Daughter with anxiety

LegacyUser

Going anon for this.
My 19 year old daughter has been suffering with anxiety for the last few months. Now, I sometimes suffer with it on and off but can control it, dont take meds and have been to intensive therapy for it. It doesn't affect my daily life. Its more like chronic worry not anxiety if im honest.
She knows nothing about me having issues with it. I grew up with a mother that was in bed with depression for most of my teenage years and didn't want to expose her to me having any of those issues.
I am contenplating brining her to the doc for a referral for counceling and getting the experts to help her overcome this, but has anyone any advice for me how to help her get through this?
She will be starting college in september and I dont want this anxiety getting in her way
Thank you in advance

MrWalsh

I think it'd be good if you told her how you had suffered and also how your mother had suffered with mental health issues. That there is nothing to feel ashamed or stigmatised about, anxiety happens and there are many things that can be done to help such as counselling, therapy, meditation, exercise, medicine, etc...

Talking about your own experiences will probably help her a lot and it'll really show her that such issues can be overcome and that it doesn't have to limit her life.

Knasher

Considering what has been going on in her life recently, choosing a college course, leaving cert, leaving cert results and possibly leaving home for the first time, I'm not sure a bit of anxiety isn't an appropriate response.

I also wanted to say that most colleges provide student counselling services, so if it is going beyond just a bit of anxiety, then perhaps that might be worth looking into.

LegacyUser

Is it not normal for a teenager? She's just finished her leaving cert, is waiting for the results to come out and also waiting for her place in college. Is it not natural to be anxious and worried ? She is staring another chapter where her she will have to make new friends, be a bit more independent, leave home, manage finances etc and that can be pretty scary for some people.
What has been her mood been like that makes you want to bring her to a doc?
Has she been always anxious or has it been just something recent?

LegacyUser

As a daughter who was a worrier myself, and the sister of a very anxious 20something year old, I'd suggest you tell your daughter about what you've been through. Don't go into too much heavy detail, but give her enough to understand what you've been through, and mostly, that you know where she's coming from. If I had known in my early 20s that my granny had been struggling with depression of some form most of her life (and done nothing about it) and that my aunts had problems with anxiety, it would have changed my whole view on my anxiety. I knew that my mum had suffered from panic attacks when she was in her early 40s, which helped somewhat. None of them ever asked for help though, and I broke the mould in that regard - even though they advised me against doing it.

Chronic worry is a closer description for both myself and my sister aswell. I haven't been to intensive therapy, but I've figured out how to deal with it, however not without a major struggle in my mid-20s. My sister has been advised to see somebody (something my mum is now heavily encouraging) - this is in part due to her choice of career, and the fact that she needs to learn methods to cope with her worrying, as she can let it get the better of her in daily life. She is a high achiever, and to an extent so was I - I don't know what you daughter is like, but sometimes (girls in particular) who tend to do well can have issues with serious worrying and anxiety.

I think you are right in your approach, but it needs to be done gently. Is she open to help? Another option would be to go to the GP first yourself and talk to them about the situation, see do they have any recommendations. Do you need a referral - is it that level of counselling that you are looking for? It may be possible to get a recommendation of a good counsellor or therapist and simply ring them - obviously get her ok before you ring them. I don't know the level of anxiety you are talking about, but it sounds like what she needs are coping skills, rather than an in-depth analysis of how she feels and why she feels that way???

Best of luck and I hope she'll be ok.

LegacyUser

Tabs101 wrote: »

Is it not normal for a teenager? She's just finished her leaving cert, is waiting for the results to come out and also waiting for her place in college. Is it not natural to be anxious and worried ? She is staring another chapter where her she will have to make new friends, be a bit more independent, leave home, manage finances etc and that can be pretty scary for some people.
What has been her mood been like that makes you want to bring her to a doc?
Has she been always anxious or has it been just something recent?

Thank you so much for the reply.
I agree with you. A lot is going to be happening over the next few months and she worked so hard to get where she is. As for leaving home, we are actually moving house in the next few months so I am thinking that has a lot to do with it. She wont actually have to move out for college as we are moving closer to the colleges that she is hoping to attend. She will however miss her friends so we are trying to get her sorted with a car and on the road so she can still visit her friends and keep her part time job. We are actually only moving about 25 mins away from where we are now.
Her mood is good. She had what i think was a panic attack a few months ago and because of her contraception and the symptoms we ended up in the A&E following a visit to the doc. They ruled out anything serious so put the symptoms down to anxiety.

She has always been a very strong capable girl, but underneath it all is very sensitive.
The only reason i was going to bring her back to the doc is she said if it continues to come back to her and she can refer her to someone that can help with stress and anxiety so I would like to have someone that would help her develop coping skills to deal with whats going on.

I suppose I just want to nip it in the bud before it becomes a "problem" as such

LegacyUser

dooppudod wrote: »

As a daughter who was a worrier myself, and the sister of a very anxious 20something year old, I'd suggest you tell your daughter about what you've been through. Don't go into too much heavy detail, but give her enough to understand what you've been through, and mostly, that you know where she's coming from. If I had known in my early 20s that my granny had been struggling with depression of some form most of her life (and done nothing about it) and that my aunts had problems with anxiety, it would have changed my whole view on my anxiety. I knew that my mum had suffered from panic attacks when she was in her early 40s, which helped somewhat. None of them ever asked for help though, and I broke the mould in that regard - even though they advised me against doing it.

Chronic worry is a closer description for both myself and my sister aswell. I haven't been to intensive therapy, but I've figured out how to deal with it, however not without a major struggle in my mid-20s. My sister has been advised to see somebody (something my mum is now heavily encouraging) - this is in part due to her choice of career, and the fact that she needs to learn methods to cope with her worrying, as she can let it get the better of her in daily life. She is a high achiever, and to an extent so was I - I don't know what you daughter is like, but sometimes (girls in particular) who tend to do well can have issues with serious worrying and anxiety.

I think you are right in your approach, but it needs to be done gently. Is she open to help? Another option would be to go to the GP first yourself and talk to them about the situation, see do they have any recommendations. Do you need a referral - is it that level of counselling that you are looking for? It may be possible to get a recommendation of a good counsellor or therapist and simply ring them - obviously get her ok before you ring them. I don't know the level of anxiety you are talking about, but it sounds like what she needs are coping skills, rather than an in-depth analysis of how she feels and why she feels that way???

Best of luck and I hope she'll be ok.

Thank you so much for the reply. Well done in getting through your own issues. I know how hard it can be.
I have already told her a little about how i was feeling when i was her age and how everyone gets anxious now and then and its perfectly normal to feel anxious about life changing things. I'm a worrier myself so I reallly dont ever want her to feel like that if I can help it at all.
She functions normally, she works, socialises and does all the normal things that teenage girls do. this doesnt hold her back at all thankfully, but I want to make sure that she can cope with it when it rears its ugly head.
I maybe overreacting to this as someone who knows exactly how it feels.

Her choice of college course is worrying me a little also. Criminology and psychology are her top choices.... I wonder is this a good or a bad thing!
Your last sentence is exactly what I was thinking myself, and I appreciate your help.

BlueFairy

Going anon wrote: »

The only reason i was going to bring her back to the doc is she said if it continues to come back to her and she can refer her to someone that can help with stress and anxiety so I would like to have someone that would help her develop coping skills to deal with whats going on.

Don't wait for a referral from the doc, it could take months before she gets help. Instead look for therapists who specialise in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, it's one of the top treatments for anxiety and will give her great tools to deal with stress and anxiety.

I'd suggest you both read Flagging Stress by Dr Harry Barry, it's a good introduction to stress and different treatments for it.

You can also have her look into meditation or mindfulness, both are excellent ways to help anxiety and a daily practice of even 10 minutes can have great benefits for her both mentally and physically.

Sunflower 27

I agree with being honest with her about your own struggles with anxiety and the family history of it. She may feel a great deal of comfort in hearing that she isn't alone in feeling the way she does.

Now would be the perfect time for her to talk confidentially and openly to someone and get her as ready as she can be for college so that it is an enjoyable experience for her.

You sound like a great mum, by the way.