All perspectives appreciated!Lads esp!

LegacyUser

Hi lads/ladies, I'd appreciate some views on my current situation, I generally follow the boards here and the advice is usually fairly good. Male views particularly welcome!

So, I'm female, in my mid 20's, roughly at the end of last yr I met a lad through work, and he asked me out. Went on a couple of dates, really clicked, lots of chemistry, lots of long phone calls, long chats in person, etc and I thought it was all going really well. We both work in a similar field, that is fairly full on, intense and isolated, we had a lot in common and he talked about how much he liked me, how great company I was blah blah.
All was going great until a couple of weeks ago, at a really busy, intense time for him both professionally and personally, he texted out of the blue to say he 'couldn't continue meeting me at the moment', that he wasnt able for a relationship at the minute but we'd talk again. only days previously he was mad about me. I said that was fine, accepted it was a bad time, and kept my distance. I was very upset though, and while I wasn't putting any pressure on to make things 'official', I was really enjoying his company. I didnt hear anything from him for weeks, and he texted again saying he was really sorry, wasnt anything to do with me and didnt want to hurt me. Every week since we'v had some form of contact, texts here and there, he mightnt reply but then would much later. Then, last night, I was an online dating site, and saw his profile, looking for a long term relationship, someone to enjoy spending time with, and not just another random person. Basically, reading it, he was looking for what he had with me. And tbh its really really hurt me.
My questions are:
- if thats what he wants, why doesnt he look for another chance with me? Was it nothing to do with me (which at the time genuinely appeared like it wasnt) or was he lying? Or is he lying on his profile, bc he knows this is the best way to impress women. He was a bit of a womaniser in the not so distant past.
- The other issue is why he keeps texting, why apologise and re-iterate the nothing to do with me?
- And should I let him know how hurt I am, because after being so understanding and supportive, despite my own upset, I feel like this online sh1t is like a total slap in the face mere weeks after breaking up.
I really felt he was genuine, and that we did have something. But I'm totally confused now, and starting to mistrust my own judgement bc he seemed like a decent guy.
All advice greatly received!

bee06

Maybe he is lying on his profile, maybe he just doesn't want a long term relationship with you and was trying to save your feelings. No one here can answer that question for you.

Stop contacting him and accept that it's over. If he wanted to be with you he would be.

brianregan09

Sounds like he's just out to get his hole and not interested in a relationship at all

s15r330

If someone was to be sneaky they could setup a fake profile and contact him on it, see what his intentions are, if they really wanted to know.
But the best advice is leave it and move on. As one poster said, if he wanted you he'd be with you.

osarusan

Is there any chance that his profile is an old one and hasn't been updated for a long time?

Jotunheim

I wouldn't take what the profile says as the truth, if most fellas put their real intentions on there they'd get no replies. He is just about keeping in touch because he wants you as an option, but won't make you a priority. It hurts, but walk it off and find someone who isn't a messer.

lazybones32

As sore as it is to hear it, whatever you had is over. It's finished.
He does not want to be with you. When times are hard and stressful, we seek the company of those we like being with - we don't avoid them. I'd understand him not giving time if you were a new item (where he has to 'entertain' you) but not in this case. Whatever he's looking for, he doesn't want it with you. Don't take that as a sign that there's something wrong with you.
I'm not saying this to hurt or upset you but from my own experience, I've unnecessarily tortured myself wondering and hoping for things to be different...thinking there could be a chance.

Maybe I'm being critical but I think him contacting you once a week is to keep you dangling; keep you interested; keep you available. If he doesn't find someone soon, he'll call to have a 'chat'...

Aka Ishur

As the rest have said move on. Casual contact could rekindle things but you gotta open your mind to better prospects. Never ever ever mention the profile you saw. No matter how innocent it may have been you will come across as a crazy person.

freshpopcorn

He might be lying on his profile or he mightn't have being that into you. Lots of guys/women break up with people because there is something they don't like about there partner and they don't want to hurt there feelings by saying what it is.

Mr. Incognito

Hes just not into you. Happens. Move on,

John368

The old "it's not you, but me.." line should have been your first clue. As others have said move on.