is the baby mine

LegacyUser

Hey everyone,
Going unreg for this but I will try keep this as straight forward as possible. So a couple of weeks ago I met a girl from America as she was travelling here in Dublin with a friend of hers. She was just travelling for a couple of weeks in Europe from which she spent about 3 of them with me.

She went back home on Wednesday this week and text me yesterday telling me she was pregnant and that it was mine, that she was really upset and that she would call me later. She told me she took a pregnancy test when she was home as her period was late and it was positive and that the same day she went to a clinic and got an ultrasound to double check. She got an abdominal ultrasound and the technician obviously didn’t see anything as it is too early for that so she got a vaginal ultrasound and low and behold there it was (egg sack or something at this stage I guess, she told me all this on the phone while she was crying)

So this is where it gets a little vague from her, after our conversation I was looking at the dates in question when we slept together. For the most part we used protection except for two times, on June 2nd when I met her and then again on June 25th (very stupid thing to do I am well aware of that, and while drunk both times I know that is not an excuse to not use protection) but I only came in her on the one on the 25th (whole night spent trying to remember all this detail)

So the lady at the clinic told her she was up to 5 weeks pregnant and was she with someone around the 25th of June (she picked the exact date as a basis for the time she was suggesting did she) I mean can you even see anything on a vaginal ultrasound from 25th june until now? She said her period was due at the start of July but she never got it and had been having cramps for the last week and a half. She told me she slept with someone else around the middle of May(if that was unprotected I do not know I will have to ask that but since she is really upset at the moment I didn’t know how to bring that up just yet, in any case ive made an appointment to get myself checked for STD’s) but that her period at the start of June never came (she says she gets irregular periods) . She is going for another scan next week but I mean in the situation I just described could it be definitely mine or that guy from May. She is adamant its mine because the woman in the clinic said under 5 weeks and did she have unprotected sex around the 25th of June in which we did.
A bit about us, I am 28, renting and live on my own and work and live in Dublin. She is a really nice and sweet girl, She is 24 and lives with her parents and is in college at the moment on a scholarship. When we spoke on the phone she told me she doesn’t want to have a kid now but that having an abortion (its legal in the state she is in) really scares her. I just said she would not be alone at all and that I would support her in any choice she makes and to be honest I have not thought of what I would do if she decides to keep it, just listening and being supportive until she decides what she thinks is best for her to do is the approach im taking on this. She isn’t really religious herself but her mother used to be a nun so im guessing she has religious parents then. Its hard to guess her frame of mind from the call we had (I don’t even think she will tell her parents)
Sorry for the long post, this just put me through me for a loop yesterday

Merkin

If she went for a transvaginal scan they would have given her a photograph. The photograph contains information in print on how they date the foetus, so they're often referred to as a 'dating' scan. It will normally be on one of the corners of the photo and say something like 8w5d to signify eight weeks and five days along. An embryo can first normally be seen around six weeks and thereafter (I had one when pregnant at about 6w5d and baby Merkins little heart was there beating happily )so while five weeks is a little early it may be possible, she may have implanted early. I find it odd that she didn't menstruate in June but had sex in May though so if I were you I'd be asking to see a print out of the ultrasound in the first instance.

Neyite

Do you know what date she had her last period, her June one?

A pregnancy is counted from the first day of the last period:
So, for example:

Last period: 1 June (cycle day 1)
Ovulation: 14 June (cycle day 14) assuming ovulation occurs on day 14, irregular cycles may make this vary)
Missed period: 28 June (cycle day 28, again, assuming a typical 28 day cycle, but some women have a later or earlier cycle)

So, by the time you test, in this case, on day 28, medically speaking you are already 4 weeks pregnant in terms of dating the pregnancy. So if you have a scan at 6 weeks according to the medical scan, its usually only 4 weeks since conception occurred.

So, from what you say, I think its likely that she got her period sometime after June 2, making June 25 the possible date of conception, so a 5 week/6 week dating pretty plausible. I don't think that the dates for the other guy in May fit with the scan.

I've had that scan. Some places wont scan you until at least 6 weeks because a sac can still be missed - its that tiny. For mine, the earliest date they would scan me was after 7 weeks. Occasionally you could see something as early as 5 weeks, but that depends on where the sac implanted in an easy to find spot or not and the skill of the sonographer. She would have been given the scan picture, so at the top of that the dates should be visible, maybe ask her if you can see the scan?

Hope this helps.

dori_dormer

I had a vaginal ultrasound around 6 weeks, as I'd had a few miscarriages. If the machine is good you can definitly see the sac and embryo.

When a doc says you are 5 weeks along, you have conceived about 3 weeks previously

Merkin

She missed a period in June Neyite.

dori_dormer

Doesn't really matter if she missed a period in June, it just means she didn't ovulate that month.

If the doc says 5 weeks pregnant, she conceived 3 weeks previous. If doc said 9 weeks, then it would have happened 7 weeks ago.

Ask for the pic of the scan and see what the data on it says

Neyite

Actually, just saw there that she has irregular cycles, and missed her June period.

In that case, date of conception is down to educated guesses. It's not likely that the sonographer could call 25 June as date of conception, because in irregular cycles ovulation can vary. With irregular cycles you tend to just go with scan dates to calculate due date. She might have suggested 25 June to the sonographer as a possible date and the sonographer agreed that it potentially fitted with the dates on screen.

The middle of May guy would date her pregnancy to possibly up to 12 -14 weeks along, so I don't think that could fit with the scan result assuming its a genuine scan. That's bringing her into the second trimester and nearer the cut off for abortion in a lot of states.

Ask to see the scan printout. It has the dates, date of scan, name of patient and hospital stamped across the top or in a box in the corner.

LegacyUser

Well I guess OP all you can do is wait until the baby arrives and get a paternity test to prove its yours.

Lux23

Op, you did have unprotected sex with this girl so the baby could well be yours so if I was you, I would continue to be supportive of her and keep listening. I think you have to make it clear to her that (a) this is her decision and you will help her through what she decides. And (b), that if she continues with the pregnancy that you will most definitely be supportive of the decision, but that you will need confirmation of the paternity.

But it sounds like she is not ready for this and given the relative ease of access to abortion in her state, the whole thing could be over by the end of next week. In that case, I would maybe give her the benefit of the doubt and support her through the process.

Magicmatilda

We can't answer this question, It may very well be yours.

From the story you tell she seems to be very open and honest about everything, have you reason to doubt her? Has she asked for money?

I find it interesting that you told her she won't be alone in this, I would say she will, she hasn't told parents, you are thousands of miles away. If she decides to have an abortion, she, most likely will be very, very alone. EVen if someone goes with her, they don't go into the room and anyway, no one can do that with you, you can only do that on your own.

LegacyUser

Hey guys OP here, thanks for the replies there was a lot of information to take on board and now a lot of it now makes more sense, ill ask her definitely about the scan and about the time and date information on it.

At the moment she doesn’t really want to talk to me which I guess is understandable, I have reiterated that I will be supportive and keep listening to how she feels, I told her again that I support her no matter what she decides. Neither of us are ready for this at all
She has been very open and honest about it yes you are right, it was only when she told me about the guy from May that I was over thinking the whole thing. She hasn’t asked me for anything at all like money or anything. I know she is just genuinely scared and im trying my best to well do something

Me telling her she isn’t alone I mean im trying my best to comfort her (I mean im hardly going to tell her she is alone in this) i think im going to book a flight over there to see her in person so maybe she will feel less alone, if she decides to go for a termination I would go with her to the clinic in America, I just think going over to see her in person is the best way I can be supportive

She sent me a message earlier saying this “I know I'm going to have a miscarriage, my stomach feels so uncomfortable & keeps hurting”. Ive asked her for more information like is she bleeding also but have not heard back yet. Is feeling like that at 5 weeks normal? Ahh I advised her its best to go back to the doctor and explain how she feels. I really don’t know whats normal pain in this situation and whats not

dori_dormer

It's common to feel a bit of stretching and cramping in the first few weeks of it's your first pregnancy. It's your uterus stretching. She would likely have spotting before cramping if she was miscarrying

Diamond Doll

If the dating scan shows that the pregnancy is under five weeks, it's not from the guy back in May. So it's either yours, or else someone else's that she hasn't told you about. How much do you trust this girl?

It's great that you're willing to support her whatever she decides, but you also need to communicate to her exactly what that support will entail - in practical, financial and emotional terms. Realistically how do you feel about financially supporting a child on the other side of the world that you'll rarely see?

While you're willing to support her either way, it's perfectly acceptable that you let her know what your preference would be. If you think that it would be best for all involved that the pregnancy is terminated - let her know how you're feeling. She needs to know this to let her make an informed choice.

If you're going to request a paternity test after the baby is born (if she continues with the pregnancy), then I think it's only fair that you tell her this now. Again, it'll help her to make an informed decision.

puppieperson

Hey if she spent 3 weeks with you you can bet your life shes been doing before you and after you. send her a few dollars for the abortion and forget about it . Buy condoms in the future and get tested for sti's.

Merkin

puppieperson wrote: »

Hey if she spent 3 weeks with you you can bet your life shes been doing before you and after you. send her a few dollars for the abortion and forget about it . Buy condoms in the future and get tested for sti's.

Your post really isn't helpful or particularly constructive. Don't post in this thread again please.

Xterminator

This little piggy wrote: »

If you're going to request a paternity test after the baby is born (if she continues with the pregnancy), then I think it's only fair that you tell her this now. Again, it'll help her to make an informed decision.

OP do not do this, as you will cause her distress that just isnt needed. she sounds like she has enough on her plate already.
Be supportive and if and when a baby arrives, get a test. but don't burden the girl now - it serves no purpose and will only be divisive.

X

zeffabelli

Obstetrics are experimental.

The early scan is a viability scan, dating scan comes in around 12 weeks.

What you see on the early scan looks like a Lima bean and the heartbeat is evident. What they check for is the heartbeat. I think they do give out printouts but I can't remember for certain.

Don't get too hung up on dates, they are far from perfect estimates.

If you ask for a paternity test, while I know you want the certainty, she will hear it as you calling her a slut and a liar, and may comepletely disengage, to the point where she may let you die wondering what choice she made. So tread carefully here.

The first 12 weeks can be touch and go, a conserable percentage do end in miscarriage.

Depending on what state she is in she may not be confined by the 12 week limits on termination.

Also memory is fickle, especially with alcohol and you may well have let loose on June 2nd also.