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Marriage problems

  • 11-07-2015 9:23am
    #1
    Mikeyshragh
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 92 ✭✭


    Hi. me and my wife are having very difficult times together we have 2 kids. We do nothing but fight. leaves me nothing but loans to pay off for her. She always max out the credit card. I just had enough I can't take any more. As for sex is non exsisting. We haven't had sex in 2 mts. and before ir was about once a mts. She never tries to have sex with me. its up to me to make the move ALL the time I'm tired of that too. is this part about the sex normal with women the men making the move the whole time or is it just me. I've tried to talk to her loads of times. She says it's the man's job to make the move everytime. Then says we are not having enough sex. I really can tske any more. I love my children so much. There the only think that's keeping this marriage together. I couldn't bare not seeing my kids every day it would kill me. Please can I have some advise I have no one to talk to. thsnks


Comments

  • #2
    Taltos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    Mod Note:
    Better here OP. S&D is purely to help folk find their way through the process of separation and divorce. From your post it doesn't seem you're quite there yet.

    Hope you get some helpful advice here.
    Taltos


  • #3
    Matteroffact
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 457 ✭✭Matteroffact


    Write out a budget and hand it to her and tell her that you both have stick to it. Failing this get rid of the credit card. As for the sex thing who cares who makes the first move so long as it ends up with having sex, if that is what you want. Maybe having a discussion about all of this in a non confrontational way might help. Do not blame her for anything, but tell her how you would like things to be and ask her what she would like as a way to improve the marriage, and see how that goes. The blame game is not the way to go and if anything you can start the conversation by blaming yourself, even though you might feel you are not at fault here, it just softens the conversation and makes it easier for her to contribute.


  • #4
    Drumpot
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19,306 ✭✭✭✭Drumpot


    You might find that your wife sees things completely different. there is a good chance that the truth is somewhere between how you both perceive things.

    I believe if you both really want to try and improve things, getting an outside party (relationship therapist) might help. An independent , impartial outside party can highlight thIngs you both don't see about yourselfs. Particularly destructive communication like your finances and sex.

    i think many people confuse telling a partner what they want, with communicating. You may feel you communicate fine, but the way I see it you then have nothing to lose by getting help with an independent mediator. They may expose weaknesses in your relationship that you can both work on.

    Trying to figure it out between each other is not working. When a relationship is already strained, both sides can be on the defencive that makes communicating more difficult. Maybe a change of strategy may yield more favourable results.


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