loneliness

LegacyUser

Hi all, just need some advice because I'm getting pretty fed up. Basically, I've just finished my leaving cert and I'm so bored of life already. The thing is, my friends are never there for me. All through secondary school I've moved from groups of friends due to bitching and being left out etc (all girls school) which I'm not interested in listening to because I just always felt more mature than the people I was with and there's more to life than people bitching about their friends. It's annoying for me because feeling more mature makes it hard to meet people more like me.
Anyway, since finishing school I have had no contact with my group of so called friends. It's always me that has to text first to meet up and if I don't text, they won't, but they always seem to be able to organise things together and magically forget me. People tell me I'm a great friend and everything but when all through school I've always been the friend to be left out it just seems like I'm more of a burden than anything.
Really feeling depressed and lonely and spend most of my time alone as my family are often not home. My self esteem is so low and I can never accept compliments such as "you're so nice", instead I just get pee'd off and anxious about the compliment. I can't even take my dog for a walk without the constant anxiety of feeling like I'm going to be a loner for the rest of my life because that's so not what I want. I don't drink or anything (seems like you have to drink to fit in as a teenager these days, it's so sad) so going out sober is a nightmare as being around large groups of drunk teenagers annoys me too.
This post probably seems pretty immature and selfish but being alone all the time is really making me miserable. Feeling anxious and depressed makes it impossible to go out and meet people because I just feel like I'll be pushed away by friends as time goes on anyway so what's the point in trying?
I just get so sad when I see people having a great time with their groups of friends while I'm alone. Didn't succeed in getting a summer job or anything so there's literally nothing for me to do. I feel so trapped. Not even sure what response someone could have to this post tbh and sorry that it's so long.

iusedtoknow

I felt the same way.

But then life started. I'm 30 now, and in contact with exactly 2 people that I went to school with, one of whom I went to university with. I made an entirely new group of friends at University, and once again every time i've moved abroad. I know the summer seems endless ,but things change. Are you going to university later this year? While it isn't the "fix" for everything, it is a great place to meet people that share your interests - and people come from all parts of the country and world - it really opens up your horizons.

Just try concentrate on yourself, read a bit, listen to music, do things that you enjoy. It'll all come - eventually. It just takes a bit for it all to happen.

Rubberchikken

you sound like someone with their head screwed on right and that can make you feel out of sync with friends who want different things at this stage in life.
instead of focusing on them and what they do, which is fine for them, find something to do for the summer for you.
what are your interests? are you planning to go to college? if so, then make the most of the summer holidays. is there anyone in your area looking for a babysitter, day or evening? maybe an ad in your local shop might bring something to while away the rest of the summer.

vertmann

There's a very good chance your problem is going to resolve itself in the coming months because of the point in life you're at. You've just finished your leaving cert and for most people, that's the beginning of the end of their friendships with their old classmates anyway. People go away to college and meet new people, others start working, others move away. For most people they are starting from scratch all over again. Whatever your plans are, you are going to be meeting new people and hopefully making new friends. Don't let your bad experiences put you off. You sound like you've got a sensible head on your shoulders and you'll find friends who are of a similar mindset to you. Most people will tell you that once they left school they lost touch with just about all their old classmates. Be open to meeting new people whatever it is you do next. Be nice, smile, be interested in other people. You'll be surprised who'll be drawn to you.

For now though, be careful you don't wallow too much in your unhappiness. You sound quite low and there's a lot of summer to go yet. Is there nothing you can do to get yourself out of the house and keep busy? Even if it's volunteering with something local? Or just cutting hedges/mowing the lawn outside? You need to keep busy and stop worrying about what other people think. Here's some news for you. Most people don't care whether you're a loner or not. They're far more interested in thinking about themselves than looking out the window and seeing you walking the dog. The people you think are judging you probably don't even notice you. So hey, stick some music on your phone, put on some headphones and take Fido for a good long walk this morning. It'll do you both good.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies! Feel like i'm not so crazy now. There's really not much to do where I live unfortunately so I'm not too sure what to do with myself for the rest of the summer. I do plan in going to college in September so hopefully things will change when I get there! Thanks again

Sunflower 27

iusedtoknow wrote: »

I felt the same way.

But then life started. I'm 30 now, and in contact with exactly 2 people that I went to school with, one of whom I went to university with. I made an entirely new group of friends at University, and once again every time i've moved abroad. I know the summer seems endless ,but things change. Are you going to university later this year? While it isn't the "fix" for everything, it is a great place to meet people that share your interests - and people come from all parts of the country and world - it really opens up your horizons.

Just try concentrate on yourself, read a bit, listen to music, do things that you enjoy. It'll all come - eventually. It just takes a bit for it all to happen.

Great post.

Your life is just beginning, OP. When you are in school, having friends there is the be-all and end-all because where else are you going to find people to hang out with?

Trust me, getting older is the best way to make friends. You are about to start your adult life and you will meet people from all walks of life.

I am in my 40s now and have contact with very few of my old school friends. We drifted apart, went to different colleges, moved to different countries.

You sound mature and confident. Don't let the b*tches bring you down.

(I also went to an all-girls school and the b*tchiness was rife. Looking back I don't know how I came out the other side not permanently scarred )