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Boyfriends step dad passed.

  • 12-08-2015 1:02pm
    #1
    Lau2976
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,030 ✭✭✭


    My boyfriends step dad passed unexpectedly. The family have rallied around each other and I want to respect that while still maintaining my support for him.

    I lost my sister two years ago and this is the first death that I've been faced with since then.

    I'm struggling a lot and kind of lost. I'm not really sure what I was hoping to gain with this. Advice maybe? I can't get in contact with my parents for another few days and my sister refuses to talk about her. I'm certainly not going to burden my boyfriend with it.

    It sounds cliche and selfish but I really do wish it was me and not her at times like this.


Comments

  • #2
    witchgirl26
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,253 ✭✭✭witchgirl26


    First off - I'm so sorry for both your boyfriends loss & for yours.

    I know from experience that being faced with a loss for the first time since your own one is really difficult so my thoughts are with you completely.

    In terms of supporting your boyfriend, I think maybe letting him know in no uncertain terms that you are there for him & will help in any way he wants you to but maybe even just saying that you don't want to overstep so if he just lets you know. Does he know about your sister? If he does, then he should know that you know to a certain degree what he's feeling/going through.

    On your own feelings of struggling - would you consider grief counselling for yourself? I found that it was only 4 years after my dad's passing that I really started to struggle & went to counselling. I found it really helped me just talk about it with someone who didn't know everything/wasn't involved in my life. Don't push your sister on it though because she is possibly dealing with it in her own way. And please don't wish it was you instead of her. I don't know the circumstances of your sisters death (nor do I need to for this to count) but there are reasons for things & it sucks massively I know but it would suck for lots of people too if it was you not her.

    x


  • #3
    Lau2976
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,030 ✭✭✭Lau2976


    witchgirl26 wrote: »
    First off - I'm so sorry for both your boyfriends loss & for yours.

    I know from experience that being faced with a loss for the first time since your own one is really difficult so my thoughts are with you completely.

    In terms of supporting your boyfriend, I think maybe letting him know in no uncertain terms that you are there for him & will help in any way he wants you to but maybe even just saying that you don't want to overstep so if he just lets you know. Does he know about your sister? If he does, then he should know that you know to a certain degree what he's feeling/going through.

    On your own feelings of struggling - would you consider grief counselling for yourself? I found that it was only 4 years after my dad's passing that I really started to struggle & went to counselling. I found it really helped me just talk about it with someone who didn't know everything/wasn't involved in my life. Don't push your sister on it though because she is possibly dealing with it in her own way. And please don't wish it was you instead of her. I don't know the circumstances of your sisters death (nor do I need to for this to count) but there are reasons for things & it sucks massively I know but it would suck for lots of people too if it was you not her.

    x

    Thank you witchgirl26

    We've been friends much longer then we've been together and he definitely knows of my sister and I hope he knows that I'm here for him now.

    She was my best friend and losing her was the hardest time in my life. it feels like I'm living that over again. I know that I need to be strong for him though.


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