boob job

elainer1

Recently started seeing this guy- about a month ago. Really like him and its going really well. I decided back in may to get a breast augmentation- im slim but very flat chested and am not planning on going any bigger than i look with a padded bra on. Havent slept with this guy yet and although theres a big click its still very early days so i havent mentioned this to him as its all quite casual yet. If i go ahead with this he will obviously find out eventually- will this be a turn off? quite anxious about his reaction but im doing it for personal reasons...

It's your body, you like it, that's what matters.

Jotunheim

An old girlfriend of mine had an augmentation for the same reasons. Can't say it even occurred to me to be bothered about it. If your new guy doesn't like it, then you'll know he's not the one for you.

Matteroffact

Depends on the guy. It would be a turn off for me. He can gauge what size you are now and is happy enough dating you.

elainer1

Yeah I'm not worried what he'll think of the look of them. I'm not going to be too much bigger..I'm just conscious that as he doesn't know me that well yet it might seem like I'm quite shallow and/or vain?? I'm neither but it's something I've wanted to do for a while and is nothing about pleasing a man.,

Taltos

Mod note
Hi OP
Welcome to PI. I've closed your other thread but per our charter please don't open multiple threads in a short space of time, otherwise we'll just have to close them all. If you're not sure of the rules her please take five minutes to read our charter.

Thanks
Taltos

Seth Brundle

For me the concern wouldn't be about the fact that you wish to enhance your physical appearance through breast augmentation as much as it might be from wondering what's next?
I presume that you're not doing it for him but don't forget that he likes you as you are now!

elainer1

I suppose it's just something that I've been self conscious about for a long time. I have the money now and know girls that have got it done. After a while I figure I'll almost forget that I've had it done and my new boobs will be part of me,.if it gives increased body confidence I figure u only live once and it's not a massive deal. I've dated a good few guys though and had little interest so will be upset if this alters the new guys opinion of me..I'm quite laid back but I realise people have different opinions on plastic surgery

irishdude11

I would find it a turn off. I associate it with the likes of Jordan or trashy porn stars. Zero substance types. Apart from that just the thoughts of some material being used to deform the body's natural form is a complete turn off for me. I would not date someone that had this done.

chickenlicken2

Your body your choice.

If he is put off by it that's his own opinion and he's entitled to have it but don't let it affect your plans.

Timberrrrrrrr

irishdude11 wrote: »

I would find it a turn off. I associate it with the likes of Jordan or trashy porn stars. Zero substance types. Apart from that just the thoughts of some material being used to deform the body's natural form is a complete turn off for me. I would not date someone that had this done.

So you wouldn't date a woman who wears fake tan, fake eyelashes, makeup, high heels or dyes her hair?

Go for it op, if you feel it's the right decision for you then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. If he is not understanding enough to realise this is what you want then he is not the right guy for you.

irishdude11

Timberrrrrrrr wrote: »

So you wouldn't date a woman who wears fake tan, fake eyelashes, makeup, high heels or dyes her hair?

Go for it op, if you feel it's the right decision for you then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. If he is not understanding enough to realise this is what you want then he is not the right guy for you.

Fake tan, makeup, etc... are accessorizing not body deformation -

"Deform: distort the shape or form of make misshapen; disfigure; bend out of shape"

But if you want to class them as body deformation, then I specifically mean surgical deformation.

Katgurl

I would completely downplay it, he hasn't even seen you naked has he? I'd feel no obligation to tell him tbh, it's your body and your money.

Timberrrrrrrr

irishdude11 wrote: »

Fake tan, makeup, etc... are accessorizing not body deformation -

"Deform: distort the shape or form of make misshapen; disfigure; bend out of shape"

But if you want to class them as body deformation, then I specifically mean surgical deformation.

Eyelashes, high heels, push up bra all do this. If someone had a boob job (not Katie Price or some porn star proportions) then you would never know.

biko

I have an opinion but tbh it's only your own opinion that matters - you obviously have thought about this for some time and made a decision.
You're doing this for you, not for him.

Eimee90

Im really surprised at some of the replies here, the OP has said she wanted this before he came along and I can understand her reasons, being flat chested, she wants to give shape to her breasts, not increase them to Jordans standard. very surprised at people here saying its a turn off. its a big deal if you buy clothes and you look like a boy in them.

OP, I would see how the relationship progresses and then when you feel ready bring it up.

LegacyUser

elsa21 wrote: »

Im really surprised at some of the replies here, the OP has said she wanted this before he came along and I can understand her reasons, being flat chested, she wants to give shape to her breasts, not increase them to Jordans standard. very surprised at people here saying its a turn off. its a big deal if you buy clothes and you look like a boy in them.

OP, I would see how the relationship progresses and then when you feel ready bring it up.

Her reasoning is totally understandable - but so is the possibility that her BF might find the idea of her doing that a turn off, or the physicality of them a turn off.

She doesn't know that until she talks to him though. And I personally don't think that should change her decision. It is something to take into account though - not necessarily about her current BF, but any future BF too. Depends on how secure she is in doing this for herself v how it affects her attractiveness to guys.

OneOfThem

Timberrrrrrrr wrote: »

If someone had a boob job (not Katie Price or some porn star proportions) then you would never know.

Well that's not entirely true, they'd know if they slept together, they feel different.

OP, for some guys it'd be a turn off, for others it'd be a turn on, for others it'd be neither. No one here'll be able to say how this particular guy would feel about it.

racso1975

Hi OP I have always been exceptionally conscious of my teeth. Whenever I smiled you would never see my teeth etc hated them.

Got them done last year. Really happy with them and smile like the cat with the cream the whole.

Does this make me shallow etc other people might say so but at the end of the day it makes me happy. It makes me more confident and less self conscious.

So I really do not give a damn what other think if it's what you want go for it

elainer1

I feel a bit awkward bringing it up to him as we're only getting to know each other. Everything is fun and casual at the moment and I just cringe at having to talk about it yet. Also I think he might expect I'm going to be getting Jordan sized boobs or something as this is all some men would know Of breast augmentation. I just want to be the same size I am with a bra on so increasing my breasts by a cup size so that I look better and feel more confident in bikinis and underwear etc. He has seen me naked once before so he will notice and also from what I've read they take a few months for the swelling etc to settle down. I have a good feeling about this guy and there's a great click..I know that some people have posted that he's not worth it if he's bothered by it and I'd feel the same if he knew me better but as he doesn't I'm worried it may cause him to judge me. I'm not sure I could be really blaze about it after to him as I can be shy about these things and I'm not sure that'd be in my personality to not be self conscious telling him about it..I've met so many guys that I haven't been into over the last few years that I'll be upset if this was to ruin my chances of perhaps something developing with this guy..appointment is booked though and I really need to make my mind up soon. Am I risking my chances with this guy by going ahead with it??

elainer1

Ideally I'd like to see how it progresses with this guy and then bring it up but I don't have the time for that at the moment as appointment is really close and I can't reschedule due to work commitments etc

chickenlicken2

elainer1 wrote: »

Ideally I'd like to see how it progresses with this guy and then bring it up but I don't have the time for that at the moment as appointment is really close and I can't reschedule due to work commitments etc

When is the op? Next few weeks?

elainer1

Next week

chickenlicken2

elainer1 wrote: »

Next week

Ah ok.

Well if you have a date during the week or at the weekend then just take a deep breath and say look I just want to let you know something and just explain that you are getting the operation next week.

Just say it might sound strange but it's something you have wanted to do for a few years and now the date has come up for the appointment. Of course it will be a little cringey and red face but that will pass.

And if he finds it's weird or not for him then he's more than entitled to feel how he wants to and leave him off.

Take your plenty more fish in the sea clichés walk tall and feel great about yourself.

As for it ruining your chances with him. Again if its something that he doesnt like thats his choice. You doing this is yours. It's something you wanted to do for years right? You've saved up? Thought about it for a while? It's not a whim decision in the last month.

If you are however having uncertainties about the op itself by all means take more time to think about it.

elainer1

I'm thinking that I could just get it done and hold on off the "sexy time" for a few weeks and then tell him when he knows me a bit better? I'm pretty sure it won't be noticeable in clothes as I've been an expert at concealing my flat chest with bras and chicken fillets etc. I just figure that way he'll realise I'm not going to be walking around with big balloons on my chest and it mightn't seem as big a deal when he realises that he didn't even notice at first..also means he'll have a better idea of the type of person I am and that I'm not totally superficial

orthsquel

I think you should just get telling him over and done with, before you have the operation. I think putting off any intimacy on account of recovery from the operation might be more off putting to him because he won't know the reason why, or that he might reach his own conclusions about that.
It might change his opinion of you and it might not.... but I think tbh it would be best to not build telling him up too much even in your own head, it might be something that you end up avoiding as a conversation, or where he won't understand why you're suddenly body shy post op and don't want to admit the reason why, without worrying whether or not it changes how he feels about you.

meeeeh

Just mention in passing that you probably won't be around next week because you have an operation. If he asks what kind, just say that you are having breast augmentation. Then maybe you could add jokingly, "don't expect double Ds, I am just going up a size". Make as little fuss about it as you can and be confident about it.

Eric Cartman

Timberrrrrrrr wrote: »

So you wouldn't date a woman who wears fake tan, fake eyelashes, makeup, or dyes her hair?

Go for it op, if you feel it's the right decision for you then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. If he is not understanding enough to realise this is what you want then he is not the right guy for you.

In an ideal world I would like to, but unfortunately the collective low self esteem of a lot of younger women means that to opt out of this would have left me single forever ha. Personally cosmetic surgery would be way over my already blurred line but if its what the OP wants then neither me nor any other poster here has the right to judge her.

MrWalsh

OP I think you are worrying unnecessarily.

Anyone who would be bothered is someone who has strange ideas about people having to suffer with how God (or whoever) made us even when such things are so easily changed and so minor to the minds of others but make a huge difference in the mind of the person affected.

Would you think any the less of someone with a broken front tooth who wanted it fixed? Someone with a wide nose who wanted it thinner? Someone who had facial scarring repaired?

Why do you think cosmetic surgery exists? Because we have the knowledge and expertise to fix things that really bother people. Sure, some people take it to extremes, but making a comparison with the average person getting cosmetic surgery and Jordan is just naive.

You will find that the people who take exception to such things wouldnt even be aware of someone who has had a boob job - they just have a mistaken perception of Jordan as the poster girl for boob jobs. Its immature tbh and also judgemental over something that is none of their business. I wonder about these types who claim that people shouldnt be changing the natural shape of their bodies - how controlling is that?

Anyway, I think you should just drop into the next conversation that, by the way, you are having a scheduled surgery next week and its a breast augmentation.

You are likely to be unable to hide it because there is a recovery period and care has to be taken in what you wear, bathing etc...

kittycati

You'll have to tell him. He and everyone else will notice anyhow. Even if you are only going up a cup size the swelling will be huge.. Pain and discomfort too. Like if ye have not have had sex yet either I'd say you won't be able to have it for while after as inscisions you will be waiting on them to heal.. Sounds to me thou that you are not ready for this yet thou.. You don't have to go through with it can wait and defer your appointment.. You have to completely sure about this before having operation it is not something you can hide .

MrWalsh

kittycati wrote: »

He and everyone else will notice anyhow. Even if you are only going up a cup size the swelling will be huge.. Pain and discomfort too. L

The swelling is nothing that cant be hidden under a loose top and it only lasts a few days - you wont be in work on those days anyway so no one will know.

LegacyUser

elainer1 wrote: »

I suppose it's just something that I've been self conscious about for a long time. I have the money now and know girls that have got it done. After a while I figure I'll almost forget that I've had it done and my new boobs will be part of me,.if it gives increased body confidence I figure u only live once and it's not a massive deal. I've dated a good few guys though and had little interest so will be upset if this alters the new guys opinion of me..I'm quite laid back but I realise people have different opinions on plastic surgery

OP I think you should only get the op done because you want not due to what anyone else's says but just want to check your doctor has made it clear to you that the new boobs aren't permanent right? Breast implants need to be replaced, they are not lifetime jobs. The average is 10years depending on several factors.

kittycati

MrWalsh wrote: »

The swelling is nothing that cant be hidden under a loose top and it only lasts a few days - you wont be in work on those days anyway so no one will know.

Swelling lasts 6 months. That's why after 6 months some not happy with size as they get used to being larger.. Even trying to hide under loose clothes people still notice . It's a major surgery.

MrWalsh

kittycati wrote: »

Swelling lasts 6 months. That's why after 6 months some not happy with size as they get used to being larger.. Even trying to hide under loose clothes people still notice . It's a major surgery.

Swelling does not last 6 months and it is not that noticable. The noticable swelling peaks in the first week and goes down from then. There is some minor swelling that can go on for a few weeks but thats not noticable in regular clothes at all (I suppose if you were wearing very revealing clothing it might be noticable).

Here is a link to the NHS's recovery advice page for breast implants:
http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Breast-implants/Pages/Recovery.aspx

kittycati

MrWalsh wrote: »

Swelling does not last 6 months and it is not that noticable. The noticable swelling peaks in the first week and goes down from then. There is some minor swelling that can go on for a few weeks but thats not noticable in regular clothes at all (I suppose if you were wearing very revealing clothing it might be noticable).

Here is a link to the NHS's recovery advice page for breast implants:
http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Breast-implants/Pages/Recovery.aspx

Better going on people's experiences rather than a website

Dial Hard

kittycati wrote: »

Better going on people's experiences rather than a website

Maybe she is going on her own experience?

OP, all I'd say to you is that if this is something you know is going to make a positive change to your outlook, then don't let the potential reaction from anyone, male or female, change your mind.

My sister had her nose done a few years back. Tbh, it doesn't really look any different to me but the change it made to her overall happiness and positivity was nothing short of amazing. Her only regret now is that she didn't do it years earlier, as her self-esteem was in the gutter for her teens and most of her 20s.

MrWalsh

kittycati wrote: »

Better going on people's experiences rather than a website

I am going on experience.

I am sorry if you had a bad experience but the norm is really nothing like you are making out.

MrWalsh

Dial Hard wrote: »

Tbh, it doesn't really look any different to me but the change it made to her overall happiness and positivity was nothing short of amazing. Her only regret now is that she didn't do it years earlier, as her self-esteem was in the gutter for her teens and most of her 20s.

^^ This.

Everyone who I know who has had cosmetic surgery has had this experience.

kittycati

My original post just meant wait if you having doubts.. Any thing anybody wants to get done should be 100% as she said was next week I said you'll have to tell as a boyfriend will notice.. There's never a rush with these things I never said don't get it done I said do but maybe wait..what difference will we'd say 6 months make or do now .. End of day he has to be told

Eric Cartman

MrWalsh wrote: »

^^ This.

Everyone who I know who has had cosmetic surgery has had this experience.

Fair enough if it works but thats a really sad reflection on our society when bits of silicone are what you need to be confident and happy

Meauldsegosha

kittycati wrote: »

My original post just meant wait if you having doubts.. Any thing anybody wants to get done should be 100% as she said was next week I said you'll have to tell as a boyfriend will notice.. There's never a rush with these things I never said don't get it done I said do but maybe wait..what difference will we'd say 6 months make or do now .. End of day he has to be told

I don't think the OP is having doubts about the surgery and it's seems to be something she has considered at length. She has only been seeing this guy for a month and from her first post it is still a casual relationship. He doesn't appear to be her boyfriend yet. They haven't even had sex yet.

OP you have only known this guy a short time and if the surgery is something you really want I wouldn't let his potential reaction change your mind.

MrWalsh

Eric Cartman wrote: »

Fair enough if it works but thats a really sad reflection on our society when bits of silicone are what you need to be confident and happy

Everyone has different needs. Would you be happy to go through life missing a front tooth for example? If things that bother you can be fixed and you want it and can afford it then why not fix them? Some women spend hours on hair, make up and outfit daily that I'd never personally do but I don't judge them as though I am somehow superior to them because of it. It makes them happy so good for them.

Genuinely, I can't imagine why anyone would think it's sad, I think it's great that we are medically advanced enough to be able to help people!

elainer1

In one sense im really excited about this..and I think of other people who had it done and I didn't give them much thought and the other part of me thinks that it's going to make me awkward with this guy and is it worth that?! Then if I don't go ahead with it (and now is the only time suitable for the foreseeable future) sure this mightn't go anywhere anyway with this guy as its too early days to know.,I don't want to sabotage it though by acting strange as I fell I've this big burden to get off my chest..pun intended:)!

Jotunheim

Are you actually now just using him as an excuse to question going ahead with the plan? It's looking like that to me, because there's no way this guy's possible reservations should outweigh a plan you've had for a long time which has become very important to your self image and esteem.

rcarroll

OP, I'm neither for or against plastic surgery, so my comments have nothing to do with encouraging or dissuading you from going ahead.

But how is it that this guy, who you've only known a short time, you're not officially dating and haven't slept with - how is it HIS opinion has more sway than yours?? You've wanted this for years, you claim that you are sure and serious about going ahead with this for your own personal reasons. Yet, you're giving more weight to the opinion of effectively a stranger/someone that could be gone in a few weeks anyways?!

Maybe you should look at that a bit more - why are you giving more power to him than to yourself? If you are really sure you want this, and have wanted this for years, why are you doubting now?

PinkLemonade

rcarroll wrote: »

OP, I'm neither for or against plastic surgery, so my comments have nothing to do with encouraging or dissuading you from going ahead.

But how is it that this guy, who you've only known a short time, you're not officially dating and haven't slept with - how is it HIS opinion has more sway than yours?? You've wanted this for years, you claim that you are sure and serious about going ahead with this for your own personal reasons. Yet, you're giving more weight to the opinion of effectively a stranger/someone that could be gone in a few weeks anyways?!

Maybe you should look at that a bit more - why are you giving more power to him than to yourself? If you are really sure you want this, and have wanted this for years, why are you doubting now?

It's not just him though, it's every potential partner who might see it as a turn off- and that's their perogative, you're allowed chose who you be with.

I don't think it would affect most men who had a good connection with a girl with cosmetic surgery, but it might turn some men off

Seth Brundle

Like I said before it wouldn't necessarily be a turn off. I would be wondering that you could be thinking of your lips, ass and whatever else as the next phase.
If that's it, then fine for me, I would not bothered in the slightest. Speaking as a typical man, big or small, they're all great!
However based on your most recent posts you seem to be doubting the process. Don't do it or not do it for someone else. Do it for you if that's what you want. At this point in your relatiknship, nobody else should matter.

rainbowtrout

rcarroll wrote: »

OP, I'm neither for or against plastic surgery, so my comments have nothing to do with encouraging or dissuading you from going ahead.

But how is it that this guy, who you've only known a short time, you're not officially dating and haven't slept with - how is it HIS opinion has more sway than yours?? You've wanted this for years, you claim that you are sure and serious about going ahead with this for your own personal reasons. Yet, you're giving more weight to the opinion of effectively a stranger/someone that could be gone in a few weeks anyways?!

Maybe you should look at that a bit more - why are you giving more power to him than to yourself? If you are really sure you want this, and have wanted this for years, why are you doubting now?

This is what I would be most concerned about. You booked this surgery and had your consultation before you knew this guy. You had a reason for having the surgery. Now you don't seem too sure,

Put it this way, if you cancel your surgery next week and things go belly up with this guy, would you regret cancelling the surgery? Your opinion should matter more than his.

On the other side of things regarding telling him, I think you should. Keep it straightforward. "I'm going into hospital next week to have a breast augmentation. I am going up one cup size, and will look similar to what I do now. Recovery will take a few weeks as I will have swelling and bruising and scars, but I should be back to normal after a few weeks." See what he says. He might disagree, he might agree, he might be very supportive, he might have questions, he might offer to call in on you and give you a hand during recovery. You never know.

I'm also saying this as someone who had a breast reduction 4 weeks ago. I'm pretty much back to normal now. I was way out of proportion and had back, neck and shoulder pain and found doing sports uncomfortable. It did cross my mind 'what will men say when they've found out I've done this' but not having back pain, being able to stand straight, being able to run far outweighs what any potential boyfriend thinks.

gerryd2

If he really likes you then your body doesn't matter. Trust me I've liked many woman of different sizes and busts. Personality really does count the most in a relationship. A persons body only counts when someones in lust

elainer1

I decided to cancel as I wasn't sure about it. I was worried I'd become really awkward about the whole thing and telling this guy. I totally agree that if he had a problem with it well then that's his issue and I agree that he probably wasn't for me if this was the case. I was more concerned about how anxious I was feeling about having to tell him.. Anyway I totally regret cancelling it now and am really mad with myself for not Having more confidence about having to tell someone this. If I get this done and meet someone down the line I don't think I'll care about telling prospective partners but I was anxious about dealing with all the emotions I'd go through about the surgery and recovery without having to worry about dealing with telling someone who doesn't know me that well about it..

Potatoeman

I think my issue would be the amount of money spent on something so superficial. Its going to require maintenance and how are you going to deal with growing old? It's not like getting a cap on a tooth. Thats a quick dentist visit.