Friends

PTH2009

Since my mam died in Jan 2014 5 of my friends have abandoned me. Blocking me on facebook, ignoring me when they see me etc. One said sorry but that was the last thing they ever said to me and that was via text and she got on with my mam and never went to the funeral.

Since my mam died my 2 grandmother's and uncle have passed and my aunt has cancer and these friends are nowhere to be seen


I feel like **** cause of them . I didn't do anything to them. I fear they have said stuff about me on facebook to others.

They just weren't you friends, not really. They also don't sound like extremely nice people. I get that some people don't know how to deal with grief, but what they did is unacceptable. To me, it sounds like you're better off without them in your life. Something I've always noticed is that the friends that stay with you during your toughest times are the ones that will stay with you forever. Focus on those instead. They're the ones worth your attention. Not the others.

I'm sorry for your loss. How have you been coping?

PTH2009

[Deleted User] wrote: »

They just weren't you friends, not really. They also don't sound like extremely nice people. I get that some people don't know how to deal with grief, but what they did is unacceptable. To me, it sounds like you're better off without them in your life. Something I've always noticed is that the friends that stay with you during your toughest times are the ones that will stay with you forever. Focus on those instead. They're the ones worth your attention. Not the others.

I'm sorry for your loss. How have you been coping?

Good days and bad days. I refuse to visit the graves just don't like it. Hit alcohol for a while after but not as bad nowadays. Have not been with someone since Jan 2013, wud love a relationship but afraid of dating websites and that.

I don't like be in conversation about my mother how she loved that etc. My dad drinks in the pub Friday's and Sunday nights but I have to go with him because I hate being at home alone

Rubberchikken

hi op
sorry for your loss. there will be good days and bad days for a while but eventually you'll have days you can enjoy again and will remember the good memories of your mom.
it's good that you have lightened up on the alcohol. it's not the answer and you're right.

the friends you mention weren't really friends. proper friends don't treat anyone like that so you're well rid.

have you any interests you could follow that would get you out and meeting people?

LegacyUser

OP, don't worry about what might be happening. Forget about them. They are not "friends" and not worth worrying about.

As for Facebook? It's a curse in modern society and to be avoided. I'm convinced it is more harm than good and I detest it with every fibre of my soul. So what if these people are on FB and posting whatever they're posting?

ivytwine

Jesus. My friend lost her dad this time last year and I will admit I was at a loss for what to say to her. But my feelings were not important in any way, she was the one whose world was turned upside down. I tried to rally around her as best I could and listened to her when she wanted to talk and so did all our other friends.

I'm not saying that to make out that I'm some kind of especially nice person. I try to be good to people but being nice to a friend who has suffered a massive bereavement is basic common decency.

These are horrible people and you're better off without them. However that doesn't stop it hurting. Have you considered chatting with a bereavement counsellor? They may be able to help you unpick this and ease your anger and pain a bit.

I'm very sorry to hear about your mother too OP.

bolopapa

It looks like they were never your friend contrary to what you thought or felt.