Dad Jokes

Fat Christy

They're so bad, they're funny. :pac:

I remember my ex showing his dad a youtube compilation of russian car cams. He was saying how they drive so fast in Russia and his dad goes 'Oh, they must be russian to get somewhere' :pac: I love it. Give me all your dad jokes.

Here's a few other classics:

'Dad, make me a sandwich'
'Poof, you're a sandwich'

'Dad, I'm hungry'
'Hi Hungry, I'm dad'

Dads are so cool.

As you know FC, I've just watched a dyslexic porn movie.

It's called 'Debbie Does Salad'

RayM

*puts the car into reverse*

"Ah, this takes me back..."

Sheep Lover

"He's the best farmer around, he's out standing in his field" ..

"Did you hear about the magic tractor?, it turned into a field"...

FluffyAngel

Son ..i must get a haircut

Dad ..you should get them all cut it would be cheaper

Fat Christy

Sheep Lover wrote: »

"He's the best farmer around, he's out standing in his field" ..

"Did you hear about the magic tractor?, it turned into a field"...

O.o

*whoosh*

Panthro

'Get out of my house'......


Classic Pappa Panthro

kfallon

A sandwich walked into a bar and ordered a beer......barman says, "sorry we don't serve food in here"

Sheep Lover

"You're adopted"

He says it with such a straight face and all..

Fat Christy

Two peanuts were walking down a street. One was a salted.

steddyeddy

A book fell on my head. I've only my shelf to blame.

Peregrine

Fat Christy wrote: »

'Dad, I'm hungry'
'Hi Hungry, I'm dad'

"Dad, I'm serious"
"But I thought you were Hungry?"

RayM wrote: »

*puts the car into reverse*

"Ah, this takes me back..."

"Me and my armchair recliner, we go back, waaayy back"

What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick.

Earliest joke I remember my Da telling me as a child? "Pull my finger..."

A timeless classic that still brings a smile to millions even today. Thanks dad! I think I'll pass that one on to my own kids someday.

EoghanIRL

"Dad, put on the oven"
"I don't think it will fit me"
Ahaha

"Dad ,what are you watching"
"Tv"

kfallon

A three legged dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw!"

kfallon

You can't run through a camp site.

You can only ran, because it's past tents.

Why do the Scottish wear kilts? Because sheep can hear a zipper from up to a mile away.

darkpagandeath

EoghanIRL wrote: »

"

"Dad ,what are you watching"
"Tv"

"Dad, What's on the tv"
"A clock"

Senna

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?


A carrot

*Groan*

Fat Christy

Senna wrote: »

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?


A carrot

*Groan*

Do you have a 3 year old sitting at home, is it? :pac:

What's brown, hairy, and wears sunglasses?

A coconut on holiday.

kfallon

How do you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator?

You will see one later and one in a while.

kfallon

Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "do you know how to drive this thing?"

Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?

He sold his soul to Santa.

kfallon

Last one before bed!

what does a Mexican put under his carpet? Underlay underlay underlay

Fat Christy

Holy sh*t, kfallon and Candie have all of the dads, ALL of them.

Ice Storm

Ha, reminds me of this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2s6P-gqWGXs

Makes me laugh everytime!

This thread needs input from The Backwards Man. He's a goldmine of this stuff!

anncoates

Reminds me of the constipated mathematician.

He worked it out with a pencil.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Exactly where you left him.

Fat Christy

What's Forrest Gump's password?

1Forrest1

anncoates

Why is milk fast?

It's pasteurize before you see it.

Why was the blonde so pleased with herself?
She finished a jigsaw in six weeks, and it said 3 - 6 months on the box.

Why was the man staring at the carton of orange juice?
It said 'concentrate' on the label.


I think I'm all out now.

Ice Storm

"Dad, will you pass me over the pepper?"

*gestures to pick me up*

anncoates

I heard that people in Iran are scared of spiders, but, in Iraq, no phobia.

Sheep Lover

"What's a Hindu?"

"Lays eggs"

agent graves

Dad tell me a joke.........................................................................................ohh,, didnt have one

HugsiePie

What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit? A ba-na-na-na.

What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1

How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it

I actually wish my dad would say jokes like thse tho :rolleyes:

Totofan99

Reminds me of the woman that stayed up all night wondering where the sun went.

And then it dawned on her.

pauldla

What's brown and sticky?

A stick!

Bayberry

Did you hear about the guy that got 2 dogs and called them Timex and Rolex?

They were watch dogs!

---

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Ten tickles!

---

What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark?

Flood Lights!

Bayberry

What is Santy's favourite pizza?

One that's deep pan, crisp and even!!!

----

Which side of a cat has the most hair?

The outside!

kfallon

Did you know, in a recent survey conducted, that people in Dubai do not like the Flintstones but yet people in Abu Dhabi do!!!

Señor Fancy Pants

"Knock knock"
"whose there"
"You're adopted"

Thanks dad!

kfallon

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Doorbell repair man

Xaracatz

Ages and ages ago, my dad was working for a window/door company. Goes to someone's house to measure up. No doorbell there.

Knocks on the door, and tells the lady - I think you have won an award.

???? says the lady.

The No Bell prize.

Dad - stop telling me this joke. It's been 15 years!!!!!

Knex*

Our next door neighbours have a child named Isabelle, a name which has since been forever ruined by my Dad.

Conversation went a little like this with the neighbour.

Dad: Congrats on the newborn. What's she called?

Neighbour: Isabelle

Dad: Necessary on a bike?

Neighbour: *look of total confusion*

Dad (looking absolutely delighted with himself): IS A BELL NECESSARY ON A BIKE?

My poor neighbour, but I almost cried laughing :pac:

valoren

What did Saddam Husseins son ask him before he went to school?

"Where's my bag Dad?"

kfallon

What's the longest word in the dictionary?
'smiles'.....there's a mile between the first letter and the last!

efb

What's black and white and read all over
A newspaper