Anyone regret having kids?

Realist2

so this one time on midday on tv3 a few years ago this topic came up and they discussed it and debated it and people rang in anonymously and left Voice messages, i couldn't believe the responses, so negative, i remember a oldish enough woman said never do it as she had kids and they grew up always fighting with eachother and giving her grief all her life. anyone share these kind of views?

FortySeven

Not one bit, only regret is the state of the world we are leaving for them.

Glebee

Only regret is I did not have them when I was younger.

NIMAN

You are one sick parent to say honestly you wish you'd never had kids.

Micky Dolenz

Stop the press, siblings fight with each other. Keeps the world turning.

Ulnar

I can honestly say I never regret having my kids. When they do something sweet I know that's their dads genes and when they do something bad I know that's my genes shining on through ;-)

Buck Melanoma

Realist2 wrote: »

so this one time on midday on tv3 a few years ago this topic came up and they discussed it and debated it and people rang in anonymously and left Voice messages, i couldn't believe the responses, so negative, i remember a oldish enough woman said never do it as she had kids and they grew up always fighting with eachother and giving her grief all her life. anyone share these kind of views?

Nope, not me.

eviltwin

Luckily I don't but I'm not surprised there are people who do. Some people are just not cut out to be parents or have children who are very challenging. I remember in a previous job talking to a woman who had a son convicted of a serious crime, he'd always been violent and had put her and her husband through hell. She told me she wished he'd never been born. I don't judge her for that. The stigma means very few will ever admit to it.

Cee-Jay-Cee

Not one bit, my world would be so empty without them.

Mardy Bum

In evolutionary terms I'd say it is probably built in that you can't totally regret having them no matter what sort of horrendous acts they cause.

philstar

not at all

myself and my wife have being trying for a baby for years after several miscarriages

but after years of trying we now have an adorable little son, he's just turned 8, bit bossy says he wants to be king of the world

here's a school photo of him

Day Lewin

Never.
I have five and all grown up: they fought as kids but now they are sensible, cheerful law-abiding sociable adults. Great company and the pride of my life.
Yes it was hard work and short cash for years and I made a million mistakes, but people are resilient and they survived!

wakka12

NIMAN wrote: »

You are one sick parent to say honestly you wish you'd never had kids.

Some kids are horrible and irresponsible. I watched my grandmother get sent to the grave early because of her selfish children fighting over ****ing money, they didnt care about anybody but themselves and one even threatened suicide if he wasnt given more money , it wasnt even needed it was so he could buy a new house. The fighting tore apart the family and their mother just couldn't take the stress and fighting and pressure and she died at just 67, and she was perfectly healthy before the fighting started.

She loved her children and tried her best to make them all happy but nothing ws ever good enough for them. The only one out of the 4 who wasnt a complete cnut was my mother. If I had heard my grand mother say she wished shed never had these children I would completely respect that.

Some sons and daughters just aren't worth the trouble.

Slydice

I've worked with a few parents recently. They all seem to regret giving kids too much sugar or thinking they'd be able to sleep beyond six o clock in the morning

Turtyturd

Isn't your other thread along similar lines still going OP?

Realist2

Turtyturd wrote: »

Isn't your other thread along similar lines still going OP?

yes, clear to see, a bit of different spin here, but it shows I'm consistent, hehe

Mr_Muffin

It's just one of those things people will never admit to.

I'm sure most of the young mothers would love to be out partying and enjoying their youth instead of looking after a little baby but it's not socially acceptable to admit it.

Banjo String

How would anyone regret having kids?

Fathers day has just passed, my eldest daughter (4) got me a card, made it in pre school.

Some of the questions and answers...

Dad's age? (22) fair enough, I've 15 years experience though.
My dad's favourite drink? (Coke) fair enough, I'm partial to the odd 'zero'
My dad's favourite food? (Spicy noodles) what?
What I love about my dad most? (His sqidgy hugs and he makes me laugh) feelings mutual hun xxx

Not even for a second do I regret having mine. Not even on bank holidays and Sunday mornings hangovers!

Cold War Kid

Mr_Muffin wrote: »

I'm sure most of the young mothers would love to be out partying and enjoying their youth instead of looking after a little baby but it's not socially acceptable to admit it.

I've heard of this being admitted numerous times, although they don't say they wish they'd never had them, but that they'd had them at a later age.

eviltwin

Cold War Kid wrote: »

I've heard of this being admitted numerous times, although they don't say they wish they'd never had them, but that they'd had them at a later age.

In fairness I think all parents have those moments. I know I do. It's not regret though.

TheLastMohican

My Mam?

harry Bailey esq

I regret having kids,its half six and I can't sleep because of the heartburn. I should have chosen the monkfish

R.D. aka MR.D

The lovely woman :rolleyes: that I have as a mother repeatedly told me growing up that having my sibling and I ruined her life.

She told me that she regrets having us.

So, it definitely happens.

galljga1

On hungover mornings when they are running around the house screaming.
Sometimes, I let them in just to shut them up.

maggiepip

Slightly off the point but it infuriates me that some (and maybe a lot) of people consider it a right, a done thing to have kids and put zero thought into it, and little effort into doing whats best for the child, then feel hard done by when things go wrong and do the poor me routine. No kids myself and no regrets because I dont think I'd be able to cope with the worry of it all. Love my dogs though:)

hairyslug

I do miss the freedom of no kids but christ, I would be lost without my 3

Not so far. We are planning two more sometime in the future - so I may yet

Diamond Doll

Having kids - it's like jumping off a cliff, if you make the decision, you're committed to the end. It's not like moving house, or starting a new job, or starting a new relationship, where you can just up and leave whenever you want.

Once you have a child, you'll never stop being a parent, no matter what happens.

I have one child, a toddler. Say if I do everything right, as a parent, and he still ends up being a complete arsehole as an adult? Say if I end up being the mother of Ireland's next big serial killer? While I can't imagine wishing my child was dead, I can imagine how someone could wish their child had never been born in the first place.

As it is - no, I certainly don't regret having him, and I hope to have more children in the future. And I commit to being the best parent that I can be to any children I have. Hopefully that'll be enough!

mushu

It took 3 hours to get the 7 month old to go to sleep last night.
My 3 year old had a tantrum in tesco yesterday because I wouldn't buy a whole fish (daddy hates fish, it'd be a waste), and again at home because he decided he didn't want the chilli he'd specifically asked for as his dinner, he wanted pig bacon.
Baby has two teeth and loves biting really hard when she's finished her milk, I'm expecting permanent damage
I can't remember the last time I went out for a date with my husband, wore clean clothes for longer than 5 mins or bought y self any kind of treat.

Little man tells me he loves me and gives me big wet sloppy kisses.
Lil lady has learned how to give hugs, and pushes off whoever is holding her to give me one when I get home from work.

Why would I regret my babies Don't know what I'd do without them

The Corinthian

Everyone has regrets where it comes to having children. That's perfectly normal; loss of freedom, cost and (you really don't realize until you have one) you are in a constant state of worry about their future. Anyone who claims that they don't have any regrets is frankly lying through their teeth and afraid of breaking the old parental love taboo.

But to actually regret - that is on balance would have not had them were they to do it all over again - it probably fairly rare. I suspect those who do had children for the wrong reasons, or did not choose to do so and even then most of even those probably don't regret doing so in the end.

Rosie Gardens

hairyslug wrote: »

I do miss the freedom of no kids but christ, I would be lost without my 3

Exactly my thoughts, I do miss the freedom that being child free has, but I'd never be without them. For all the tantrums, the fights, the not eating what's put in the front of them, there are the cuddles, the uproarious laughter at slapstick, the home made cards that leave glitter everywhere MORE than makes up for it. You don't loose anything, things just change.

And when you do get a bit of freedom... don't ya just enjoy every fecking minute of it?

boobar

Surprised it hasn't been said yet....




....Yore Ma!

NIMAN

When you have kids you have to accept that your life is going to change completely. Your freedom is gone until they get to the age when they can look after themselves, your social life is non-existent, you don't ever sleep right again, the list goes on.

But if you can't accept these terms, then it's best not to start a family. I work with a couple of people who have had 1 child each and said there's definitely no more coming as 'they still want to have their nights on the beer, play golf, go on weekends away'. To me, this is an incredibly selfish attitude to have. I have 3 young kids and I can live without nights on the sauce or holidays as long as they are happy. Their wellbeing is more important than my social life.

Menas

We left it late to have kids but I am glad we did. Would have been too imature in my 20s to have children and would have missed a lot of partying and travelling. Not to mention that we did not have the financial security we do now.
But on the flipside, it is hardwork at times which would be easier to handle if we were in our 20s.

the_monkey

He drives me nuts, he can be a nightmare to deal with (he's 3) but the positives far outweigh the negatives.

As one poster said - whats really regrettable is the state of the world we leave for them - depressing really.

Chris_Bradley

I've had 4.....

Still pinching myself at how lucky I've been. Anyone who any regret for having children would want to take a long,hard look at themselves - you don't know how lucky you are really.

Gongoozler

NIMAN wrote: »

When you have kids you have to accept that your life is going to change completely. Your freedom is gone until they get to the age when they can look after themselves, your social life is non-existent, you don't ever sleep right again, the list goes on.

But if you can't accept these terms, then it's best not to start a family. I work with a couple of people who have had 1 child each and said there's definitely no more coming as 'they still want to have their nights on the beer, play golf, go on weekends away'. To me, this is an incredibly selfish attitude to have. I have 3 young kids and I can live without nights on the sauce or holidays as long as they are happy. Their wellbeing is more important than my social life.

How is it affecting the child they do have to not have any more?
I think it's a very responsible attitude to have. Nobody should have a child for any reason other than wanting to.

The Corinthian

NIMAN wrote: »

But if you can't accept these terms, then it's best not to start a family. I work with a couple of people who have had 1 child each and said there's definitely no more coming as 'they still want to have their nights on the beer, play golf, go on weekends away'. To me, this is an incredibly selfish attitude to have. I have 3 young kids and I can live without nights on the sauce or holidays as long as they are happy. Their wellbeing is more important than my social life.

So it's selfish only to decide to have only one child?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUspLVStPbk

Akrasia

There are bound to be people out there who regret having kids because it's a major decision and people will always wonder what would life have been like if they had made different choices.

Also, having children isn't always a conscious choice. There are plenty of parents out there who would have aborted the pregnancy if they had the choice to do so and while many of these people will embrace parenthood and love their children, others will see the kid as a burden and something that cost them other opportunities

Me personally, I love being a father. It's completely taken over my life, but I think it's for the better. I know that when I had the freedom to do anything I wanted (more or less) I squandered my time and it didn't really make me happy, but watching my kids grow up and develop as people with their own ideas and personalities and talents and skills is just so rewarding

It's absolutely the right choice for me. I gained so much and it is worth the opportunity cost and hardships that come with parenting, but not everyone is the same. The burden is not shared equally amongst the parents either. Women have to sacrifice a lot more than men for biological and cultural reasons. An athlete who becomes a father can still win an olympic gold medal the day after his first child is born. The mother would lose perhaps her only ever chance to compete in the Olympics

Regretting having children is completely pointless and a waste of time and energy you cant give them back. I don't regret having mine at all and I would not consider myself very maternal my children have grown up to be lovely people. I am glad I hade them when I was young though.

I found the teen years with one of them very difficult I though I was going mad at one stage with the carry on and the worries,

the_monkey

The Corinthian wrote: »

So it's selfish only to decide to have only one child?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUspLVStPbk

I would say it's selfish to have more then 2 ...

Can't believe in Ireland the amount of people that just keep having kids ... 3,4,5 kids is so common.

such irresponsibility.

sadie06

Do I regret having my children? Absolutely not! Do I regularly (at least once a week) fantasise about faking my own death, disappearing to a place where nobody can find me and living out my years in solitude? Of course! :-)

That's life. You can't have it both ways, and the difficulties of parenting ebb and flow. My two are going through a hellish phase of sniping at each other non-stop. My quick-witted 8 year old has figured out she can outsmart my bright but pondering 11 year old and it's causing a lot of strife. I honestly had it easier a couple of years ago when they were both less independent but the dynamic between them was a lot better.


When we hit a high note though (playing cards when camping…laughing our heads off at seeing our ugly-naked-guy neighbour…singing in the car) we are a unit and it's a beautiful thing. It just doesn't feel like that 24/7, but I never thought it would. Perhaps the ones that regret having children had wildly unrealistic expectations.

I do know of a father who has not taken to parenting at all, and is 100% hands off apart from his obsession with taking amazing photos of every milestone and cute moment. His worn-out wife feels that the photos portray what he thought parenting would be like…basically all the good parts.

Rubberlegs

I don't know what it's like to have the freedom of being child free, as I had my first child young. No one to blame but ourselves . I was still living at home at the time, and moved out when she was 18 months. I don't regret my kids, but sometimes I wish I had left it longer. When I was my eldest girls age now, she was two. I love seeing her doing things for herself, having nights out with friends, and going off on holidays. I don't have a clue what it's like to do that kind of stuff! I suppose you can't miss what you never had, but I definitely wonder what it would be like. Given the choice though, it's no contest, I'd still have the life I have.

Caovyn Lineah

I don't regret having my kids, of course not. They are my life.

What I do regret however, is who I had my first child with. I now hate her with every ounce of my being.

candy-gal1

Most definitly I would say that their are people who do regret having kids, I wouldnt say its right or wrong just the way the person feels!

Imho its usually from either having them too early in their life or being pressured into it in some way or by people, I can understand that as I know going by a lot of people medically having kids at a young age like 20s is better than waiting till your a bit more mature, know what you want, have had a lot of experiences and starting a family in your 30s if you want kids!

Most people who regret their kids will never or rarely say it, because as its been said here, Its done and your stuck now, having kids is one of the few things in life you cant take back, well I dont think you can anyway!

Im 28 and im not hugely pished on having or not having kids, Id like to think Id have one healthy baby at some point, moreso for the reason to give my parents a grandkid and to pass on my genes in some way - just on the offchance I dont live forever :D , But Id like to have a better reason than those when the time comes for me to have kids, but well see!

Ive never looked on 20s for having kids at all, but as Ive heard from a lot of my friends , from about mid 20s and up its the norm for having kids, news to me as I always thought would be mid 30s or so, just would seem better for the adult imho

Pumpkinseeds

NIMAN wrote: »

You are one sick parent to say honestly you wish you'd never had kids.

Why? Are people supposed to hide how they feel because society frowns on it? That's not healthy. It's one thing to admit to regretting being a parent privately or anonymously online and quite another to say it to a child. I really hate judgemental holier than thou attitudes.

mikom

Realist2 wrote: »

Anyone regret having kids?

Gary Glitter, probably.

73Cat

73Cat wrote: »

I don't know what it's like to have the freedom of being child free, as I had my first child young. No one to blame but ourselves . I was still living at home at the time, and moved out when she was 18 months. I don't regret my kids, but sometimes I wish I had left it longer. When I was my eldest girls age now, she was two. I love seeing her doing things for herself, having nights out with friends, and going off on holidays. I don't have a clue what it's like to do that kind of stuff! I suppose you can't miss what you never had, but I definitely wonder what it would be like. Given the choice though, it's no contest, I'd still have the life I have.

Well I preferred having the freedom and money in my forties and fifties than in my twenties but each to their own, I know some one in their fifties who is dealing with a 16year old teen horror and they don't have the psychical and mental energy to deal with it, not all teenagers are a horror one of mine never gave a moment bother as a teen and one was a nightmare so you never know.

Sleepy

If my life had gone "to plan" I probably wouldn't be a dad yet. I often fantasize about the travelling I'd like to have done, the money I could have made had I been free to emigrate and of a life without the pressures of being a parent and breadwinner.

There are days when I'd have to think long and hard about it but, if given the chance to go back in time to the choice that lead me on this path, I'd still take the same road. As a younger man I quietly scoffed at a cousin when we were discussing the fact that raising a child costs as much as a super-car when he said that the feeling of that little hand in yours as you walked down the street was worth more than any Ferrari. With the benefit of experience though, he was right: it is.

Rubberlegs

mariaalice wrote: »

Well I preferred having the freedom and money in my forties and fifties than in my twenties but each to their own, I know some one in their fifties who is dealing with a 16year old teen horror and they don't have the psychical and mental energy to deal with it, not all teenagers are a horror one of mine never gave a moment bother as a teen and one was a nightmare so you never know.

I am not having freedom in my 40s either, my youngest is 3:):) I was definitely way more able for the sleepless nights and early mornings in my 20s!! Beyond moodiness the eldest was no hassle as a teen, and my 15 yr old is the same. Knowing my luck I'll end up with a wild teen in my 50s !

kinsy

Don't really understand the people who have kids but say they cannot understand or believe the people who regret having them. Just because you don't doesn't mean anyone or everyone else feels the same. As for saying they don't know how lucky they are, maybe they don't feel that way... it's quite damning and dismissive of people who are being brutally honest about something that is such a taboo.
I would have less sympathy for the people who have kids without giving it any thought (because there are so so many people who do this) and then regret it, but what about people who agonise over the decision and then have the kids but then regret it?
I'm 30 and have been with my partner for years but I am still no closer to making a decision about kids. I'm about 70:30 against the idea but not at a definite place. There are so many reasons for it. What if I am a bad parent? What about financial stability? My own parents are very stressed out, quite neurotic people and I have inherited a lot of this. I don't want to pass this on to my children. What about the fact the world is in quite a bad place? I see my sister with 2 kids and she's always tired, stressed and worrying about money even though she has a well paid job. What actual reasons would I have for having children other than it is the social norm, because I want to experience what this new stage of life is like. I do understand the bond and love is unlike others but I don't know what it is now so I'm not missing it or dying to experience it.

Who knows what the reasons for regrets about kids are but I really can't believe that people don't understand it's possible- and that it doesn't necessarily make that person evil or the worst person in the world.