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Worried about a friend

  • 04-08-2015 6:16pm
    #1
    ramonarosie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 98 ✭✭


    I have this friend, and I'm quite worried about her mental health but don't know how to go about assisting her to get help without her completely shutting me out. She did her leaving cert in 2013 and didn't do well enough to get into college, so she did an access course for the year and after that decided to not go to onto third level. She did a part time course at home and failed all her exams. Since that she has given up her job and we can't seem to get her to go out of the house. I've tried to gently encourage her to look at college course ( cus starting college completely changed my life for the better) but she won't listen. She says 'whats the point' and sends me message like 'I feel like just giving up' I know it maybe doesn't sound that bad but I'm really worried and don't know what to do next. Does anyone here have any advice on what I could do to help her? Sorry if this post is inappropriate


Comments

  • #2
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    Firstly, fair play to you, you're obviously a good friend to this girl!

    Sounds as though her mental health may be in decline, like you fear.

    I'm not a doctor, but she seems depressed based on her texts to you.

    Now, the bad part - you can't make her seek help. I know you want to cajole and coax her, but it needs to be her decision.

    If she lives at home, her family will have noticed it too, so I'm sure they're aware she's not very well.

    For now, until she decides to seek help, just be a friend to her. Listen if she needs to talk, and let her know you're there for her. Gently encourage her to chat to her doctor, but don't press the issue or push at all, let it be her choice.

    You're a good friend and I'm sorry I can't tell you how to fix this. Unfortunately, only she can.


  • #3
    ramonarosie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 98 ✭✭ramonarosie


    Thank you so much for your help! :)


  • #4
    Exclamation Marc
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,801 ✭✭✭✭Exclamation Marc


    Jenny Thalia wrote: »
    Firstly, fair play to you, you're obviously a good friend to this girl!

    Sounds as though her mental health may be in decline, like you fear.

    I'm not a doctor, but she seems depressed based on her texts to you.

    Now, the bad part - you can't make her seek help. I know you want to cajole and coax her, but it needs to be her decision.

    If she lives at home, her family will have noticed it too, so I'm sure they're aware she's not very well.

    For now, until she decides to seek help, just be a friend to her. Listen if she needs to talk, and let her know you're there for her. Gently encourage her to chat to her doctor, but don't press the issue or push at all, let it be her choice.

    You're a good friend and I'm sorry I can't tell you how to fix this. Unfortunately, only she can.

    I'd 100% echo this, especially the part in bold. I have a best mate who's going through a bad point in his life also (mother passed a couple of years ago, stuck in a job that has no prospects, not using his college course and life has effectively grinded to a halt).

    It's such a delicate issue and applying any pressure on them to seek help may not help or go down well. Over time, some of my friends and I gently mentioned speaking to someone to my friend and eventually he did and he's talking to someone now since May. But we never forced it and never made a deal about it, only gently saying 'would you think talking to anyone would help' at very infrequent times when he was venting or talking about how bad things were. But it is entirely down to the person, unless they decide themselves to go, it either won't happen or they'll gain very little.

    The fact that you're looking for advice on the issue shows how great a friend you are to her and people like you will be invaluable to her in the long run, simply by being there and being the friend you are.


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