My chickens are plotting to kill me

Asguy1982

Didn't know where else to post this , I've become aware of a chicken plot to kill me and my family .
It all started in February when I built a chicken run in my efforts to be more self sufficient and help prepare for z day.
I stood proudly watching my little flock, but I noticed they would eye ball me, flash backs of pre pubebessant school yard brawls flooded my Memory.
One day I was enjoying a cuppa and a pack of digestive biscuits, Aldi brand of coarse , when I pondered, maybe. the chickens would enjoy an ould Bickie as we'll , also in donating some to the feathered omelet makers, I would be aiding in my ever faltering quest to loose a few lb's.
So I doned my fine bear paw slippers , a Father's Day present the previous year, and out I went, bickies in hand . My mind wandered, as it tends to do, and I threw the golden treats with a slightly watered down version of reckless abandon. Images of fr ted skimming the stones on the beach to the voices of "second best priest" spring to mind.
We'll, didn't one of the discus oaten treats hit the mother hen squarely on her little noggin. Her following jump and alarmed bok bok boking, I will admit made me smile .
Little did I know that that simple miss guided launching of a lonely digestive would ultimately lead to my down fall.
There rain of terror started slowly, they got to learn my routine and discoved through unknown to me intel, that I enjoy an extra cheesy omelet every Wednesday morning, low and behold, they go on lay strike, denying me the pleasure of opening the little hatch on the hen hen house to spy out how many brown and white gems have been left for me.
More worrieing however, I fear my flock have converted to radical Islam ! Every morning i tentivaly wander out to be greatest by the sounds of "Allah auck bar, cluck cluck cluck"
Has anyone else noticed this happening as it could be that other cells are operating right under our noses. So keep your eyes pealed citizens , be ever watchful ! God bless .

Menas

You are suffering from Alektorophobia. I feel for you.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

I feel like killing you after that wall of text.

Reiver

Take half of them out and put them in a new run.

Toss petrol over the old chicken run, light a match and set it alight.

Warn the chosen half that if they don't shape up, this is what they're facing.

GLaDOS

Your name isn't Link by any chance is it?

NachoBusiness

Not really a time for jokes lads. The OP is clearly not cooping.

Oink

I believe there is only one suitable solution when they won't do as they told: Line them up against the wall. Start counting. Every 10th hen gets the chop. It worked well for the romans.

Cookie_Dough

Don't be such a chicken OP

galljga1

Don't take tha advice of a pig. Well known enemies of chickens.

NachoBusiness

Stick on some music by The Jam for them, they love a bit of That's Hentertainment.

galljga1

NachoBusiness wrote: »

Not really a time for jokes lads. The OP is clearly not cooping.

I suspect fowl play.









Sorry.

Kimbot

Just choke them

TOEJOE

Hi
You could Ban--them!!!!!

galljga1

TOEJOE wrote: »

Hi
You could Ban--them!!!!!

That was a poultry contribution to an otherwise eggselent thread.

ancapailldorcha

Get a cat. Their malevolent inclinations can be easily sated with food.

Buford T. Justice XIX

galljga1 wrote: »

That was a poultry contribution to an otherwise eggselent thread.

Omletting you away with that one but i'll be keeping an eye on you...

Jjiipp79

Lmao ....thank you OP... Brilliant, I could not stop laughing when I was reading it......


I want more!

jamesbere

You need to gain their trust back, I suggest dressing up in a chicken outfit and sleeping in the yard for a month.



To know the chicken you must become the chicken

Depraved

OK....who let the OP out of the Conspiracy forum again?

NachoBusiness

Depraved wrote: »

OK....who let the OP out of the Conspiracy forum again?

In fairness he actually did post this thread in the Conspiracy forum but it was moved here by poultrygeists.

Flippyfloppy

I think I'm in love...

force eleven

I'm loving the nuggets of wisdom here for the OP. Eggsactly what they need.

satguy

Single out the ring leader and make it pay, if you cant spot the ring leader, it will be the one with the Australian accent.

SeanW

I think this thread has flown the coop.

galljga1

SeanW wrote: »

I think this thread has flown the coop.

A chicken flying the coop: poultry in motion.

brevity

Spatchcock chickens are 3€ in Aldi at the moment.

galljga1

brevity wrote: »

Spatchcock chickens are 3€ in Aldi at the moment.

Stop trying to drag the thread off topic.

Oink

jamesbere wrote: »

You need to gain their trust back, I suggest dressing up in a chicken outfit and sleeping in the yard for a month.

To know the chicken you must become the chicken

Dunno - that's dangerous.. You never know what pushes someone over the edge... What if finds himself a chick and goes native?

brevity

galljga1 wrote: »

Stop trying to drag the thread off topic.

It was advice for the OP.

CBCTer

Call the Catholic church, they will send a priest to perform an eggxorcism.

Asguy1982

Good show lads and lasses , your comments made me smile, which is what life is all about .

kylith

Pick a stroppy chicken. Pick it up and bring it around to all its mates and tell them 'Say goodbye to Daisy (or whatever you've called it). She didn't show proper respect'. Then go away and kill and eat it. That'll put the fear into the rest of them.

Son Of A Vidic

Asguy1982 wrote: »

One day I was enjoying a cuppa and a pack of digestive biscuits, Aldi brand of coarse

I really hope Aongus Von Bismarck doesn't read that. Such commonness would undoubtedly make him feel faint.