Paying a grandparent

robbie1

Just wondering how much do people pay if they have a child being minded by a grandparent

heldel00

My mam will be minding my little one when I return to work after maternity leave but won't take anything for it. (Baby not due til Oct but we've talked about it.)
My plan is to buy her something extra nice at Christmas&birthday, give her a few bob when she going on holidays, if I see a clock/mirror etc that I think she would like I'll get it for her. That's my plan anyway.
She is retired and has a pension so money not a concern TG and my granny minded all of us years ago so she could work and go for promotions etc that she just wouldn't have been able to otherwise.

nikpmup

I pay my Mam, she has him 9am - 1pm two or three days a week. I give her €100. Some weeks she might have him for longer or shorter, so I adjust accordingly. She refuses to take any more, but I'd give her extra if she babysat in the evening. I think that works out at about €8 ish per hour on a three day week, €12.50 per hour on a two day week. Not sure how that compares to the going rate for a childminder

TheMilkyPirate

Nothing and she wouldn't dream of taking or asking for any either

Moonbeam

That is extremely generous .
4 to 5 euro an hour is the norm for a full time minder .

ncmc

My MIL has always minded kids and she minds my little one either one or two days a week. Sh has her from 8-5 and only charges €20. It's ridiculously cheap, but she does it to help out. I know some grandparents do it for nothing, but I wouldn't dream of not paying her. I wouldn't pay her if it's just an hour or two, but when it's every week and for a full day, I'm more than happy to pay her and am grateful she does it for so little.

pwurple

My mum looks after mine for a couple of afternoons a week. We pay her about 8 euro an hour. She's not retirement age, so could easily work in a job if we weren't paying her.

Sligo1

My mum minds our 2, one day per week. I wouldn't mind paying Her but she gets a bit offended when I suggest it and refuses. She get offended at the notion of being paid to mind her grandkids. Which to be honest doesn't sit right with me as I would feel better thinking I was contributing so In turn I then feel a bit guilty. I usually buy her an extra nice Xmas bday pressie or something.

closifer

My mam looked after my lo when I returned to work. he was 10 months and she did it for about 7 months. it was a huge amount of work as she had him from about 7-4 and she works herself from home and in the evenings. she completely refused to take payment. she said it was her chance to bond with him. I did buy her a number of presents and will be taking her to the states in a few weeks as a thank you. for me it wasn't about the money saving it was the piece of mind while he was so small that he was with someone who cared

TheBeach

I pay €100 for two days 9-5. One child gets minded all day and the other 12.30-5. We pay a different child minder €60 for a third day.

Gael23

This comes up quite a bit and once someone said they paid the grandparents ESB bill, so something similar to that could be an idea.

stryker mcqueen

first month doing this , our little man is getting looked after for 3 days and were paying €300 a month

The Corinthian

Maybe it's the Italian in me, but paying a grandparent to look after their grandchildren is just wrong.

Or does this mean I can charge them for my time too when they need help in their old age?

Jjiipp79

If you have respect for your parents you will give them something. They all say "oh, I don't want anything for it. If you give it to me I'll give it back". But at the end of the day everyone likes to be given something as a little thank you. This does not have to be that much.

Every little helps! Plus they are less likely to get P'ed off with it.



Ps.. I think is down right wrong not to pay your parents for looking after your child. If you can't pay for someone to look after the child don't have one.

Bannasidhe

The Corinthian wrote: »

Maybe it's the Italian in me, but paying a grandparent to look after their grandchildren is just wrong.

Or does this mean I can charge them for my time too when they need help in their old age?

You can deduct the cost of their elderly care from how much you owe them for raising you.

Seriously, they raised you for 'free' and now you want them to help raise your children for free too?

I think if you can afford it, pay something. Childminding is a job. Not everyone can afford it and not every grand parent will accept it but make the offer.

The Corinthian

Jjiipp79 wrote: »

If you have respect for your parents you will give them something.

I do think that one should repay them in kind, but putting a financial value on these things turns my stomach. Should we repay them for raising us? Should we charge for our passing on their genetic material in ourselves or our children? If they need help in old age should we charge for our time? Charge interest for loans if a family member is in need?

I'm not suggesting that they should not be recompensed, but to treat them the same way as some hired help leaves an unpleasant taste in my mouth.

Bannasidhe wrote: »

You can deduct the cost of their elderly care from how much you owe them for raising you.

With the cost of elderly care nowadays, they'll be arrears before long, TBH.

As I said, I've no objection to a form of quid pro quo, but this kind of bookkeeping mentality is a northern European concept that doesn't work for me. And TBH, looking at how northern Europeans treat their parents in old age, compared to southern Europeans, the bookkeeping mentality doesn't seem to be a healthy one.

sillysocks

My mother in law wouldn't take money to mind our little girl so instead we used to put away money every week and at her birthday and Christmas use that to get her really nice presents or hotel vouchers etc.

pwurple

The Corinthian wrote: »

I do think that one should repay them in kind, but putting a financial value on these things turns my stomach. Should we repay them for raising us? Should we charge for our passing on their genetic material in ourselves or our children? If they need help in old age should we charge for our time? Charge interest for loans if a family member is in need?

I'm not suggesting that they should not be recompensed, but to treat them the same way as some hired help leaves an unpleasant taste in my mouth.

Is "hired help" how you treat anyone who does something for you?

My mum gave up paid employment to look after my children. She has an income loss, of course I'm going to even that out for her. I think people could similarly have an "unpleasant taste" in their mouths if they were treating their parents like an unpaid slave.

But I think either way is fine. Whatever works for each family.


Totally OT, but we always do loan agreements and a nominal interest rate for family loans. Otherwise it's a gift and you get frikken taxed on the damn thing.

The Corinthian

pwurple wrote: »

Is "hired help" how you treat anyone who does something for you?

Hired help is how I treat anyone I pay money.

I think people could similarly have an "unpleasant taste" in their mouths if they were treating their parents like an unpaid slave.

Did I say there is no recompense? No quid pro quo? That one presumes assistance and gives nothing in return?

No I didn't and my post was not so long that you could have missed that. So respond to what I posted or don't pretend that you are responding to what I posted.

pwurple

The Corinthian wrote: »

Did I say there is no recompense? No quid pro quo? That one presumes assistance and gives nothing in return?

You may think buying a bunch of flowers of cutting the grass does it for an invaluable assistance, but my parents are hale and hearty in their 50's. They don't need that kind of assistance from me or anyone else. What she is missing by providing this for me, is an income. So I compensate for that.

No I didn't and my post was not so long that you could have missed that. So respond to what I posted or don't pretend that you are responding to what I posted.

LOL, get down off the high horse there. You have said, and I quote...

"just wrong."
"turns my stomach"
"treat them the same way as some hired help"
"leaves an unpleasant taste in my mouth."

You're insulting a whole lot of people there, so you can expect to be called out on it.

The Corinthian

pwurple wrote: »

You may think buying a bunch of flowers of cutting the grass does it for an invaluable assistance, but my parents are hale and hearty in their 50's.

Where did I suggest a bunch of flowers? Putting more words in my mouth?

You're insulting a whole lot of people there, so you can expect to be called out on it.

Call me out on what I've posted, not what you keep on inventing, is my response to you.

Diamond Doll

Our son is in creche, and his grandparents are all working themselves or else too far away for this to be an option for us.

I think it depends really on the circumstances. In pwurple's case, where her mother would probably be working otherwise, I think it's completely understandable that she be compensated financially.

I know - if it were practical for my son to be minded by his grandparents - I'd feel quite strongly about paying them at least a nominal weekly fee. I wouldn't expect to pay them as much as I'd pay a childminder outside of the family, but it wouldn't sit right with me that I'm limiting the use of their time, and asking them to be available every single day when I'm at work, without compensating them in some way.

Then again I know (if this were an option) my own parents would be very reluctant to accept payment from us, when they know that we struggle financially, whereas they have savings and income and no mortgage/rent to worry about. If anything, if they did accept payment from us, I imagine they'd only end up putting the money into a credit union for him when he's older, or something like that!

It really is such an individual decision, there are so many factors that'll vary from family to family. OP are you the parent or the grandparent in this case?

Orion

OK folks - calm down a bit. It was a simple question in the OP - no need for slagging matches

anncoates

My mother isn't retired yet but she'll loves minding our kids whenever we need it and she's very close to them.

If it became a formal, daily situation, I doubt she'd accept money (although I don't know for sure) but I'd personally be a little aghast at the thought that just as she reaches retirement - after raising three children and working - that she's suddenly expected to become an unpaid childminder in her late 60s/early 70s.

Each to their own obviously and I'm sure there's very warranted situations such a financial difficulty for the parents and so on.

elly123

My mam and MIL look after my son, MIL takes him every Sunday night for a sleep over and minds him on a Monday, he is also in creche 3 mornings a week so at most my mam would only ever have him for one full day 8am to 5pm and then 3 half days 2-5pm. some weeks she doesn't have him at all as my husband works shift. Both sets of parents don't take payment but like other posters have said we buy them really nice gifts at Xmas and birthdays. Every so often we would give them money to get their hair done etc, we pay for my mams flights to go away once a year also. or at least offer to pay if she is planning on going away. We are both in full time employment with decent salaries but would struggle financially if we hadn't got our parents help. Neither parents would take payment but we wish we could afford to give them more than we do.

mordeith

This whole thread is getting on my tits. Anyone who can have their children's grandparents look after them (paid or not) should be grateful. You don't have to worry about about handing your child over to a non relative who you can only hope will look after your child with love and responsibility.

Jjiipp79

This is my last post on this thread, and I want to say... Anyone who does not pay their parents are just free loading on them and really has zero respect.

Out!

Diamond Doll

Jjiipp79 wrote: »

This is my last post on this thread, and I want to say... Anyone who does not pay their parents are just free loading on them and really has zero respect.

Out!

Bit pointless and cowardly to make a controversial statement like that and then refuse to stay around to defend it.

Everyone's circumstances are different.

FactCheck

The Corinthian wrote: »

And TBH, looking at how northern Europeans treat their parents in old age, compared to southern Europeans, the bookkeeping mentality doesn't seem to be a healthy one.

Wait, what? I'm afraid you have reality back to front here. Northern Europe is the best place in the world to be elderly.

The full UN project referred to in that article can be found here. We find Italy languishing in 39th place, behind all of northern Europe, save a couple of ex-Communist states, and, er, Mauritius. Non è un paese per vecchi?

Southern Europeans stay in fairly decent health (generally put down to a superior diet, not greater attention from offspring) but by every other metric they are much, much worse off than their northern cousins.

Orion

Jjiipp79 wrote: »

This is my last post on this thread, and I want to say... Anyone who does not pay their parents are just free loading on them and really has zero respect.

Out!

It'll be your last post on this forum if you make any uncivil and judgemental remarks like that again.

Please don't respond to this post folks - it's just not worth it.

Riverireland

Just out of curiosity to the posters who buy a really nice present in lieu of payment for the grandparents at Christmas, how much does this present generally cost you?

Another question is it generally the grandmother rather than the grandfather that does the minding?

Not making any judgements just see a lot of grandmothers around pushing buggies these days who seem to be struggling.

Riverireland

This little piggy wrote: »

Bit pointless and cowardly to make a controversial statement like that and then refuse to stay around to defend it.

Everyone's circumstances are different.

I disagree. Sometimes a poster wants to make a point without entering into a prolonged discussion about it. Fair enough IMO once it's not abusive.

Sligo1

Riverireland wrote: »

Just out of curiosity to the posters who buy a really nice present in lieu of payment for the grandparents at Christmas, how much does this present generally cost you?

Another question is it generally the grandmother rather than the grandfather that does the minding?

Not making any judgements just see a lot of grandmothers around pushing buggies these days who seem to be struggling.

A Chanel handbag or something similar for Xmas ... Will also get vouchers for manicures and pedicures etc (€120 for a mani and pedi voucher). Numerous things throughout the year. She won't take payment. And I prefer her looking after our kids than a stranger. Going to go daycare route soon 2 days per week. But mum will still be minding one day per week.

Sligo1

mordeith wrote: »

This whole thread is getting on my tits. Anyone who can have their children's grandparents look after them (paid or not) should be grateful. You don't have to worry about about handing your child over to a non relative who you can only hope will look after your child with love and responsibility.

I agree with this. However... Has anyone said they are not grateful?

lazygal

Sligo1 wrote: »

A Chanel handbag or something similar for Xmas ... Will also get vouchers for manicures and pedicures etc (€120 for a mani and pedi voucher). Numerous things throughout the year. She won't take payment. And I prefer her looking after our kids than a stranger. Going to go daycare route soon 2 days per week. But mum will still be minding one day per week.

Chanel handbag is a very nice present at about €3.5k for a 2.55!

We have a slightly different arrangement where my parents don't mind them but they will attend my mother's Montessori which she doesn't charge us for. The ECCE scheme covers one year and when we don't pay we gift her dinners out and vouchers as I know she wouldn't take cash. Occassional babysitting for a few hours once a month I'd see as part of helping out family rather than something that needs to be 'paid' for.

Riverireland

Sligo1 wrote: »

A Chanel handbag or something similar for Xmas ... Will also get vouchers for manicures and pedicures etc (€120 for a mani and pedi voucher). Numerous things throughout the year. She won't take payment. And I prefer her looking after our kids than a stranger. Going to go daycare route soon 2 days per week. But mum will still be minding one day per week.

Of course you prefer her looking after your kids, who wouldn't. I also agree that many grandmothers (haven't seen many grandfathers pushing buggy a) enjoy the experience. My thoughts would be if child care would cost 12k per child per year then the gift value to the grand parent should be at least 6k. That is just my opinion though.

Sligo1

Riverireland wrote: »

Of course you prefer her looking after your kids, who wouldn't. I also agree that many grandmothers (haven't seen many grandfathers pushing buggy a) enjoy the experience. My thoughts would be if child care would cost 12k per child per year then the gift value to the grand parent should be at least 6k. That is just my opinion though.

well that would also depend on the frequency and duration of the childcare arrangement however. I very much doubt there are many grandparents looking after their grandchildren full time 5 days per week. most here seem to be 1 or 2 days per week, some perhaps 3. that is definitely no where near 12k. And that 12k is not really a great estimate either. It would depend on the ages of the child/children and also where in Ireland they were living. A creche for exapmple in Sligo would be whistling if they thought they would get 12K a year for minding a child full time i think....

Sligo1

lazygal wrote: »

Chanel handbag is a very nice present at about €3.5k for a 2.55!

lol... What can i say... I love my mum . Never bought her one for 3.5K tho... usually about 1k. :pac:

Riverireland

Sligo1 wrote: »

well that would also depend on the frequency and duration of the childcare arrangement however. I very much doubt there are many grandparents looking after their grandchildren full time 5 days per week. most here seem to be 1 or 2 days per week, some perhaps 3. that is definitely no where near 12k. And that 12k is not really a great estimate either. It would depend on the ages of the child/children and also where in Ireland they were living. A creche for exapmple in Sligo would be whistling if they thought they would get 12K a year for minding a child full time i think....

In North Kildare/Dublin there seem to be quite a lot doing it full time. A good crèche here costs approx 12-14 hundred per month.

This discussion came up among a group of our friends a few weeks ago. All but one of us were adamant we would babysit grandchildren when the came along but on an occasional basis rather than a full time regular thing. We're all looking forward to spending our older years in the sun, maybe optimistically:)

Sligo1

€1400 for a full time position in a creche in Kildare for one child???!!! Jesus!!

Diamond Doll

Sligo1 wrote: »

€1400 for a full time position in a creche in Kildare for one child???!!! Jesus!!

I find it hard to believe. €1,100 is about the max I've ever heard of even in Dublin.

lazygal

I have heard of €1,200 a month in Dublin, but that was for quite a long day, 7.30 am to 6.30 pm, all meals and nappies etc included. When I looked into creches, it was between €850-€1100 a month full time for one child, and siblings usually got some sort of discount.

Riverireland

This little piggy wrote: »

I find it hard to believe. €1,100 is about the max I've ever heard of even in Dublin.

Well that's what we paid in 2004. Top class crèche though and height of the boom. Maybe prices have dropped since.

Sligo1

Riverireland wrote: »

Well that's what we paid in 2004. Top class crèche though and height of the boom. Maybe prices have dropped since.

That may have been Celtic tiger prices I think...

Riverireland

Sligo1 wrote: »

That may have been Celtic tiger prices I think...

Quite possibly, have heard some crèches are struggling now as so much unemployment.

Would like to know though do those of you whose parents mind your kids now plan on doing the same for your grandchildren in the future? No judgement here just curious as it's a road we are not planning on going down.

lazygal

Prices have definitely dropped since 2004 and a good few places have dropped them to fill spaces left vacant when people lost jobs or had pay cuts. I know a lot of people drop out of creche use when they have their second child and go the au pair or minder route. We're probably paying a little less to have our children minded in their home than we would to a creche.


Anecdotally a lot of creches that offer Montessori or preschool programmes don't have the best set up for them and I was shocked by what passed for 'Montessori' rooms in some of them. If I had used a creche I'd have finished up before the ECCE year and looked into getting a minder to collect them from school instead.

lazygal

Riverireland wrote: »

Quite possibly, have heard some crèches are struggling now as so much unemployment.

Would like to know though do those of you whose parents mind your kids now plan on doing the same for your grandchildren in the future? No judgement here just curious as it's a road we are not planning on going down.

I'd do what my parents do, which is occasional babysitting for a night out or a dig out when we need an hour or two during the week. I won't be full time minding when I'm a grandparent, hopefully me and himself will be too busy enjoying retirement! Not only that, but children are tiring. I can't imagine having the energy for smallies when I'm a grandparent. My parents are young enough but they're the first to say the children, while lovely to be around, wear them out.

Riverireland

lazygal wrote: »

Prices have definitely dropped since 2004 and a good few places have dropped them to fill spaces left vacant when people lost jobs or had pay cuts. I know a lot of people drop out of creche use when they have their second child and go the au pair or minder route. We're probably paying a little less to have our children minded in their home than we would to a creche.


Anecdotally a lot of creches that offer Montessori or preschool programmes don't have the best set up for them and I was shocked by what passed for 'Montessori' rooms in some of them. If I had used a creche I'd have finished up before the ECCE year and looked into getting a minder to collect them from school instead.

Huge variation in crèches back then, and much better to have a family member looking after your children of that is an option.

Knowing a few sets of grandparents who child mind and others who don't the ones who don't look sooo much happier and younger and seem to have a great life. The ones who do look wrecked. Again just my observation.

Riverireland

lazygal wrote: »

I'd do what my parents do, which is occasional babysitting for a night out or a dig out when we need an hour or two during the week. I won't be full time minding when I'm a grandparent, hopefully me and himself will be too busy enjoying retirement! Not only that, but children are tiring. I can't imagine having the energy for smallies when I'm a grandparent. My parents are young enough but they're the first to say the children, while lovely to be around, wear them out.

Yeah, that is the way we see it too. Will be nice to have small ones around again, as visitors 😊

lazygal

Riverireland wrote: »

Huge variation in crèches back then, and much better to have a family member looking after your children of that is an option.

Knowing a few sets of grandparents who child mind and others who don't the ones who don't look sooo much happier and younger and seem to have a great life. The ones who do look wrecked. Again just my observation.

I don't think its always better to have a family member looking after children. There's good and bad in every setup. I know I wouldn't be much good looking after my own children full time if I didn't have any other choice. I agree that some grandparents look wrecked from looking after grandchildren full time. My mum would say the same about some of her friends. And from what they say, they seem to have been guilted into it by their adult children rather than it being a freely chosen option. I know someone who left three children, one of which was a six month old baby, with grandparents for a week while they and their partner went on holiday. No way will I ever do that for my children, and I wouldn't expect it from my parents. We were sent to creches as babies, then preschool and a child minder. Family care wasn't an option.

Riverireland

lazygal wrote: »

I don't think its always better to have a family member looking after children. There's good and bad in every setup. I know I wouldn't be much good looking after my own children full time if I didn't have any other choice. I agree that some grandparents look wrecked from looking after grandchildren full time. My mum would say the same about some of her friends. And from what they say, they seem to have been guilted into it by their adult children rather than it being a freely chosen option. I know someone who left three children, one of which was a six month old baby, with grandparents for a week while they and their partner went on holiday. No way will I ever do that for my children, and I wouldn't expect it from my parents. We were sent to creches as babies, then preschool and a child minder. Family care wasn't an option.

You're right I should have said often rather than always!