I am to scared to come out to my Dad

love my dad but I am also scared of him. Don't get me wrong I love my dad I dunno im rambling.

I have know I was gay since I was 8 I am 27 now and I feel as lonely as ever. you think with the marriage law going though it might of help but it doesn't.

I feel lonely, sad , depressed the hole shebang I think about it to much 7 get panic attacks when I am alone every-time I got through this alone.

I don't sleep or eat & struggle to do everyday thinks because of the mental pressure I am under. I am a nice guy not blowing my own trumpet or anything I love everyone, I just want my family to love me back but I cannot they are bigots I know the consequences even if I did do it.

I'd rather have a somewhat relationship with my dad then none at all.

Ten of Swords

Hi tajd, I recognize your username and I've read a few of your previous posts on this forum. Am I correct in thinking that your brother is gay too? Have you spoken to him about your concerns or asked him for advice/support? Apologies if I have gotten you confused with someone else.

Pride Before Ignorance

I know how this feels. I am in the exact same boat. I love my dad to bits but I find it so so so difficult to come out to him.

Sorry I am not being much of a help here. At least you know you're not alone...

eviltwin

Is there anything about your parents that makes you think they will react badly? What about your mums and siblings?

yeezus

When I used to read up on people coming out, I used to read things like 'You're their son, they'll love you no matter what'. I thought that my parents were different, 'oh you don't know my folks'. But I was wrong.

I came out to my very conservative parents over Xmas. Much to my surprise (and waste of years of worry) they were both fine. I come from a very traditional, god-fearing, rural background and expected the worse. I have a distant and emotionally vacant father.

Put it this way, if you had a son and he came out as gay, would you love him any less? I think you probably underestimate the (possibly invisible) bond between a parent and a child.

My advice is to do it as soon as possible. I was just thinking in work today about how relieved I am that I have that out of the way. It's allowed me to get on with my life, life has really been flourishing since. You don't have enough time on earth to be wasting with this hanging over you. You need to fulfil your potential and get on with life. You're 27. You shouldn't be sad and depressed and lonely. This is unacceptable and you deserve better than this.

Leonard Hofstadter

yeezus wrote: »

When I used to read up on people coming out, I used to read things like 'You're their son, they'll love you no matter what'. I thought that my parents were different, 'oh you don't know my folks'. But I was wrong.

I came out to my very conservative parents over Xmas. Much to my surprise (and waste of years of worry) they were both fine. I come from a very traditional, god-fearing, rural background and expected the worse. I have a distant and emotionally vacant father.

Put it this way, if you had a son and he came out as gay, would you love him any less? I think you probably underestimate the (possibly invisible) bond between a parent and a child.

My advice is to do it as soon as possible. I was just thinking in work today about how relieved I am that I have that out of the way. It's allowed me to get on with my life, life has really been flourishing since. You don't have enough time on earth to be wasting with this hanging over you. You need to fulfil your potential and get on with life. You're 27. You shouldn't be sad and depressed and lonely. This is unacceptable and you deserve better than this.

QFT.


It's not the 'game changer' some make it out to be, your life problems aren't going to magically vanish because you've come out, but you'll feel so much better about yourself and be more confident and won't have those feelings of shame, guilt and fear.

I've no crystal ball, and I totally understand that there are some people you may or may not want to tell, but I do feel you should tell your parents, or at least tell your siblings first - our generation are going to be much more accepting, maybe your siblings told you they were going to vote Yes in the marriage equality referendum? Obviously if they did then you know they'll be OK with it.

The vast vast majority of parents will of course support and love their children despite what they may have said about the marriage referendum or gay people beforehand. When they meet a real gay person or realise someone they know, love and care about is gay it's not long before most reasonable people change their minds.

I'm a similar age to you and I can honestly say one of the biggest regrets in my life is that I only came out a few months ago rather than 5-6 years ago (and joined the LGBT society and made loads of gay friends) when I was in college like every other gay person does.

ninty9er

The most memorable thing about coming out to my parents is what an anti-climax it was.

Mothers know, fathers worry, but really, if they've put up with the trials and tribulations of your life until now, telling them you're gay is probably a minor detail in who their child is.

Leonard Hofstadter

ninty9er wrote: »

The most memorable thing about coming out to my parents is what an anti-climax it was.

Mothers know, fathers worry, but really, if they've put up with the trials and tribulations of your life until now, telling them you're gay is probably a minor detail in who their child is.

Indeed. You build yourself up and make a big deal and they say 'I always knew and I've been waiting for ages for you to tell me' (in my Mum's case) or 'you're still the same person today as you were yesterday' in my Dad's case. It was almost disappointing that it was such a non-issue for them:pac:.

SILVAMAN

I think you might be pleasantly shocked by your Dad's reaction if you do come out to him
I say this because from what I've seen most of my friends' Dads were ok with it. During the referendum campaign, there was a large number of well-known parents talking about their gay sons, and I guess this would have resonated with many parents. Irish people tend to be realistic and pragmatic, and like to give others a fair chance, and the heightened profile of gay people as being one's son, daughter, uncle, neighbour, fellow worker can only work in your favour.
Hope things work out for you- you've got your whole life ahead of you so, even if things don't go well, don't worry. Live your life on your terms.