Massage protocol

One More Toy

Hi Folks

Was thinking of getting a massage to relieve some stress and tension, Ive never had one before

The asian places seem to be the cheapest around, however, I dont want to get caught for excess money for a "happy ending", is there a particular protocol for refusing this?

PS. Please excuse my social retardedness

smash

Have you considered going to a massage parlour instead of a brothel?

catallus

smash wrote: »

Have you considered going to a massage parlour instead of a brothel?

If the man wants to go to a brothel let him go to a brothel!

EndaHonesty

Wear a nappy. They'll understand.

pmasterson95

1. Walk in
2. Start pelvic thrusting wildly in reception
3. Go into your room
4. Get naked and start doing the helicopter
5. Go to jail, do not pass go, do not collect happy ending.

CardBordWindow

Just say no.

But in all seriousness, just go to a reputable place.

Zombienosh

One More Toy wrote: »

The asian places seem to be the cheapest around, however, I dont want to get caught for excess money for a "happy ending", is there a particular protocol for refusing this?:(

So what you're saying is you want a free ****?

One More Toy

smash wrote: »

Have you considered going to a massage parlour instead of a brothel?

I wasnt aware that the asian massage parlours were indeed brothels, they are certainly not marketed as such

Agricola

One More Toy wrote: »

Hi Folks

The asian places seem to be the cheapest around, however, I dont want to get caught for excess money for a "happy ending", is there a particular protocol for refusing this?

Yeah try not to get an erection and you should be grand!

smash

One More Toy wrote: »

I wasnt aware that the asian massage parlours were indeed brothels, they are certainly not marketed as such

The vast majority aren't. I'm still unsure what you're after here though. A massage, or a massage with a free **** that you don't want to pay for?

One More Toy

smash wrote: »

The vast majority aren't. I'm still unsure what you're after here though. A massage, or a massage with a free **** that you don't want to pay for?

No **** thank you im grand for the aul ****! Just a plain ol' massage would suffice!

Potatoeman

I would imagine they would ask/offer. What makes you think it's that kind of place?

smash

One More Toy wrote: »

No **** thank you im grand for the aul ****! Just a plain ol' massage would suffice!

Ok then, I'll direct you back to my original post...

Have you considered going to a massage parlour instead of a brothel?

Generic Dreadhead

Get a proper message from some big-handed Eastern European wan, your body will thank you and you'll save yourself the embarrassment of getting a hard on

CFlat

Pull yourself asunder before you go in and you'll be grand, just try not to stay any longer than a half hour..you know..

One More Toy

smash wrote: »

Ok then, I'll direct you back to my original post...

Too dear!

CardBordWindow

Massage Therapists are trained to respect client privacy.
(This is the case with ITEC and CIBTAC accredited therapists anyway)

smash

One More Toy wrote: »

Too dear!

No it's not. I got a 1hr deep tissue massage on groupon for €25

hardCopy

CardBordWindow wrote: »

Massage Therapists are trained to respect client privacy.
(This is the case with ITEC and CIBTAC accredited therapists anyway)

Do they close their eyes for the ending?

CardBordWindow

hardCopy wrote: »

Do they close their eyes for the ending?

The client's do anyways!

NachoBusiness

smash wrote: »

I got a 1hr deep tissue massage on groupon..

Getting an erection when on your own would be embarrassing enough nevermind it happening in front of a group.

One More Toy

smash wrote: »

No it's not. I got a 1hr deep tissue massage on groupon for €25

Oh, get a groupon? Why don't I strap on my groupon helmet and squeeze down into a groupon cannon and fire off into groupon land, where groupons grow on little grouppies?


Good advice, must look into it see if they have any deals

RobbieTheRobber

OP in all the times I have gone to massage places in Ireland, I have never been offered such services.

This is probably because like smash suggested to you, I didnt go to a brothel!

Menas

If you want to play it safe OP, just request a male masseur!

NachoBusiness

One More Toy wrote: »

Why don't I strap on my groupon helmet and squeeze down into a groupon cannon and fire off into groupon land, where groupons grow on little grouppies?

Yeah, I think your "stress and tension" may now be at a point where it might not be alleviated by simply visiting a masseuse.

wakka12

One More Toy wrote: »

Hi Folks

Was thinking of getting a massage to relieve some stress and tension, Ive never had one before

The asian places seem to be the cheapest around, however, I dont want to get caught for excess money for a "happy ending", is there a particular protocol for refusing this?

PS. Please excuse my social retardedness

I think most massage parlours are classier than you seem to think

One More Toy

NachoBusiness wrote: »

I think the stress and tension you speak of may now be at a point where it might not be alleviated by visiting a masseuse.

Indeed, maybe i need the aul **** after all

In fairness to smash the aul bugger, there are plenty of groupon deals, so cheers for that.

Flippyfloppy

Even if you do go to a reputable place on groupon , proper protocol would be to explicitly state on the form that you to fill out that you do not want a happy ending. Otherwise they could sneak one in at the end and charge peak prices.

LorMal

Flippyfloppy wrote: »

Even if you do go to a reputable place on groupon , proper protocol would be to explicitly state on the form that you to fill out that you do not want a happy ending. Otherwise they could sneak one in at the end and charge peak prices.

With your name, I'm not sure there would be a problem

Smart Bug

Menas wrote: »

If you want to play it safe OP, just request a male masseur!

Don't see how this necessarily precludes a happy ending...

biko

Just post in your regional forum asking for good massage places.
You may want to add "sports massage" or something

Flippyfloppy

LorMal wrote: »

With your name, I'm not sure there would be a problem

I madam, am a lady! So with my name id never make it as a masseuse 😭

wakka12

LorMal wrote: »

With your name, I'm not sure there would be a problem

Bravo

D-FENS

I had to have a heart massage recently, and because I lived, the HSE sent me a bill for a happy ending....

The_Valeyard

Got a massage in a hotel salon /relaxing centre with my other half. I'm not allowed to ever again go with her for a massage for the simple fact, I could not take it seriously. I kept giggling , and the more I tried to stop the more I giggled again. And I've no idea why!!!!! Anyhow, after it ended she informed me that she would be gettting massages alone from now on. It's just not my thing.

Son Of A Vidic

One More Toy wrote: »

PS. Please excuse my social retardedness

No, you can't be, nor should you be.

Yellowblackbird

This thread is about done.
Do you want me to finish you off?

The_Valeyard

Yellowblackbird wrote: »

This thread is about done.
Do you want me to finish you off?

Happy ending or shotgun to the face?

LorMal

Flippyfloppy wrote: »

I madam, am a lady! So with my name id never make it as a masseuse 😭

I, madam, am not.
If you require a totally disinterested and passive guinea pig to practice your oily skills on, I could be possibly reluctantly persuaded to make the sacrifice, just about, I suppose. *PM me






*hurry up

One More Toy

LorMal wrote: »

I, madam, am not.
If you require a totally disinterested and passive guinea pig to practice your oily skills on, I could be possibly reluctantly persuaded to make the sacrifice, just about, I suppose. *PM me






*hurry up

You forgot to add:

m'lady

*tips fedora*

Buzz Meeks

'Nina, Mr One More Toy wants a massage. And just a massage.'

darkpagandeath

Cleaning your glasses under the towel is fine.

CarrickMcJoe

Reminds me of the guy getting a massage, rolls onto his back only to reveal his erection..

Ooooh! says the Asian masseuse, "you want ****"..

"Yes please " says he.

"OK, I come back in 2 minutes" and she left the room.

Guy fluffs pillow up and lies there, hands behind head, knob standing to attention.

Couple mins later she pops her head round door and says, "YOU FINISHED YET!"

Gongoozler

I'm not a man, but I would have thought it would make more sense to get it at the beginning no..?

kowloon

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=me5rX7Y9XKU

Collie D

One More Toy wrote: »

Indeed, maybe i need the aul **** after all

In fairness to smash the aul bugger, there are plenty of groupon deals, so cheers for that.

Is that another **** euphemism?

PARlance

Collie D wrote: »

Is that another **** euphemism?

It is now!