Funeral etiquette?

LegacyUser

Hi all

Just wondering, friend of mine, her mam died and we are really good friends. Do we got o the removal and funeral? I jsut want to make sure that we are not stepping on on toes etc Im never too sure what to do

Neyite

Go to both if you can, If you check RIP.ie you'll get details of the arrangements. A mass card or sympathy card is usually appreciated. As is just listening to your friend when she needs to talk to someone.

Practically:
It's common in some parts to drop in something to eat to the family which I think is a lovely gesture and was well appreciated when we had a family bereavement - people bringing platters of sandwiches/ scones even casseroles and stews. Neighbours descended with teabags and milk and set up a production line in the kitchen, much to our relief! It can be too draining to even think about cooking a dinner yet kids in the family still need to be fed. My go-to gesture for bereavements or for people after operations etc is to make a massive pot of hearty stew and another of potatoes, and drop them into the family. If they have not indicated that the house will be private they may well have a lot of people coming to pay their respects so parking yourself discreetly in their kitchen and make tea/ wash cups to let them sit and talk to mourners that visit might be well appreciated.

Other things you can offer to do for your friend is little errands as they need -getting appropriate outfits picked up or dropped off at dry-cleaners, picking up tights, or looking for shoes etc. Its amazing but there will always be someone in the family who has no appropriate funeral attire, or some kid has sprouted so what is suitable doesn't fit any more and there is very little time to organise it between the death and the funeral so it ends up being a bit of a scramble. Or offer to mind kids. My partner and the other partners ensured the family cars got washed and hoovered - there are lots of ways that you can show your support for your friend.

Redpunto

If you can go to both - I lost my mum and nan earlier in the year and I really appreciated the fact people came to show their support. It meant a lot.