Lack of friends/social life

LegacyUser

Just feeling a little down tonight. Would love to go on a holiday this summer but have nobody to go with. Of my few remaining friends left in this country they are all either going on holiday with girlfriends or too broke to go anywhere. Its been the same the last few years to be honest. Same on weekends, I usually stay in because I have nonbody to go out with.

I'm quite a shy person who doesn't find it easy to make friends but even I know something has to change. Any advice? I'm not into sport so taking up a sport wouldn't really be my thing.

athtrasna

I've literally just booked a solo holiday for July. Just four nights in Spain, enough to relax and wind down but not enough to be lonely. My advice would be to just do it!

Drama/musical groups are great for making friends if you're not into sports.

Mongfinder General

BoggedDown wrote: »

Just feeling a little down tonight. Would love to go on a holiday this summer but have nobody to go with. Of my few remaining friends left in this country they are all either going on holiday with girlfriends or too broke to go anywhere. Its been the same the last few years to be honest. Same on weekends, I usually stay in because I have nonbody to go out with.

I'm quite a shy person who doesn't find it easy to make friends but even I know something has to change. Any advice? I'm not into sport so taking up a sport wouldn't really be my thing.

Do what that guy did in Love Actually. Pack your bags, pick a random town in the mid west of the USA and hit the nearest bar with locals.

Hombre Lobo

Would going on a short haul flight help OP?
You could go to London for a few days. You won't be too far from home if you feel it's not working.
There's loads to do in London, it's an easy city to get around either on foot or by rail. Granted it's not the cheapest right now but there are still some free things to do such as the Natural History Museum and the Science Museum. You could spend hours walking around these.

It's just a matter of being able to push yourself out of your comfort zone a little.

LegacyUser

Hi, something that might help...join Macra! You don't have to be a farmer, infact most members that I know, aren't. There is something going on every weekend. You usually start by going to meetings- which mainly involve planning events etc. the social life is huge!! I joined when I moved across the country, now have a wide circle of friends and met my husband there! You won't regret it, have a look at macra.ie for your nearest club. Hope that helps and that things improve for you ASAP .

Est28

BoggedDown wrote: »

Just feeling a little down tonight. Would love to go on a holiday this summer but have nobody to go with. Of my few remaining friends left in this country they are all either going on holiday with girlfriends or too broke to go anywhere. Its been the same the last few years to be honest. Same on weekends, I usually stay in because I have nonbody to go out with.

I'm quite a shy person who doesn't find it easy to make friends but even I know something has to change. Any advice? I'm not into sport so taking up a sport wouldn't really be my thing.

So you don't leave the house or go anywhere or do anything unless someone else tells you to?
That's crazy, it's your life, go anywhere and do anything you want.

Aglomerado

BoggedDown wrote: »

Just feeling a little down tonight. Would love to go on a holiday this summer but have nobody to go with. Of my few remaining friends left in this country they are all either going on holiday with girlfriends or too broke to go anywhere. Its been the same the last few years to be honest. Same on weekends, I usually stay in because I have nonbody to go out with.

I'm quite a shy person who doesn't find it easy to make friends but even I know something has to change. Any advice? I'm not into sport so taking up a sport wouldn't really be my thing.

OP I'm shy like you and had the same problem a few years ago when I wanted to go places but nobody could afford time/ money (coupled off/ unemployed/ students) to go with me. So away I went by myself. What I've learnt:

Stay in hostels so you won't be lonely. Hotels are great but they are quite impersonal. Pay extra for a private room in a hostel if you prefer, but use the communal areas and get chatting to other guests.

City breaks are a dream if you like art and museums because you can take as much or as little time as you want looking at things.

It took me years to pluck up the courage to do it, now I go away several times a year, even if only to Dublin for a concert in the 3 Arena. I just wish I'd done it sooner.

Rubberchikken

you don't have to do anything you don't want to do, but if doing nothing is starting to get to you, then make your mind up to change things.

it's easy to get into a routine and sometimes very hard to break out of , but it's possible.

i second Macra. it was always a great way to meet others, male and female, and always seem happy to welcome new victims - sorry members;)

if sport doesn't appeal, figure out what does appeal and make the effort. it'll be worth it.

DoozerT6

OP, I am in EXACTLY the same situation as you, in fact I haven't gone on a holiday for years, because I just don't have anybody left to go with, and couldn't face going somewhere alone.

However, something just switched inside me this year. Tbh, I think it was the thoughts of yet another summer passing when I can't join in the conversation at work about upcoming summer holidays, and would end up just taking my annual leave and plodding around at home by myself like I have done so many times. It really started to upset me, more than before, so I decided that I HAD to do something about it. I am about to book a luxury solo holiday for myself. Am I nervous? Of course I am, but what's my alternative? If you really feel (like me) that you'll regret not going somewhere this summer, then just do some research, book something to suit you, your finances and your interests, and just go.

As for widening your social circle in general, I would also second the suggestion for the drama or musical groups if you're not sporty, and definitely give meetup in your area a look too. Good luck!

Wanderer2010

I don't have many friends at all in fact probably only two good ones but they are paired off or on contract so can't commit to holiday. That didn't stop me though I have been to America twice alone and I loved the experience you can pick and choose what to do and you are free from being stuck to other people's schedule! Going on holiday with people can often lead to petty rows and ruin your enjoyment. Sure, it can be a tad lonely at times but the pros outweigh the cons in my book just get out there and see the sights you will be so busy you won't have time to worry. And I agree with hostels they are great places to have casual chats with people.

Est28

I'm still wondering here though, from OP and from others who've said the same.

Why do you need someone else to live your life or tell you how to live your life for you?
If you want to go, go! I've backpacked Europe myself, I go to concerts and things alone when I'm the only one interested in the band, I emmigrated alone for god sake, the oppertunity arose and I couldn't turn it down.

Why do you need someone else to go or do something you want to? If anything it's boring. You NEED someone to go to spain and sit on a beach for 2 weeks? Why not go there and go on tours, trips, diving, climbing, go karting, jet skiing, hiking and camping for days.... um, anything.

It's such a craop attitude the country has... "Oh you went there ALONE *snigger*" all the while said from some fat ass who doesn't leave his couch, let alone his own town ever, let alone see the world and will die never having done so.

You say you have no friends yet you are living your life to the standards of who then? People you don't know? Do you all realize how miserable and lame that is? Get up off your lazy ass and go see the world out there. It's a big place and not everywhere and everyone is the same as hometown BallyMcMiserable.

Wanderer2010

Est28 wrote: »

I'm still wondering here though, from OP and from others who've said the same.

Why do you need someone else to live your life or tell you how to live your life for you?
If you want to go, go! I've backpacked Europe myself, I go to concerts and things alone when I'm the only one interested in the band, I emmigrated alone for god sake, the oppertunity arose and I couldn't turn it down.

Why do you need someone else to go or do something you want to? If anything it's boring. You NEED someone to go to spain and sit on a beach for 2 weeks? Why not go there and go on tours, trips, diving, climbing, go karting, jet skiing, hiking and camping for days.... um, anything.

It's such a craop attitude the country has... "Oh you went there ALONE *snigger*" all the while said from some fat ass who doesn't leave his couch, let alone his own town ever, let alone see the world and will die never having done so.

You say you have no friends yet you are living your life to the standards of who then? People you don't know? Do you all realize how miserable and lame that is? Get up off your lazy ass and go see the world out there. It's a big place and not everywhere and everyone is the same as hometown BallyMcMiserable.

That there is an absolutely fantastic post and explains the situation perfectly. Not only do I agree with you but I have also often wondered how people who go on holidays with lots of others- how did they all get the time off from work and the same time?? I would be hard pressed to find someone to go to America with at the best of times. Jealousy and insecurity are behind a lot of the comments like "oh I could never go that far alone" I feel sorry for people who can't cope with their own company and even sorrier for those who consider a self catering trip to Spain lying on a beach is in any way original or interesting. I prefer to be out there seeing things or learning about different cultures. Op just go for it, the kind of people who make silly comments will be living and not straying from their home town until the day they die.

LegacyUser

I would agree with what the other posters have said here. You don't need to have some one to go on holidays with. A few years ago I was in the same position as you. I had friends with no interest in going further than the nearest big town on a Saturday night.
I had other friends who were in relationships.

I realised that unless I went on holidays on my own I was going no where. I read travel books. I put up posts on boards.ie in the travel section and did a good bit of research.
I went to the USA twice on my own. Doing this helped me see New York, Washington and Boston. I have gone on other holidays to various city's in the UK.
In your case I would advise you to look at going on holidays in September. The weather is still nice in most places and it should be cheaper to go then.

In regards to making new friends I would agree with the other posts here about joining Macra. It is a great way of meeting people and making new friends.

captainfrost

There is really no big deal going alone. Just make sure you are with your camera and headset, if things get boring you take a walk armed with your music and camera.
It usually worth it in the end.

LegacyUser

Hi all, thanks for all the posts and advice.

While going on holiday alone would suit some people I really don't think its for me. I think the real problem here is I'm lonely as I don't really have any close friends/ or girlfriend and only go out about once a month usually as a straggler with one of my friends. I would like this to change but I don't know how. I know I need to get out there and join a group or something but I'm just not sure what would suit me. I don't really have any hobbies, I like gadgets, tv and coming on here but other than that I don't get up to much.

The other thing that holds me back is I really quiet especially around new people and don't make friends easily.

ihavenoname3

why dont you start a thread looking for others in the same situation and go on holiday as a group?

looksee

None of those things is unusual OP. And you are the only person who can do anything about them.

No-one is going to wave a magic wand and produce ready made friends for you.

You have to decide to go and join something, decide you will give it - say - four visits before deciding whether you like it. Don't worry about whether it will appeal, you do not have enough experience to decide ahead of time whether something will appeal to you. Just do it.