Compulsive liar

New user m

Not sure if I'm in the right place but my partner has a compulsive lying disorder and it's made our relationship come to breaking point. He is aware it is a problem and wants to get help for it but we have no idea where to go.

Peregrine

Moved to Relationship Issues. Relationship Issues' charter now applies.

lazybones32

Counselor.
Compulsive or habitual lying is a behaviour and can be addressed.

New user m

lazybones32 wrote: »

Counselor.
Compulsive or habitual lying is a behaviour and can be addressed.

I know but how like is there a certain type of counsellor that he needs to go to

blatantrereg

Just break up. No trust means no real relationship.

New user m

blatantrereg wrote: »

Just break up. No trust means no real relationship.

It's not that easy we have kids.

CaptainInsano

blatantrereg wrote: »

Just break up. No trust means no real relationship.

There's always one moron that suggests this pointless advice.

Neyite

Mod:

Offer constructive, helpful advice to the OP or dont post on this thread. Potshots at any other posters are unwelcome, as is personal abuse.

blatantrereg

Something wrong if you think breaking up with someone in an already broken relationship is pointless advice. A relationship is the trust between two people. Not anything else. No trust no relationship. Staying in a relationship after the trust is gone is just beating a dead horse.

Also 'Compulsive Lying Disorder' does not exist. It's something referred to on new agey type Websites only. Constructing imaginary psychiatric disorders to justify someone treating you unacceptably is not intelligent.

Augme

blatantrereg wrote: »

Also 'Compulsive Lying Disorder' does not exist. It's something referred to on new agey type Websites only. Constructing imaginary psychiatric disorders to justify someone treating you unacceptably is not intelligent.

Pathological lying does exist though and there have been studies written about it.

blatantrereg

It's not a disorder. It is something they look for when diagnosing psychopathy. Not aware of other instances of it.

MikeSD

" It's not that easy we have kids" - enjoy a miserable future for yourself and for your kids when both you and your partner can't shield your misery.

MrWalsh

New user m wrote: »

Not sure if I'm in the right place but my partner has a compulsive lying disorder and it's made our relationship come to breaking point. He is aware it is a problem and wants to get help for it but we have no idea where to go.

I would imagine the first port of call would be with the local GP who should be able to offer advice on the next steps?

kunst nugget

blatantrereg wrote: »

It's not a disorder. It is something they look for when diagnosing psychopathy. Not aware of other instances of it.

It can be a symptom of several personality disorders such as borderline personality disorder - it's not limited to psychopathy.

kunst nugget

MikeSD wrote: »

" It's not that easy we have kids" - enjoy a miserable future for yourself and for your kids when both you and your partner can't shield your misery.

People can get treatment for problems they have and it sounds like this person wants to help their partner. Would you say this to someone who said their partner was suffering from depression?

New user m

kunst nugget wrote: »

People can get treatment for problems they have and it sounds like this person wants to help their partner. Would you say this to someone who said their partner was suffering from depression?

Hi thank you for a constructive comment instead of using the simple breakup I am with him because I love him and instead of choosing to break up and destroy our family I would rather him get help to try and sort it before jumping down that road. Yes I do think there is an underlying problem but he won't open up to me about certain things in his life that he clearly struggles to deal with.

And just to the quick to judge out there are aware his lying is about small stupid things hence why I asked for advice I could use before it gets worse. If you choose to give up on the people you love that quick good for you but I am not.

New user m

MikeSD wrote: »

" It's not that easy we have kids" - enjoy a miserable future for yourself and for your kids when both you and your partner can't shield your misery.

Mike if you choose to give up on the people you love that quick then good for you. I however do not choose to live my life by giving up on those I love so quick. Your comment does not help me so take your nasty comments somewhere else please

lazybones32

New user m wrote: »

I know but how like is there a certain type of counsellor that he needs to go to

No, there isn't a particular type of counselor you need to seek. Well, a certified and qualified one is essential and also, whoever is receiving the treatment must want to do it and must trust their counselor.

Choose a counselor; ring their office and make an appointment or if possible, ask over the phone if they will treat/serve a compulsive liar. The counselor mightn't view this as their strong point in counselling and could refer another practitioner.

Adds: Avoid psychotherapy and hypnotherapy.
Psychotherapy is essentially talking about a person's issues without ever proposing a concrete solution. It's expensive and can run for years and may never 'work'.
Hypnotherapy seeks to gloss over the issue without treating the root cause of the problem

New user m

lazybones32 wrote: »

No, there isn't a particular type of counselor you need to seek. Well, a certified and qualified one is essential and also, whoever is receiving the treatment must want to do it and must trust their counselor.

Choose a counselor; ring their office and make an appointment or if possible, ask over the phone if they will treat/serve a compulsive liar. The counselor mightn't view this as their strong point in counselling and could refer another practitioner.

Thank you yes he does want to get help he called a counsellor today they are arranging an appointment for him

lazybones32

I'm glad to hear it, m.
A word of warning though. When people begin therapy or counselling, they will be bringing up some painful memories and experiences . Your partner might be cranky or in bad moods as some stuff resurfaces.

New user m

lazybones32 wrote: »

I'm glad to hear it, m.
A word of warning though. When people begin therapy or counselling, they will be bringing up some painful memories and experiences . Your partner might be cranky or in bad moods as some stuff resurfaces.

Thank you just glad he has done it himself I have people I can talk to of needs be my family are brilliant.

zeffabelli

New user m wrote: »

Not sure if I'm in the right place but my partner has a compulsive lying disorder and it's made our relationship come to breaking point. He is aware it is a problem and wants to get help for it but we have no idea where to go.

What does he lie about and in what contexts?

I went through a phase of compulsive lying about really stupid stuff, it was intimacy issues.... In my head the truth was none of their business... I mean really dumb stuff....it's a kind of peek a boo.... Now you know me... Now you don't. Trust issues possibly.

Marlon Brando opens is auto biography by stating he is a compulsive liar.... Sometimes I think it's the output of a frustrated creative.

Sometimes people go this just because it makes what they think is a boring life far more entertaining.

Other times it's a kind of glass wall they put up.

I don't think you'll find a therapist who specialises in it but s good one will help him get to the bottom of it.

macplato

Compulsive lying, or "lying when it's just as easy to tell the truth" is a common symptom amongst adult children of alcoholics (ACoA).

Do you know if there were alcohol abuse issues in your partner's family of origin? If that's the case, then looking for a counselor or a therapist who specialises in this area would be a good idea. There are some Centres in Dublin that are dedicated to helping adult children of alcoholics sort out their issues (through counseling and support groups) - ask your partner to make a contact with them (a quick google search will bring them up).

If you google "adult children of alcoholics lying" you will get some insightful information as to why people who come from dysfunctional families may lie when seemingly there is no need to.