Trying to stick up for myself

mangotracy

At the risk of overposting on this forum (sorry - had a lot of issues!) - My boyfriend left 3 weeks ago. We had had a minor argument and he said he didn't 'think that we were working' - something that he said in the heat of the moment - but I have had enough.

In a nutshell:
I moved in with his four teenage step daughters (who mostly lived with us), and my son, and we had a baby together (planned but quicker than we thougth!). He said he would divorce his wife (who lives around the corner) and marry me.

He got massive cold feet - wasn't sure about us - then I discovered I was pregnant - he didn't want me to be on my own - I didn't want to stay with someone who didn't love me - it was rocky - found out he'd been 'sexting' other women - left - came back - he did stop. He recommitted to me and things did get better. We do both love each other. He's very sweet to my son. He gets ultra defensive about his daughters and if they've got unhappy I get the brunt of it.

SO! Am at the critical point after 5 years together where I guess I expected him to really up his game, and he hasn't. His daughter moved out recently after I asked her to be more polite to me and he clammed up a lot after that. He says he knows he hasn't treated me really well.

I think all I can do is say it's not good enough and wait and see. But it is really quite painful. I've also said to him - harsh though it is - I needed a break from his kids too - he wanted them to come around when he sees our son - I've gone out instead as his girls have been half the problem and I just need not to have to accomodate them when I'm basically breaking up with him.

CaraMay

It sounds like you both have enough of the relationship op and sounds like it's best if you both go your separate ways. It was never going to be easy going into a family with 4 kids but he seemed to make it even harder. Arrange visitation and maintenance and close the door behind you on this one op. It's hot good for you and it's even worse for the kids.

njs030

Wow! It sounds like a very complex and messy situation.
I think you really really need a break to clear your own head and decide what's right for you. It's really hard to be a step-parent but it sounds like hes caught in the middle and doesn't know what to do.

I don't have much advice other than to be sure of what's right for you and to wish you luck.

vertmann

I took a read through your other posts about your boyfriend - they're quite an eye opener. I know you love this man very much but your relationship is horribly one-sided. You're the one who has done all the heavy lifting throughout while he has been off sexting other women, meeting other women, blowing hot and cold, playing mind games and overall treating you like crap. But still you've stayed through all of this. You're 5 years into it now and nothing has changed. All I could do as I read through your threads was wonder why you've stayed. Despite all those horrible disrespectful things he has done to you. You deserve better than this.

ElleEm

It certainly seems like there are a lot of issues in your relationship that you have tried to resolve but can't. You should try to accept what he said and make the best effort to co- parent your child together as amicably as possible.

athtrasna

mangotracy wrote: »

At the risk of overposting on this forum (sorry - had a lot of issues!) - My boyfriend left 3 weeks ago. We had had a minor argument and he said he didn't 'think that we were working' - something that he said in the heat of the moment - but I have had enough.

In a nutshell:
I moved in with his four teenage step daughters (who mostly lived with us), and my son, and we had a baby together (planned but quicker than we thougth!). He said he would divorce his wife (who lives around the corner) and marry me.

Is he your boyfriend or your husband? Are they his stepdaughters or his daughters and your stepdaughters?

Just confused reading this after previous posts on boards?

mangotracy

athtrasna wrote: »

Is he your boyfriend or your husband? Are they his stepdaughters or his daughters and your stepdaughters?

Just confused reading this after previous posts on boards?

He is my boyfriend - and he has 4 daughters - we have one son together. Sorry for any confusion!

mangotracy

vertmann wrote: »

I took a read through your other posts about your boyfriend - they're quite an eye opener. I know you love this man very much but your relationship is horribly one-sided. You're the one who has done all the heavy lifting throughout while he has been off sexting other women, meeting other women, blowing hot and cold, playing mind games and overall treating you like crap. But still you've stayed through all of this. You're 5 years into it now and nothing has changed. All I could do as I read through your threads was wonder why you've stayed. Despite all those horrible disrespectful things he has done to you. You deserve better than this.

I know it has pretty hard. I guess I have posted all the bad stuff on here - there has been a lot of good.

But the bad stuff is so damaging that it would take a gigantic effort on his part to put it back. Although to my surprise he really has stopped with all the sexting since I last posted - but there is always that feeling of 'will it ever start again'.

And also for him - he has been a lot more worried that I will cheat - a warning to anyone who cheats! If you've crossed a line it just makes you realise how easy it is - and your trust of your partner is just as badly damaged as theirs in you (if they find out) - but there is no one to blame but yourself.

5 years is a long time. Shame.