Ex is now a neighbour

LegacyUser

Hi all
Quick background to the story, was going out with a guy for 6 years, living with him for 4, during that time things went a bit downhill, he started seeing someone behind my back, I found out, he begged for forgiveness and we got back together, to discover a few months later she was actually pregnant. He was devastated, wanted nothing to do with her but I convinced him otherwise, we decided to work through it and it was okay until baby was born, i couldn't handle the level of commitment needed, I guess I was naive, I also felt he was going over and beyond what was necessary, eg going over to fix her oven, going to the nearest city shopping with her for baby clothes, I hadn't minded them doing that to get all the equipment etc, but it got too much to handle so I called it a day and decided to do a bit of travelling to clear my head, he begged me not to go, was ringing me everyday for weeks, wanted to fly over to bring me home and get engaged but I couldn't trust him enough to do it, we kept in touch everyday I was away, and when I came home we met up, went away for a few weekends etc but then I came across himself and the mother of his child together shopping one day and I felt I couldn't live this life. I ended it, he sent flowers, turned up outside my house and all the rest.
within 6 months he had proposed to the mother of his child and are getting married the end of the year, he got onto me after they got engaged to meet up, that he still loved me and would break up with his fiancee for me but I said no. So hard because my heart always says yes but my head says no. In a twist of fate we've now ended up as neighbours, me in a rental, the three of them living as a happy family around the corner. it's so hard as my bedroom window overlooks their garden, i can see the clothes I would've bought him on their line. What can I do? My heart is breaking to constantly see them. His fiancee is beyond smug, beaming at me each time she sees me.
How can I deal with this?

jimmycrackcorm

It might be easier just to move. You're renting so is also an opportunity to get a fresh start without any reminders.

dellas1979

Too close wrote: »

me in a rental

Too close wrote: »

How can I deal with this?

For goodness sake, move and cut him out of your life once and for all!

porsche boy

Move now.

K.Flyer

Why torture yourself, move!
Move to a different part of town, break contact and move on with your life.

LegacyUser

Moving isn't an option, I have a year lease and it's with a friend. There are also zero other properties available for rent even if I could move. In a way I also don't want to let him drive me out. I feel he has already won.

CaraMay

How did that happen? Do you want him back op? I think you would be nuts. He cheated on you with her and now wants to chest on her with you. What a dog. Move. You don't need this.

chickenlicken2

Beam right back at her. What a prize she has OP. She clearly got one over on you.

You have won here OP.

This is a guy who cheated on you. He got another girl pregnant. He wanted nothing to do with her. He then what strings both of you along for a period of time. You finish things and he gets engaged to her. And then he comes back to you WHILE engaged to her to say he wants you back and will call things off with her.

You have had a lucky escape.


Hold your head up high. Surround yourself with friends. Stay happy.

LegacyUser

OP you've got nothing to feel bad about, if anything you had a lucky escape from this fool. She's beaming ! beaming about being married to a loser who lies and cheats behind her back. You are the one that should be beaming and happy you are not stuck in a sham marriage with him. Onwards and upwards and get on with your life. Ignore him and his wife and his family.

MrWalsh

Won? You think she has won?

Won a cheat who has constantly treated her as second best and is only with her now because you turned him down. Yeah, she's won alright, she is going to be legally tied to him by the end of the year and be sitting at home wondering where he is when he is out cheating with the next person.

You dodged a bullet!

Beam back at her and hang your raciest underwear out the window to dry.

osarusan

chickenlicken2 wrote: »

Beam right back at her. What a prize she has OP. She clearly got one over on you.

You have won here OP.

This is a guy who cheated on you. He got another girl pregnant. He wanted nothing to do with her. He then what strings both of you along for a period of time. You finish things and he gets engaged to her. And then he comes back to you WHILE engaged to her to say he wants you back and will call things off with her.

You have had a lucky escape.


Hold your head up high. Surround yourself with friends. Stay happy.

I would agree with all of this, but I would still move anyway, if possible.


I understand why the poster above said you should beam right back and hang out your raciest underwear, but I disagree. This has nothing to do with winning or losing, whatever his wife might think. Who cares about them, and their perspective. Don't think about it like that. Don't think about them at all. It's not about doing things to make them think you're grand or whatever - It's about doing what's best for yourself.

What you need is to get him out of your head and out of your life. If you can do that and stay put, great. If not, then living there and seeing them isn't good for you. Moving away might make it easier for you to put it behind you.

DivingDuck

OP, do the smart thing for your mental health, and move. If your housemate is genuinely your friend, they will understand your need to extricate yourself from this situation and allow you to sublet the room. If there is an accommodation shortage in the area, they will undoubtedly be able to fill the room quickly and easily with someone of a decent caliber. If you were my friend, I would never allow you to stay in this situation purely because we had agreed on a lease together.

As for you yourself, you have to ask what it's worth to you to get away from this constant unhappiness. Slightly less money left over at the end of the week due to higher rental bills? A longer commute to work? Surely either one of those things would be preferable to daily misery as you watch this family develop and grow.

Give no thought to whether or not your ex or his partner have "won": the true winner in this situation is you, who is a. not stuck with a partner who is their second choice, and b. not saddled with a partner who is unreliable and unfaithful. His new partner doesn't even realize what a toe-rag she's set to marry, so if anything, you should pity her. Would you want to be engaged to a man who has a history of cheating and who (from the sound of things) is mostly only with you because it's convenient? I can't imagine anything worse. Either way, this woman is nothing to you, and you cannot allow her to prevent you from taking action that would make your life and well-being better. Your ex is nothing to you either, and for that you should be grateful. He sounds like a desperate, confused, over-grown child: the sort of person who should never be allowed to have a bearing on your future choices.

As long as you are living on top of one another, it will be very difficult for you to close the book on what was obviously a difficult and unhappy relationship. Take every possible step to remove yourself from the situation as soon as possible. Good luck.

punisher5112

If you can't move could you consider swapping to the bedroom at the front of house.
Can't see anymore from upstairs win win

Don't be at all surprised if he tries it on with you again as he will find once married he will have to wait months for any sex.

Once a cheat always a ........

LegacyUser

OP if you are living in Dublin where the rental situation is a nightmare I'd probably stay put especially if you don't have the finance to move. Also if you break the lease you'll end up losing your deposit. Just look at the accommodation forum, there's some threads there from both landlords and tenants who've had issues with renting.