How to deal with very moody mother?

LegacyUser

I know the answer to this is probably "nothing" but I'm hoping someone might have some words of wisdom.

For as long as I've known my mother she's been a very moody person, I was a bit afraid of her growing up. In my teens I thought the reason we didn't get on was me, maybe I was a troublesome teen (I really wasn't).

Now I'm in my 30s and moved back to my home city to grow old with my family but she's making it impossible. I don't live at home so I could cut her out and be done with her but she's making my dad's life miserable and I'd like to do something.

She's like a petulant child. Often in a bad mood but doesn't know why. Stormed out of lunch yesterday over something very small. Refused to eat lunch as she suddenly "doesn't eat a meal in the middle of the day" (she often goes out for lunch with us). No one is allowed be happy when she's in a bad mood, she sits there and huffs and puffs.

My dad could say, "The posters have all come down from the Referendum" and it's straight away a bark of "Well they have to it's the law" and that's it, conversation over. She barks at everyone, used yell and scream at us til we got too old to take it from her and now it's my dad and her 93 year old mother. Told the latter to F**K OFF for being slow on her feet last week!

She also has a warped sense of what's ok. She had a key to my house when I went on holidays and I came home to the whole place completely changed, everything moved, drawers rearranged. We have never had a close relationship there was no WAY she could have thought that would be alright. I didn't speak to her for a month - the following year she did the EXACT same thing! Like talking to a child.

I know she used rely on mood stabilizers when I was younger, she has an underactive thyroid, she's overweight, blames everything on the thyroid. She's retired, late 50s and does nothing. She ruins every family occasion.

And then on the way home from lunch yesterday she was all happy and normal and wondering why we weren't chatty with her!

Is there anything that can be done? I'd love somewhere to send her for some R&R and a bit of counselling that isn't a hospital. I know no one can offer medical advice here, I just need any advice. I can't spend time with my dad when she's like that as she stresses me out and I just have to get away from her. Mostly this is for my dad, he deserves a bit of a break.

Minera

Hmm it's your grandmother I'd be concerned for! Sounds like a toxic environment. I'm guessing a talk with your mum won't go too well why don't you grab your dad on his own and ask him how is he coping? Your mum will not change over a spa weekend but proper intervention might help. I don't want to diagnose but you know there is some kind of mental health issue there that needs to be delt with sooner rather than later and with skilled professionals

The_Conductor

Its good that you are fully independent of her now- and cognisant of the fact that she is the issue- and not you. I'd suggest trying to give your Dad a break every now and then- life with your Mum sounds like a nightmare........

I hope you got that key back off her.......

Diziet

Your mother may need medical help, has she seen her GP?

jimmycrackcorm

OP, I'm not sure if you'll get useful advice based on your post. I mean even your example of the poster being taken down doesn't really give an indication of the problem, it's just a direct answer, whereas you mentioned her telling your grandmother to F off in comparison.

LegacyUser

OP here. Thanks for the replies so far. Jimmy, there are many ways to say something, it's hard to type how it comes across. It's horrible to be responded to in the way she does. It's the fact that it happens constantly that gets to us. It's difficult to deal with someone who snaps.
Then last night we had people round to the house and she was lovely. You just never know when she's going to snap.

As for the GP, as it happens she's a hypocondriac and goes to the GP often and goes into hospital for general check ups and gets everything checked out. She doesn't mention any mental health issues though. Guess we'll just have to keep ploughing on. Thanks again.