My friends and my ex

LegacyUser

I broke up with my ex over a year ago. I still have some feeling for him which are upsetting, not because I want to get back with him but just because I feel like a bit of a failure. He's moved on and his life is great (or so I hear) while I've been in a rut for the past year and still find myself thinking of him on an almost daily basis.
Anyway I live abroad and am going home for a month over the summer. I can't wait t see my friends etc but they're all really good friend with him. I don't want us to be that awkward ex-couple that can't be at the same party but we tried to be friends after the break-up (his idea) and it ended with him treating me badly and me over-reacting. I'm afriad he won't forgive me for the things I said or that he'll have told some of my friends and they'll think less of me.
I'm also fairly certain he's seeing my best friend from college. Again, I don't want to be "that girl". They're both great people, they have a lot in common, I don't own either of them but it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. I mean, we basically broke up because he no longer thought I was worth the effort (essentially), why is she so much better? I know that's not a fair thing to say, that's not how it works, but that's what it feels like. And I wish she'd a least given me a warning before pictures of them holding hands started appearing on fb. Am I going to have to listen to her gush about how great he is? Or is there going to be an awkward gap in conversations where she avoids bringing him up because I don't really think I can do either.

I'm been looking forward to going home for ages but now I'm scared I don't know if I can do it...

mud

Hi OP,

That's a s**** situation to be in. I know what you mean about having daily thoughts about an ex. They can be really difficult to shake off. That day will come though so don't worry. You are away from home and it is normal to think about home but really, it has been a year since you broke up so hopefully things will feel better soon.

Have you moved on since the relationship? Been with anyone new? That will help you to get over your ex.

I think it's strange that your friend didn't let you know personally that she was seeing your ex. It is the polite albeit difficult thing to do in order to spare your feelings and let you decide whether you want to be in their company or not.

Don't let this situation interfere with your visit home. You're better than that and think of the people who you do want to see and who doubtless want to see you too.

I think in this situation you need to think about yourself and your feelings. I suggest trying to avoid being in places where you may get upset.

Breaking up is the worst but there does come a day when you have to put old relationships to bed and get out there and look for something else to be passionate about.

Being single is great if that's what you want. Being in a good relationship is great too if that's what you want.

I wouldn't worry too much about the argument you had with the ex. It's really difficult to be friends immediately after a break-up. 99% of the time a break is needed so that bad things aren't said in the heat and hurt of the moment.

If you do find yourself out in company with them just see how you go. Fake it 'til you make it and if that doesn't work then go somewhere else if that's what will make you feel better.

I hope it all works out for you

MagicMarker

Best friends don't start going out with your ex without at least mentioning it first.

Sounds like you'd be better off being rid of both of them.