Very few friends and I feel like my life is without purpose

LegacyUser

I am writing this here very down in myself, I am a 37 year old single man and I dont seem to have a purpose or anything to live for in life

I have very few friends, my parents moved home 3 times during my childhood so I have never had that home community base where we knew lots of people. Where they currently live in cork we know absolutely nobody

In college I had a few friends but most of those ties have drifted apart due to them getting married and starting families of their own

I feel very isolated with absolutely no social life, here I am another weekend sitting in with a few cans and on the internet or watching tv

Its a miserable existence

I am particularly miserable tonight because a friend of a friend is having their stag and I was told by my friend a few months back that I was invited but it turns out I'm not

Called my friend out on it a few days ago and he apologized saying whilst he was away travelling invites were sent out to the wedding but because I wasn't invited to the wedding there was no point in inviting me to the stag, I wasn't really expecting an invite to the stag anyway because whilst I am friendly with the lad whose stag it is we aren't actually friends and we'd rarely meet up . I definitely wasn't expecting a wedding invite

The whole thing has left me feeling very bitter but its given me a reality check into how ****e my life actually is and how few friends I do have

Would appreciate some advice

Rubberchikken

op, sorry to read about the stag. i know you weren't expecting any invites, but the fact that it was a slight possibility and then not hurt and for that i'm sorry.

maybe it's a good thing in that it's given you a chance to decide to change things.

are you in a work environment where others are going out at night for a drink and you could be included or ask others to go with you?
what are your interests? i know it's a cliche but joining a group/class is a great way to meet people and there's nothing like a common or shared interest to spark friendships.

good luck

Hi op,

I'm so sorry that you're feeling so lonely at the moment. I'm actually really concerned as you've written that you feel you have nothing to live for.
I want to say that I understand exactly what you mean when you say that your parents moved around a lot as a child and how this impacted on you making friends. My parents also moved around a lot. 5 times in total. Like you I was unable to create a strong network of friends and always felt some hint of jealous when people spoke of their childhood mates, they grew up down the road from etc. It also means that to this day if I'm feeling in need, I don't have an aunt, uncle, cousin etc anywhere near me to call on.
I did make a lot of 'friends' in my early 20s in my workplace. But a few years ago when I was made redundant it became clear that those friendships weren't going to last outside the workplace and we actually had very little else in common. I found that a very lonely time and I was often very low. What I did was take up volunteering with a particular organisation. I wasn't sure Id be able for it, as it takes a particular type of person and is hard going emotionally. But boy am I glad I did it. I have made the best friends there that I've ever known. We very regularly meet up, know everything about each other and are extremely close. The reason these friendships formed so strongly is because to do what we do we all have to have similar personality traits etc.
So I suppose what I'm saying is .. Please don't give up! Find something you can be passionate about and join a group/ volunteer in that area and you'll find people similar to yourself that you can bond with and have real friendships with. Or at the very least it will get you out of the house and break the monotony!

beatlesfan3333

I understand the 'lack of home community' point that you made. My parents moved around a lot as well. I know people who have grown up in the same town all their lives and have people to rely on consistently for a social life. It's different for people like us. Sometimes I find it hard but I keep trying. My advice is to stay positive and be someone you would like to be friends with yourself. I'd recommend trying to make friends in work, maybe by attending work nights out if they happen? I would also try volunteering at a charity maybe or joining an exercise class to make friends? I do these things to keep me going. Something I always try to remember as well is to stay positive and don't be clingy. I'm not suggesting you are but I've found myself and other lonely people being clingy and this turns people off from being your friend. Best of luck, I hope things get easier for you!

Matteroffact

You have to join as many clubs as you can. Try meetup.com

gaiscioch

depressed11jul15 wrote: »

I feel very isolated with absolutely no social life, here I am another weekend sitting in with a few cans and on the internet or watching tv

Immediately I'd watch the drink very carefully if I were in the state of mind you're describing. It's a sneaky thing the way it can start by comforting you but by the end you can feel in a much bigger hole, definitely more depressed and definitely have every problem magnified. (If I felt alcohol was, in any way, undermining my productivity and personal development I'd ditch it entirely.)

Anyway, I'd take a different tack to others here. Rather than increase your socialising in your current state - your umbrage regarding the stag might indicate you're feeling vulnerable and a bit needy - I would withdraw and strengthen myself. By that I mean build up your confidence by getting some achievement be it in education, fitness, spiritual, work etc. Essentially, I think if we all have a sense of self-achievement our self-esteem will be better and we will have healthier, more balanced relationships rather than uneven ones which ultimately do not last for obvious reasons.

I think if you get on with your life, your projects, your passions, giving your own life purpose (we are the only people who can give our lives purpose, of course) and a sense of fulfilment you will meet people with whom you click along the way. Importantly, you will meet them via shared interests rather than you tagging along to the interests of some old group of "friends" just for the sake of keeping "friends". The stronger you feel as an individual with your own interests and character, the stronger and fairer will be your friendships and relationships. You first; the rest will follow.

Go n-éirí an t-ádh leat/Best of luck.

lazybones32

People aren't going to come knocking on the door to make friends with you, so you have to take responsibility for making new friendships.
Activities, interests, sports, hobbies...these are your best bet for socialising. Unless you're living on top of a mountain or in a lighthouse, there are other people around you.

Muckracker

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Please read our charter. Cruel advice like this isn't on and a repeat f this level of tough love will result in swift moderator action.

Supercell

OP, I could have written your post when I was 37. Its a pretty dark place to be in.
I got out of the rut by online dating believe it or not. I got chatting to a girl in China of all places. Long story short, had a great time over there, didn't get on with her but did with a friend of a friend of hers who happened to be an english translator (her friend felt sorry for me coming all that way to find out there was no chemistry so she introduced me to her translator friend!). Fast forward 7 years and i'm married to the translator, with two kids, one on the way with a house and a mortgage.
It just took a little bravery to try something new, go somewhere different to shake things up, maybe you could try something like that.