Advertisement
We've partnered up with Nixers.com to offer a space where you can talk directly to Peter from Nixers.com and get an exclusive Boards.ie discount code for a free job listing. If you are recruiting or know anyone else who is please check out the forum here.
If you have a new account but can't post, please email Niamh on [email protected] for help to verify your email address. Thanks :)

Coming home? Are you thinking about it?

11213141517

Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 337 ✭✭ campingcarist


    Lovely country, Lovely people - not at all like the Spanish! If your OH is from Argentina she should be able to give you all the details.

    Somehow my full post was blocked so I have deleted the rest of it. Don't know why.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 601 ✭✭✭ Charizard


    Lovely country, Lovely people - not at all like the Spanish! If your OH is from Argentina she should be able to give you all the details.

    Somehow my full post was blocked so I have deleted the rest of it. Don't know why.
    Shes told me about it alight, she has a deep hatred of Kirhner :pac: just wanted to get a bit more info from a Irish perspective as well how you view your country is always different to how a foreign person views it. Where were you based btw


  • Registered Users Posts: 337 ✭✭ campingcarist


    In the province of Mendoza near San Rafael. Closer to the Pacific than the Atlantic! I was there nearly 8 years.


  • Registered Users Posts: 14 ✭✭✭ MidnightMurphy


    I was away for 15 years in the Netherlands.

    I returned last year.

    I thought I was prepared for the change, but I was absolutely shell-shocked for almost a year. Nothing to do with Ireland, it was down to myself, not knowing if I fit in, grief for the life I had left ((although I had wanted to come home); re-acclimatising to the Irish way of life.

    It's settled now, but coming home was so much more difficult than leaving. You expect that you will fit in because you're home, But you don't. You have to learn it.
    You think the friendships you maintained while away will continue. Some do, but some fall away - once you are back the novelty of a twice yearly visit wears off for them. They are not being mean, but people are involved in their own lives, which continued after you left. Therefore you are the one who needs to adjust to their lives. Some people are great, but other long friendships simply fade away through no-one's fault.

    And you should avoid talking too much about your old life - even if you are desperate to do so. People quickly tire of it and think you are being critical.

    I'm glad I came back, and it is getting easier, but be prepared for a complete shock.

    If you are coming home with a partner it is easier.


  • Registered Users Posts: 147 ✭✭ Natonstan


    I was away for 15 years in the Netherlands.

    I returned last year.

    I thought I was prepared for the change, but I was absolutely shell-shocked for almost a year. Nothing to do with Ireland, it was down to myself, not knowing if I fit in, grief for the life I had left ((although I had wanted to come home); re-acclimatising to the Irish way of life.

    It's settled now, but coming home was so much more difficult than leaving. You expect that you will fit in because you're home, But you don't. You have to learn it.
    You think the friendships you maintained while away will continue. Some do, but some fall away - once you are back the novelty of a twice yearly visit wears off for them. They are not being mean, but people are involved in their own lives, which continued after you left. Therefore you are the one who needs to adjust to their lives. Some people are great, but other long friendships simply fade away through no-one's fault.

    And you should avoid talking too much about your old life - even if you are desperate to do so. People quickly tire of it and think you are being critical.

    I'm glad I came back, and it is getting easier, but be prepared for a complete shock.

    If you are coming home with a partner it is easier.
    I was away for 15 years in the Netherlands.

    I returned last year.

    I thought I was prepared for the change, but I was absolutely shell-shocked for almost a year. Nothing to do with Ireland, it was down to myself, not knowing if I fit in, grief for the life I had left ((although I had wanted to come home); re-acclimatising to the Irish way of life.

    It's settled now, but coming home was so much more difficult than leaving. You expect that you will fit in because you're home, But you don't. You have to learn it.
    You think the friendships you maintained while away will continue. Some do, but some fall away - once you are back the novelty of a twice yearly visit wears off for them. They are not being mean, but people are involved in their own lives, which continued after you left. Therefore you are the one who needs to adjust to their lives. Some people are great, but other long friendships simply fade away through no-one's fault.

    And you should avoid talking too much about your old life - even if you are desperate to do so. People quickly tire of it and think you are being critical.

    I'm glad I came back, and it is getting easier, but be prepared for a complete shock.

    If you are coming home with a partner it is easier.

    This was a great and helpful post, i'm planning on moving back next year with my American wife, when I home this past Christmas I noticed a lot of the 'distant-ness' you described when it comes to old friends, some almost seemed like completely different people. I'm hoping we can adjust but I know it will take time just as it did when we initially moved.


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users Posts: 10,707 ✭✭✭✭ denartha


    I was away for 15 years in the Netherlands.

    I returned last year.

    I thought I was prepared for the change, but I was absolutely shell-shocked for almost a year. Nothing to do with Ireland, it was down to myself, not knowing if I fit in, grief for the life I had left ((although I had wanted to come home); re-acclimatising to the Irish way of life.

    It's settled now, but coming home was so much more difficult than leaving. You expect that you will fit in because you're home, But you don't. You have to learn it.
    You think the friendships you maintained while away will continue. Some do, but some fall away - once you are back the novelty of a twice yearly visit wears off for them. They are not being mean, but people are involved in their own lives, which continued after you left. Therefore you are the one who needs to adjust to their lives. Some people are great, but other long friendships simply fade away through no-one's fault.

    And you should avoid talking too much about your old life - even if you are desperate to do so. People quickly tire of it and think you are being critical.

    I'm glad I came back, and it is getting easier, but be prepared for a complete shock.

    If you are coming home with a partner it is easier.

    Perfectly sums up how I feel/felt. Moved back 4 years ago. Some of my friends I saw more often when I was abroad because I'd go "Im coming home in June and we can organise pints". Now, its a case of "We should do pints some evening", and some evening never arrives.

    Im consciously aware of pre-pending the phrase "Back when I lived abroad.." to sentences when I'm criticizing something in Ireland. That starts to annoy people.

    My main reason for coming home was to be closer to a relative. She died 2 years ago and Im glad i came home when I did. Before she died there was a couple of incidents when she was taken to hospital. The first time I was an hour away by train, the second time I was a luas then a short bus ride away. Had I been abroad it would have been a 2 hour bus journey to a city that flew directly to Dublin, then a 2 hour flight, plus wait times etc, it would have been 6-7 hours before I could have been there.

    Im earning a lot more now than I was when abroad but I find it a lot harder to make ends meet here. Before I went away I was on about 40k and lived a relatively financial-carefree lifestyle - living in the city centre, ate out alot, got takeaways alot. I came back and was earning 50k and felt like I was on the breadline some months. Rent had shot up. The prices of everything felt like they had gone up. Now we eat out about once a month. One takeaway per month. Have swapped shopping in Donnybrook fair to shopping in Aldi. Can't afford to live anywhere near Donnybrook fair. The price of alcohol is shocking and the lack of availability is annoying. I got paid late Thursday night last week and went to tesco for a weekly shop on Friday morning, early before work. Couldnt buy wine for friday nights dinner because they can't sell alcohol before 9.30am. :rolleyes: Over there, if I wanted to buy a single shot, or even a bottle of vodka at 5am from the kiosk by the tram stop I could. And if I got wasted and was drunk and disorderly and frightening other commuters I would be promptly arrested and put in a drunk tank. I didnt get drunk and disorderly and so never got to see the inside of a Czech drunk tank, but I can't imagine it would be a cozy environment. No X-boxes, no camomile tea, no pillows.

    Also when you come back you will inevitably leave a lot of things behind and it costs money to replace them when you do come back. I left behind my hibachi grill, various cookware, my 42" TV, an ikea kitchen table and the worlds largest fridge. Four years on I still havent replaced them all.

    Unlike a lot of people I don't miss the sweltering heat of the summer, and I do miss the sub zero temperatures in winter, but no-one moves to Ireland for the weather and for good reason.

    Another con of moving back, aside from the weather, is abysmal public transport. Theres a furious debate raging in the Transport thread on why is public transport in Dublin so poor, and theres a couple of posters defending the state of public transport using excuses that the Real Time Information doesnt use crystal balls and that accurate iinformation is impossible to deliver. Well, they managed it where I was. You looked at the timetable, and the timetable was for that stop, and told you what time that particular bus or tram would be at that particular stop. None of this simply telling you what time the bus leaves the terminus leaving you to work it out yourself malarky. And if the bus was late by about 5 minutes, you checked the website and it would tell you that the bus has been delayed, and if you entered what bus stop you were at, it would say "Arrival time in 6 minutes" and it was pretty much always bang on.

    Things I never had to pay for abroad I have to pay for here. Where I was, bin collection was paid for from metropolitan taxes, so I didnt have to buy bin tags or stickers or anything, I just put the rubbish out and it got picked up every 2 days. I didnt need a TV license.

    I dont have a pet but I'd love a dog. Ireland is surprisingly unfriendly when it comes to dogs or cats. Its hard enough finding somewhere decent to live in, trying to find somewhere that will allow you to have a dog, is near impossible. Over there, you can bring your muzzled dog anywhere, restaurants, public transport, pubs. Many of the pubs had dog food on the menu for your hound to enjoy, and in some places the dog food was complimentary.

    This is turning into a novel rather than a post.

    Will I stay? I'll stay at least until my father dies. He'll be 80 on Friday. And then I'll stay for my mother, so I'll be here for 20+ years anyway, all going well. By then I'll either have a large house in the country where I can do what I want without all the bureaucracy and hassle of city life in an Irish city, or I'll consider moving again. Rural france maybe. Or Canada.

    A final point on language. I learnt enough language to get by. Ordering in a restaurant, asking for directions, You have beautiful eyes, etc etc. I work in IT and all the natives in my places of work spoke good english, and most of the other immigrants I worked with, Ukranian, Macedonian, spoke good Czech and English. There was a time when I regretted not speaking more. I was getting a taxi to pick up my father, and I was having a chat with the taxi driver and he was asking where am I from, I said Ireland, and he said they make good whiskey in Ireland and I agreed, and then I thought, "I should tell him why my father is coming here. He's here to visit a company in Ostrava, who sells barley which he hopes to buy to be used in a new whiskey distillery". So I started Moja Tato je tady... And then I thought, I can't translate all of that in my head. So instead we swapped names of good whiskies.

    Sorry for the ramble.


  • Registered Users Posts: 10,707 ✭✭✭✭ denartha


    This was a great and helpful post, i'm planning on moving back next year with my American wife, when I home this past Christmas I noticed a lot of the 'distant-ness' you described when it comes to old friends, some almost seemed like completely different people. I'm hoping we can adjust but I know it will take time just as it did when we initially moved.

    Be prepared for a sensation similar to when you moved abroad when nothing was familiar, but when you arrive back in Ireland.

    Some friends will resent you. Or resent that you left and be unfriendly. (Try to) Be prepared for friends now saying that you think you are better than them because youve been away. You're not better, just different. Dont take a throwaway comment like "So you didnt make your millions abroad then?" on the cuff.

    After the initial local excitement of your return wears off, prepare for some loneliness. People got on and did their own lives without you. Some people you have to re-friend. Others will appear like you've never been gone(those are the true friends).


  • Moderators, Education Moderators, Music Moderators Posts: 4,442 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Suaimhneach


    It's so interesting how you outline the above. I didnt have any of that. I was welcomed home with open arms, things felt different but never lonely. I didnt get any of the normal irish bitterness at all. Maybe I am just very lucky?


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,065 ✭✭✭ Wompa1


    It's so interesting how you outline the above. I didnt have any of that. I was welcomed home with open arms, things felt different but never lonely. I didnt get any of the normal irish bitterness at all. Maybe I am just very lucky?

    Not saying this about the poster. Something I have noticed is that when people are living abroad in Australia, Canada, US etc. They only post positive things on Facebook. If you talk to them on Skype, it's all positive about where they are.

    I don't think it's an Irish thing...I think it might be human nature. Being away from home is different and can be challenging. Some people deal with it by putting the best spin on it as possible.

    Then if you live somewhere else for 3+ years...pretty much every story or opinion you have is based off of that 3 years. For me when I get home, I'll have been gone for 7+ years. Feels like a lifetime. It's not like I can say "hey, did you see the chipper closed?"..."yeah, it closed 4 years ago"..."Oh". That gets old quick.


  • Registered Users Posts: 6,488 ✭✭✭ CelticRambler


    I think this situation (being an outsider when you return) happens mostly to those of us who really leave, i.e. cut our ties with the auld sod and dig deeply into a new life elsewhere. It's inevitable that we change (even if we remain "outsiders" in our new environment) and everyone left "at home" changes in our absence. But Aer Lingus, Ryanair and Etihad make great money out of people who haven't really left and fly home for every birth, death, marriage and referendum :pac: and these folk trade a more intense, probably more realistic experience (positive and negative) of their foreign life for a share in life "back home" (c.f. the title of this thread!)

    Similarly, those of us who cut our ties and turned our attention away from Ireland for a (long) number of years see Ireland in a different way when we do go back, whether that's for a couple of weeks' holiday or to take up residence anew. This isn't always a bad thing, but you can't not see things that are glaringly obvious simply because you're looking at them with a different filter.

    In September, I met up with my uni classmates for our 25th anniversary reunion on the banks of the Liffey, and finished the night with two of my ex-Dublin classmates, both of whom have emigrated (one to Donegal, one to England) but kept their family ties strong. It was quite bizzare walking through the city centre at 2am on a Saturday morning and watching their reaction to the city nightlife - they couldn't get over the number of people still out and about, eating, drinking, partying (didn't see any druggies or brawlers) and generally having a great time, because when they go back to Dublin, they hang out with their suburban families and see nothing of that side of the capital.


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users Posts: 2,643 ✭✭✭ R.D. aka MR.D


    I'm back over 6 months now and I know for a fact I'll be leaving again, ideally within 5 years. You know the old 'Where do you see yourself in 5 years?' and the answer for me is 'not in Ireland'.

    Since coming back, I've found that a lot has changed and I've changed so much as well that we're world's apart. It sounds strange but I usually enjoy being around other returned emigrants or non-Irish people more than Irish people my own age. Friends haven't changed much since we were in college, same drama, same bull**** but now we're older.

    I think coming with a non-Irish spouse has added to my frustrations as well. I see how he gets treated and that compounds how annoyed I get with how backwards some people are here. Other non-Irish people tell him things that would never say to an Irish person and a lot of their experiences are shameful.

    I don't regret coming back because I would have always thought 'what if' and now at least I know that it's not for me. The next time I leave, I won't be back for anything longer than a 2 week visit.


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,065 ✭✭✭ Wompa1


    I'm back over 6 months now and I know for a fact I'll be leaving again, ideally within 5 years. You know the old 'Where do you see yourself in 5 years?' and the answer for me is 'not in Ireland'.

    Since coming back, I've found that a lot has changed and I've changed so much as well that we're world's apart. It sounds strange but I usually enjoy being around other returned emigrants or non-Irish people more than Irish people my own age. Friends haven't changed much since we were in college, same drama, same bull**** but now we're older.

    I think coming with a non-Irish spouse has added to my frustrations as well. I see how he gets treated and that compounds how annoyed I get with how backwards some people are here. Other non-Irish people tell him things that would never say to an Irish person and a lot of their experiences are shameful.

    I don't regret coming back because I would have always thought 'what if' and now at least I know that it's not for me. The next time I leave, I won't be back for anything longer than a 2 week visit.

    Why did you move back? Where were you guys before moving back and why did you leave?

    I'm trying to look at things pragmatically for my own situation. The cons of Ireland aren't as extreme as the cons where I am right now. It seems like a better place for my son to grow up. I'm interested to read your thoughts on why you want to move again as somebody who did live abroad and moved back.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,643 ✭✭✭ R.D. aka MR.D


    Wompa1 wrote: »
    Why did you move back? Where were you guys before moving back and why did you leave?

    I'm trying to look at things pragmatically for my own situation. The cons of Ireland aren't as extreme as the cons where I am right now. It seems like a better place for my son to grow up. I'm interested to read your thoughts on why you want to move again as somebody who did live abroad and moved back.

    We had been living in various Asian countries. We moved back because we wanted to return to the western world and escape racism and poor work practices. We also wanted to improve our social lives as expats in Asia tend to be fairly strange.
    It just wasn't what we expected. Employers here have gotten really ****ty and the culture of taking advantage of workers is worse than before I left. In addition, there is this whole 'love the company' thing in better jobs. For example, when I first came back I worked in an Irish start-up and it was just so ridiculous to 'love the company'. It's a job.
    In terms of racism, my husband still experiences it here. I also have to put up with every asshole on the sun asking me what country I'm from because my accent has changed. Then people making disparaging comments about it. I'm in a new job now and the people there aren't actually as bad for it. Irish people seem obsessed with accents for some reason. That feeds into the social thing as well. It has definitely improved but it's hard to meet people who have similar interests to you unless they have also lived away or aren't Irish. I was out of popular culture for 4 years so sometimes I just have no idea what people are talking about.
    As for my family and friends who did nothing but guilt me about being so far away, well not one of them have come to visit me in Dublin ( a 3 hour drive from where I'm from) since we got back. We actually have a friend coming all the way from the states to visit soon and I can guarantee, not one friend or family member will have visited before him. We have have to rent a car to go visit them but every last one of them has their own car. So it doesn't actually matter if I'm 3 hours away or 30 hours. I'll still be made to feel guilty for not visiting enough.

    I was gone for too long. I'll never fit back in so I might as well move to a place that has better weather and doesn't cost so much!


  • Registered Users Posts: 337 ✭✭ campingcarist


    Natonstan wrote: »
    This was a great and helpful post, i'm planning on moving back next year with my American wife, when I home this past Christmas I noticed a lot of the 'distant-ness' you described when it comes to old friends, some almost seemed like completely different people. I'm hoping we can adjust but I know it will take time just as it did when we initially moved.

    One thing to be aware of is where you were living abroad.

    If it was within the EU there is not so much of a problem.

    However, if it was further afield, you will have to overcome certain laws such as your residency. It took me about a year to prove that I was back and resident in Ireland. As I was retired I was unable to claim my pension and medical card until my residency was established.


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,065 ✭✭✭ Wompa1


    We had been living in various Asian countries. We moved back because we wanted to return to the western world and escape racism and poor work practices. We also wanted to improve our social lives as expats in Asia tend to be fairly strange.
    It just wasn't what we expected. Employers here have gotten really ****ty and the culture of taking advantage of workers is worse than before I left. In addition, there is this whole 'love the company' thing in better jobs. For example, when I first came back I worked in an Irish start-up and it was just so ridiculous to 'love the company'. It's a job.
    In terms of racism, my husband still experiences it here. I also have to put up with every asshole on the sun asking me what country I'm from because my accent has changed. Then people making disparaging comments about it. I'm in a new job now and the people there aren't actually as bad for it. Irish people seem obsessed with accents for some reason. That feeds into the social thing as well. It has definitely improved but it's hard to meet people who have similar interests to you unless they have also lived away or aren't Irish. I was out of popular culture for 4 years so sometimes I just have no idea what people are talking about.
    As for my family and friends who did nothing but guilt me about being so far away, well not one of them have come to visit me in Dublin ( a 3 hour drive from where I'm from) since we got back. We actually have a friend coming all the way from the states to visit soon and I can guarantee, not one friend or family member will have visited before him. We have have to rent a car to go visit them but every last one of them has their own car. So it doesn't actually matter if I'm 3 hours away or 30 hours. I'll still be made to feel guilty for not visiting enough.

    I was gone for too long. I'll never fit back in so I might as well move to a place that has better weather and doesn't cost so much!

    Interesting! Thanks for sharing!

    I have worked for three startups, two in the US and one in Singapore. Never again. I hate the attitude...yuck. It sounds like it's similar in Ireland. No respect of work life balance either. Would get texts, calls, IM's, e-mails at 11pm on a Saturday night or whenever. If you don't respond within an hour the boss flips out. They expect you to live for the job.

    I don't know if I could move back to Ireland if it meant living and working in Dublin. I like Dublin well enough but at that rate of going, I could just move to a nicer and cheaper city. The work life doesn't seem as relaxed as in the west but of course the money isn't as good in the west

    It's in the 20's where I am right now and it's only 8am. Stepped out to walk the dog thinking I'd miss this but at the same time, I prefer to have seasons. I'm actually so fed up with the sun. When the sun only comes out for a few weeks a year and you have a good work life balance, you can enjoy it. It's out all the time here but there's no enjoying it.

    It's tough to know. Personally, I'm trying to think of long term planning. Renting, food, bills, petrol etc. are cheaper here. Buying a home is more expensive here. It's much more dangerous here. If I save enough to buy a home and still have a nest egg over there, I'd take that. I was speaking with an Uber driver last weekend who lived in Italy for most of his life. I asked him which he preferred. He said, I will stay here but I would prefer to live in Italy again..only Italy with the same money that I can make here.


  • Registered Users Posts: 6,488 ✭✭✭ CelticRambler


    Wompa1 wrote: »
    I'm actually so fed up with the sun. When the sun only comes out for a few weeks a year and you have a good work life balance, you can enjoy it. It's out all the time here but there's no enjoying it.

    That's how I felt when I was in Dublin in September. It rained. Yessssss. Rain, lovely rain.

    The family all thought I was mad, using any excuse (and none) to go out in the rain ... but I (literally) hadn't felt rain on my skin for four solid months. In fact for the three weeks before I left, it was so dry here, we were on a "shower only if you really need to" water-restriction warning.

    As always, there are postives and negatives. There's rarely a week that goes by here (in France) when I don't get frustrated with something or other (like a demand to pay "property tax" on a business that is 100% online :mad: ) and I watch programmes like Lurgan Beo and regret the fact that my children don't have opportunities like that.

    But then I read/listen to other articles about the (leprechaun) economy and it reminds me so much of 2003 when I gave returning to Ireland a three-month trial run, concluding that the country was fecked and I didn't want to be fecked along with it, so opted for France instead. That didn't stop me encouraging my eldest son to look for (and get) a place in UCD.

    What R.D/Mr.D says about the "native inertia" is spot on though. I might have made a similar comment earlier on this thread (or another one in this forum) - I used to get a load of stick from the family for being back in Ireland for two weeks and not having called in to see them; they'd have a thousand excuses for not making the effort to get to wherever I was spending my holiday but rarely accepted my lack of time or mobility as a valid reason for not trekking across rural Ireland to drop in for a cup of tea.


  • Registered Users Posts: 736 ✭✭✭ Das Reich


    I am Brazilian living in Ireland for 10 years now and I don"t moving back to a third world country. The weather in Ireland is the best, never hot, and thr standard of living is behind only few scandinavian countries. Its also cheap visit other countries and a very safe country.

    I not really undertand why some native people move from here so I am curious, its because a high wages? If thats the answer, what country they move to? The average salary is better than almost all the rest of the planet.


  • Registered Users Posts: 6,488 ✭✭✭ CelticRambler


    In the 90s, I couldn't have got the kind of professional experience I wanted if I'd stayed in Ireland, so I left - but with the intention of coming back better qualified and putting that experience to use in Ireland. The "coming back" took longer than planned, by which time my priorities in life had changed. I'm now working (sort of!) in a country where the standards in the same profession are worse than 1990s Ireland :eek: and there is next-to-no likelihood of their being any improvement before I reach retirement age (because the French are French :D )

    The modern version of my UCD degree is one (if not *the* ) best/most flexible/most widely recognised in the world, thanks to the relevant parties working hard to with regulatory authorities in other countries. I think that's Ireland's greatest attribute: making stuff happen, despite all the moaning and whinging, and I think it's a great environment for late teens and young adults to grow up in, and older adults who want a lot of buzz in their lives.

    That's not me, though. I've opted for a more back-to-basics, semi-retired, mortgage-free, lifestyle and at (just!) under 50, it'd be damn near impossible to live that way in Ireland.

    And for all that it's easy to get on a plane in Dublin, you still have to get on a plane (or boat) to go anywhere. I just get in my campervan and drive! :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 147 ✭✭ Natonstan


    Wompa1 wrote: »
    It's so interesting how you outline the above. I didnt have any of that. I was welcomed home with open arms, things felt different but never lonely. I didnt get any of the normal irish bitterness at all. Maybe I am just very lucky?

    Not saying this about the poster. Something I have noticed is that when people are living abroad in Australia, Canada, US etc. They only post positive things on Facebook. If you talk to them on Skype, it's all positive about where they are.

    I don't think it's an Irish thing...I think it might be human nature. Being away from home is different and can be challenging. Some people deal with it by putting the best spin on it as possible.

    Then if you live somewhere else for 3+ years...pretty much every story or opinion you have is based off of that 3 years. For me when I get home, I'll have been gone for 7+ years. Feels like a lifetime. It's not like I can say "hey, did you see the chipper closed?"..."yeah, it closed 4 years ago"..."Oh". That gets old quick.
    This doesn't apply to me at all, 3 years in the US and all my grandparents here is me complaining about expensive healthcare, ignorant people etc. I guess i'm the exception


  • Registered Users Posts: 6,488 ✭✭✭ CelticRambler


    Yeah, but you're still there! It's when you leave/move on/come home that you realise how much of the "good stuff" you took for granted.


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users Posts: 662 ✭✭✭ wuffly


    I spent 10 weeks at home over the summer after the birth of my first baby. Disappointingly it cured me of my desire to move home anytime soon.
    I've been away for 6 years and have always had a hankering to move home but spending an extended period there albeit during a stressful time really showed me I'm not ready and also what we would need to have in place to move back and be happy.
    There were a lot of positives, free gp care for under 6's we brought our little fella to my family gp and weren't charged for his vaccines, we were up front about living abroad and were fully prepared and expecting to pay but were weren't charged. On the down side we don't plan to live in my home area when we move back and trying to get in with a GP where we will live seemed like a mammoth task, form filling and approvals. Unfortunately from a breastfeeding perspective Ireland is in the dark ages, between health care 'professionals' and family pressure I gave up far earlier than I hoped, looking back the struggles I had were probably nothing that couldn't have been over come with a little more time and support, which I was getting where we live and despite paying a fortune to see private specialists at home didn't really get. The little dude is happy and thriving but being in Ireland definitely did not help.
    I never noticed that people at home seem to have a sort of 'body dysmorphia' about the weather they genuinely can't understand when you say the weather has been nice they are convinced its terrible all the time. We were at home for 10 weeks with a baby that hated to sleep so we walked morning noon and night, there were about 3 days where we didn't due to rain all day. Whenever we mentioned it was nice summer, just dry, not amazingly sunny or anything, we were met with disbelief and denial it was really bizarre.
    We were lucky lots of people made an effort to see us but they are all over the country so it was pretty limited. My own family were amazing and extremely helpful. Settled into a great routine, they didn't go out of their way they just added us into their routine which was great. My inlaws on the otherhand were not to put too fine a point on it dicks... would never stay with them beyond a few days again. Despite 'having' to stay with them they really didn't want to have a young baby in the house, totally fair enough but then don't insist we stay then undermine every parenting decision we make. Despite it being a bit rubbish its very good to know this stuff for the future.
    Looking at the life we have here missing family is a major minus but we have friends that live in walking distance and friends with kids almost exactly the same age, my work provides health insurance, even part time i earn more than i would at home, the weather is now great for walks and there are more and more places to go for walks. In a year we will have a Louvre down the road and a bunch of theme parks are opening shortly. We will move home for him to go to school but I think I will find it a lot harder to leave than I ever expected.


  • Moderators, Education Moderators, Music Moderators Posts: 4,442 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Suaimhneach


    Congratulations on your baby! I'm sorry your time at home sounds a bit mixed. I never understand when people think it's ok to pass comment on other parents, especially new parents.
    I definitely think a key to the success of coming back is having a foundation where you can have space to yourself and set up your own routine, I can only imagine that's doubled with a baby.
    Glad you're at least happy to stay away for longer, and not sad you have to leave? Silver lining!


  • Registered Users Posts: 23,152 ✭✭✭✭ lawred2


    jester77 wrote: »
    15 years gone and can't ever see myself returning. When you live somewhere where things just work (health care, public transport, government, etc) then it is too difficult to give that up. Lower taxes and being close to family would be nice, but the sacrifice is now too big.

    Where is that? Canada?


  • Registered Users Posts: 567 DM addict


    I'm heading back in six weeks. Kinda scared at this stage by the amount we still have to do.


  • Registered Users Posts: 662 ✭✭✭ wuffly


    Congratulations on your baby! I'm sorry your time at home sounds a bit mixed. I never understand when people think it's ok to pass comment on other parents, especially new parents.
    I definitely think a key to the success of coming back is having a foundation where you can have space to yourself and set up your own routine, I can only imagine that's doubled with a baby.
    Glad you're at least happy to stay away for longer, and not sad you have to leave? Silver lining!
    Thank you! Its definitely not unique to Ireland or to family, I get it a lot from randomers here, 'baby is hungry, baby shouldn't be out this young, is it a girl, 'it' looks like a girl etc...' I've become pretty snappy and ask if they are pediatricians or mind readers or just mention they are rude and to jog on! 100% agree a good foundation is vital to making a move home work, not so much winging it which is what we have always done. I'm glad we did it and we know what to expect, great learning curve!
    Sounds like you are really settling in well which is great to hear!


  • Registered Users Posts: 41 funkypumpkins


    Yeah I am thinking about it from the UK (East Midlands). Though, I question if I will get the opportunities I want in Ireland. All the people I love, close family and friends are at home and I haven't really settled or felt a sense of home in the UK (even though I am a Brit; Mother is Irish). I am also training to be a teacher which has better prospects in England even though the system is more cut-throat than Ireland (reading the Irish news makes that even more clear when you see pay inequality)...We will see how the career move goes and then I will make a call


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,371 ✭✭✭ BlackEdelweiss


    We made our decision a few months ago to return home and it feels like the best decision we ever made. I will have a decent drop in salary, rents will be higher, car insurance will screw us but none of these things are in our minds at all. The thought of being back in Ireland, nearer family and feeling part of a bigger group rather than being isolated on the other side of the world, communicating only through skype and whats app. We are moving to a different part of Ireland than where we left so it will still be a new experience and we dont have a lot of family or friends in the area so no disappointments about not being the centre of attention or anything like that. Its going to be tough, we are not being naive about it but we know Ireland is where our hearts have always been. If anything, moving abroad for 6 years has strengthened our love of our country and for our desire for our kids to be brought up Irish.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,371 ✭✭✭ BlackEdelweiss


    Flights booked for August 1st. 10 weeks to pack up our NZ life and get the Irish one going again. Its been a roller coaster living in NZ, cant say we ever liked the place but the kids love it and have all done well. We made a few decent friends, 2 to be precise and a few acquaintances. We dont regret coming here but we cant wait to leave. Hopefully this will make our transition to Ireland easier as we will not be pinning for the life we left behind in NZ.


  • Registered Users Posts: 185 ✭✭ twiddleypop


    Hello,
    I have been away for 2 years and travelling for around 8 months. I'm honestly a little bit tired of travelling and want to come home. I loved where I was living but going back isn't really an option- there weren't many job opportunities and I was happy enough to leave when I did.
    I have just had a job interview for a decent job in my hometown.  I just don't know whether to take it or not. I've been quite homesick for a while now but I suppose I have money to keep travelling if I want and such freedom. I just don't think my heart is in it. Backpacking culture is just drinking with other travelling. Everywhere is crowded. I keep getting sick. I think everyone must think I'm living the dream but its just so far from the case. It is just not fulfilling me the way I thought it would but I'm also worried I have a romantic notion of home too. I don't doubt it would be difficult to come back. My family have changed and grown and most of my friends are in Dublin. I have enough savings for a house deposit and I figure I could at least buy a property and rent it out if I wanted to leave again. I'm only 26 so worst comes to worst I move home, hate it and leave again?
    I would love to keep travelling in the future but I think after a month, you lose appreciation and at this point, I just feel like a bit of a waster! I don't have kids and could probably live at home for a while. My only major annoyance will be car insurance because I have not been driving for a good few months now. I've mentioned this to a few friends but don't want to even talk to my family until my mind is made up. I just keep reading these horror stories about moving home but there is something in my gut telling me to.


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users Posts: 1,371 ✭✭✭ BlackEdelweiss


    We are home 1 month now and so far so good. We just feel like we are back to normal life again and not living in limbo. We moved to a different part of Ireland than where we are from so there is still an element of keeping the adventure going. We love it so far and it feels like 100% the right decision. It is hard getting set up but hopefully we are over the worst of it now.


Leave a Comment

Rich Text Editor. To edit a paragraph's style, hit tab to get to the paragraph menu. From there you will be able to pick one style. Nothing defaults to paragraph. An inline formatting menu will show up when you select text. Hit tab to get into that menu. Some elements, such as rich link embeds, images, loading indicators, and error messages may get inserted into the editor. You may navigate to these using the arrow keys inside of the editor and delete them with the delete or backspace key.

Advertisement