Engaged but don't trust partner

annalucia

Hi, I'm going out with my partner almost 6 years. I thought I knew him well but today I checked his phone and I saw that he has been emailing prostitutes asking about the price of their services. Also, I have been saving hard the last few years to buy a family home, he bought a house which is 100k negative equity and decided to stop making mortgage payments so he is in arrears. Also, I have found out recently that he has called in sick to work a few times. I love him but I really have had enough. I just want to be in a normal relationship where you buy a house, get married and have children. I am 31. Should I just call it a day?

mocha please!

The prostitutes would be a much bigger deal to me than calling in sick to work! :eek: Get out, now!

Nervous Wreck

Yep, call it.

CaraMay

annalucia wrote: »

I checked his phone and I saw that he has been emailing prostitutes asking about the price of their services.

What a toerag. That would be enough for me to dump him and never look back.

annalucia wrote: »

he bought a house which is 100k negative equity and decided to stop making mortgage payments so he is in arrears.

Why? What's he spending his money on? Hookers? So do you expect him to pay his share on your joint house? Not a hope. Don't even buy a book of stamps with this guy

annalucia wrote: »

have found out recently that he has called in sick to work a few times

More lies and dishonesty

annalucia wrote: »

I just want to be in a normal relationship where you buy a house, get married and have children. I am 31. Should I just call it a day?

Should you call it a day? DEFINITELY and run away. On top of that OP, I'm sorry but you need to get yourself tested immediately for STI's.

He is a low life. Lying and cheating and not paying his way. You can do so much better.

Penny Tration

Yes, end it.

Do you live together? If you're living together less than five years, end it now, before he gets rights to your home.

He's cheating on you by contacting these prostitutes. When he's calling in sick to work, where is he? With the prostitutes?

You deserve more and to be blunt - if you want kids, you don't have anymore time to waste on this guy.

Please also go get yourself tested for STIs.

tnegun

bp wrote: »

If you marry you take on his mortgage and negative equity

That's incorrect anyway the op has plenty of reasons to ditch this guy.

CaraMay

bp wrote: »

If you marry you take on his mortgage and negative equity

That's wrong

Stavro Mueller

If the OP marries this guy, I should think the negative equity on his house and the fact that his credit rating is now presumably in shreds would have to have implications. Why did he stop making repayments anyway? Without knowing more, it could be another pointer towards the sort of person he is. This house you're saving for - is he making any contributions towards that? Or is he sitting back and letting you do all the running?

There's nothing wrong with wanting to have a normal life and a house and a family. You've got to be careful who you do it with though. This guy's turning out not to be the person you thought he was. Should you decide to give it another go (personally I think you'd be insane to do so, mind) don't do it because of your biological clock and your desire to have a family home.

bp

Oh sorry - I thought it was but as the others said it doesn't become yours - my mistake.

Anyway I would recommend having a serious think before marrying him

annalucia

We live abroad as we wanted to save so we can buy a house together. Prostitution is legal in this country and he did it to "experiment" and he promised he hasn't visited brothels. He was getting off on emailing them. He is pissed off with his bank as they have overcharged him on his mortgage by not giving him a tracker. I don't own a house but I moved abroad so he could sort his finances. Really confused at the moment. Thanks for your comments. My brain is foggy about it all

blatantrereg

Yes obviously you dump someone who approaches prostitutes. Also sensible to get std screening.

CaraMay

annalucia wrote: »

We live abroad as we wanted to save so we can buy a house together. Prostitution is legal in this country and he did it to "experiment" and he promised he hasn't visited brothels. He was getting off on emailing them. He is pissed off with his bank as they have overcharged him on his mortgage by not giving him a tracker. I don't own a house but I moved abroad so he could sort his finances. Really confused at the moment. Thanks for your comments. My brain is foggy about it all

I don't really see what kick he is getting from emailing them.

Quite a skewed logic dealing with the bank too. Why does he think he's entitled to a tracker. So has he paid €0 from day 1 then?

bbsrs

annalucia wrote: »

We live abroad as we wanted to save so we can buy a house together. Prostitution is legal in this country and he did it to "experiment" and he promised he hasn't visited brothels. He was getting off on emailing them. He is pissed off with his bank as they have overcharged him on his mortgage by not giving him a tracker. I don't own a house but I moved abroad so he could sort his finances. Really confused at the moment. Thanks for your comments. My brain is foggy about it all

Either he is a fool or is taking you for a fool , either way jump ship NOW.

Stavro Mueller

annalucia wrote: »

We live abroad as we wanted to save so we can buy a house together. Prostitution is legal in this country and he did it to "experiment" and he promised he hasn't visited brothels. He was getting off on emailing them.

And you believe this???? Seriously? I'm sorry but if you believe this "excuse" you're the most naive woman on the planet.

He is pissed off with his bank as they have overcharged him on his mortgage by not giving him a tracker.

Erm...so this justifies him welching on his debts? There are lots of people in Ireland who feel aggrieved with their banks but they've still honoured their obligations. That you think this is OK also makes me wonder about (a) your moral compass and (b) your ability to think for yourself.

mapaca

If it were me, I would be gone out the door the minute I found out about the prostitutes to be honest.

He doesn't sound like you can trust him with money either, shouldn't he be trying to negotiate with the bank if he's not happy with his mortgage repayments?

I hope your own savings are not in a joint account where he can access them?

kjl

I am going to go against the grain here.

Just because he has emailed escorts for prices, doesn't mean he has actually used one. Women don't seem to realise that fantasizing is massive part of the male libido. I often visit escort websites just for a quick one, it doesn't mean I am going to actually visit one. 100% of the time I just cum and forget about it.

I think the main problem here is communication, something is obviously wrong with your OH since he is missing days at work. Perhaps you need to have a conversation about everything.

Also make sure regardless of how he feels about it, he has to pay his debt and not miss mortgage repayments.

retro:electro

You can't trust him to be faithful and likewise you can't trust him to keep up with his repayments. Without trust there is no relationship. Are you seriously thinking of marrying him with all of this hanging over you? He's spoon feeding you lies and you're eating them up. It's an insult to your intelligence, he is taking you for a fool. Walk away now while you still have some dignity left.

lemmno

Op get out now. You're only 31, you could be married to a decent man with children by the time you're 35. You don't have to stay with him due to what you've invested. Say nothing, pack up and leave.
You don't email prostitutes for fun. There's sex chat lines and chat rooms etc for that.
Please be good to yourself and leave. He's put you at risk of an STD, betrayed your trust etc etc.
ask yourself what you'd advise your friend/sister/niece etc if they came to you with this. We often don't see the picture clearly when its us.