Is this rude?

LegacyUser

Very, very small social issue, but something that's been bobbling around inside my head.

A particular person has been ending conversations lately by saying in different ways that I must be busy, or that they are keeping me. It seems obvious to me they want to get away and that's fine.

Would that be perceived as a rude way of ending conversations? Perhaps it is me, but I would end a conversation saying I had to go, or had something to do, rather than tell the other person what they may or may not be doing.

CaraMay

It's not rude.

How do you find social cues with regards to conversations? Perhaps you don't realize when someone really needs to go? There's a friend of mine who is actually like that. It makes me feel bad.

dudara

@CaraMay - please try to post in a more helpful manner. Short one-liner responses don't offer any insight/help to the OP.

dudara

retro:electro

I think it's just an Irish way of saying goodbye, are you Irish op? "I'll leave ya to it now I won't keep you any longer", etc etc. Its their way of saying goodbye in a polite way, no rudeness intended.

Diamond Doll

I'd consider it a bit of an Irish-mammy sort of thing, being originally meant in the spirit of "Ara go on with ya, shure you must have better things to be doing with your time than wasting it with the likes of me", if you know what I mean! When you hear younger people saying it, it's probably not meant in exactly that spirit, moreso that they just picked it up from older generations while growing up that this was a polite way of saying goodbye.

While I can see where you're coming from OP, i.e. I can see how it could be misconstrued to be offensive, it's rarely meant in that way.

orthsquel

I wouldn't see it as rude, as I find it is a way to remove oneself from a more awkward good bye or ending of a conversation. I use it in situations like I've met someone I know (like an old family friend, friend of my parents) but don't have a lot to talk about with them beyond polite conversation re family on both sides, or where I have met someone I know but don't really want to get stuck into a big conversation with them, or where someone else they know also runs into them (as a polite way to remove myself without being a 3rd wheel standing there like a tool while they talk) or lastly where it's someone I know and have expressed that I need to be elsewhere, off doing something else, but they don't hear me - not that they can't hear me audibly, but they choose to ignore what I've said - and want to keep chatting (both on the phone and in person).
I also use it on the phone where I think someone might be needed but doesn't want to be rude themselves in ending the conversation abruptly to attend to e.g. their child or where I can hear clearly something else is going on in the background.

zoobizoo

It is someone trying to be polite.....

They don't want to say "I have to go and do something productive / collect the kids / watch my favourite tv show " etc

They are saying it to you so that you will get that hint.

To end a chat I usually go "annnnnnyway, I'd better go as I've got things to do". I take the responsibility to end the conversation which has usually come to a natural end.

Faith

I use it at work as a way of giving someone an out from a conversation. When I can't tell if the conversation is ending or not, I say "Sure, I should let you get back to work", thereby giving the other person the opportunity to say "Okay" or "Ah no, I'm not busy". I don't see it as being rude, or a sign that I'm desperate to get away from the conversation. If I want to get away, I'll say "Well, I'd better do some work" and end it that way.

_Whimsical_

Maybe OP this person use not be the first to instigate leaving the conversation? Maybe thats whats bothering you more than these little Irishisms?