Recently out of Long Term Relationship- Seeing Someone New - Not Feeling It

Ebonics

Hi all,

I was in a relationship for 4 years which ended back in May and since then I've been participating in the whole online dating craze.

I've been on 4 or 5 dates- I wasn't looking for anything serious, just something to pass the time I guess and keep me busy and sane after the breakup.

About 6 weeks ago I met a girl online, and we've been on about 10 dates at this stage, we even went away together for the weekend. She's great company, terrific sense of humour, and we've got a lot in common but I'm just not feeling it. I can't decide if I'm attracted to her or not, and when I'm with her I still sometimes think about my ex.

On top of all that, I think this girl is starting to properly fall for me and is dropping hints about exclusivity, and I don't have the heart to hurt her or let her down by saying I'm not looking for anything serious.

I haven't led her on in any way and this situation has just somehow developed.

I really don't know what to do or say.

Any help would be appreciated

MissFlitworth

Ebonics wrote: »

I haven't led her on in any way and this situation has just somehow developed.

You're dating, the situation you're in is generally what people are on the path to when they're dating. It's exactly what most people are hoping will 'somehow develop' when they meet someone. So you're going to have to tell her that you aren't interested in anything further because her default point of view will be that it could go somewhere with her. It'll hurt much, much less after 6 weeks than it would after 6 months though, so just do it. And don't muck her about with a friends with benefits situation afterwards because most people cannot at all handle those when it's with someone they want to be in an actual relationship with.

Edit to say - that sounded a bit harsh. Just to add that there's no shame in ending a relationship/stopping seeing someone when it isn't right for you. Sucks for the other person but such is the world of meeting new people. It doesn't always work out.

njs030

If you're not feeling it and not sure if you're attracted to her the fairest thing would be to end it now.
It would be messing her around to continue if you know there's no future in it.

Idle Passerby

You're not being fair to this girl OP. 10 dates and a weekend away are leading her to believe something is developing between the two of you. Every time you agree to another date or schedule another date is affirmation to her that its progressing. In future don't continue seeing someone if you have no interest in it, its deceitful.

I think that maybe you are not fully ready to date yet, many of the people you meet via online dating will be actively looking for a committed relationship, if your not on the same page the least you can do is be upfront about that from the get go.

Dixie Chick

Well a weekend away and 10 dates...I would almost expect exclusivity. I think you need to man up here before she gets any further or deeper feelings. Do not do the slow distancing thing whatever you do, that is much less kind than the direct route

Merkin

You're really going to have to rip off the plaster. Weekends away makes it a bit more serious than simply dating so I'd definitely tell her that you're not feeling it, that you're not over your ex and that its best if you guys sever contact. I'd do it sooner rather than later too as it sounds like she is keen.

Ebonics

Thanks guys

I'll bite the bullet and do it tonight