BF did not invite me to wedding

LegacyUser

I met a lad in April and have been datin since then. We meet up every week and weve met some of each other's friends. We've never really discussed our relationship status...I just refer to him as my bf at this stage tho.

I knew when I met him he was going to best man at his mates wedding which is taking place next weekend. I was waitin and waitin for him to ask me but seeing as the wedding is next week, Im takin it that I'm not going at this stage! Is this weird? I'm not sure how to bring it. You can't ask to be invited to a wedding can you lol!?

Sephiroth_dude

Maybe he doesnt have a +1?

MagicMarker

If he already had this planned when you met then maybe he's already RSVPd for one?

pc7

3/4 months dating isn't that long to bring someone to a wedding I feel. Especially with him being best man he'll be very tied up, you be on your own for most of the day.

ratracer

He's also the best man, which is a difficult job on the day, I reckon that a) he hasn't given asking you much thought because of this or b) he has given it a lot of thought, and doesn't want you sitting on your own for most of the day with people you don't know.
You haven't been going out that long, he knows his mates for years, if you're really upset about not going, talk to him about it.

0gac3yjefb5sv7

Definitely not that unusual. I wouldn't worry about it!

Car99

Just ask him why he hasn't asked you to go.

Meauldsegosha

I don't think it is weird at all. The invites would have gone out a couple of months ago and you were only dating a short time at that stage so he may not have had a +1. As he is best man you will not see him for most of the day. Personally I would feel awkward attending the wedding of people I didn't really know where I would have to spend most of the day by myself.

0gac3yjefb5sv7

I would definitely just ask him in a nice joking kind of way!

MouseTail

Dont think its wierd or inconsiderate at all. In fact it might be awkward for you to go as his +1, you wouldn't be sitting with him at the ceremony or meal, he has a duty to mingle etc.

bee06

As everyone else said lots of reasons he may not have asked you. You can't ask him if you could be invited now to be honest. Chances are the table plan is done already so you'd be making things awkward for the couple and I'm sure your boyfriend would feel very uncomfortable even asking. Have you even met them? If my husband's groomsman asked for our wedding we would have probably said yes but would have found it a bit strange that his girlfriend had asked. Not the best impression to make on his friends.

michellie

He probably hasnt been given a +1. Anyway you would end up on your own for the day, he will have best man duties.

Addle

michellie wrote:

He probably hasnt been given a +1. Anyway you would end up on your own for the day, he will have best man duties.

This. I'd find it a relief not to have to go to be honest.

michellie

Addle wrote: »

This. I'd find it a relief not to have to go to be honest.

Exactly, the couple would have made the list ages ago when he was single. So i wouldnt take it personally.

delahuntv

If he's best man, you'd hate it as you'd be on your own unless you knew a good few of his friends.

I got invited to a wedding a former gf was bridesmaid at - I hardly knew anyone and fecked off as soon as I could.

I still remember it as one of the most boring days ever - and it was 20 years ago.

zoobizoo

If there's a top table, then he'd be sitting at it and you'd be on your own with a table of people you don't know.

It could be as awkward for you as it would be for him.

Best man duties will have him busy for the day until the meal is over and the music starts.

Buona Fortuna

Back in the year Oh Dot, I was best man. I'd been going out with my g/f (now wife) for about 3 or 4 months.

She was invited, but had to sit on her own and of course she knew no one. She is a pretty good mixer so I don't think it scarred her for life, but it is awkward.

You're better off not going.

LegacyUser

Op here. Well ye all put my mind at ease!! I was thinking if I did go how it would be awkward, sitting at a table with strangers and all. But i still was thinking he shud have asked me. But seeing how most people here are of the opinion that it's not that strange I'll go with that and put it down to me being over sensitive!

njs030

Not strange at all, with the cost of weddings these days a lot of people seem to be inviting couples only if they are married/living together/in a serious relationship.

Ive been with my oh almost a year and havent been invited to any of the 5 weddings he's been to this summer....and I'm delighted!

Ave Sodalis

Being honest OP, I would find it strange if he did invite you. I mean, you haven't been going out that long. In fact, you haven't even discussed what your relationship status is. It's not even a distant relative that nobody really minds whether or not they show up and who they take, he's best man. Would it not be more appropriate to have the "where are we going with this" talk, before going somewhere where there will be masses of people asking?

Exclamation Marc

I think my opinion is pretty much in line with everyone else's here so I won't add to it.

But just on a side note for you OP; I was at a wedding last month and the best man's other half was invited (and she's a long term gf of the best man and by proxy a friend of the groom) but the two or three of her friends or people she'd be close to in her group were either in the wedding party or had to leave early (and of the course the best man was hugely pre-occupied)

By 11.30pm on the night, I had never seen a more bored girl in my life. Despite people trying to chat to her, nobody knew her well enough to keep her occupied or sustain long-term chats with her and by the end she looked thrilled for it to end. And this was a girl that a lot of people knew of or were familiar with but just weren't friends with, so I could only imagine if nobody knew her at all!

So you're probably better off avoiding it and not having to battle the boredom or awkwardness!

Diamond Doll

Have you met the couple getting married? I know that a lot of couples, when deciding on guest numbers, will only invite people that they both have actually met, they don't throw in random +1s for guests who aren't in long-term relationships.

In your position, if I was invited I'm pretty sure I'd turn it down anyways - seems like an absolute nightmare, stuck at the random singles table, you'd probably see your boyfriend feck all ... and it would dampen things a bit for him too, because he'd probably end up feeling like he had to "mind" you a bit later on (once he escapes from all the photos and top table stuff!), he's probably a bit nervous anyways with all the best man duties, without having to look out for you as well.

It's certainly not something to be annoyed with him about, as he's not the one who would have determined guest numbers etc.

I'm with the general opinion that it wouldn't be expected that you'd be invited, and that you'd probably have a crap day anyways if you went, so just forget about it. Ask him to send you a nice photo of him all dressed up though! All going well, there'll be plenty of other weddings you can attend together in the future.

hardCopy

I'm getting married next month, one of my groomsmen isn't bringing his girlfriend. She hasn't met any of the other guests yet and would end up on her own most of the day as others have said.

One of our bridesmaids is in the same boat and our chief bridesmaid was leaving her boyfriend at home as well (it just happens they broke up recently so it's a moot point).

Weddings can be a good opportunity to meet your OH's friends but not necessarily if they are in the bridal party.

It'd be different if you already knew lots of his friends.

Sunny Dayz

Agreed with a lot of the other posters. One of the first weddings my other half brought me to was when we were together about a year and 4 months, and he was best man for his brother. I literally didn't get to speak with him for 24 hours! I stayed with another bro and his partner the night before and was seated with his family in the church and at the meal. Afterwards was speeches and dances and him chatting at the bar. Think I got to dance with him later that night!! But what worked for us was that we were going out just long enough that I knew his immediate family at that stage. I am a quiet enough person and it was a great occasion for me to push myself and chat and get to know his other relations. Also having spent all that time with his family without him I really got along well with them and they really looked after me. (That was 9 years ago and we are nearly 4 years married!)

seamus

Sworrly wrote: »

Op here. Well ye all put my mind at ease!! I was thinking if I did go how it would be awkward, sitting at a table with strangers and all. But i still was thinking he shud have asked me. But seeing how most people here are of the opinion that it's not that strange I'll go with that and put it down to me being over sensitive!

Just to note that as the best man, he was effectively "invited" a long time ago. Whenever the couple got engaged they probably asked him. And if that was 18 months ago, then he got invited a long time before you came on the scene.

So it wouldn't be a case that he received an invite and decided not to ask you. Rather it's something that he has had planned since before you arrived. Like if he'd booked a weekend away with his mates a year ago or something. So he probably just never considered trying to thread you into it - especially if you never expressed an interest in going

walkingshadow

He probably didn't invite you because there is something that is supposed to happen between the best man and bridesmaid on the wedding night that I forget.

woodchuck

It's very simple. He didn't invite you because guests don't invite other guests to weddings!! It's up to the couple getting married to give him a plus one, but presumably they didn't because they've been planning the wedding for a lot longer than you've been his girlfriend.

dudara

@walkingshadow - please post constructively or don't post at all.

dudara

JeffKenna

I think you should discuss going to the afters. It would be a lot of pressure being alone for the whole day at the wedding but the afters would be the perfect opportunity to get to know his friends and enjoy the best part of the day! He'll be free then to introduce you to people etc...if I was in your boyfriends situation that's what I'd be doing.

PinkLemonade

JeffKenna wrote: »

I think you should discuss going to the afters. It would be a lot of pressure being alone for the whole day at the wedding but the afters would be the perfect opportunity to get to know his friends and enjoy the best part of the day! He'll be free then to introduce you to people etc...if I was in your boyfriends situation that's what I'd be doing.

You can't invite yourself to the afters though, thats up to the bride and groom

Exclamation Marc

JeffKenna wrote: »

I think you should discuss going to the afters. It would be a lot of pressure being alone for the whole day at the wedding but the afters would be the perfect opportunity to get to know his friends and enjoy the best part of the day! He'll be free then to introduce you to people etc...if I was in your boyfriends situation that's what I'd be doing.

I'm fairly sure the last thing the bf wants to be doing is spending the afters introducing his new girlfriend around to loads of people who will be locked and probably have little interest in meeting someone new when they just want to drink, socialise and dance. And I'm sure the last thing the OP wants is to be ferried around from table to table being introduced to random drunk people while her bf just wants to spend time socialising with his best mate who just got married (which is perfectly normal). Neither would enjoy it.

And if there's no invite to the afters already, he can't just invite her along.