Tesco's New Self-Service Voice.

eqwjewoiujqorj

That should have Adli / Lidl quaking in their boots.

Over optimistic prices in the shelving areas, is Tesco's problem.

Wonder why they don't have an Irish voice for the stores in 'Eireland'.

ProTip: Every Tesco self-service till has a mute button..

pa990

nothing beats the aggressive tone of the B&Q self serve tills.

Fox_In_Socks

It should have the voice of this little baby

NSFW

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrXfh4hENKs

Jotunheim

Now that yer man has retired from X-Factor he should do it. Every unexpected item in the bagging area will be subject to an audience vote and Louis Walsh will cry if you don't buy Irish. Cheryl Cole will batter the attendant if he's not quick enough to do the alcohol purchase check.

Justice4Adolf

The machine always helpfully reminds you to
take your items after you've bought and paid for
them.
Thus avoiding that 'oh sh1t' moment when you get
home and have left your shopping at the store(again)

Wacker The Attacker

would you finger it?

The_Valeyard

We need Arnold Schwarzenegger voice!!!


"QUICK PUT THE ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA, DO IT NOW!!!"

"I AM A T-800, PLASTIC OVER METAL, MY MISSION IS TO COLLECT MONEY FROM YOU"

"YOU'LL BE BACK"

"GET TO THE TROLLEY!!!"

GreatDefector

The_Valeyard wrote: »

We need Arnold Schwarzenegger voice!!!


"QUICK PUT THE ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA, DO IT NOW!!!"

"I AM A T-800, PLASTIC OVER METAL, MY MISSION IS TO COLLECT MONEY FROM YOU"

"YOU'LL BE BACK"

"GET TO THE TROLLEY!!!"

Up. and. at them

Ted_YNWA

I never hear the voice in them machines.

Have known about the mute button for years

the groutch

Jotunheim wrote: »

Now that yer man has retired from X-Factor he should do it.

IT'S TIME......
TO MAKE.......
THE PAYMENT!

Firefox11

I was expecting it to speak in spanish, french and then german next for some reason.

Dawn Rider

Tesco Ireland tried to 'localise' the voice about 10 years ago. The first one had a really phoney D4 accent and the next offering was like something off the Moore St market.

Hammer89

The_Valeyard wrote: »

We need Arnold Schwarzenegger voice!!!


"QUICK PUT THE ITEM IN THE BAGGING AREA, DO IT NOW!!!"

"I AM A T-800, PLASTIC OVER METAL, MY MISSION IS TO COLLECT MONEY FROM YOU"

"YOU'LL BE BACK"

"GET TO THE TROLLEY!!!"

"If it bleeds we can kill it" - when you scan tampons.

Massimo Cassagrande

pa990 wrote: »

nothing beats the aggressive tone of the B&Q self serve tills.

She only barely stops short of saying "Hurry up, dopey :rolleyes:.."

uck51js9zml2yt

They really need Gordon to do the voice much like he does in Prison

somesoldiers

D'arcy was on about this yesterday, they put a shout out to Tesco that The D'Arcy Show would hold a competition to find the Irish Voice of Tesco, if Tesco would back it

Timberrrrrrrr

They should get yer man from that 80's show bullseye to do it

IIIIIIIIIIN one, A packet of Denny sausages

IIIIIIIIIIN two, Nappies for the chisler

IIIIIIIIIIN three, A nice set of steak knives for the Mrs

CarrickMcJoe

Timberrrrrrrr wrote: »

They should get yer man from that 80's show bullseye to do it

IIIIIIIIIIN one, A packet of Denny sausages

IIIIIIIIIIN two, Nappies for the chisler

IIIIIIIIIIN three, A nice set of steak knives for the Mrs

AAAAAAANNNNDDD in the bullseye, a few tinnies for yourself!!!!

wilhelm roentgen

I can't claim this as my own joke, but I thought it was funny (Daily Telegraph)

'I was checking myself out in the bagging aisle at Tesco's yesterday and got called a pervert'

kylith

Justice4Adolf wrote: »

The machine always helpfully reminds you to
take your items after you've bought and paid for
them.
Thus avoiding that 'oh sh1t' moment when you get
home and have left your shopping at the store(again)

I fcking hate that. You've everything piled up in the bagging area and you're transferring it back to your trolley or into your bag or whatever and the machine basically keeps saying 'take your sht and get out', and you're there yelling at it "I'm packing my fcking bag!"

Or maybe that's just me.