Do I say nothing

21-06-2015 11:06pm #1

So I moved locations within a large organisation at the start of April.

5 of us doing same job and I was put beside a really nice girl, made me feel welcome from the get go while the others took a while to warm to me.

I'm single, she had just started seeing somebody when I started.

Because we got on so well, a few "joke" comments were made by others and then we both did it ourselves as to whether there was something going on but I kept myself from taking it seriously as she was seeing somebody, albeit It hadn't been going on too long

So then she ended up getting a new job and left on Friday. On the day she was a bit annoyed at her fella that he wasn't pushed coming out for her leaving do (he also works for same company). I just listened but didn't really make a comment, anyway he ended up out and I was introduced but I could feel he didn't really want to stand talking to me.

So at the end of the night, she and I said our goodbyes, now lot of drink taken on both parts.....we hugged...a lot. It went on probably longer than it should have for 2 people that only really worked with each other for 2 months where there was nothing going on.

She told me she would really miss me and at that point I realised I too would really really miss her. It was a bit of shock to me but I think I have feelings for her and they totally just crept up on me without me realising.

So what do I do. I have the option of seeing her again as she wants to keep in touch but do I just cut contact and get the feelings out of my head or do I tell her how I feel.

Been thinking about this since Friday night and don't know what to do, thinking back on the last 2 months, I now see loads of times she wud go out of her way to touch me etc. and would text me when I wasn't in office too, mightn't mean anything but thought I should add the info.

Any advice appreciated.

fredtbvfh · 21-06-2015 11:09pm

She has a boyfriend. whether she takes it seriously or not, she has a boyfriend. I think you should just move on and try meet someone who is single.

nc19 · 21-06-2015 11:17pm

I think you tell her how you feel.

YOLO as the kids say.......what's the worst that can happen?

Jasper_ · 21-06-2015 11:56pm

You only live once dude. Ask the girl for a coffee and tell her.

Do this however full in the knowledge that she may well shoot you down.

But as they say, if you never ask - the answers always no.

22-06-2015 12:49am

Honestly, I'd say to leave it until it feels like the relationship is ending/ended. I know numerous people who have been in a similar situation, where they were in a relationship, but attracted to someone else, so they end the relationship and pursue the person.

Many times have they told me that there's always that thought of, "they have done it before, would they do it again?"

Plus realistically, if you tell her and she shoots you down, this might make things exceedingly awkward between you two and she might not want to see you as often/ever.

So just be wary.

_Whimsical_ · 22-06-2015 1:55am

I say leave it too. She has a boyfriend so it's a messy situation. Also the basis for making a move here doesn't sound so solid. You are basing this revelation on a drunken hug on what was probably an emotional night for her, leaving do's do strange things to people, suddenly in a sentimental haze everyone seems like the familiar best friend you'll be lost without as you embark on something new and intimidating. You're also single and sometimes a bit of welcome affection can mean a lot more to you than to the person giving it. It happens to everyone.

I think you'd be jumping the gun making any declarations at this point. Let the dust settle a few weeks, try not to build it up in your head in the meantime and see what you feel then. You'll also have a good sense of how eager she really is to be in touch with you then so you'll have a clearer picture.

OneOfThem · 22-06-2015 6:56am

nc19 wrote: »

I think you tell her how you feel.

YOLO as the kids say.......what's the worst that can happen?

The boyfriend that works in the same company as him hears about it and "has a stern word" with him?

bobbyj946 · 22-06-2015 7:19am

Stay in contact as friends you never know what will happen down the line, but don't pursue it now.

Katgurl · 23-06-2015 12:04am

She's not with this guy very long and you sound like you could have real feelings for her.

I'd say something if I was in your shoes along the lines of "it's not the same without you here... Do you think if you'd been single when we met things might have been different?" and see what sort of response you get. If you get shot down what harm? You're not going to see her in work so you can take some time for the dust to settle.

MileyReilly · 23-06-2015 7:37am

I think he'd get over a stern word

OneOfThem · 23-06-2015 7:42am

MileyReilly wrote: »

I think he'd get over a stern word

Shattered jaw never hurt anyone.

dixiefly · 23-06-2015 11:07am

bobbyj946 wrote: »

Stay in contact as friends you never know what will happen down the line, but don't pursue it now.

This is what (I think) I would do.

lemmno · 23-06-2015 8:11pm

She's not been with her boyfriend very long but is still choosing to stay with him rather than finish it. so a) She's happy with him or b)she's happy with him and wants a bit on the side with you.
My verdict-stay well away, she's not to be trusted. Who could behave like that while they have a boyfriend? Not someone you want a relationship with.
Also. Imagine you were her boyfriend? How would you feel?
I personally could never do that to another woman, regardless of how attracted I was to their partner. It's just not right

23-06-2015 9:54pm

Op here. In fairness she hasn't acted out of order, it's just a lot of subtle things that have made me think that there's more to it. Sure I didn't realise what way I was thinking myself till the last minute.

I'm not due to see her for about 3 weeks or so, will keep thinking and see what way things are then. Hard to keep away from drunk dialling tho but I'll do it :-)

MileyReilly · 24-06-2015 1:21am

OneOfThem wrote: »

Shattered jaw never hurt anyone.

Shattered jaw lol too many films for you

OneOfThem · 24-06-2015 7:39am

MileyReilly wrote: »

Shattered jaw lol too many films for you

Ah here, all I'm saying is that if you're running around trying to mooch up to the the girlfriend of someone you work with behind their back, you have to be realistic about the possibility that things can go quite badly for you. And yeah, getting your head kicked in is one of those possibilities. Bit of realism wouldn't go astray, the lads not living in a rom-com.

24-06-2015 8:48am

There have been many times where female friends of mine have been their natural and normal flirty selves and when this is misinterpreted by guys, it really bothers them because it effectively means that that friendship is over. Or at least will never be the same. I'm sorry to say, but this seems to be the case.

Tasden · 24-06-2015 8:40pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

There have been many times where female friends of mine have been their natural and normal flirty selves and when this is misinterpreted by guys, it really bothers them because it effectively means that that friendship is over. Or at least will never be the same. I'm sorry to say, but this seems to be the case.

I'd agree with this. Reading the op the friendship in general sounds exactly like the one I have with a friend in work- including the jokes by others about us being some kind of thing, "work hubby" and all the rest- but there is absolutely nothing in it on either side. We both have partners and are perfectly happy in our relationships, we're just well able to have a close platonic friendship with each other. Maybe there is something in it with you guys but if she's in a relationship then I highly doubt it's the case, or moreso if it was the case nothing will come of it anyway.

Do I say nothing

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