moved on etc. I didn't let on i was out. She's asked me to mind kids an extra night a week so she can go out more. I mind them when she works so also one night she goes to gym. If I do this it will be almost half and half. Now I pay my way for them. Am I foolish to agree to this. She said she no break to go out yet he still stays over. Sorry for the confusion

njs030

Wouldn't you want to have your kids half the time?

Try not to confuse your children's care and welfare with point scoring with your ex. Its not fair on them.

LegacyUser

Ugh. I can't believe your wife is doing this to her own children. That's not to say I don't have sympathy for what you are going through - I do. Your wife is being shockingly insensitive to the feelings of her own children here. She's not giving them much time to adjust to their parent's marriage ending, is she? I feel so sorry for your children and I wouldn't like to put into writing what I think about your wife's behaviour.

Anyway, none of that has to do with your current problem. My advice to you, first and foremost, is to get in touch with a solicitor. You need to get your finances and custody arrangements set up as soon as possible. Otherwise, your wife is going to trample all over you. I sense you are going to let her do this because your head is still messed up from the split.

willow tree

Shared parenting is a great way to go but maybe you shouldn't be paying maintenance then? Check with someone, citizens information perhaps. Try to have boundaries to protect yourself for a while. Only discuss child related things with her. Do you have a good counsellor, good friends/family? Exercise, hobbies, meditation maybe. Things that support you at this time.

Ann84

I share parent 50/50 and no maintenance is paid although child benefit is saved and spent on back to school or big things rather than trying to get money from each other...

You should get the arrangement agreed on paper though, we went to mediation and it worked great... Took a bit of time but I suggest staying away from doing each other 'favours' and just stick to whatever ye agree...

Magicmatilda

I strongly advise you to get a solicitor, get a separation agreement and agree everything in a legally binding document. Otherwise this will drag out for ages and you could end up in the courts. Good to do it now while she is looking for a favour. I know that sounds like it is taking advantage but i think it is being pragmatic. Plus she doesn't seem like much of a parent introducing her kids to a new guys only mere weeks after splitting with their dad. That is just really, really bad form.

dudara

Posts that do not offer any constructive advice will be deleted

dudara