Housemate

larrymickdick

I have a new housemate that moved in a month ago. I don't know how to describe it but he makes me feel very uncomfortable. He doesn't talk to me in front of the other housemates - only when I'm on my own. He is flirty and familiar with me even though he knows I have a boyfriend. I don't feel comfortable being in the house on my own with him and I have a really bad vibe about him even though he technically hasn't done anything.

I just find him weird. Like when he hears me moving around my room (his is next to mine) and he knows I'm coming out of my room, he comes out of his at the same time so he can talk to me. When my boyfriend stayed over I tried to gauge his opinion in case I seem like I'm going mad but he agrees with me. The landlady is currently living abroad and asked me to be in charge of the house when she's gone. She asked me to pass on a message to the housemates and when I passed it on to him in text message he makes out like I trying to flirt with him (which I am most definitely not).

I spoke to my boyfriend immediately about this as I am so uncomfortable in the house and he told me to contact my landlady immediately. I have lived here for 2 years and have gotten along with everyone who has lived here but this guy actually really creeps me out. Off my gut I hate being around him and can't wait to get away from him.

I actually stayed in my parents house for a bit just to avoid coming home. I talked to my landlady about him and she is getting him to move out. I was trying so hard to explain to her - I don't want to f8ck someone over what can be described as bad feelings towards him. As she explained - it's better to have him move out and me feeling silly to him staying months and something happening and me constanting feeling uncomfortable when i'm at home.

I was trying to look up online for advice on how to deal with a housemate acting inappropriately towards you (unwanted attention) but I couldn't really find anything. He seems a bit controlling, passive aggressive. I am just wondering if anyone else here has experienced something like this. I'm trying to keep away from the communal areas and stay in my room as much as I can or just be out of the house. I know it may sound a bit dramatic, but I can feel my heckles going up around him, everytime. I can't explain it, I guess I trying to make sure that I'm not nuts for being so upset about it. If anyone has experienced something like this please reply. I rather be rude towards him than being polite and him thinking that I am interested in him anyway.

If this is the wrong forum mods please feel free to move it.

Penny Tration

Sounds like you've done exactly the right thing!

He's obviously creeping you out for a reason, and things you've mentioned like the flirting and then accusing you of flirting, are weird.

The landlord obviously values you as a tenant and is having him leave.

Tbh I think that's the only way you can deal with these people in a house share.

Well done on standing your ground and talking to the landlord

larrymickdick

Thanks Jenny Thalia - my landlady advised me to text my other housemate to let him know how I feel about this guy. He just replied to me there and that the same guy irratates him and he tries to avoid him so I feel a bit better knowing that I'm not the only one. He has also offered to be in the communal areas with me so I don't have to be alone with this guy.

I probably wouldn't have contact my landlady so quickly except for my boyfriend. He's so logical in thought and very level headed, he knows my landlady very well and is very good in these types of situations. I'm actually so relieved now. I didn't get any sleep last night. I just hope this guy finds a place soon and moves on quickly.

Penny Tration

larrymickdick wrote: »

Thanks Jenny Thalia - my landlady advised me to text my other housemate to let him know how I feel about this guy. He just replied to me there and that the same guy irratates him and he tries to avoid him so I feel a bit better knowing that I'm not the only one. He has also offered to be in the communal areas with me so I don't have to be alone with this guy.

I probably wouldn't have contact my landlady so quickly except for my boyfriend. He's so logical in thought and very level headed, he knows my landlady very well and is very good in these types of situations. I'm actually so relieved now. I didn't get any sleep last night. I just hope this guy finds a place soon and moves on quickly.

Is this guy on the lease?

Did he pay his deposit to you or to the landlady?

If he's not on a lease and paid his deposit to you then he is a licensee and you can kick him out with 24 hours notice and call the police for trespass if he overstays. Something to bear in mind if the situation gets ugly.

larrymickdick

No, he's sub-letting off another housemate for a few months while she travels. None of us technically have a lease with the landlady. It's quite a relaxed house. Everyone has always gotten on together. I regret not saying at the time that he was looking that I didn't like him. Hopefully there will be no drama, the landlady is trying to keep me out of it.

A couple of friends of mine and 2 cousins are guards so if it comes down to anything weird happening I will contact them immediately.

I'm just glad I have people who are supportive, it would be horrible otherwise.

mocha please!

Well it's great that the landlady is moving him out. In the meantime, I'd suggest staying with family/friends/boyfriend as much as possible until he's gone. Interact with him as little as possible. And personally in your situation, if I was very worried, I'd probably be locking my bedroom door at night (which could be dangerous in the case of a fire, so make your own judgement call on that one!) And definitely keep it locked all of the time when you're out of the apartment.

Sinister Kid

You did the right thing, there is no reason for you to feel silly. You should always trust your gut. At the end of the day you home is a place where you should feel comfortable & be able to relax...

Lucyfur

mod

Hi OP,

I've moved your thread over to Personal Issues.

All the best,

Lucy.

Merkin

You should always ALWAYS go with your gut instinct, you've totally done the right thing. Your landlady sounds great! When U.S. He moving out? I'd be inclined to ask my BF to stay until he vacates the premises.

larrymickdick

Aw my landlady is a superstar - love her - she's great
I'm afraid he is not going to leave
My BF lives 3 hours away so I can't have him staying over
Apparently he's been weird to the girl he is sub-letting from
And he's been obnoxious to my landlady so she deffo wants him gone
If he doesn't leave when he's supposed to I think I'll end up having to ring the guards
I have never had anything like this happen before
I was so relieved yesterday but I have a feeling he is going to be difficult to get rid of

Penny Tration

larrymickdick wrote: »

Aw my landlady is a superstar - love her - she's great
I'm afraid he is not going to leave
My BF lives 3 hours away so I can't have him staying over
Apparently he's been weird to the girl he is sub-letting from
And he's been obnoxious to my landlady so she deffo wants him gone
If he doesn't leave when he's supposed to I think I'll end up having to ring the guards
I have never had anything like this happen before
I was so relieved yesterday but I have a feeling he is going to be difficult to get rid of

He's a licensee if he is subletting - he has as much rights as I have to stay there.

Tell the landlady this and tell her you're living in fear and want the guy gone by the end of the week.

He's entitled to no notice, he can be kicked out anytime and for no reason, so use this legal stuff to your advantage.

Puddle Q

larrymickdick wrote: »

I have a new housemate that moved in a month ago. I don't know how to describe it but he makes me feel very uncomfortable. He doesn't talk to me in front of the other housemates - only when I'm on my own. He is flirty and familiar with me even though he knows I have a boyfriend. I don't feel comfortable being in the house on my own with him and I have a really bad vibe about him even though he technically hasn't done anything.

I just find him weird. Like when he hears me moving around my room (his is next to mine) and he knows I'm coming out of my room, he comes out of his at the same time so he can talk to me. When my boyfriend stayed over I tried to gauge his opinion in case I seem like I'm going mad but he agrees with me. The landlady is currently living abroad and asked me to be in charge of the house when she's gone. She asked me to pass on a message to the housemates and when I passed it on to him in text message he makes out like I trying to flirt with him (which I am most definitely not).

I spoke to my boyfriend immediately about this as I am so uncomfortable in the house and he told me to contact my landlady immediately. I have lived here for 2 years and have gotten along with everyone who has lived here but this guy actually really creeps me out. Off my gut I hate being around him and can't wait to get away from him.

I actually stayed in my parents house for a bit just to avoid coming home. I talked to my landlady about him and she is getting him to move out. I was trying so hard to explain to her - I don't want to f8ck someone over what can be described as bad feelings towards him. As she explained - it's better to have him move out and me feeling silly to him staying months and something happening and me constanting feeling uncomfortable when i'm at home.

I was trying to look up online for advice on how to deal with a housemate acting inappropriately towards you (unwanted attention) but I couldn't really find anything. He seems a bit controlling, passive aggressive. I am just wondering if anyone else here has experienced something like this. I'm trying to keep away from the communal areas and stay in my room as much as I can or just be out of the house. I know it may sound a bit dramatic, but I can feel my heckles going up around him, everytime. I can't explain it, I guess I trying to make sure that I'm not nuts for being so upset about it. If anyone has experienced something like this please reply. I rather be rude towards him than being polite and him thinking that I am interested in him anyway.

If this is the wrong forum mods please feel free to move it.

Would your boyfriend not have a word with him? He sounds like a weasel that needs to be set straight.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I had literally the EXACT same thing happen to me a few years ago so and it was horrible.
I was sharing with a guy who just gave me the creeps and made me feel uneasy. If I moved around in my room, he'd hear me and be in the hall waiting to chat to me. If I dropped something in my room or made a loud noise he'd be knocking on my door asking if I'm alright.

He'd often try to come into the bathroom when I was clearly in there with water running and he'd act all innocent, like 'oh, sorry, didn't know you were in there' .

Eventually, he outright asked me out one night after he'd had a few drinks. When I told him I wasn't interested, he said I'd have to move out cos he was in love with me and couldn't live with me. He had no right to do that but I left anyway as it was just easier and I was genuinely freaked out by him!

I really hope it works out for you. Just try to avoid him as much as possible until he leaves.

Does he know you had a word with the landlady btw?

Meauldsegosha

larrymickdick wrote: »

If he doesn't leave when he's supposed to I think I'll end up having to ring the guards

Unless he has physically harmed you or threaten you the Guards won't get involved.

retro:electro

Op do not get the guards involved. Let the landlady sort this one out. The last thing you want is for him to know you are responsible for him having to leave. Dont make an enemy of him. Just be civil. Let the landlady sort it and get on with your business as normal.
Don't let this thread make you panic.

Rubberchikken

i hope you're landlady sorts this out.
i'm glad you listened to your gut and spoke with her and your bf. too many people ignore some peoples behaviour until it's gone on too long.

hope things get sorted very soon.

Chemical Byrne

samething wrote: »

Hi OP,

I had literally the EXACT same thing happen to me a few years ago so and it was horrible.
I was sharing with a guy who just gave me the creeps and made me feel uneasy. If I moved around in my room, he'd hear me and be in the hall waiting to chat to me. If I dropped something in my room or made a loud noise he'd be knocking on my door asking if I'm alright.

He'd often try to come into the bathroom when I was clearly in there with water running and he'd act all innocent, like 'oh, sorry, didn't know you were in there' .

Eventually, he outright asked me out one night after he'd had a few drinks. When I told him I wasn't interested, he said I'd have to move out cos he was in love with me and couldn't live with me. He had no right to do that but I left anyway as it was just easier and I was genuinely freaked out by him!

I really hope it works out for you. Just try to avoid him as much as possible until he leaves.

Does he know you had a word with the landlady btw?

FFS, what the hell is wrong with some people! This probably all seems perfectly normal and rational in their heads which is even more worrying.

I hop you get this weirdo out ASAP OP. You're going about it the right way. Just try to make sure you are never alone in the house with him once he has been asked to move out. Don't mean to scare you but you just don't know what a fruit loop like this would do when vexed.

larrymickdick

Well I've made the other male housemate aware of it. He thinks he is a bit overbearing too and tries to avoid him. The girl who sublet the room to him said she needed to come back early and gave him a months notice. He says had he has a contract until Sept and will not be moving out but if she wants to shared the room (but she must sleep on the floor) or she can sleep on the couch. He doesn't have any such thing - only a receipt to say how much of a deposit he paid. As I said before it is quite a relaxed house and we don't deal in contracts.

The landlady ended up ringing him to explain that he would have to be out by 10th July and he said it wasn't much notice for him. She said unfortunately that's how it works and if he needs a reference etc. She is trying to make things as easy as possible for everyone but she is currently abroad and he knows this (he said as much to her). She feels that he will drag his heels in leaving and since she is not there to enforce it there may be trouble. Going on some things he said when he was looking at the room, I have a feeling he had no intention in leaving in Sept either.

I stayed up in my parents house for a few days there and will be staying in my boyfriends this weekend. Hopefully he just finds somewhere else to live quickly and moves out.

Penny Tration

It's time to man up now.

He is a licensee. He has NO rights, he has a right to no notice.

Tell the landlady this. She can tell him to be out by tomorrow.

Then change the locks and leave his belongings outside if he refuses to move.

Chemical Byrne

My goodness that is absolutely laughable what he is suggesting - that the girl returning can room up with him. 100% confirmation that he is a fúcking weirdo. I'd wonder how he ended up in your house? Was he booted out of his previous place for similar inappropriate behaviours?

Well reasonable notice has been given, too reasonable if I may say so. It is giving him too much time to hatch a plan for digging himself in. But regardless, whenever the notice is up he effectively becomes a tresspasser. While the landlady may be away, she can call the Gaurds and inform them that he is now former licencee who is now tresspassing. They can come and remove him from the house, forcibly if needs be.
If anything, I would say that is a favourable outcome compared to having to talk him out yourselves. The guys is bat shít crazy and unpredictable, we don't know how he will react to an ultimatum to vacate or what he might do. Having the Gardai on site to effect his departure will keep him under control and, more importantly, ensure your and your housemates safety.

In fact it might be no harm to let the Gardai know the situation in advance just so they are aware and it will be on record in case this bozo decides to up his bullshít.
Tell them that you fear for your safety. Because to tell the truth, YOU ARE!

dellas1979

Does the girl who he subletting from actually know this guy?

I know you feel scared of him, but you could be more proactive yourself in dealing with this. And draw firm boundaries.

"John, when ever I come out the door, youre there, whats your story? I feel a bit freaked out"

I think understanding a little and being assertive in these situations will help you get some control back.

Chemical Byrne

Look we know the story - they guy's a fruit cake. The particulars of the recipe are not really relevant.
The guy knows he unsettles and scares you. I think he might be getting his kicks out of this. Telling you he loves you and want's you to move out if you won't entertain his advances. These are all psychopathic behaviours.

While standing up and challenging him might be a good idea if you were stuck with him the reality is that he is almost out the door anyway. Personally if I were you I'd just concentrate my energies on getting him the fúck out rather than expending it on some, ultimately futile, point scoring exercise. You want him gone, the landlady wants him gone, the other housemates want him gone. Focus your combined energies on this goal and be assertive in that respect.

He could well be dangerous as well as just creepy, we just don't know what he is capable of or willing to do.

Just out of curiosity OP, is this fella Irish or would he be a foreign national of some sort? The reason I ask is that the daughter of a family friend lived in a houseshares with a few continental europeans, (there was French fellas anyway) over the years, . Many of them were complete sleazeballs according to what we were told at least.

retro:electro

Chemical Byrne wrote: »

Look we know the story - they guy's a fruit cake. The particulars of the recipe are not really relevant.
The guy knows he unsettles and scares you. I think he might be getting his kicks out of this. Telling you he loves you and want's you to move out if you won't entertain his advances. These are all psychopathic behaviours.

While standing up and challenging him might be a good idea if you were stuck with him the reality is that he is almost out the door anyway. Personally if I were you I'd just concentrate my energies on getting him the fúck out rather than expending it on some, ultimately futile, point scoring exercise. You want him gone, the landlady wants him gone, the other housemates want him gone. Focus your combined energies on this goal and be assertive in that respect.

He could well be dangerous as well as just creepy, we just don't know what he is capable of or willing to do.

Just out of curiosity OP, is this fella Irish or would he be a foreign national of some sort? The reason I ask is that the daughter of a family friend lived in a houseshares with a few continental europeans, (there was French fellas anyway) over the years, . Many of them were complete sleazeballs according to what we were told at least.

I dont think he has told he op he loves her or has suggested she move out if she won't entertain his advances? Where did you get that from?

Chemical Byrne

Christ, sorry Anna080. I got the OP confused with whoever wrote post #13. Different people. oops
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=95839017&postcount=13

retro:electro

Chemical Byrne wrote: »

Christ, sorry Anna080. I got the OP confused with whoever wrote post #13. Different people. oops
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=95839017&postcount=13

I thought so alright!