Partner hung up on penis size

LegacyUser

Have a bit of an issue here and would like some advice as this is a topic I wouldn't want to bring up with a friend!

I've started seeing a guy who on the whole seems lovely. We got on really well from the first time we met and felt ridiculously comfortable with each other. He's quite shy, so I had to be pretty obvious in telling him I liked him, but it was then reciprocated!

The issue is that he has a problem with the size of his penis. It's not that big but I wouldn't say ridiculously small either, probably on the small side of average, but it is quite thick, which is a big plus! It's not an issue for me, as a) it does the job and b) he has so many amazing things about him, he's kind, thoughtful, an amazing cook...his penis size is just one thing of many. I struggled to understand why he was so hung up about it and then he admitted yesterday that his last girlfriend broke up with him because of it and told me that that was the reason, and another girl in the past had mentioned that it wasn't big enough and that she wasn't satisfied. So he has a complex about it now, and it's majorly affecting his self confidence and hence his performance/comfort in bed as he feels inadequate.

How can I help or reassure him? I don't seem to be able to convince him that his size isn't an issue for me. I've told him so, I've told him that my last ex of 7 years was smaller than him, but it's falling on deaf ears.

Is there anything else in his life that would seem emasculating to him? I'm probably far off the mark, but I would wonder if the concern over his penis size is just a symptom of this? What is his life like otherwise?

blue note

Maybe look into penis enlargement for him? Lots of women who get their breasts enlarged talk of increased confidence and happiness overall. If he feels it's too small, maybe making it bigger is the best solution.

nozipcode

blue note wrote: »

Maybe look into penis enlargement for him? Lots of women who get their breasts enlarged talk of increased confidence and happiness overall. If he feels it's too small, maybe making it bigger is the best solution.

Leave the mans willy alone! No man wants to be having surgery down there, not when it's fully functional and his missus is satisfied. The problem is in his head, not his pants.

LegacyUser

OP here.

He doesn't even need penis enlargement! It's really not that small. I haven't been with many men but 2-3 have been smaller than him and they weren't worried about it. I think in Ireland he'd be considered average, but he's from a country where men tend to be over 7 inches on average. The problem is most definitely in his head.

bogeyarsebogman you are not far off the mark at all....he had a very difficult childhood involving physical and emotional abuse and family troubles and all that has left a severe dent in his self confidence. You'd never know it to meet him but he does have very low self confidence and has been through 7 or 8 years of therapy and has been on medication in the past. I suspect his low self esteem led to him putting up with a lot of crap from ex-girlfriends because he didn't believe he could do any better.

So this is one part of a larger issue but one which is affecting our sex life and relationship a lot. He can't believe that I find his penis perfectly grand and am happy with it because of what previous girlfriends have said.

LegacyUser

Tell him you've never been into bigger ones, that they turn you off and you much prefer his. Tell him he is more than big enough and perfect for you, any bigger and you'd find it uncomfortable.

I used to have a complex about the size of my boobs, theyre not that small but I worried when i started goin out with my new boyfriend that he would prefer bigger. But as soon as he said he's completely not into big boobs they do nothing for him and never have, i felt completely reassured because I knew I was what he wanted. And yes I do believe him when he says he likes smaller perky breasts! It was such a relief to be honest i really believed he'd just say ah they're grand or lovely or somethin along those lines and I would of assumed he was just sayin it to shut me up.

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

Unregistered

Unregistered wrote: »

bogeyarsebogman you are not far off the mark at all....he had a very difficult childhood involving physical and emotional abuse and family troubles and all that has left a severe dent in his self confidence. You'd never know it to meet him but he does have very low self confidence and has been through 7 or 8 years of therapy and has been on medication in the past. I suspect his low self esteem led to him putting up with a lot of crap from ex-girlfriends because he didn't believe he could do any better.

I sort of wondered whether the concerns over penis size is a symptom, but not the cause. He might not feel like a man and his feelings over his penis is aggravating this more. In his treatment, is he discussing this possibility? I'm wary about saying anything for sure, because I have no professional experience and just making assumptions.

Also I would imagine that enlarging his penis, as others have said, won't fix anything, because it's not the root problem. Making it bigger would solve one problem, but the others would exist.

blue note

I think the stigma attached with penis size correction is terrible. Woman wants bigger breasts and lots of people will support her. She has increased confidence and happiness after and everyone says that's great. This guy isn't happy about the size of his penis and people want to convince him that it's fine. Maybe it's not fine for him!

You could be forever trying to convince him it's fine and then minding what you say in case you Make him feel bad about it again. Whereas if he gets the problem fixed That's that.

I'm lucky to have quite a big penis myself and I'm not ashamed to admit I'm proud of it. I wouldn't like anyone to catch a glimpse of me in a changing room or see the outline of my penis in tight fitting trousers and feel bad about themselves, but in fairness it could easily happen.

strobe

This is a genuine reply, I feel I need to say that.

Give him a fvck load of oral sex. It's very very hard not to feel like someone really really likes your penis when they are enthusiastically kissing it with a high degree of frequency.

littlemouse22

As the old saying is told, it's not quantity it's quality.

CaraMay

Op do you think the fact that you spoke about the size of your ex's private parts to your new bf is helping? I find that very indiscreet but he's probably thinking you will tell the next (bigger) guy how shall he is.... Don't really think you should be describing your ex partners privates with anyone especially your current partner.

LegacyUser

CaraMay wrote: »

Op do you think the fact that you spoke about the size of your ex's private parts to your new bf is helping? I find that very indiscreet but he's probably thinking you will tell the next (bigger) guy how shall he is.... Don't really think you should be describing your ex partners privates with anyone especially your current partner.

He's from a culture where people are much more open about this stuff. He will share random things about previous sex/partners if it's relevant to something we're talking about. I think it would be inappropriate to tell him about my ex's privates if he knew my ex, but he doesn't. I didn't go into any detail, I just simply said my ex was smaller than him as he seemed to have it in his head that he wouldn't measure up to my ex or previous partners.

blue note, again, he's not that small. He probably wouldn't even be recommended for that kind of surgery. It's not like his penis is 2 inches long, it's probably 5-6 inches. The problem is in his head. If he got a bigger penis then he'd turn to worrying about his belly or his teeth or his nose.

CaraMay

Sounds like he will never be confident

Saralee4

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here.

He doesn't even need penis enlargement! It's really not that small. I haven't been with many men but 2-3 have been smaller than him and they weren't worried about it. I think in Ireland he'd be considered average, but he's from a country where men tend to be over 7 inches on average. The problem is most definitely in his head.

eh? Ive never heard that Irish men are any different from men from other countries.

Im not sure that I have heard of this country either where it is known that men are 7 inches on average.

This outlook is something that comes from him? It sounds irrational that he and yourself are coming up with these unrealistic comparisons.

I do think that this is an issue in his head. How awful if his ex girlfriends used it against him as reasons for ending the relationship but just to be cautious, when someone seems to have a complex about something, they can believe or imagine that these are the reasons someone has left them and the girls may not have said this to him at all.

I think all you can do is reassure him that you are very happy and there is no issue on your side and maybe he deserves a bit of what strobe recommended. Maybe also give him a few more compliments on something that he does in the bedroom that no man has ever or would ever be able to do for you.

DEmeant0r

blue note wrote:

I think the stigma attached with penis size correction is terrible. Woman wants bigger breasts and lots of people will support her. She has increased confidence and happiness after and everyone says that's great. This guy isn't happy about the size of his penis and people want to convince him that it's fine. Maybe it's not fine for him!

If he has an underlying confidence problem then that is not going to solve it - eventually something else will trigger his lack of confidence. I think I'd be has confidence issues, that should be addressed. And anyway, there's no certainty that penis surgery would work or even make him more confident.

blue note

DEmeant0r wrote: »

If he has an underlying confidence problem then that is not going to solve it - eventually something else will trigger his lack of confidence. I think I'd be has confidence issues, that should be addressed. And anyway, there's no certainty that penis surgery would work or even make him more confident.

I just don't get why it's so taboo to fix this problem. My teeth were crooked and I got braces. No-one spoke to me about underlying confidence issues. Increasingly men are dealing with their baldness with treatments to curb the baldness, not underlying confidence issues. I'd never judge someone with crooked teeth, but I'd never suggest to someone getting braces that they weren't dealing with the real problem.

What's the big difference about penis size? I enjoy when a girl takes down my trousers and She has a surprised impressed look on her face. I couldn't blame another man for wanting the same.

CaraMay

The issue is that even though his gf is happy, he isn't. Cosmetic surgery doesn't solve issues like this.

cactusgal

blue note wrote: »

I just don't get why it's so taboo to fix this problem. My teeth were crooked and I got braces. No-one spoke to me about underlying confidence issues. Increasingly men are dealing with their baldness with treatments to curb the baldness, not underlying confidence issues. I'd never judge someone with crooked teeth, but I'd never suggest to someone getting braces that they weren't dealing with the real problem.

What's the big difference about penis size? I enjoy when a girl takes down my trousers and She has a surprised impressed look on her face. I couldn't blame another man for wanting the same.

Eh, well done you. The OP has stated several times that she doesn't think he needs to be surgically enhanced, so I'm not sure what the relevance of your post(s) is to the OP.

Also, for what it's worth, equating genital surgery (ie, messing with your most sensitive and irreplaceable bits) to having a brace on your teeth is ... laughable at best.

Even if he got his penis enlarged, his problems will still be there. Comparing hair loss and braces is absolutely ridiculous as they're two completely different things. It has nothing to do with stigma or anything. And just for the record, I believe the average penis size worldwide is 5 - 5.5 inches.

Neon_Lights

The missus says "did you try moaning enthusiastically while your, you know, rockin the casbah".... wholesome advice i think it is, she said it worked for her XD

LegacyUser

Saralee4 wrote: »

eh? Ive never heard that Irish men are any different from men from other countries.

Im not sure that I have heard of this country either where it is known that men are 7 inches on average.

This outlook is something that comes from him? It sounds irrational that he and yourself are coming up with these unrealistic comparisons.

I do think that this is an issue in his head. How awful if his ex girlfriends used it against him as reasons for ending the relationship but just to be cautious, when someone seems to have a complex about something, they can believe or imagine that these are the reasons someone has left them and the girls may not have said this to him at all.

I think all you can do is reassure him that you are very happy and there is no issue on your side and maybe he deserves a bit of what strobe recommended. Maybe also give him a few more compliments on something that he does in the bedroom that no man has ever or would ever be able to do for you.

Yes, it's well known that men in different countries/regions are different sizes...Google it! I didn't want to name the country in case someone reading this copped who we were, but I doubt my partner or any of his friends will read this, so he's from Colombia. Apparently the average size there is quite a bit more than the average size in Ireland...well over 6 inches, anyway, heading for 7, I believe.

I do also believe that the girls said that to him. I have lots of Colombian female friends and they do that kind of thing a lot, talk about very intimate details that would be frowned upon over here. I also know more than one girl who has dumped a partner for being too small/unsatisfying in bed and told him so.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice so far. I did try to post a reply the other day but it didn't get through. I basically said that my OH is from a Latin American country where men tend to be 'bigger' on average and also I think there is a lot of bravado about penis size there. He definitely doesn't need to be surgically enhanced, as I said, it's not that small, he just thinks it is. He is also far thicker than most guys which is a big plus but all he can focus on is the length.

brisan

remind him that's it's much harder to deepthroat a large penis .and that as you really enjoy performing oral sex, you find his penis size perfect

kjl

There is a method of enlarging the penis without surgery, I believe it's called jelqing and without me trying to sound like there is double meaning to what I'm saying, it involves massaging the penis everyday.

Now, I have never done this but I believe it can add an extra inch to the penis size.

Personally I wouldn't bother with it because the amount of time you have to do it for doesn't really seem worth the gain, but if he is that unconfident about it maybe he could give it a try.

However, I don't think it would be best if you were the one who introduced him to the idea as I feel he might think you are judging the size in suggesting it.

I am quite large down there and I get complaints that it's too big. I often feel myself hitting the vaginal wall when I go in too deep and it ends up hurting the girl I'm with. So it's not so great for a girl when it's too big. I think if you are happy with his love making maybe you need to turn it around on these girls and say maybe they just have massive vaginas.

ted1

Op is he over weight? Fat pads tend to make dicks smaller

Sleepless and Manic

Unregistered wrote: »

he's from Colombia. Apparently the average size there is quite a bit more than the average size in Ireland...well over 6 inches, anyway, heading for 7, I believe.

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! How funny!

No wonder he has a complex.