Nervous about doing a masters I'm not sure about

playedalive

As the title suggests, I am due to start a masters in September and, to be honest, I'm not excited nor is my heart in it. While initially, I thought I would like this area, could complement my multilingual skills and would solve the getting crappy jobs problem, The thought of actually doing it brings me dread and anxiety, and I feel I can't back out now as my family say do it, you're smart, and basically won't entertain the idea of me doing anything else (this is also because I have no other plan b and have no other plan after my current temp job except this masters 'I have to do'). I have paid a non refundable deposit

To give you a bit back of background, I am just home after a year living in France teaching English. I have been home 3 weeks. I have been pretty directionless since finishing university 2 years ago studying arts/languages. I have gone in a cycle of unemployment -unrelated/crappy job- unemployed- unrelated/crappy job- unemployed- job I kinda liked but wasn't sure (teaching). Partly, due to my confidence (being authoritarian/leading a class was hard for me), age(24), job opportunities

I also suffer quite badly with Depression. I try to control it as much as I can. But it is tough right now with my moods as so much change has happened from moving home to Ireland, to starting a new job in a new area. It's slightly related to the masters and my family think I am ruining my 'luck' by not doing this qualification and perhaps securing this future in this area I am working in (I am only there not even a week so how would I know I want to do this). Frankly, I don't know enough about this area to like it.

I just really worry that my mental health will deteriorate even more if I commit to this masters. I finish my temp contract in September. I know my mum worries about me on the dole doing nothing. She mentions this masters all the time in conversations (applying for grants, etc) . I feel she just wants me to do this to solve a potentially short term problem. Also because I went to a prestigious university, I can do the swotting/brainbox thing I have always done. I resent this too because I feel I have been studying all my life since I was 15 years old. It was an escapism for personal problems in my life. By the time I was 21, I realised I have done this all my life and I have no self affirming contentment in my life. I haven't focused really on any hobbies, not much. Going back to college, while it might help me get a long term career, I am not sure it will make me happy. Though, not really much makes me happy these days, so I don't know if I should just try college again.

Thanks for reading. I would appreciate your opinions on this

Diziet

Why not try do it and see where it takes you? Anything new takes us out of our comfort zone, but it's only out of the comfort zone that growth happens.

The Diabolical Monocle

what degree did you do

silverfeather

Try and set up a support system of friends and maybe a councilor tell the college too.

You need to find that self affirming contentment.Do your hobbies balance is important.

zoobizoo

It will open up many job opportunities that you wouldn't have gotten with out it.

Having done one part time recently, what I would say is to choose it in an area you really want to work. . . that will ensure that you're motivated to do it.

It could then lead to a job that you really want to do.

MrWalsh

I would so love to be you OP.

Its amazing how we cant see the great things in our own lives. 24 years of age, no financial responsibilities and facing 2 years of the best time of life - college!

And all to get a good qualification and improve the CV.

Believe me, some day when you are buried under a mortgage, bills, working long hours and wondering how you can fit in getting your clothes washed you will look back at this time and see it was a wonderful place to be!

About the depression - are you under the care of a GP? Because if not, get to a GP immediately.

playedalive

Thanks for all your comments. I really appreciate all your comments.

I see what people are saying about giving the masters a go. Having studied arts (languages) and realising that I could do with something more specific in a completely different area would be beneficial. Since I paid a €300 deposit, my family are urging me to go through with this and I know it makes sense. But, I just feel I am going into this management masters without being truly passionate about this area/industry, as well as not really seeing what I want to get out of it (except potluck that it will be more employment friendly then my previous qualification.

In terms of my depression, I get pretty bad mood swings. I started a new job this week (3 weeks after moving back to Ireland). So I have had to deal with a lot of change and it's just too much. I just get anxious and annoyed when people keep telling I should do this/that, do that masters, learn to drive. I'm just home and I'm trying to get my s*** together. I'm not trying to play a victim of my own mental health card, but I have been in employment the past year abroad and now I got a call centre job that is slightly relevant to the masters. The job is a real adjustment (9 to 5 in front of a computer, translating documents) and I'm struggling to cope this week. I'm thinking maybe a trip to my GP would be best, but I just feel all he does is write me prescriptions and kindly send me on my way. Maybe I do need meds to help control it (like before). I don't know.:(

It feels better just getting this off my chest.

Diziet

It sounds like going to the GP is a good idea. Nothing wrong with meds if they do the job. You have a lot happening at the same time.

Being passionate about something is probably overrated. It is a very loose definition anyway. But finding something that you enjoy and stretches you intellectually is good. Presumably you looked at the Masters curriculum, what did you think of it?

twill

Can you afford to defer for a year? I would recommend bettering your health situation before making a final decision on the masters if that is feasible. You could also find out if you could transfer to another course if/when you do go to take up the offer. Spend the year investigating the career you're contemplating and looking into others. Volunteer/job shadow. If you do have to sign on in September, at least you'll be eligible for a Jobbridge internship at the end of the year. Show your parents that you are serious about your career by asking their advice, let them know that your health situation makes it difficult because your emotional state affects your decision making, let them help if that is possible.

Overall, investigate your options now, make a plan and work on your health.

Also, 300 Euro may seem a lot, but it shouldn't be enough to make you do a course you're not sure of. Don't let it be a factor in your decision.

Emsloe

OP you'd be surprised how many people in any given Masters course aren't entirely sure about it, so don't feel that because you're having seconds thoughts it's a bad idea and you're going to hate it. I did mine because I got a scholarship - no other reason at all. I don't particularly use it but it looks good on my CV and is always a conversation starter at interview. Doing the Masters could give you some clear headspace to figure out exactly what you do want to do and as importantly, how you're going to get there. I think if you view it like that as opposed to a weight on your shoulders you might feel better about doing it.

You could also just withdraw from it, but from what you've said I get the (maybe wrong?) impression that you'd find yourself still floundering with what to do and without the Masters as an option.

playedalive

Hi guys. Thank you so much for your responses.

Well in terms of the curriculum, it's related to the industry I'm currently working in (Tourism) for the summer (I started this week). To be honest, it's the 'businessy' side of it that freaks me out, as I have never studied/done marketing, entrepreneurship, finance. I kinda chose to apply in the first place mainly as I thought it would help me get a better job away from retail and the likes. I studied an arts degree so it would be a big change. It's one of many changes over the past year and a half I have been dealing with.

I guess I have seen people do masters around me because they really liked the subject and were motivated enough to do it. Honestly, I can't say I feel the same hand on heart with this masters. I guess doing what you are passionate about is overrated. My mind keeps changing on what I want to do. I had always thought about becoming a teacher (hence arts degree) but the lack of jobs in secondary, expensive 2 year training and my difficult experience of working as a teacher with unmotivated teens not much younger than me put a lot into perspective. I loved helping those who wanted to learn but few and far between. I guess I mourn that I won't be a teacher still. But I did learn that I like to help people.

Anyway, I digress. I' am veering towards giving the masters a go especially if my job doesn't renew my contract in September. The fact it's very related to my current area of work has sent alarm bells that I might be jeopardising a career/life path. But I'm still afraid of failing this masters due to lack of motivation, and at the same time, I fear if I don't do it, I'll be doing nothing for the year when I could better my prospects. It's tough.

twill

Could the lack of motivation be related to your depression? I can't imagine it would make decision-making easier in any case as emotions would tend to get in the way.

Tourism/heritage is actually not a bad sector to go into if you like teaching. If you can get into the right area, you're overseeing tours, exhibitions, education programmes etc, or, together with your arts background, I'd imagine you could go into actually running them rather than the financial/admin side.

Diziet

The business part of the Masters will be the best part, because you will genuinely be learning something new. And is sounds like it is a good complement to your current skill set.

twill

Looking at your initial post again, I feel you are worried about doing the masters for a reason, and maybe you should listen to your intuition. It's important also to realise that having a career with a long-term illness is a long-term proposition, meaning that if you goad yourself into succeeding by other peoples' timetables, such as those of your peers or parents, you're only going to fail. Having been in a similar situation, my experience is that you need to feel in control of both your health and of the progress of your career, which means you have to have a slightly longer term plan for each. This means you make steady progress each year in both areas, but try not to feel panic if it's a bit slower than you expected or if you have setbacks. Remember that full-time employment can be very difficult for people with depression, and realise that you need to see the difficulties realistically and be a little kinder with yourself.

I feel the masters you are doing could be a good one to ultimately get into a career you find satisfying, but as you know you need to be firing on all cylinders to get through a masters. The suggestion of deferring for a year would be with a view to getting in control of aspects of your life, maybe finding work, volunteering or an internship to see how you feel about working in your proposed industry. I'm not trying to persuade you, but I remember it being hard to see that the twenties are a time to work things out, not to get it right first time.

FizzleSticks

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playedalive

twill wrote: »

Could the lack of motivation be related to your depression? I can't imagine it would make decision-making easier in any case as emotions would tend to get in the way.

Tourism/heritage is actually not a bad sector to go into if you like teaching. If you can get into the right area, you're overseeing tours, exhibitions, education programmes etc, or, together with your arts background, I'd imagine you could go into actually running them rather than the financial/admin side.

Yeah I think my lack of motivation is due to my depression. My mind gets clogged up with different feelings. In my undergrad, I just felt terribly stupid when it came to studying. Even though I got my degree, I just found it tough to study and was always doubting my progress, even if I was doing well.

twill wrote: »

Looking at your initial post again, I feel you are worried about doing the masters for a reason, and maybe you should listen to your intuition. It's important also to realise that having a career with a long-term illness is a long-term proposition, meaning that if you goad yourself into succeeding by other peoples' timetables, such as those of your peers or parents, you're only going to fail. Having been in a similar situation, my experience is that you need to feel in control of both your health and of the progress of your career, which means you have to have a slightly longer term plan for each. This means you make steady progress each year in both areas, but try not to feel panic if it's a bit slower than you expected or if you have setbacks. Remember that full-time employment can be very difficult for people with depression, and realise that you need to see the difficulties realistically and be a little kinder with yourself.

I feel the masters you are doing could be a good one to ultimately get into a career you find satisfying, but as you know you need to be firing on all cylinders to get through a masters. The suggestion of deferring for a year would be with a view to getting in control of aspects of your life, maybe finding work, volunteering or an internship to see how you feel about working in your proposed industry. I'm not trying to persuade you, but I remember it being hard to see that the twenties are a time to work things out, not to get it right first time.

Exactly,the catch 22 is here. I am not doubting that this masters can lead to something fruitful and interesting. Though, I do look at the subjects and the thought of studying some of them plus writing a thesis makes me shudder deep down (even if they might be interesting for my potential career).

At the same time, It's been 2 years since I finished college and I'm pretty much directionless. I know it's my decision at the end of the day, but I guess people telling me to give it a go is logical and makes sense. I do worry about my mental health. I hear what people say about taking a year off. I guess if I still have my current job in Tourism after September (if they were to renew my contract), I would be more open to the idea. I can't really foresee that one, as I only started this job last week.

FizzleSticks wrote: »

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You're totally right about people who kinda 'fake it to make it'. I'm kinda all or nothing in my attitude to things. If I am doing something, I want to make sure I am doing it right. I am a terrible perfectionist.

I really liked teaching as I had great language teachers in school and wanted to be like them. And inspire people with a subject I liked. Though, working with teens was tough for me in France and since the job scenario isn't great at the moment, I am not sure about continuing down that path.

FizzleSticks

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