How can I help boyfriend who is feeling down?

LegacyUser

Hi all, both myself and my boyfriend are 25 and together 6 months. Things are great between us and both really happy. I haven't felt this way about anyone before and he feels the same.

Things were great up until Sunday. We normally text everyday or talk on the phone. I rang him on Sunday evening and he never answered or returned my calls. Yesterday morning I texted to see if everything was ok as the lack of contact wasn't like him. He saud everything was fine and not to be worrying and I got a goodnight text. He then rang me this morning and said he was sorry for being off with me and he just wasn't himself. He said he didn't go for a few drinks with his friends as planned because he didn't feel like it. I asked if everything was ok with us and he said everything was fine, he just hasn't been himself and he doesn't know what was wrong. He wasn't himself on the phone and when I told him that he didn't sound like himself he just said what can you do sure.

I may be jumping the gun here but I am worried about him. He didn't have a great childhood and his mother has a history of depression back through thr years. His behaviour has been so unlike him the past few days. He even said to me he'd love to know what was wrong with him but he didn't even know so couldn't tell me. I would just like to know if there is anything I could do to help him. Maybe I'm overreacting here and he could be back to himself tomorrow but at the moment I am unsure what my next step should be. Any advice/help would be most appreciated.

Foggy.nelson

Get him to talk to gp, he may be reluctant but you can urge him to. He may just be feeling down or stressed and might think it's stupid wasting a doctors time. Obviously everyone is different but my ex always urged me to go see someone but it wasn't till she got sick of my moods and drinking and not prioritising our relayionship and broke up with me that I realised the negative impact my depression had on both of out lives and how seeking help really helped me, I know now I can be a better boyfriend when I'm ready to date again. So just keep an eye on him and if it becomes a regular thing help him to get help

baby and crumble

I have been in your BF's shoes, OP, and the fact that he is even talking to you about being down or allowing himself to feel that way is really good- I tried to hide it from my GF of like, 3 years when I was depressed.

Knowing that he can talk to you will help him enormously, but be wary of pushing too much- it can backfire spectacularly.

Low mood can come and go in fairness, and if it's only a couple of days don't read too much into it. If the low mood keeps going or he's finding it hard to concentrate, etc then I'd encourage him to maybe talk to his GP. It could be something really simple, and if you catch these things early it can really help. I've learned to recognise the signs of my depression so can act fast but when it's first staring it's so weird- he can't really tell you what's wrong because he doesn't even know- he's not exaggerating or anything!

best of luck op- you sound like a great partner.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies. I texted him yesterday during the day and said whatever was wrong, I am here for him whether to help or listen. He never replied to that message. He seny me a goodnight message late last night and haven't heard from him since. To be honest, I feel like I should let him make contact because I don't want to smother him.
I'm completely stumped on how to help him and I'm not sure I can cope much longer with the coldness from him. I feel he is pushing me away or something. I won't see him until the weekend due to work and I don't know how to act then.

Magicmatilda

Did anything happen on sat night or sunday to trigger this?

That would be my question. I think you are right nor to smother him, let him come to you when he is ready.

LegacyUser

As far as I know nothing has happened to trigger this behaviour but then again we haven't been properly talking since Saturday. We speny Friday and Saturday together. He went home Saturday evening looking forward to a few drinks with his friends. He was working Sunday. He didn't end up going out with his friend because he didn't feel like it (he told me this Monday).
After that I have no idea if something has happened or if he's in bad form just because.
I don't know how to bring it up with him when I see him for fear of pushing too much or whatever.

CaraMay

Yep take a step back op. It's a big jump to assume he's depressed. You've offered to talk and he's ignored it so leave him be. If he comes around he comes around.